Stop Cheating on Your Girlfriend or Wife

Edited by Donna, Eng, Alma

Understanding Why You Feel Compelled to Cheat On Your Girlfriend or Wife

You can be a serial cheater even though you are happy in your current relationship.

Do you feel compelled to cheat on your girlfriend or wife? Do you do it, then feel guilty or ashamed and then find yourself repeating the behavior all over again? Do you do this even though you are quite happy in your current relationship? If the answer is yes, then you may be a compulsive sexually addicted cheater, who needs to find coping strategies for beating you are cheating.

Was this helpful? Yes | No| I need help

There are several reasons why men feel compelled to cheat on their girlfriends or wives:

  • You get an erotic thrill from cheating and the secrecy and shame that goes with it and have rationalized that there is nothing that you can do about it as it is part of your sexuality
  • You feel that or were raised to believe that cheating is a natural behavior for a healthy male
  • You believe that exploring your sexuality with others is good for your mental or spiritual health and part of being a well-rounded male
  • You feel that the more women you sleep with, the more powerful you must be as a male
  • You are cheating with an ex, who you feel guilty about, and believe that you can make her happier by having sex with her
  • You are in a high-risk career for cheating where there is peer pressure to show your male prowess through infidelity, such as firefighter, professional sports or rock star
  • Your partner is pregnant or has just had a baby, so you have not had sex for months
  • You feel that your partner has let herself go, and she no longer excites you sexually
  • You have a much larger libido than your partner and she simply cannot satisfy your need to have sex daily
  • Your partner is busy with her career to spend any time with you, either romantically or physically and you feel ignored and restless
  • Your partner's career has you left alone for weeks, or even months at a time because she travels a lot or is in the military
  • Your partner is ill and no longer that interested in sex
  • You are getting even with her for cheating on you by sleeping with other men
  • You suffer from alcoholism or a recreational drug addiction that has you so disoriented that you think cheating is a good idea
  • Your partner is an alcoholic or addict who is emotionally unavailable to you and you have decided to find a lover who will treat you nicely
  • You are an actual sex addict who is a compulsive serial cheater who cannot help himself
  • You don't take sex that seriously or consider it part of your commitment to another person and simply see having different sexual partners as being the spice of life

How to Control Your Addiction to Cheating On Your Girlfriend or Wife

Some people cheat simply for the excitement.

Many men do not think that their cheating is a problem, especially if their girlfriend or wife does not find out about it. However, If you believe that your compulsive cheating has become an issue in your relationship or if it is affecting your well-being and self esteem, then it is time to do something about it. Many men stop cheating because they cannot handle the guilt and anticipation of what would happen if she found out or because they suddenly find themselves in two relationships and over committed to a third party who is devoted to fighting to keep you in an affair.

Was this helpful? Yes | No| I need help

If you are uncomfortable with the damage that your infidelity is causing yourself and your wife and any other parties involved, then take the following steps to put an end to your compulsive cheating.

