Treat Insecurities Among Teenagers

Edited by Christian jake baro, Maria Quinney, Eng, Lynn

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Hormones racing, hearts pumping and personalities changing? The once energetic and audacious boy you loved so well has become a secluded hermit. Your daughter was the star of the stage back in grade school, but now she is the girl sitting timorously in the back of the classroom. Where did their self esteem go? Did some anomaly happen when they turned 13? Here are some tips on how to understand and treat a teenager's insecurity and help them adjust to the changes that come with their teenage years.

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  1. 1
    To understand what is happening, first we have to set ourselves free from bias
    We have to infer that we ourselves as adults have gone through this stage - the time of our lives where we can love without dishonesty and infidelity, the season where we thought that we could do anything, or the moment we got so hurt we thought we could never face any human being again, or got disgraced to the point of even considering not going to school anymore. Please remember that you cannot help these troubled teens if they think you are trying to change them, as they are very sensitive, just like you were before. They seem to be passively receiving everything, but the truth is that they are absorbing it like a sponge. Also, before involving yourself with them, keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with them; they are just in that phase where they need help to elucidate the mind-bending world that we live in.
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  2. 2
    There is no disease to cure, only a mind that is confused, but pure
    There are two things that define the tip of a teen's problem - first is confusion and the next is purity, in a sense sterile or clean.
    1. First, consider the confusion. As they entered this phase, they were introduced to another realm. This is a domain that really separates them from childhood, and it is the point in their lives that they not only have questions, but will also be wanting to experience new things. This is the time for proving themselves. When we see an insecure teen, we have to realize that there is nothing wrong with them. A lot of adults feel like they have to change the way a teenager acts. Misconstruing adults feel like if a teen's way of thinking doesn't line up with their own, then it is absolutely wrong. Now, the most important person here is the teen, not us, it is not our feelings but his or her feelings. Essentially we are here to make them understand, as without this, they will continue to build up questions and further frustrate them. Leading them to doubt themselves can, in the end, yield an insecure teen, who potentially can carry these insecurities into adulthood.
    2. The second one is purity. To explain this, we can picture a clean sheet. In that sense it means that anything that their senses pick up, their minds take in. To release a teen's potential and make him or her overcome uncertainty and shyness, we have to guide them in understanding that what they see isn't always the issue; the things on the outside always come second to what's on the inside. We have to teach them that before one becomes really rich, one must first be rich in the things that are unseen - examples are loyalty, humility, love and hope. These virtues will boost self confidence when they realize that other people cannot take these away, no matter how these other people treat them.
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  3. 3
    Insecurity is a problem within
    I once read that anything that is seen is temporary, and that things that are not seen last forever. This principle lets us understand a teen's foundation. Insecurity is a sickness of the soul, which means that this problem must be dealt internally. I have seen many adults dealing with this by using temporary things. They think that buying expensive things or gadgets may just hoist a teen's self-esteem, and therefore may give him or her the strength to move out of the coagulated shell. Now, how many teens have we seen become addicted to such things? It's like they have cut themselves to the natural world or reality. Why? Because we did not address the real problem, which is inside.
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  4. 4
    How are you
    Amazingly, in this world where everyone is so busy, the simple phrase can bring you to a swarm of stories. Let the teen talk, as a good listening ear can help them release a ton of pent up worries and cares. I remember a story where there was a teenager who wanted to commit suicide, and he was thinking there was no other solution. Just when he was preparing to hang himself in his living room, the doorbell rang and just kept on ringing. Annoyed by this, he went down and asked who it was; a child answered, saying, How are you? Can I talk to you about my homework? Quietly, he let the kid in, while a tear rolled down his cheek.
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  5. 5
    Unconditional love and support
    Delightful group of teens - Two Boys shown here - Beach Scenes at Morro Bay, CA.jpg
    Do things for them unconditionally. Insecure and shy teens are afraid of being criticized, and they often feel like what ever they do will never be enough for people. The final and most vital part to unlocking a teenager is for them to feel a love that is all-inclusive. Surrounding them with an ambiance of understanding and affection will give them the courage to try again. After all, they just need to be given chances to make you proud.
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  • Try to approach the situation indirectly and with an aura of openness. Teens are naturally defensive.
  • Always be ready to give an ear. Wisdom is not only found in spoken words, but also in quiet gestures.
  • Teens like to think they know a lot, so let them brag about everything they know.
  • Use empowering phrases like: "You did well," "That was great," and "I am happy that you did your best." These words will give them strength to try again.
  • Be on the lookout. Don't be too far or be absent when they need you, but don't be too close and invade their privacy either.
  • Be calm. They are still in the process of growing up.


  • Never conclude the matter. Let them tell you their problems, even if you think you know what they are, and resist the temptation to troubleshoot the problem for them.
  • Be more ready to encourage than to scold. The world is tough, and you should be the guide, not the tyrant.
  • Make sure you understand what they have to say. Understanding is the key!

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


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Article Info

Categories : Teens

Recent edits by: Eng, Maria Quinney, Christian jake baro

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