Tone down high emotions in a relationship

Edited by Ephraim, Charmed, Nate Pepperell, Eng and 22 others

Man-yelling-at-woman 1.jpg

There are times when all of us can be a little too emotional. But it may be time for the individual who is easily upset and excitable to tone down this behavior before it causes harm to his or her relationship. Being overly emotional can damage a close relationship. It may become overwhelming for a man or a woman to deal with everyday life with his or her highly emotional partner. There is nothing wrong with being down, excited, angry, or ecstatic. We all experience these things and it is natural to feel these emotions more intensely in a relationship. Some of us need to recognize and admit that we need to tone down our emotional behavior. It may be the best thing for your relationship. Follow these steps to tone down your emotions so that you and your partner can be comfortable with each other.

  1. 1
    Figure out the type of relationship you are presently in
    There are different ways individuals can approach a relationship. Are you bursting with love and adoration for your partner every day? You may be the 'wear your heart on your' sleeve type of person who just adores your partner intensely. This may not seem like a problem when you begin a relationship, but isn't a good idea to become instantly attached. This could harm the relationship in the long run. Are you overly clingy? If you start out attached and clingy in the beginning, you may become increasingly so. Your partner may not feel like he or she has room to breathe. They may feel they are stifled and not able to enjoy activities without you. People need time alone. Your partner may soon grow tired of the lack of freedom. For the one who loves this intensely, it may seem like combining 100 years of love into a few months. For the other, it may take its toll. Breathe and just let the relationship flow instead of jumping into things too quickly. There are many pleasant things to experience on the road to a committed relationship.
    Restrictive-relationship 1.jpg
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  2. 2
    Take your time in the relationship, especially when it is just starting out
    Get to know your partner before you let yourself go completely nuts over him or her. You may have strong feelings for the person you've just met, but you've yet to get to really know who he or she is. It's always wonderful in the beginning, partly because you are getting the very best of your partner, not the openness you'd get from a friend. Try to remain friends for a while before talking about commitment.
    How-to-deal-with-a-clingy-girlfriend-338779430-jul-5-2012-600x400 1.jpg
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  3. 3
    Be sure that this new man or woman is who you want to be with before making it official
    Too many people let all the pleasant emotions run away with him or her, while ignoring reality. Make sure you remain clear headed enough to be objective about who this man or woman is and if there is potential for a future with him or her. There is a connection between the speed in which you jump into relationships and being highly emotional. If you aren't honest with yourself about this, it will be a pattern in every one of your relationships.
    Images (1) 9.jpg
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  4. 4
    Find out what pushes your emotional buttons or triggers
    There may be many things, but whatever they are, to know them, is to be forewarned, allowing you to get a better handle on your emotions. Here are a few things that might trigger over-emotionalism:
    1. Being apart. If you get upset when your partner spends time with friends, goes to work or does anything that requires you to be without him or her, you have an issue with being alone. This issue will affect your partner making you seem very needy. After any kind of absence, there will be tension between you. You need to find a way to occupy your time, and be comfortable being alone. Find a hobby or get out and do something for yourself while he or she is away.
      Images (2) 9.jpg
    2. Jealousy. If you get upset whenever your partner talks to a person of the opposite sex, or you imagine him or her flirting with everyone, even when they are not, you have some jealousy issues you need to deal with. Jealousy can damage an otherwise good relationship. It leads to break-ups and can often escalate to violence. If you have an issue with jealousy, talk to your partner about it. You may need reassurance from him or her in order to help you get over being jealous. The root of most jealousy is insecurity, so the only way to deal with jealousy, it to improve yourself to the point of where you are confident and secure.
      1503787201 13835884.jpg
    3. Being clingy. Being clingy, needing to be near your partner all the time, always close, touchy breathing down your partner's neck - a disaster in the making. This will inevitably annoy your partner. He or she will begin to feel claustrophobic whenever he or she is with you. This might cause your partner to feel overwhelmed while you are near. It could push him or her to want to spend time with someone else, who is not as needy or clingy. A great motivation to stop being clingy is realizing that you may harm your relationship in a way that will lead to a separation and ultimately a breakup.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  5. 5
    Step back and take a look at how your emotions impact your relationship
    Understand that being overemotional will impact the relationship in a negative way. Things may look okay from your perspective but if you aren't taking time to see things from your partner's point of view, you will not recognize your destructive behavior. Not only do your emotional displays affect your partner, but it can also have a negative effect on you in a number of ways:  
    1. You cannot see yourself being without that person and living your life independently. If you cannot see yourself alone, and still functioning, you have put all your hopes into one person. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but you may have put so much in this person that you have nothing left for yourself. If you have become fully dependent on this person physically and emotionally, you probably need to work on your self-esteem. You may feel that the only value you have as a person, is to be desired by another person. You should take a good look to re-evaluate everything that is going on in your relationship, but most importantly with yourself.
      Dating85400 1.jpg
    2. You may be on the verge of losing your partner. Assess the situation with your mate. Did you notice your partner is pulling away and spending more and more time away from you? You never want your mate to enjoy being away from you more than being with you. It's exhausting to be around someone whose emotions are always on override. It won't take long before he or she feels the need to escape. Likewise, your partner will become desensitized from all your emotional outbursts, and stop reacting...kind of like the boy who cried wolf. If you don't correct the behavior, very soon your relationship consists of sporadic phone conversations, and a few sleep-overs. Eventually, your partner just won't come back.
      400 px
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  6. 6
    Develop the concept that you can make it on your own
    This will boost your confidence and tone down your emotions. Remember, being emotional does not mean that you are weak, but over-emotionalism may be a sign of other issues. Strive to be strong and confident in yourself. The more you believe you will be okay the more confidence you will demonstrate to your partner. Hopefully, things will turn around before it's too late, because.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
Images (3) 8.jpg
  1. 1
    Talk to your partner about whatever you feel instead of carrying the emotional baggage everywhere you go
    When you start to communicate with you partner instead of being emotional about everything it will strengthen your relationship. Lay your emotions out on the table for your partner to be aware of. Once your partner knows of your emotional concerns, he or she can begin to comfort and help you through these episodes. A lot can be accomplished through communication rather than keeping it inside of you, waiting until it irrupts into a massive explosion of emotions blasting both of you into oblivion. If you begin to communicate with your partner you will also hear your emotions expressed out loud. Together you can work toward a solution.
    Images (4) 7.jpg
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  2. 2
    During those times you are unable to communicate with your partner, try writing your feelings down in a journal to keep track of how you felt in certain situations, and why you felt that way
    Understanding is the only way to find a solution. Writing them down gives you a point of reference that you can return to and review. You may recognize the reason you became overly excited or angry and what you did to calm yourself down.
    Images (5) 2.jpg
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help

