Article Edit Discuss

Identify you are in a rebound relationship

You are not logged in so your IP address will be recorded in this page's edit history. You may login or create an account.

[[Image:Yassora_200116031353-meme.jpg|630px]] [[Image:Young Couple in Relationship Conflict.jpg|thumb|right|300px]] 
Everyone knows a rebound relationship won't last, but how do you distinguish between a rebound relationship and a regular relationship? Sometimes, you get into a relationship because you don't want to be alone, or as an act of revenge against your former lover. A rebound relationship is usually not a good relationship to be in because it is usually based on the wrong reasons. Instead of actually wanting to be with someone because you like them and enjoy their company, you are there for reasons that create an instability within a relationship. Here are some ways you can figure out if you are in the relationship for all the right reasons, rather than being caught in a rebound relationship.

== How to Know You are in a Rebound Relationship ==
[[Image:Yassora_200116031419-meme (1).jpg|630px]]  Moving on is never an easy thing to do, especially if you are moving on from a long-term relationship. The healing time differs for each individual. Some get over the relationship too quickly, while it for others it can take years. Entering into a new relationship immediately after another relationship has ended, is a 'tactic' some brokenhearted individuals employ, believing it will help them forget the pains of their previous relationship. Starting a new relationship, right after the old relationship ends, is called a rebound relationship. Usually, it's unfair for the other person, if you are simply considering them someone to 'fall back on'. No one really wants to be in a rebound relationship, assuming you are the rebounder, this would include you. If you are the reboundee - how can you know if you are caught up in a rebound relationship? Check out the indications: 
#You Still Love Your Ex. [[Image:Sharry stilllovemyex.jpg|left|175px]] If you entered into a new relationship, without completely getting over your ex, you are definitely in a rebound relationship.  Give yourself some time to heal and don't jump into a relationship too quickly.  It is unfair for both you and your partner.
#You Are Easily Annoyed With Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend. [[Image:ENG_CROP_Sharry_constantmoodchange.jpg|left|175px]] You might find yourself becoming irritated with your boyfriend/girlfriend, without good reason.  You may not notice it, but other people might notice your mood swings have become more frequent.
#Comparing Your Present Partner With Your Ex. [[Image:Sharry fantasizingoverex.jpeg|left|175px]] Do you still think about your ex, constantly fantasizing how you can get back together? Do you are making love with your present partner, do you imagine you are actually with your ex? Do you find yourself constantly making comparisons between your ex-lover and your current partner? Do you follow them on Facebook, checking their page, looking for signs of a new relationship with them?  If you answered yes to any these, you've probably created a rebound relationship. Commitment is an essential thing in any relationship. If you are into it halfheartedly, it is best to get out of it as soon as possible, before anyone gets hurt.
#Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend is Almost Stranger to You. [[Image:Sharry reboundrelationship.jpg|left|175px]] How well do you know your boyfriend/girlfriend? How long did it take for you to get to know him or her before you officially declared yourselves a couple?  If everything happened in a rush, it's a good bet that you are on the rebound! If you think you can be emotionally rescued by a knight in shining armor, or flourish with the undivided attentions of a girl whose middle name you don't know, all to help you fix your broken heart, think again!

