Use the Pain of a Breakup to Fuel Something Positive

Edited by Vanessa Alexandra Avisado, Eng, Lynn, Nuance

You can't eat! You can't sleep! You can't remember the last time you took a shower!

Sometimes, it's even hard to get out of bed.

Snap out of it!

Yes, he left, and yes, he does not love you anymore, so get over him! Stop wasting precious time and use the pain of your breakup to fuel something positive in your life.


NO ONE has the power to make you feel inferior unless you give them that power. Everyone goes through life's rough roads every now and then, but the difficulty is that some roads are much rougher than others. You've always been so sure of the solid ground underneath your feet that you never felt the need to look down. Then one day, it all comes crashing down. This is exactly what happens when you allow yourself and your life to be in the hands of another person, including your husband or your boyfriend. Suddenly, one day he tells you he wants out of the relationship, and you are shocked and devastated. Obviously, there has been a failure to communicate during your relationship; otherwise, it wouldn't have been such a surprise.

You bottom out. You feel as if your life is crumbling. You feel like you will never be happy again. Give yourself a week. Buy a lot of tissues. Eat as much ice cream as you like. Cry. Watch sad movies. Complain to your girlfriends. Have a couple of temper tantrums...and after a week, put on your big girl panties, dry your tears, and take your life back.

How to be Positive after Break-Up

Perhaps we should always look at relationships as a temporary arrangement. This way, people wouldn't feel like they've failed after a breakup. If we could move into a more positive way of thinking, we could feel good about spending six years with someone, in a really healthy relationship, rather than dismiss the six years and focus on the breakup.

Here are some practical ways to get back on your feet again, stronger than ever!

  1. 1
    Free yourself from the chains of fear
    For thousands of years, fear has ensured man's survival. Unfortunately, that doesn't work very well in the modern era, especially for women who are scared silly to venture out by themselves.
    1. When you are afraid of an unknown future, you will find yourself paralyzed, forever stuck in a rut.
    2. This is the fate of so many who depend on their partner to define them as a person. Just the thought of leaving a familiar relationship fills them with fear. Sadly, this means there are way too many women staying in a relationship that is unhealthy for them, because they believe it gives them stability. The truth is - it does not.
    3. No amount of physical or financial stability can trump confidence and emotional stability.
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  2. 2
    Emotional prisoner
    No one should feel like a prisoner in a relationship. The first thing you can do to break away from this is to understand how your brains respond to fear.
    1. The main reason why you fear things that haven't happened yet is because you are uncertain of how it will affect your life.
    2. The truth is, there's no relationship you can't walk away from if you find the courage to do so, and you have a good head on your shoulders. It also helps if you have emotional support from friends and family.
    3. You just need to take the first step, and trust that you'll not only survive, but thrive on your own.
    4. The fear center and the sex center of a woman are very close - and one emotion can actually incite the other. For some women, fear is equated with arousal, and although natural, it can be very confusing.
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  3. 3
    Get out of the Flintstone Era
    During the Stone Age, it was not only nice to have your man around the cave, but it was also essential for the survival of your entire family or clan. Based on history, men were the dominant sex and were far stronger physically, something that was very important if you wanted to be fed, protected, and cared for. Of course, there was no other way to pass on your genetic material unless they were around. Unfortunately, this kind of mentally dragged on until the 21st century. Until now, a lot of women still seem to believe that it's better to have any man than no man at all. You may have even figured it's okay to settle for less, as long as you don't end up alone. This isn't true, and isn't healthy thinking.
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  4. 4
    Stop equating happiness with being Mrs
    Mrs. Patti Jones had the perfect life. She's married an NBA superstar, lived in a mansion in Beverly Hills, and was always dressed to the nines. From the day she got married, she never had to work another day in her life. Then one day, upon arriving home from a shopping trip in Milan, she discovered Mr. Jones moved out, with their lock, stock, and bank account. Suddenly she felt she had no life anymore, and it nearly killed her when she realized that she was left with absolutely nothing.
    1. Unfortunate as it may be, divorce is quite a common event. However, there are those who use this opportunity to move forward and go on to have more meaningful lives. They find new friends, move to a better place and find work they are passionate about.
    2. There are those, however, who completely "tune out". They get hooked on drugs and alcohol, isolate themselves from everyone, neglect themselves and are dead set on believing they will always be alone.
    3. It's up to you which one you want to be.
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  5. 5
    Learn to enjoy solitude
    Happy women are those who truly enjoy solitude. In its simplest context, it means enjoying your own company first, which in turn, allows you to enjoy all of life's pleasures.  
    1. If you are a happy woman and you're alone, you will not feel isolated even when you're far away from friends or family, or colleagues, because you are assured they will always be there if you want or need to be with them.
    2. When you're a happy woman, you know you can get back to these people anytime you choose to, while lonely women feel cut off, and isolated from everyone else. They are always uncertain if they will have someone to return to, which leads them into hopelessness.
    3. You know the reason why happy women are never alone? Because they never, ever abandon themselves.
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  6. 6
    Have a relationship with yourself
    Many women end up so worried about others in their lives, that they almost forget the relationship they should nurture with themselves. If they were asked about the kind of relationship they have with their boyfriends, husbands, children, family, friends, they'd be rattling off details a mile a minute. When asked about the kind of relationship they have with themselves, however, they're often dumbstruck. The reason for this is that they don't really think about it often, if at all. \
    1. To create and nurture a relationship with yourself, you need to be able to relate with yourself in order for you to develop your own personal identity.  
      1. Patti failed to create a life of her own because she really didn't know who she was; she only knew herself as "Mrs. Jones".
      2. She was married for a decade and made nothing else of her life, so it's no wonder when Mr. Jones walked out she felt abandoned. Unfortunately, when he did walked out the door, Patti's identity walked out the door with him too.
    2. The moral of the story? Never invest all of your creative and emotional energy on a single thing or person, instead, choose to diversify - all the time.
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Stay Happy and Positive When You're On Your Own

  1. 1
    Be an optimist
    When you're an optimist, you never see things as permanent or all-pervasive. You don't take things personally. When your energy is compromised, you recognize the need to refocus your energy on something more important - on how you can get better. Your attitude toward life's events is crucial in determining the quality of life you will have because it will help interpret the things happening around you. When you experience more positive emotions, you can see things better in a more optimistic light.
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  • 2
    Use your strength as a base
    Somebody who's been rejected needs a quick dose of self-confidence. You can't achieve this by desperately trying to fix what you believe you're doing wrong. You will just be wasting your time. The best thing to do is discover the things you are good at, and see how you can improve them. Simply put, know your strengths and use them to lead you through your life. Each and everyone has their own strengths, and these will serve as your base during tough situations. They're also known as your qualities, assets, and abilities that you can use, and acquire real joy from. As soon as you understand what yours are, you can call on them in times of great need. They will define who you are, rather than being defined by another person.
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  • 3
    Keep your passion burning
    Every day, you have to do something you really love. Perhaps you're not thrilled with your work, and you only do it because it pays the bills and keeps a roof over your head, but that shouldn't keep you from pursuing theater acting in your spare time, or taking a leisurely walk with your pug in the park. Find something - anything - to spark excitement, and feed your hungry soul.
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  • You ought to know by now, a breakup does not mean the end of the world. In fact, you can use the pain of a breakup to fuel something positive, beautiful, exciting, and meaningful in your life. The first thing you need to do is come out of your shell, so you can appreciate the beauty surrounding you. Good luck.

    If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


    Article Info

    Categories : Heartbreak

    Recent edits by: Lynn, Eng, Vanessa Alexandra Avisado

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