These steps will help you to calm your emotions in the relationship. Of course, emotions are natural, but frequent outbursts and highly intense emotions can prove to be overwhelming for an individual and his or her partner. Use these suggestions to identify the reason for the emotions, how to stop them before it affects your relationship. It's not easy to control your emotions in the midst of a relationship, but if you really love yourself first and then the person you are with, you will be able to take full control of your emotions effectively.

Images (6) 6.jpg

Questions and Answers

How to tone down a relationship.

Remember that too much or too little of anything can be a bad thing. The same is true in relationships. Some people think that when they are in relationships, they need to give it their absolute best, and giving it your best means giving more than what your partner needs. This usually backfires.

Maybe you've heard your partner complain about you being too clingy or doing too many things for him. This will hurt your feelings, but it should also serve as a wake up call for you. Consider why your partner feels this way, and why what you thought was a good thing for your relationship, isn't turning out to be good.

Spending quality time together is a key to a good relationship, but this does not mean you need to alienate yourself from the other people. Spend time with him this weekend, then with your friends the next weekend. Don't believe your life revolves around your partner; there is life outside the world of your relationship.

If you plan to tone down in a relationship, be sure to talk about it with your partner so that he will not misinterpret the sudden changes in you.

If you feel the need to tone down in a relationship, it has to be a decision made by both of you. Wonderful that you've realized your emotions are sabotaging your relationship, and you want to do something about it. You didn't let pride stop you from improving yourself. If it's your partner who is the emotional one, compliment them on this decision, and learn to forgive and forget. All these things will prove to uncomplicated the process.

If you are in a relationship where emotions run too high, whether you or your partner is at fault, you would both benefit from more time apart. Sometimes, distance is the very thing you both need to breathe on your own and gain a little perspective. This doesn't have to be a 'break', but just make an effort to spend less time together.

How to tone down your husband's emotions when he is upset.

If your husband is upset, you should try giving him space to deal with his emotions. Give him the time to be upset. After he has calmed down, approach him and try to speak calmly about what upset him and together you can look for resolutions to the matter. Aside from this, you can cook his favorite food. You can give him some of his favorites as a peace offering.

The easiest way to cool your husband down when he is upset is to make him happy. But it's not that easy when someone is angry. The best thing you can do, if you are the reason why he is upset, is to ask him for forgiveness or a sweet sorry. If it does not work, then you should try to give him some water, coffee or anything that can make his mind calm and do some sweet-talking.