Time heals all wounds.  Only when you are completely healed, will you find the right person.
== How to deal with a rebound relationship ==
# The reasons for being in any relationship, must be sincere, especially if you have just recently gotten out of a relationship, regardless of whose idea it was to end it. Without realizing it, your motives may be more about making your ex jealous of your new partner, than a pure desire to be with this new person. This may work to your advantage, mission accomplished, but what about the feelings of your new partner, and what happens when your ex gets a new partner? You will be stuck in a relationship with someone that you don't have strong feelings for, at the same time, you will be leading them on. This person may develop strong feelings for you, but in your mind, they are only a toy, a weapon to use against your ex. You better wake up, and look into your heart, and into their eyes.  You need to accept you are only using them, and this rebound relationship's only purpose is a selfish means to anger your ex, with no consideration to your new partner's feelings.
# Gather your thoughts and try to analyze whether or not you really like this person or just want their company for the interim. After a breakup, it's natural to feel lonely and any person who is willing to be there to comfort you, and give you attention, will seem great at the moment, but it will not last long. There is nothing wrong with having a friend there to help you or to be there for you, but do not involve this person in a relationship when you know it is based on convenience, and you think of them more as a friend. Your emotions can be confused.  Of course, you want the same things you had with your ex, but the reasons for starting a relationship with someone new, have to be the right reasons. It is not kind to lead someone on. Let them know, up front, how you feel and that you like their company but not in the way they might hope. If it's too late, and you've plunged into this new relationship without thinking, you are definitely in a rebound relationship. Only you can know if you have fully healed from your last relationship. If you have not if you even have to question it, you are in a rebound relationship, and you should end it as soon as possible, as gently as possible. Be honest. Take responsibility. No one should be in a rebound relationship, as it doesn't do anyone any good. It is a relationship built on a rocky foundation, that rarely lasts. This is almost never a relationship that will grow, and be nurtured by love, and perhaps lead to marriage. If however, you are in a rebound relationship, and you discuss it with your partner, and you both wish to continue, perhaps for just physical reasons, then at least you are both being honest with each other.  Whatever you do, do it honestly, and avoid harming the other person, to satisfy your own needs.
# Be careful. If you and your new partner seem as if you've been together for a long time, when you've actually only been together for a short time, this can be a bad sign, as for you, it may seem as if you are with your ex, rather than the rebound relationship you are in. Somehow, you and your partner have emulated your previous relationship, rather than creating a new one. Your new relationship should in no way resemble the relationship you had with your prior partner. If it does resemble the closeness you had with your previous partner, you have probably entered this new relationship, at exactly the same place you left the last one; a sure sign it is a rebound relationship.
# When you and your partner engage in intimacy too quickly, it is a sign that you are in a rebound relationship, and your sexual relations is more of a transition from your old partner than it is delving into the new.  If it is one-sided, and you are being deceptive, it is a very selfish act. It is, however, a two-way street, and your new partner may also be taking advantage of you. They know you are vulnerable, having just gotten out of a relationship, and they know you might be missing, and then craving intimacy. If you are both aware that it is just about the sex, and you are both willing to take the risks, by all means, go ahead, but take the relationship for what it is, and realize this might not be the best person to be with when you accidentally get pregnant or get her pregnant. Rebound relationships usually lack commitment from one or both partners and rarely last for long.
# If you are constantly comparing your new boyfriend to your old boyfriend then you have not let go, and have moved into a new relationship too quickly. You may continue to try to find the good in your new boyfriend to prove that he is better than your old, but understand that when you do this automatically it shows that you are not over your previous boyfriend and that this is definitely a rebound relationship. It is natural to notice some differences between old and new boyfriends. The point here is when it becomes an ongoing thought process when you are with your new boyfriend, then you are not likely ready for this new relationship. [[Image:Identify_you_are_in_a_rebound_relationship_67474.jpg]]
# Try to spend some time away from this new person in your life. Give it one or two weeks. Do other activities. Keep yourself busy. Talk to a friend, or seek professional counseling or spiritual guidance from your pastor or priest. Go to the beach, or hiking in the mountains. If you miss your new partner, spend a lot of the time you were gone thinking about your partner, if you realize this person completes you in a way you've never felt before, then perhaps it is not a rebound relationship after all. Perhaps it is real love. Take your time.  Don't rush. Breathe - it is your right to fall in love again.

