Trust your boyfriend
Edited by Ephraim, Charmed, Eng, Emmanuel M. Lardizabal and 16 others
How do you trust your boyfriend during your relationship? There are many things that can happen within a relationship to make you suspicious; things that make trusting your boyfriend complicated and difficult.
If a girl doesn't feel safe with her boyfriend, the distrust can be destructive and cause the relationship to break down. Often, the issue of trust has more to do with a past relationship, and has less to do with the current one. It might be that no one is cheating on the other, but if cheating has been part of previous relationships, it makes trusting tricky. If this is the first time you've found yourself in this kind of situation, there are ways to regain trust, and ways to trust from the beginning. To be successful, follow these steps to either trust your boyfriend, or regain trust that has been lost.
- 1To begin the process of trusting your boyfriend, you need to know exactly why you do not trust him. When questioning your own trust issues, explore all the reasons for your lack of trust. Girls do not trust their boyfriends for many reasons. Some are obvious. Rumours may circulate about your boyfriend, making you suspicious. Perhaps you simply have a fear of being happy in a relationship and so convince yourself things are not okay, even if they are. Sometimes, instinct or woman's intuition makes a girl question her boyfriend, but this is often a girl's desire to keep drama in the relationship. Some other reasons girls do not trust their boyfriends are varied:Advertisement
- Things have been said to raise your suspicion of him.
- An altercation between the two of you has you wondering if he will retaliate, and do something to hurt you.
- The relationship is not as strong as it used to be, and you feel he's going in another direction.
- He may have done something in the past that you still have not recovered from, and you feel he might do it again.
- Perhaps a previous boyfriend betrayed you, and it's making it difficult to trust another man.
- You have done something questionable in the relationship, and worry he will do the same thing to you.
- These are some reasons a girl might feel as if she cannot trust her boyfriend. Some of these issues will never be resolved, while some of these issues can be addressed come to a resolution.
- 2Stop thinking he is always up to something. This can make you worry and become paranoid about him and the relationship. Although something may have set off alarms for you, these suspicions might be nothing at all, and you become the one causing a problem in the relationship by continuing to obsess over things that 'might' happen. Paranoia and suspicion are very destructive, especially where there are no real reasons for the mistrust. At this point it's important to calm yourself, and get all the details before getting too emotional, and accusing your boyfriend of something he hasn't done. Consider what is really important about your relationship, and if worth risking because of unsubstantiated indiscretions. Don't focus on the negative, but focus on the good things in the relationship.Advertisement
- 3Stay positive, even if you do have trust issues. Compare how good your current boyfriend is to your past boyfriend. Perhaps your last relationship was bad, giving you reason to lose trust, but by comparing that relationship to the current one, might give you some perspective. Maybe the current guy is the good guy. Understandably, if your prior boyfriend violated your trust, that mistrust might be spilling into your current relationship. Each relationship should start with a clean slate. You owe your boyfriend the courtesy of not making him pay for mistakes that someone else made in your past. Comparing the two relationships might illuminate a light inside of you, creating trust for him.
- 4Tell him why you don't trust him. Tell him tactfully, instead of carelessly throwing words at him. Do not sugarcoat how you feel. Be completely honest when telling him why you do not trust him, so he is able to understand where you are coming from, and respond. Talking to him, and getting your feelings out in the open, will make you feel better. It will also increase the trust your boyfriend has in you. Honesty will do that. He will be happy you brought the issues your are having to his attention. This, in turn, will increase the trust you have in him, and will usually result in a closer, improved relationship for both of you. Even if you don't get the reaction from him you expected, he will at least respect your honesty, regardless of the reasons you brought it to his attention.
- 5Make an effort to gain more of his trust in the process of learning to trust. It will make him work harder to gain your trust. The key to learning to trust him is this; continue to be honest and understanding with yourself, before you can expect the same from him. You have to respect yourself before you can expect anyone else to respect you. As you travel on this path of trusting him, continue to open up to him. Express yourself and listen to him as well. Communication is a very important part of this process.