The best way to tone down your husband's emotions when he gets upset will be for you to simply allow him to argue with himself so that he can get all of his emotions out of his system. That being said, is he's really scary when he's angry, you should leave wherever you are.

Is there a way to teach myself to tone down my emotions?

One of the best ways to tone down your emotions is to breathe several times while you think of happy events in your life. That will help calm you down and eventually you will realize you already have a different perspective on the situation. When you feel that your emotions are already getting too high, stop dealing with the situation first. Walk away from it and deal with things that are more positive and lighter.

Toning down my messages. How do I do this?

Hi, I'm 28 and from a bad experience in a relationship for seven years. I've met this incredible gentleman that I've grown to love so much. He's so good to that he overlooks everything I do that could upset him. I use mean words and curse him to get him react but he does not. He is still very sweet and overly nice to me. The thing is we've never been intimate and he asked me to slow things down. Now I got him to talk to me on the phone which he did. What he said beats me "you should tone down on the texts." I would love to not upset this guy but I feel suffocated. He does not even say hello but responds to my text greetings. When I need a kiss he sends it, hugs name them but I only have to ask for them. This being the second one I'm about to indulge in, I'm freaking out! please help

Stop playing games with him. Yelling and cursing at him for the sake of attempting to get a reaction is childish. Although you were in a bad past relationship, you can't transfer those feelings to this relationship. He has requested that you tone down the text messages so stop texting him and only reply once to each message he sends.

He has asked to slow things down so take your time getting to know him and enjoy his sweet nature instead of trying to draw out his anger.

Is it dishonest to tone yourself down in order to get a man?

Shouldn't relationships be based on honesty and mutual respect and admiration? I have tried: Dating men who see women as their equals. I think it was caused by: Pretending to be someone you are not, gets the relationship off to a wrong start? Why spend your life with someone who does not love you for being the strong woman you are?

Being a strong woman does not mean that you are supposed to be miserable in a tense relationship. Of course, you are supposed to be exactly who you are when you date someone but there is a difference between being a strong woman vs. opinionated vs. angry vs. childish tantrums if you do not get your way.

Eventually, you will find someone who wants to be with you no matter what. Just be cautious that your idea of strength is not another negative personality trait.

Emotional control when and how to stop hurting people we love?

When we fight my girlfriend seems as if she is careless about things. Nothing even bothers her. It's almost like she's emotionless and for some reason, that fuels me and makes me even more emotional. I want to see something out of her. I want her to feel the hurt I feel and end up saying things I regret. I know that I shouldn't say mean things. What can I do or how do I go about controlling this reaction? She seems to know that not saying or showing emotion in a fight gets me more upset. What is something I can do not to let my emotions control me? I have tried: Just try to stay calm and to think about something else or I try to act like she does. I think it was caused by: Not sure I think maybe its her inability to show emotion in general and how it seems as if she's never happy or no matter what I do it isn't good enough

She seems to be someone who does not engage in conflict. Many people avoid confrontation and engaging in arguments. If you do not like her personality then stop dating her. It is that simple. She is not going to change and you are obsessing on trying to make her change. What about her had your interest in the beginning? Try focusing on that instead of trying to make her yell back at you.

Am I being too over anxious and clingy, and is it affecting my relationship?

Hi.... I need some help on how to control my anxiety and being over clingy. for instance, just in this week, I posted on my wife's Facebook wall, she hasn't gone to like it yet, although she's been on Facebook 3 times after that. she usually goes to like things relatively quickly. She says that the project she's busy with takes a lot of internet usage so she cannot go on Facebook, but she has a phone that's also connected to Facebook. Monday night I dreamt that she's having an affair and got SO angry with me in my dream when I confronted her. she is extremely busy at work the last few days, and it continues at home at night. I read that these dreams etc could be because I'm feeling neglected. is that the reason? I get really nervous and upset when she doesn't reply to a message, and wait impatiently for her to reply. I don't confront her about it, it just makes my blood boil when things like these happen. she also pushed me away in her sleep last night, she obviously doesn't realize it. Should I be worried? I totally trust her in the sense that I KNOW she won't cheat on me. She is a really good looking woman, and I tend to get jealous of anyone who makes a pass at her etc. I've learned to deal with the jealousy issue recently - that is not my problem. I need to know if I'm being TOO much or not? She works only with men, and all of them are very aware that she is a very attractive girl. She also seems very distracted and distant sometimes, almost as though she zones out and doesn't really care about whats going on around her.

VisiHow QnA. This section is not written yet. Want to join in? Click EDIT to write this answer.

Unable to respond to my partner's emotionally volatile behavior?