Was this helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  1. 1
    Make the decision that you are not going to cheat anymore with anyone
    The most important part of this step is developing the resolve to be absolutely faithful to your wife or girlfriend without reserve and without making any exceptions. This is part of taking your power back over whatever urge it is that makes you cheat in the first place. It means turning down the call from that lonely ex of yours when she in town or resisting the sexy texts and pictures being sent to you from that girl you once took home after you met her in a bar.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  2. 2
    Take the philosophical position that it is your choice of whether to cheat or not
    If you see yourself as powerless when it comes to women, then it is time for you to change your behavior so you see it more as a vice, like drinking or smoking, and treat it like the bad habit. This will make you feel more powerful, in control and able to resist any temptations. Stop perceiving yourself as a man who is helpless when it comes to be charmed by any other woman other than your wife or girlfriend.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  3. 3
    Stop rationalizing the cheating by telling yourself it is your natural biological prerogative and that your urge to mate with many women at the same time it is part of being a macho or alpha male
    Many cheaters use this exact reason as an excuse because they have been raised to believe that it is a natural or entitled behavior that is the right of all men. See your behavior for what it is, which is being dishonest and a liar your partner and to any of the other women that are involved with you. If you continue to find a sense of male identity with this belief, then you will never be able to stop cheating ever.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  4. 4
    Scare yourself straight by sitting down and making a list of all of the bad things that would happen if your wife or girlfriend found out about your cheating
    List all of the consequences of this discovery including the breakup of your relationship, being separated from your kids and her family, how your parents and family would react. Consider also, how it would affect your everyday routine or where you would live, and how it might affect your job. Be sure to include the financial cost of your infidelity if your wife should ask you for a divorce and consider the damage that would be done to your reputation in your community if everyone you knew found out about it.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  5. 5
    Cut out all women from your life that may be persuading you to cheat on your wife with them
    In order for your decision to stop cheating to take place in real life, you need to officially break up with any mistress or woman expecting to have a relationship or continued affair with you. You have to cut every single one of them off from all contact with you no matter what you have told them in the past about your future together. This means breaking your promises to them and causing emotional pain, but shame and heartbreak that is the wages of a decision to quit cheating.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  6. 6
    Once you have decided to leave a lover you are cheating with, do not agree to meet her one last time to say goodbye
    The idea that the two of you may not ever see each other again only heightens the passion that you have for each other. It is better to go cold turkey and without closure, rather than meet with your lover, risk having passionate sex and becoming even closer than you were before.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  7. 7
    If you meet a new woman who is trying to persuade you to have sex with her, turn her down coldly and leave the situation immediately
    Do not make further eye contact with her and do not take her number with you. If she texts you online, then block her so you are not tempted to explore your options with her further.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  8. 8
    If you were using a second cell phone to cheat with other women, then get rid of it
    Many cheaters have a second cell phone that they accept calls from other women on so that their wife or girlfriend does not find out. By throwing out your cell phone, you are like the heroin addict that is throwing away the needle. You are discarding the tool that you use to hook up with other women.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  9. 9
    Delete all of the women that you have been unfaithful with from your social media and any dating sites and block them and do the same with anyone you have ever been tempted to cheat with
    This is a way of eliminating any temptation from your life as well as any of the online chatting that comes from opportunistic parties on Facebook or Instagram. Never, go on a dating site that specializes in matching up partners who want to cheat such as [ Ashley Madison}
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  10. 10
    Stay away from male friends who may be encouraging you to cheat as a way of showing off your male prowess
    Men who cheat on their wives tend to hang in groups so they can cover for each other and act as beards for men who want to meet new women. Just refuse to engage in this type of exchange anymore and announce your intention to these friends to not cheat anymore at all. Expect some resistance to this, and maybe even some teasing about your sexual prowess. Your best tact is to actually find male friends that support your new sexual sobriety rather than continue hanging out with people who support the opposite of your intentions.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  11. 11
    Develop a coping strategy that helps you decide what you are going to do instead of cheating if the temptation arises
    Sex, like any other addiction, is best dealt with by replacing it with another activity that you look forward to. Hunting, hiking, rock climbing, riding horses, flying planes or anything else that you can think of that you envy and that raises your adrenalin levels can help be a substitute for the extra-curricular sex you are missing.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  12. 12
    If you feel that you suffer from a sex addiction, consider joining a support group
    A sex addict is a person whose life has become unmanageable because of their compulsion to cheat. They cannot stop cheating even though the habit may have cost them all of their important relationships, their job, their savings and the respect of family and friends. There are various twelve-step and non-twelve-step groups that can help you stop your sex addiction if you feel like your whole life is at risk because of your behavior. To find a self-help or support group to help you stop cheating that is near you, type the name of your city or town into a popular search engine like Google or Yahoo (for example - sex addicts New York City) and then find the nearest meeting on the dedicated site.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  13. 13
    Consider seeing an individual counselor or therapist who can discuss your sex addiction problem with you and help you stick to a program of self-discipline
    Some men stay on track by having one-on-one visits with a counselor or therapist once or twice a week. This allows them to confess their feelings in a safe place with a trusted professional. Furthermore, seeing a therapist is more private than attending a self-help group, and there is less of a temptation to cheat with another sex addict in a twelve-step group.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  14. 14
    Destroy any photos, mementos, music or anything else online or off that might remind you of an affair
    Throw out all souvenirs, hotel cards, credit card records, cell phone bills, concert tickets or anything else that could make you sentimental for a part-time lover. This is necessary to protect you from temptation and also to protect your wife or girlfriend from discovering it accidentally. Be aware that an ex lover you have cheated with may try to contact you and the lure of nostalgia will be worse if you are listening to a favorite song or looking at her picture.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  15. 15
    Put your energy and focus on the relationship you want to keep and do not focus on anyone else
    Instead of planning a daring date with a secret lover, plan it with your wife and girlfriend. Feed the relationship that you want to grow, the one that already have with your wife and if there are intimacy or trust problems, consider seeing a counselor together.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help

Tips and Tricks

Discovery of your cheating can have devastating consequences.

  • If a drinking or drug problem goes hand in hand with your desire to cheat, then deal with that addiction to help yourself cope, because sexual addiction often comes hand in hand with a drinking or drug problem
  • If you encounter the vengeful mistress or part-time lover who threatens to destroy your marriage or current relationship by tattling on you, then do whatever you can within the law to discourage her from doing so or alternatively, tell your partner the truth (chances she already knows anyway)
  • If your partner does find out about your cheating, propose that the two of you attend therapy or counseling together to try and understand why you have done this and restore the lost trust in your relationship
  • Do not announce your intention to stop cheating to anyone, as this can cause complications in both your social and love life and also result in a possible betrayal of your cheating to your wife or girlfriend
  • If you do slip up and cheat, forgive yourself, get rid of the third party and start again because relapsing into cheating is quite common if you are suffering from an actual sex addiction

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


VisiHow welcomes all comments. If you do not want to be anonymous, register or log in. It is free.

Article Info

Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Eng, Donna

Share this Article:

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 1,564 times.


Thank Our Volunteer Authors.

Would you like to give back to the community by fixing a spelling mistake? Yes | No