- 6Let the suspicion and worry drift away in order to gain trust in him. By letting go of these things, you will release the doubt you have in your boyfriend, putting yourself on the path to trusting him. If you continue to hold onto things that belong to the past, the weight of doubt and fear and mistrust will stop you from fully trusting anyone again, especially your boyfriend. A lot of people have trust issues due to the fact that they will not let go of things that are irrelevant to the current relationship. You cannot hold onto issues of the past, while you're trying to make your current relationship work in the present. If you feel you cannot trust your boyfriend because you are holding onto past issues, ask yourself if you are ready to be in a new relationship.
- 7Do unto others, as you would want them to do unto you, the golden rule proven to be very useful in life. If you do not trust him then reverse the situation and ask yourself how you would feel? Maybe you've done things you are accusing him of doing , and yet he still trusts you. Why can you not trust him? The simple things you are holding onto create mistrust. Maybe you have done the same thing in the past, so try to be more understandable. A lot of times we forget things we do may cause a little suspicion in our partner. If he can trust you then you can trust him. It's always good to look at your relationship from another point of view.
- 8Have fun in the midst of not trusting him, for it can create a tighter bond that will bring the two of you closer. Creating a stronger bond will make things you believed were issues, seem not that important, and will reveal to you the important thing is you and your boyfriend. Go out and have fun and then you can put all your cares aside. Allow yourself to be happy with your boyfriend during all the uncertainty in the relationship. The less you trust someone, the more tedious the relationship will become. Do things to keep the relationship lively. This can become a distraction for the problems of trust you have with your boyfriend that just might be in your head.
Understand that a relationship goes through many changes and problems but it is up to you as the girlfriend and partner to ensure that you do everything in your power to fully trust your boyfriend in the relationship. Without trust, a relationship is pointless and very hard to maintain. As the girlfriend your role is to trust yourself, even though you do not trust your boyfriend. He may trust you fully, so do not hurt him because of suspicions that possibly might be nothing at all. If you feel you cannot trust him by now, or ever, then it is best that you leave the relationship altogether.
1 Questions and Answers
- 1.1 How do I trust him when he has a questionable past?
- 1.2 How to stop being inquisitive with your man.
- 1.3 Why are girls suspicious about their boyfriends?
- 1.4 What are the long term effects on my relationship if I don't trust my boyfriend?
- 1.5 Trust issues with my boyfriend about going to party's alone and with booze?
- 2 Comments
Questions and Answers
How do I trust him when he has a questionable past?
It's really hard to trust a guy when he has a bad past. Paranoia will definitely harm your relationship. If you make a commitment to love him anyway, then accept his bad past as part of that love. Give him the chance to show that he has changed. You may want to talk to him about his past, to help you understand what occurred in that situation. If he refuses to talk about it, don't pester him. Most guys hate talking about their pasts. The best thing to do is to just trust him, lead him in a positive direction, and be the best companion for him...until you are proven wrong.
Maybe it will be a learning process for both of you. Perhaps you have to work toward trusting him, eventually, even if he has a bad past. In a relationship, the key to success is trust. The past may contain things that are best forgotten, in order for you both to move forward.
How to stop being inquisitive with your man.
Avoid being excessively inquisitive about your man. Be confident, trust your man and keep yourself busy. Understandably, you need to know where you stand, but drilling him with questions will only put him on the defense, not a comfortable place for anyone.
So, keep yourself busy with work or school. Not only will you demand to know less things about him, but he will find you more interesting. When you are idle, you have more time to imagine things that are probably not actually happening.
If you trust him it's easier for him to trust you. If you trust him, it is less likely he will do something stupid to ruin your relationship. If he does do something stupid to ruin your relationship, then it is his fault, and also his loss.
You also have to be confident. Do not show that you are weak because this will not be good for either of you. Show him and his friends that you are confident. At the very least, be confident in the fact that you are his girlfriend.
You have to respect your man's privacy, even when you are in a committed relationship. Trust is important in making a relationship work and move forward. Although, communication and sharing is vital to any relationship, you should always allow each other some personal space.