I feel that his window of tolerance for what he can accommodate and consider to be manageable stress vastly differs from mine. He has a difficult time withstanding hot weather, traveling for long periods, being somewhat sleep deprived, watching a TV show that he does not find valuable, being in a hotel room that isn't to his standards...he posts angry comments about the state of the world and the comments are just endless and it is annoying to the point of exasperation. . As a result, I feel that the number of times I have to accommodate for what is a lack of a better word "toddler like behavior", far outweighs mine. I am not perfect, I will do the same when pushed; it's usually after he's done several transgressions in which I'm accommodating, and he takes it as oh she doesn't have a problem with it. . I find myself being quite allergic to having to accommodate to his incessant complaints. I also find the whole concept of positive sentiment override of oh he must have had a bad day, that's why he's taking his stress out on me pretty infantile. We're adults, we should be able to say, I've had a bad day, I'm not in a good mood, I need rest, space sleep whatever that may be. I don't want to be a parent and this is one of the reasons why...Additionally, we do not do this at work, when our boss does something unpleasant, we do not do this to our friends when they're running late, we don't even do this to customer service when they get the wrong order etc. so why is it normal, and sometimes advocated as the person who isn't emotionally strapped needs to accommodate for the partner that is...I suppose that could work if it felt balanced, but I feel there is a major imbalance with how often I have to accommodate for this scenario. . My only successful solution has been to distance myself away from my partner; I don't want to have anything to do with him in this regard. If he cannot be polite and express his words, he does not get my time and attention. How do I stop feeling the resentment that I do over having to do this? This is different, because I am having issues with what I feel is doing the emotional labor for my husband to tone down his emotions. I feel a lot of resentment from feeling that I am parenting him in these scenarios. We can all be upset I think that is true, and I think healthy venting and listening is one thing. But in no way should we excuse rude behavior and attribute it to something external and then work even harder to then accommodate for our partner...I see a lot of this and I am wondering if anyone has dealt specifically from the resentment from having to exert additional labor at someone who is personally attacking you. I have tried: -ignoring his comments -asking him to be kinder to me- which was reciprocated with mockery -finally getting to a point of exasperation and blowing up at him -excluding him from as many things in my life as possible. I think it was caused by: I don't tend to start fights (i.e.. I don't usually have kindling for a fire), but what I have are if there's no kindling, we're fine, we have just healthy disagreements. I however also do not have water (or very little of it), i.e.. it's hard for me to personally de-escalate the arguments to extinguish it- I have a lot of resentment towards having to do this, and the very few times that I do it, and it does not get taken into account, I will throw kindling and set the whole thing on fire. That is the dance of our arguments, it is almost like clockwork at this point.

VisiHow QnA. This section is not written yet. Want to join in? Click EDIT to write this answer.

How can I keep my partner in a mannerable way without being insecure?

He is being insecure about my whereabouts and thinking I am with someone else instead of him, however every time I want alone time his cousin always interfere with our plans and never keep him focus I want more time with him instead I'm getting less and ignored what do I do? I feel as though he has insecure anxiety and he doesn't have confident with in me to pull our relationship. I have tried: Talking it out but its less talk and not enough action. I think it was caused by: I want to say other people calling and texting my phone whether they are male or female

VisiHow QnA. This section is not written yet. Want to join in? Click EDIT to write this answer.

How do I stop being overly emotional and sensitive?

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year and things where great but two months ago I got sick and had to have surgery and go through hormonal therapy. I have always been a little more emotional than average but it seems to be getting worse. At first I blamed the hormones but now I think it is just me failing to keep my emotions under control. I do not like being teased and any wrong comment especially from him makes me upset, it is really taking a toll on us and each time I get upset at him I feel very guilty about it, I am not sure my boyfriend understands even though I have tried to explain how I feel he still teases me sometimes, I am an emotional roller coaster, how do I handle it. This situation may be related to a medical issue but I am not sure, and even though communication is established it doesn't seem to be working. I need another opinion. I have tried: I have tried talking with my boyfriend, tried talking to my sister who I must say has been really supportive, sometimes I just walk away and try to calm down, or just sleep it off but the guilt feeling doesn't go away quickly. I think it was caused by: Not sure I can still blame the hormones, even though I am still doing the therapy, I think that medical situation caused a shift in our relationship and we can't go back to what we had

VisiHow QnA. This section is not written yet. Want to join in? Click EDIT to write this answer.

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


Article Info

Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Kearia25, whatcanIdo, Jay

Share this Article:

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 8,193 times.


Thank Our Volunteer Authors.

Would you like to give back to the community by fixing a spelling mistake? Yes | No