Text Your Ex Back
Edited by Kathy McGraw, Maria Quinney
Whether you broke up with them and you regret your decision, or they were the one who called it quits, and you never wanted the relationship to end in the first place, realize this important fact: there is a good chance that they feel the same way you do. In fact, according to a Glamour survey of 1002 men, 32 percent of them regretted breaking up with their girlfriends, and over half of them cried about the breakup. From these statistics, we can surmise that even if you do nothing beyond staying away from them for a while, there is a good chance that they'll be open to reconciling with you.
But you want to take them back on your terms, not your ex's. We're going to show you how to combine a little scarcity with some well-timed text messages that will have your ex calling you and begging to come back.
Understand What Went Wrong in Your Relationship
Everyone breaks up for a reason, and you probably have a pretty good idea about why your relationship with your ex ended. Perhaps you were too needy or too distant. Perhaps you weren't there for them when they needed you to be. Whatever the case, you need to identify the problem or problems and correct them; if not, you will commit the same errors that lead to your breakup should you reconcile with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Be Sure You Really Want to Get Back Together
Before attempting to reconcile, it's helpful to consider whether it's a good idea to do so. Factors to think about include:
- Overall, was your ex a positive force in your life? Your ex was a positive force in your life if they respected you and treated you well.
- Did your ex work with you to help you reach your goals? They supported you, encouraged you, and did everything they could to help you get to where you wanted to go.
- Are you compatible with each other? At bottom, you are compatible with each other if you want the same things out of life.
If, after you carefully thought about everything, you decide that you do indeed want to pursue reconciliation, then proceed with the steps below.
The No Contact Rule
Immediately following a breakup, negative emotions are running high. There may be anger, distrust, feelings of abandonment, alienation, and many others. In fact, your ex is probably seething at you right now and may even think they hate you.
Trying to reconcile now is pointless because for one, neither of you are in a position to think rationally about the other person and your relationship and for two, your ex is going to have a plethora of negative feelings about you. When your ex thinks about you, their teeth will clench, and their gut will tighten in anger.
What you need to do is reset your ex's feelings toward you back to neutral, and to do that, you need to stay away from him and not engage with them at all. This means no calling, texting, or seeing your ex. Even if they try to contact you, resist the urge to respond. You want your ex to wonder why you aren't responding, to think about what you may be doing, and to miss you. Use the No Contact period to work on yourself. If there are some things about you that played a role in the breakup, address them. For instance, if you were too needy, work on your self-confidence and cultivate connections with other people so that you aren't completely dependent on your ex.
Texts to Break the Ice
Icebreaker texts are a way to reconnect with your ex after the no-contact period expires. Your purpose in sending these texts is to plant seeds in their mind that inspire your ex to think about you in a positive and casual way. Michael Fiore of TextYourExback.com calls them texts "Across the Bow," because they work like the warning shots ships use to fire at each other before commencing battle in the days of sail.
It's important that you have a clear reason for texting your ex, so think carefully about what you want to say. Texting them out of the blue with no point of reference or reason will only make your ex suspicious about why you're contacting them after staying away from your ex for a month or more. Keep it casual and don't overdo it. Just one message a week is sufficient. The following texts are templates you can use to create your own messages. Be sure to tailor them to fit your situation.
- 1Hey, I heard that the Fleas were coming to our city this summer. I remembered how much you liked their music, so I thought I'd let you know. Hoping you are doing well.Advertisement
- 2I was in the bookstore, and I saw that Harry Throttlebottom has a new book out. I know how much you enjoy his books. Have a weekend.Advertisement
- 3Wrigley's has a sale going on those shirts you like. Thought I'd pass the information on. Have a great week!
Texts to Remind Them of the Good Times
The purpose for reminder texts is to help your ex remember the good times you two shared in the past. Nostalgia is a powerful tool because not only does it bring back good memories, but it also brings back the good feelings that they felt at the time. You want them to remember all the good times you had together and to miss spending time with you because you made your ex feel good.
The rule for reminder texts is the same as for icebreaker texts: keep it to just one per week.
- 1I was going through some stuff, and I came across a photo of us feeding the geese that time at the lake. Remember that one territorial goose who chased us all the way back to the car? We just scrambled back into it and laughed as we watched her waddle back to her mates. Anyway, I hope your week is going well.
- 2Hey, remember that time when we got stuck in that little town up north because of that freak storm? We holed up in that motel and played games, drinking Coke and noshing on chips and candy bars from the vending machine in the hallway. Have a great day.
- 3I saw Fred and Mary the other day, which reminded me of the time when we visited them, and we got lost trying to find their house. You kept trying to scare me with stories about an ax murderer on the loose and how you hoped we didn't get a flat tire or something because then he would get us. You had me clinging to you and praying that the car didn't overheat or run out of gas before we got to Fred and Mary's place, which I think was your intention. Good times. Anyway, have a good night.
Texts to Make Them Feel Good
Similar to the reminder texts, the positive feelings texts are meant to inspire your ex to have good feelings about you and to crave being around you because you are fun to be around and make them feel good. Rather than just reminding your ex of a fond memory you share, here you can show your appreciation for them and how they made you feel.
The reason that this works so well is that people are more disposed to have positive thoughts about those who have positive thoughts about them. It's called reciprocation, and it's pretty well ingrained in our human understanding of empathy. Again, don't send more than one of these texts per week.
- 1The other day I found that teddy bear you won for me at the fair. It made me smile. Good night.
- 2I was watching the leaves fall off the trees, and it reminded me how you always loved the fall. It reminded me of your smile and the wonder in your face when we walked through the forest in the autumn and listened to the leaves crunching under our feet. Hope you're enjoying the season this year.
- 3I just wanted to thank you for being there for me when I had to put Fluffy to sleep. You were so sweet and caring about it. You let me cry on your shoulder and soak your shirt with my tears. You're a great guy, and I am grateful to have had you in my life. I hope everything is going well with you.
Texts to Make Them Jealous
Be careful when sending jealousy texts because if you do it wrong, it could backfire on you. The idea is to make your ex jealous by dropping subtle hints that you are seeing another person and enjoying yourself with the new date. They key word here is subtle, therefore, stay away from referring to going out on a date or similar. Keep it vague and let your ex assume what they want to assume. If done right, a well-placed jealousy text can drive your ex back into your arms quickly.
Important: don't send jealousy texts until you have primed your ex for a while with the other texts. Your ex has to be already missing you and thinking about you in a positive way before they will work. Also, only send one of these, ever. Otherwise, your ex will begin to suspect what you are doing, and your messages will have the opposite effect.
- 1I saw Witchboard with a friend tonight. It was good, you should see it sometime.
- 2Hey, do you remember the name of that bed and breakfast that you took me to for my birthday last year? Thanks! They will most likely text you back with the name or say they don't remember it and ask why you want to know. Answer that you're planning a weekend getaway in the area with a friend and you want to take them there.
- 3Hey, I just saw the new Planetarium show with a friend. You should go, it really is amazing!
Categories : Relationships
Recent edits by: Kathy McGraw