Here are some tips on how to stop being inquisitive with your man:
- Initiate open communication. Many men are able to freely reciprocate and follow the lead of their women. You can start by talking casually about your day-to-day schedule and certain details of work, or at home, that you would want him to know. You'll find him instinctively opening up about his daily grind as well. Most men are not good at expressing themselves, or even sharing details about anything. If he becomes used to keeping communication lines open with you, then you will be privy to his day-to-day whereabouts.
- Go out with the girls. Men often have their "night-out with the boys" or "boys only poker nights", and they would prefer these events without their girlfriends trailing behind. It's important to allow each other some space to do activities with other people. Going out shopping with your girlfriends, or getting your hair and nails done, or attending a lecture on Quantum Physics, will keep your mind off wondering what your boyfriend is up to, and focus on your friends and your activities instead.
- Set schedules. You can set a schedule for your weekly dinner dates as well as activities you plan, separate from each other. You can set schedules for bonding with family members and friends you have in common. Involving or integrating other people with common interests in the relationship, allows you grow, individually and as a couple.
- Expand your interests. If you want to learn a new craft or sport - then go for it. As individuals, it is healthy to be able to enjoy your own thing at your own time and in your own space. Similarities may make relationship blossom; but it's the differences that make you thrive and grow. Your interests will add some excitement to the relationship as you are able to learn from each other and grow individually, helping you grow together.
- Be his biggest fan. If he works in advertising, and you are in the fashion industry, find the things that compliment and draw out the best in each other's professions. Strong-minded couples are able to boost each other's skills by planning and creating strategies for each other, even offering constructive criticisms to improve your profile as industry leaders. Be your boyfriend's biggest fan and effective critic and watch him soar.
Being inquisitive can be a disadvantage. Trusting your boyfriend regarding his personal and social affairs is also about respect. Do not be too probing of his schedule. Asking too much is a sign of insecurity and that turns men off. Be confident in your man and your relationship. Do not overpower, manipulate, or control your man, as this will suck the life out of your relationship. You do not have to know everything to be able to trust a partner. Keep yourself busy and expand your world. Keep him interested by being interesting and not being too inquisitive.
Why are girls suspicious about their boyfriends?
Some believe it is the nature of a man to cheat, regardless of how good a guy he might be. Often, without provocation, the first thought of a woman regarding her boyfriend is, "he will eventually cheat on me". This is because men, stereotypically, are more likely to cheat on a woman than a woman is to cheat on a man, or perhaps, the man is more likely to get caught. Regardless, it makes a woman suspicious, and mistrustful of any man she is involved with. It may take a long time before she does trust him. It will take as long as it takes for him to realize he is not like most men, and is faithful to her.
What are the long term effects on my relationship if I don't trust my boyfriend?
I am suspicious of him but I have no proof he has done anything wrong. I have tried: I have stuck to the "ask me no questions and I tell you no lies" way of handling my suspicions, but he flirts with a lot of girls on Facebook.
Trust begins with you and your self-esteem. We, as girls, fight with ourselves internally on a daily basis. We look in the mirror and hate our hair. We think we look fat in our new dress. These are just some examples. Your insecurity is something that you need to overcome. Wake up every morning and say "I am awesome!" while looking at yourself in the mirror. May sound crazy at first, but speaking words out into existence has a way of sticking into our subconscious if we do it enough. Gain the mind set that if he cheats, it will be his biggest loss to lose you. Check out this article on how to boost your self-confidence. If he flirts with girls on Facebook, he should not be doing so if you requested him to stop. You may need to explain to him that you are working on trusting him and although in your heart you know you can, your mind is resisting and stopping the flirting is essential to the process. If you do not follow these steps, eventually your relationship will fall apart because either he feels trapped or you feel frazzled beyond reason.
Trust issues with my boyfriend about going to party's alone and with booze?
My boyfriend wants to go to a party he's 18 and the party has booze. I'm worried he might sleep with someone if he gets drunk. He has cheated on me but we're working on the trust piece. should I let him go or tell him that I honestly don't trust him and I don't want him to go to the party at all. Any advice on what to do with my situation. We have been dating for almost 2 years on and off. Also, my boyfriend was on probation because he has done drugs and sent to jail
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Categories : Relationships
Recent edits by: Alma, dorothy, Kufre Ekpe