Tell Your Kids You're Marrying Again
Edited by estrella sacragon, Lynn, Eng, Christine dela Cruz and 1 other
Planning to marry somebody? Oh, do your kids know about this?
Love is a complicated matter to talk about, especially when you have young kids. It's even more difficult to tell you kids that you are about to get married to a man who's not their father. But don't lose hope; there are ways to effectively tell your children you are going to get married to another guy.
But before letting your kids know about your remarriage, try to consider why are you going to do this. Frequently, long after the death of a partner, when wounds are healed, love can be entertained. Or in some cases, divorce and annulment legally permits people to enter into another union. If you meet either of the two common scenarios, then you can remarry.
How to Tell your Kids You're About to Remarry
- 1If you have older kids, it is easier to actually talk to them and explain that your heart has opened again to love. Assure them that even if you will have a new partner in life, they are still your priority. Let your kids trust in your words. Just make sure you never break your promises.Talk to your kids.
- 2Clarify that your new partner will love them the same way you love them - that both of you will do everything to help in providing for the kids. Make sure that the two of you work to build a happy family together.Explain the possible changes all of you will face in having a new family member.
- 3Invite your partner to gatherings of the family; this will help your kids become friends with your new love. If possible, try to go on a vacation and bring the kids along. Bonding with quality time and talking will deepen the connection between your kids and your loved one. It will take frequent visit before you can notice how receptive your kids are to a new person in your life.Introduce your partner ahead of time.
- 4Your kids can ask you any type of question regarding the background of the person you brought home. Don't be afraid to answer them. Tell the truth. Tell them the status of your relationship, whether you are exclusively dating, in a relationship or in a getting-to-know-each-other phase only.Be open with your kids.
- 5If you have attempted to introduce your partner but the response from your kids is negative, then be cool and wait for them to finally accept the change in your life. It may be as short as three days or a week, but it could take a month or even a year. Let them go at their own pace to absorb the changes. Don't ever force them to welcome it. It will just worsen the scenario.Remember change takes time.
Remarriage is a sensitive topic. The gravity of changes it entails can be demanding. A gradual introduction can help ease the acceptance of this change. A considerable amount of time allotted for getting to know each other is a good way to start things over. But at the end of the day, love that you receive from your children can augment the loneliness you are feeling. Focus in molding your kids to be better people and if the situation is right, they won't mind you having a second marriage.
Important Things to Consider When Discussing This Matter to Your Kids
- 1They may assume that they may have something to do with it. Therefore, it is crucial that you assure them that they have nothing to do with it. Also, it may help a lot if you help your child see it in a more positive light instead of seeing it as a failure. It is important that you as ex-couple avoid fighting in front of your children.Kids may have the tendency to blame themselves for the previously failed marriage.
- 2You can still be honest with your kids why the previous marriage did not work out. However, make sure that when you do explain, you do not phrase it as if it's a very unfortunate experience. You can even explain that things like these do happen and it's not the end of the world when it does.Kids have to understand in a positive way why the previous marriage did not work out.
- 3They may not understand the complicated reasons behind it. You may need to begin to explain what marriage is and what it represents. Focus on explaining about the good things, because this will help appreciate why you are marrying again.Kids do not have a clear concept about marriage.
Questions and Answers
What's the first step in telling the kids that I'm marrying again?
What's the first step in telling the kids that I'm marrying again. I have tried: None. I think it was caused by: Complex
The best thing you can do in this situation is taking things slowly. Introduce your partner to your children and let them get used to his visits and interaction with them. Let them inquire you about the person. With each resolved question, it will be easier for them to accept that the person is going to share his or her life with you. This should be the first step in telling your children that you are marrying again.
If that is not possible, and you have decided that the date is close, then you have to be direct and open with your children. To let them absorb and accept the idea faster, your future spouse and you should give them presents (a new computer, a bicycle, a guitar, etc.) which should be tied to the marriage ceremony and relax some strict rules around the house (permanently; so, be careful with that). If the complex does not allow you to go direct, then your parents or other relatives may talk to your children in private.
Not sure how to tell them I intend to marry again?
My kids (sons) are actually 26 and 22. I have been separated/divorced for almost 4 1/2 years and they were very hesitant to even meet my partner. Only really coming 'round to me being with him about a year ago now (when we started living together. He has asked me to marry him, which I want to but just don't want it to put distance between my boys and I again. What do you think is the soft approach to tell them?. I have tried: I haven't told them yet. I think it was caused by: Divorcing their father - whom they are still very close to
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