Stop Someone from Flirting with You

Edited by Donna, Eng, Gen

Why People Keep Flirting With You

Flirting can be a form of aggression, especially if it happens in a common public area or on the job.

Sometimes you attract the attention of a person who is either just not getting the message that you have no interest in him or her romantically or choosing to ignore your feelings about the matter. This can be especially awkward if the unwanted flirtation happens at the office, at a meeting for a support group or at a party of close friends. This can also be a contentious situation if the person is a good friend and they are smitten with you, but you only like them as a buddy. You might be doing the best you can to discourage the person, without hurting their feelings, but it is not working.

A person who keeps flirting with another person who is not reciprocating his or her advances do so because:

  • He or she is an eternal optimist with a romantic view of life and has been conditioned to believe that persistence gets you everywhere when it comes to winning someone's heart
  • He or she is actually deeply hurt but your polite rejections, but continues because they cannot accept the reality of wishes
  • He or she is hostile because they know they don't have a chance and is doing it to annoy or irk you
  • He or she is a passive-aggressive person, who resents you and may be using the flirting as a form of torture because he or she knows it annoys or threatens you
  • He or she is jealous of you and is using flirtation as a way to portray you to others as a sex object rather than a professional
  • He or she is a stalker, who is obsessed with you and cannot take no for an answer
  • He or she is flirting with you to make someone else that he or she is really after romantically be jealous
  • He or she does not like you, and knows you are sensitive about your appearance and is and is flirting with you to embarrass you or make you feel humiliated

Ways to Stop A Person From Flirting With You

Prepare for an emotional upset if the person is flirting because they are obsessed with you.

Stopping someone from flirting with you can be quite awkward, especially if they are not getting the hint that you are not interested or resent you for not reciprocating their feelings.

Here are some steps to take to put the flirting to a halt.

  1. 1
    Keep your distance from the person by avoiding him or her as much as possible
    The less he or she sees you, the less of an opportunity they have to flirt with you. If he or she notices that you seem to be avoiding personal contact, it sends a strong message that you are definitely not interested.
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  2. 2
    Never smile or laugh while the person is flirting with you, but do not completely ignore him or her
    This will encourage him or her to continue to flirt with you, because they think you like it. However, also be aware that there is a type of personality out there who is further encouraged by rejection and sees it as a sign that you are playing hard to get. If this is so, then try to find a middle ground where you are friendly and kind, without reciprocating any advances.
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  3. 3
    Use your body language to convey a lack of interest in him or her
    Most flirtatious people try touch those that they are flirting with and you should do your best not to let this happen. Fold your arms, cross your legs and wince and pull away if he or she tries to make any sort of physical contact with you. You can also wave the person away or make a clucking sound to express your exasperation at having to deal with the flirtation at all.
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  4. 4
    Sit down and have a brief, but to-the-point conversation about the problem in which you politely decline any affection, but offer your friendship
    Be kind, but very firm while letting the person know that the sexual overtures are making you uncomfortable and that you would like it to stop. If the person seems resistant, ask him or her to please let you have your personal space in the future. If the confrontation seems especially awkward, you can ask a friend to come with you to help you keep things light-hearted and less personal. If it is happening at your job, have a coworker with you that can witness your request to be left alone.
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  5. 5
    Ask a mutual friend, colleague or human resources officer to have a conversation with the person that explains why the flirtation is inappropriate
    This is especially recommended if it seems like a direct confrontation with the flirtatious individual seems like it could become a very personal, volatile situation.
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Tips and Tricks

Do not accept a text from your flirtatious admirer.

  • Don't communicate by texting or email in a personal way with this person as this will encourage them to flirt with you virtually, even if your communication is about asking them to stop
  • Flirting that never stops is considered to be coercion or aggression, especially if it is happening on the job or in a public place that you have a right to go to such as a library or swimming pool
  • Flirting in the work place that never stops is considered to be sexual harassment, whether it be from a man or a woman and it is a good idea to file a complaint
  • If he or she is flirting with you to draw you into a love triangle to attract the attention of, or get even with someone else, you should speak to both parties and make clear that you will not be part of their emotional drama
  • It's important not to panic if someone persists in pursuing you against your will, but rather be sure to inform the proper authorities as flirters with a sadistic streak will only be fueled by your fears
  • If the person only flirts with you while nobody is watching, consider filming or recording him or her and then playing it back to an authority or a boss
  • If the person flirting with you is a bit of a sociopath or obsessed, you can expect anger at your reaction to his or her overture and you may only have the choice to live with it until they are over it

Questions and Answers

Hi Donna, I want to learn how to be friends with your pursuer?

Hi Donna, Thank you for this post. I want to say am a friendly person and I like talking to everyone. However, when someone tries to flirt with me. I get stuck and do not understand what to do. I feel overwhelmed in that situation. I try to push myself away from the situation. And, I am not sure how to nicely push away the person and tell them that I am not interested that way. It's become a common problem for me now and I am finding it difficult to handle it. Because if I say no, I will be taken as a rude person and someone who has arrogance. If I don't, the person will think it's okay to peruse me. I feel the pressure of being nice and not rude, however wanting to try to avoid this situation and would want to be a friend with them instead.

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Article Info

Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Eng, Donna

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