Win Back Your Ex

Edited by Nerissa Avisado, Lynn

You found the perfect man and he's everything you've always dreamed of. You hit it off perfectly from the start and you've been inseparable since then. However, days and weeks and months passed by and boredom set in. You felt you needed a little time to think things through and asked for some time apart. Then one day you see him with someone new, happy and very much in love. Suddenly all the old feelings come rushing in and you made a vow to yourself: You're going to win back your ex.

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Win back your ex

  1. 1
    Do a reality check
    Take time to sort out your feelings - your real reason for wanting to get back with him. Is it because you really love him? Or your ego simply can't stand the thought that he can actually be happy with someone else other than you? Perhaps the saying is true - that you never know what you've got 'til it's gone. If you got bored with him before, try to figure out how this happened. Was it because he's too straight, he's too good, he's too generous, he's too giving? Because he's actually a decent guy? Think long and hard about your feelings about him, because good and loyal guys are quite hard to find these days.
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  2. 2
    Figure out how the two of you fell in love in the first place
    Was it love at first sight? Did you start out as friends, really liked each other especially when you found out how many things you had in common? Did you share the same values, like the same music, or have the same gusto for spicy food? Or were you attracted to each other because you were exact opposites? Go back, as far back as you can remember, and see what the things were that he loved about you, and you about him.
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  3. 3
    Take it slow
    Give it some time before you try getting in touch with him again. You don't want to appear like an eager beaver, especially if you're the one who broke it off. Carefully plan when and where you are going to meet, and choose the words you're going to say to him. As much as possible, chill. Don't freak him out by being too emotional, crying your heart out, or getting hysterical as soon as you talk about your breakup. Don't go out to dinner, not just yet. Try lunch, or coffee may be even better. Start out with a light conversation, asking about school or work, before slowly venturing into what you really want to tell him. Be nice, be pleasant, and be polite.
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  4. 4
    See if he still has feelings for you
    Yes, he obviously got distraught and probably went a little nuts when you dropped him like a hot potato. If things were really serious between you two, he could not have just shaken off his feelings for you overnight. Find out if he still cares about you and use that to your advantage. Things will be a lot easier to "maneuver" if you know your efforts won't be for nothing.
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  5. 5
    Listen intently to what he has to say
    If you manage to make him open up to you about the past, the pain of the separation, the insecurities he felt, the confusion he went through when you left, etc., just let him. Even if he starts to say things out of anger, if he wants to let out all those pent up hurt feelings, so much the better. Then, when he starts talking about the new girl, how she helped him get through this, how good she was to him, and so on, take it in as well. Don't interrupt. Make eye contact and pay close attention so you can read between the lines.
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  6. 6
    Don't pressure him into anything
    Once he has said his piece, start carefully with yours. Tell him how you really feel, that you were wrong to break it off with him for no good reason. Tell him you love him and still care for him deeply. Don't make false promises though - if there's anything a guy hates, it's a girl making promises she knows she can't keep. Just tell him you'll do your best to stay committed, cherish what you have, and this time, really make it last. He may ask for some time to think things through, and by all means, let him.
    1. Assure him that you'll be around anytime he wants to talk to you again. Don't get carried away by the end of the night; if he makes the first move and kisses you goodnight, that's fine.
    2. Don't make the first move by doing things he's not comfortable with. Remember, he already has a new girlfriend.
    3. You don't want to start anything with him until he has completely broken off with the other girl.
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  7. 7
    Don't be too needy
    You're his ex-girlfriend, not his insurance company. You don't have to follow up on your conversation every single day. Give him time and space to think things through. If he really wants to see you, he knows where to find you.
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  8. 8
    Keep yourself productive
    Staying busy and productive will keep you from being anxious and paranoid. Yes, he is a big part of your life, but he's not your whole life. Think about school, work, sports, your civic organization, your friends, your family. The whole world does not revolve around him, no matter how much you love him. The more he sees you happy, healthy, gorgeous, and busy with your life, the more he will gravitate towards you.
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Now, say all these things actually work, and he actually comes back and decides your relationship deserves a second chance. What do you do? Don't blow it! Getting him back may be hard, but keeping him takes twice the amount of effort you need to put in. Here are some things you can do to ensure the two of you will stick together (like glue!).

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Tips on how to keep your guy happy and insanely mad about you:

  • Keep your word. Once bitten, twice shy. All those promises you made over coffee? Make sure you're ready to back them up. Do it. Prove to him you are really serious about fixing things and changing things for the better.
  • Learn to compromise. It can't always be about you or him. Sure, you have your differences and you can't expect to agree on everything all the time, but you can choose to live harmoniously. Learn to be tolerant of each other's shortcomings, and if some things are negligible, don't bother bringing them up anymore - not if it will only cause irritation and spark arguments between the two of you.
  • Don't be too possessive. There's no point keeping him on a leash, because if he really wants to do something stupid, he will. Besides, what's the point of getting back together if you don't trust each other? If he truly loves you, he'll know how to keep himself out of trouble.
  • Be his best friend. At the end of the day, be the one he wants to share his thoughts and emotions with. If he just wants to be quiet despite things he's going through, then just be there for him. Sometimes, you don't need to say a thing to make your man feel better - a simple touch, a smile, can work magic for his ego and well-being.

So there you go. Hopefully these tips can help you win back your ex, but most importantly, learn how to keep him for good. Good luck!

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


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Article Info

Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Nerissa Avisado

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