==Questions and Answers==

===Can a rebound relationship ever mean real love?===

Why not? If two people were in love before, with their respective partners, and those relationships didn't work out, maybe they were simply not meant for each other. So why not take a chance on a new relationship? You will never know if your new-found passion is real until you try. What are the ways you can give this new passion a chance to flourish? Here are some helpful hints:
#Don't give 100 percent of your love immediately. [[Image:Say "I Love You" In A New Way - Respond To A Need.jpg|right|180px]] Just enjoy every moment you have with him or her.
#Share in an activity. [[Image:DSC00973.jpg|right|184px]] By doing this, you will become more familiar with each other. It might be something as simple as going to church together. 
#Don't think of your relationship as a diversion or an experiment. [[Image:Awkward.jpg|right|184px]] Give your partner a chance. Try to get to know him or her. Every one of us has good and bad qualities, including this new person in your life, and including you.
#Don't compare your past relationship with your new relationship. [[Image:The Look of Love (-41035).jpg|right|184px]] Enjoy your current life, and don't inject feelings from your old relationship, into this new relationship. No one should have to live up to someone else's shadow, and you just might find yourself making the same mistakes and feelings the same pain you experienced in your past relationship.
#Talk to each other. [[Image:Say "I Love You" In A New Way - Make Eye Contact.jpg|right|180px]] because honest communication creates an ease between you and your new partner, and makes you comfortable with each other. You are the only one who can decide if the relationship you're into is real or not. Even if it is a rebound, it could end up being more. You are the one who must look into your heart and decide the sincerity and good intentions of your love, and the sincerity and good intentions of your partner's love for you.

Yes, it can but this will depend on the relationship that is started from the rebound relationship. The rebound relationship off the jump is not started because of love but because of loneliness, as the relationship continues on it can, in fact, turn into love but the chances are slim in these relationships.

===My rebound relationship resulted in marriage and now I want out. What should I do - stick it out and try or just leave?===

The first question you need to answer is, "Do you love him or her?" Because if you do love this person, then why not give it a try? If you do not love him or her, then it may be best to get out. Don't try to do anything else; just go away. Marriage is sacred, but if your spouse is the one insisting that you try to make the relationship work, and you aren't interested, you may need to let go. If you try hard and it does work out, you and your spouse can be an example to many, so in that case, you may not be in just a rebound relationship. It's up to both members of a couple, and how much they both want the relationship to work, or not. Everyone can be inspired to love and be loved.

===How to identify a rebound relationship built off of finance?===

It does not take a genius to figure out a rebound relationship is based on the love of money and convenience. It can be obvious to other people when a person is there for the material rewards and benefits, and yet love is blind, and often people caught in this relationship, do not recognize the signs. For people around them, it's much easier to see. More often than not, the money hungry person leaves a trail that can get pretty messy. Here are some signs the man or woman you love is on a rebound for the money:
*Consider his or her financial background. Most people who jump into relationships to pad their pockets, do not have a regular or stable source of income. They often have low credit scores, and try to hide the fact they are drowning in debt.
*They constantly forget their wallet or credit card, or continually tell you they are getting a cheque soon, a tax refund is coming, easily allows you to pay for dinner, movies, etc.
*Fast and deliberate. Perhaps he or she took the initiative and was a bit too enthusiastic in their attempts to 'snag' you. Maybe they said "yes" to a proposal way faster than, in retrospect, you believe they should have. 
*Loves to go out and spend lavishly. An individual who gets into a rebound for the bucks will always be out shopping and spending your money. He or she wants to be pampered by pricey gifts and will even ask for more. They feel entitled, and won't bother to buy you anything out of his or her own pockets. 
*Talk to their ex. If you in doubt, feeling that your girlfriend or boyfriend seems to be more interested in your credit cards and bulky wallet, then it is time to talk to their ex. If you want to be more discreet, you can do research and ask around, targeting his family or close friends.  Find out why and how his last relationship ended.
*Constantly in and out of relationships. If you find out your partner changes partners as often as changing undies, then sadly, you are dealing with a "player" and a "user". If he or she has a long line of rich or prominent exes, then that should give you a clue.

If you have this gut feeling that your partner is ripping you off, you are probably right. If you find out that he or she did the same thing with the ex, then you are probably right. If the ex went bankrupt around the same time your partner left him or her, run. More often than not, people who go on the rebound and hop into the next relationship for money, leave their partners because their true nature has been discovered or the money has run dry. In some cases, certain individuals rebound into another relationship to set a buffer to escape financial woes. Don't be someone else's ticket to financial freedom.

A rebound relationship such as this will be indicated by a person who is on the rebound talking to another person or engaging in a relationship to simply use the person for their money to get over their unhappiness. Money is a target as a means to help them to get over the emotional stress they are going through. The money will not cure their pain, but it may distract them from it, for at least a while.
===How long should I give him to start a relationship so as not to be a rebound?===
'''''Reason for rebound: When a person needs someone to fill up the empty space.'''''

As long as it takes. Some rebound relationships work out, but that's not usually the case. It is unhealthy to be in a relationship where you are merely a substitute for the person your partner just left or was left by.  Ask yourself the following questions before starting a new relationship with a person who just broke up with someone else:
* Does he or she frequently talk about his ex and things they did together? What is your partner like, emotionally, when talking about his or her ex? Is your partner nostalgic and sentimental when telling you how perfect they use to be? If this happens a lot, it's a sign your partner has not yet recovered from their past relationship and hasn't finished dealing with the issues involved in the breakup. Or perhaps the mere mention of your partner's ex brings about anger, and a threat of violence, as if he or she would like to punch someone in the face, then your partner is definitely not over it, and you should run quickly away from that person, for they are dangerous, despite how deeply they have been hurt. A person who wants to start a fresh relationship and who's ready to move on will not even talk about the ex (unless it's necessary) and will instead look forward to the new things the two of you could do together.
* How guarded is your partner? It is normal for someone who has recently been dumped to be defensive, however, if this is the case, how open can he be to embarking on a new relationship? Is he willing to trust you? Is there a willingness to start a new life with you, knowing and trusting that you are not like any of your partner's exes? The best way to build a relationship is on a foundation of trust; both the trust your partner has in you, and the trust you have with your partner.
* How genuine is the offer for a loving and nurturing relationship?	Recognize it at face value - is the offer of a relationship that is meant to last? Before getting involved, you should consider whether it's real or not and whether the feelings are genuine. It might be hard to tell but use your instincts as much as possible.  You don't want to get harmed by this. You might want to ask yourself, "Am I sensing actual sincerity or am I being used as a substitute for the one who was lost?
* Lastly, how ready are you? Before taking considering your partner's readiness to face the unknown with you, you might want to ask yourself, "Am I ready for this?" There is a chance that both of you will experience old issues resurfacing, without either of you meaning for it to happen. It now depends on your readiness to take it on. 
* Remember: The amount of time one needs to deal with things and move on, depends on that individual's capabilities and circumstances. When you have positively answered the questions above, then it may be the right time to start. It doesn't really matter if the break up only happened a week or a month or a year ago. As long as you both are over your exes, and have dealt with all the issues involved, then it's the right time to jump into the love pool.

===What to do when your ex rebounds for revenge?===

Technically, there's nothing you can do about this. This is a really terrible character trait, and there is no good reason to try to reason with this person. It's very messy, and people get hurt, and always keep in mind that you are the target of his anger. It is understandable that you are concerned about yourself, and perhaps your ex, and also his new partner. However doubtful it is, if you believe you can save your ex, and reason with him or her, and cure this idea of revenge, you can try these things - if you really want to:
* Talk to your ex about how his or her new partner might be feeling about the situation, and the kind of emotional conflict encountered with a relationship based on the wrong reasons, and being stuck with the wrong person. 
* Talk to his or her present partner about what is going on, if and only if you are sure and you have proof that the new partner is there only as a rebound. In all actuality, this will probably go south very quickly. There is a slim possibility this might work if you already know the new partner, but it's more likely that this method will not be seen as a warning, but be perceived as a destructive play from a jealous ex-girlfriend/boyfriend, and a way to get back at your ex. 
* Let them be. If your ex is using another person to show off, as long as it doesn't harm you and your current relationship, let them be. The rebound person probably already knows his or her role in this relationship and would believe you mean them harm. They will eventually work things out on their own. Who knows? He or she could be the solution your ex needs to finally get over you and start a new life.

Ignore the relationship that your ex has started, by ignoring you will stop their whole plan of making you upset. The whole point is for you to be upset and notice but if you pay it no mind then their plan will fail.

===My Ex boyfriend is falling in love with a rebound girl.  How can I get him back after he develops strong feelings for her?===

Relationships are complicated. Perhaps you thought you were falling in love with the person you found yourself in a rebound relationship with. Perhaps that very thing created doubt in your ex.  Perhaps then, your ex returns to you, telling you they still love you, telling you they want you back.  Perhaps you decide that you rather like the new girl, and are content to stay with her.  Your ex is understanding and tells you to remember the love she feels for you and to remember her and the wonderful times you had together, and sweetly she tells you if you truly love the new girl, she will walk away and leave you alone.  Perhaps, three weeks later, after running that conversation like a videotape, over and over, you realize that you are indeed still in love with your ex, and so you leave the rebound girl, and go back to your ex, and are still with her to this day. Perhaps the rebound girl should have read this article before getting involved with you.  Relationships are complicated.

Be honest with your ex if you want to get back together.  Do it quickly, before people get hurt.  The longer you wait, the longer your ex continues in a rebound relationship, the more difficult it will be.  Talk to your ex about why you broke up and how you can make things better in your future.  How you can grow old together.

If nothing happens, time will tell if your ex will return to you. If the relationship he's in is just a rebound relationship, it may soon end, and your ex may come back to you - or not.

There is no reason for you to interrupt this new relationship, even if you realize you still have feelings for your ex. Don't be a poacher. You can tell him how your ex how you feel, but then walk away and let him or her handle that news the way they want.  Don't make the situation more difficult.  Don't make enemies.  Let your ex handle one thing at a time.

===I broke up with my Ex 4 months ago. I started seeing a new guy in the month of May. We created memories, had fun and hung out a lot. But in June, I suggested we take things slow? am I in a rebound relationship?===
''My new guy asked for space this month saying I was right we were rushing. All he said things did not work out with his girlfriend. He is now so distant, doesn't have time for me and always traveling. I asked if I could carry my little stuff at his place, but he doesn't respond back. All he says he likes me and I should give him space. I like him but now I doubt things will work out. Kindly help''

It is highly likely you were in a rebound relationship. Things moved fast and he distanced himself. He has not yet gotten over the previous relationship. You asking to bring some things over to his house says to him that you want permanence even if you did not mean that. You like him so you could wait for things to get moving again towards a relationship. He possibly is taking this time to sort his feelings out and will contact you if he decides that he is ready to move on with you.

===What do I have to do to get out of this, I feel like I am being used?===
''We met and nearly slept together, after that she told me she does not want to be in a relationship but we can take things slowly. I think she is still in contact with her ex. It feels awkward when I touch her I mean it seems like she does not like it. Please, I want to get out this. I love her, I do not deserve this''

If you love her, ask her to initiate any physical contact for now. She is hesitant to get into another relationship and physical contact to her means relationship. Understand that she needs to take things extremely slow and you may end up in the friend zone if she is not ready for a relationship again. You are not being used but you are there for her emotional needs currently and since you love her be willing to support her that way for now.

===I'm not in a rebound, my ex-girlfriend I believe is, and I'm worried about her but I do not dare interfere?===
''Should I completely leave her alone, she contacted me asking me how the hunting season was going and she knows I am a die-hard hunter, so I was total confused on why she would even care. Then she sent me an email talking about God and that this is His plan and it made us better people. I didn't respond because I'm not sure what to say''

Either she thinks you are friends or she is hinting at getting back together by testing the waters with friendly communication. If you were together for a long period of time, this transition may be hard for her still. Hunting season is a reminder of you. That may have triggered her into realizing all she had with you.

===What should I do about this, should I talk to him or just forget about him?===
''I've had several rebounds after my Ex and I even moved and found a new guy. When I'm with him I forgot my Ex, ever since I've been with him I've been able to forget. Until I came back home for a visit and all these memories flooded my head. He has had a girlfriend ever since we broke up like a day afterward and she's pregnant and they live together. I have tried: I've done nothing at all.. I think it was caused by: We both caused this problem. He cheated a lot and I argued with him constantly''

There was no solid closure to that relationship. There needs to be one though because he is about to become a parent with his current girlfriend. You went back home and every little corner of town brought back memories. These are illusions because we usually remember the happy and forget the corner we stood on when we realized he was across the street kissing another girl. He was a cheater and probably in that relationship with his girlfriend before you broke up with him. Thank the universe that you found someone who is faithful to you and makes you happy. Even if you contacted him and he hopped right into a relationship with you, there is a child that will be involved and it speaks volumes to how he respects relationships that he has cheated in the past.

=== My Girlfriend broke up with me because of an old question, can you help me out? ===
'' Hi Broke with my girlfriend because she was in another relationship (she rebounded on me),  can you help me out so I know how to deal with this situation and in the future, we could be together. I have tried: Nothing yet. I think it was caused by: Like I said she started a rebound relationship with me ''

It is tough to reconnect a relationship that started off as a rebound. During the time you were together, she could not properly begin feelings for you because she was stuck in the past relationship. She has since moved on and this is actually a good thing for you. You deserve someone who wants to be with you just for you and not to feel better about themselves after a recent breakup. Avoid relationships that start like this in the future. If she ever does contact you again then make sure she has had at least three months as a single person. She may use you like a yo-yo going back and forth to her other relationship. For her, you are an emotional crutch. This is not your fault but you should keep that in mind if she does contact you.

Being in a rebound relationship hurts when you are the person that wanted to be in the relationship because you liked them. It is completely up to her if she ever comes back but as previously stated, it would be wise to keep your guard up for several months.

=== Divorce, dealing with my ex marrying the woman he cheated on me with? ===
'' Dealing with my ex marrying the woman he cheated on me with ''

The way to deal with your ex-husband marrying the woman whom he cheated with is to not deal with it. There is no easy way to divert our emotions. Especially when there are daily reminders. What you should do is find out if they have set a date. Then arrange a once in a lifetime trip during that time. This way you can focus on planning that and not on them. One thing to consider is that the likelihood of their marriage succeeding long term is very slim. Although some relationships do last most end up crashing and burning within a year. There is no longer a reason to be intrigued about the other person. Instead, daily regular life issues come to focus where before, she was just there for his entertainment and escape. Either way, you need to take this time to focus on yourself. Being the best you is the greatest revenge on the hurt that the breakdown of your marriage caused.

=== Should I stay or leave after being together for 1 year when it's been a year since he broke up abruptly with his ex girlfriend? ===
'' Hey, need some advice. I got to know that I was my guy's rebound only half a year later into the relationship although all the rebound warning signs were everywhere and even when it surfaces up and I talk him about giving it up and to walk away, he didn't. Now almost a year together, I still felt that he is distant and full of emptiness, his loneliness when I'm not with him. Will I be able to build a deeper relationship out of this rebound or what's the best way to talk him out of the relationship? ''

All you can do is wait it out. You gave him the option of ending the relationship and he decided that he did not want to. Perhaps, his attitude change with you is that he finally feels comfortable to be with you and is no longer trying to woo or impress you. Talking someone out of the relationship is simple, you leave. If you feel that he is not the one for you, then do not waste another second waiting for him to come around to being able to emotionally fulfill you. He probably never will be able to do that for you.

=== How can I tolerate my pain after rebound relationship breakup? ===
'' I was supposed to break up according to my father's will.  We met one day after the breakup, but after that, he told me not to call him and be away from him. What should I do? I can't bear this pain anymore. Please help me. I want a reply on how can I bear my pain after all breakups and rebound relationships. ''

He feels slighted by you. After your father's final wish in his will, you chose to honor that and toss your boyfriend to the "curb". Stop for a second and consider how you would feel if he had done this to you. Unfortunately, you chose to honor your father's wishes and will have to reconcile that you have lost your boyfriend. With time, he may contact you again but it is best if you do not contact him.

[[Category:Relationships]]

Summary:

VisiHow is a collaborative writing project. You should expect other VisiHow community members will edit and build upon the writing that you submit here. By submitting your writing, you confirm that you wrote this content or have received permission from the copyright holder to post it here. In addition, you agree to our Terms of Use, and are willing to have your work released under a Creative Commons License.

Cancel Editing help (opens in new window)

Write An Article Random Article

Meet a Community Member

Meet Donna, She is a stormchaser, photojournalist, and foodie who is into cookie, eclectic crafts and pop culture. I enjoy hiking, exploring old and haunted buildings, swimming and camping with my fireman spouse. Watching and making movies is my passion. Among her best articles are: Stop Hair Loss Due to Hair Mites; Stop Hair Loss Due to Iodine Deficiency; and Stop and Reverse High Blood Sugar Related Hair Loss

Join the Community

Identify you are in a rebound relationship

Meet a Community Member

- collapse Things to Do

+ expand Places to Visit

Follow Us On...

Explore Categories