Slow Down Your Relationship to Your Comfort Pace
Edited by Donna, Eng, Maria Quinney
Why It Is A Good Idea to Take A New Romance Slow At First
If you are in a new relationship, but things seem like they are moving too fast for you, it is fine to insist that things move at a slower pace. This is a wise idea because:
- Rushing into a commitment with someone does not give you time to get to know them and you should give each other more time with each other to see if you are absolutely compatible before getting too serious
- It gives you time to decide exactly how you want the relationship to be and what your long term goals with each other should be
- Big changes in life, such as a move to a new place, change of job or having a child take time to prepare for, especially financially, so it is best not to take on too much too fast
- Giving it more time can help you tell if the relationship was mostly sexual in nature or more about a true compatibility with each other
- Giving the relationship more time helps you humanize the person you have fallen in love with and be less disappointed by any of their flaws
Signs That You Need To Slow Down A Relationship And Think About It
You might have fallen head-over-heels in love with someone, but then sense of unease sets in. Things just do not feel quite right. It is time to slow it down and take some time to think about it when:
- 1The relationship is developing an unpleasant pattern, like the person staying out all night without calling as promised. This starts happening when you are still sexually attracted to each other but the person may also be taking you for granted, as in thinking that they "have you in the bag." Time to let him or her know that they do notAdvertisement
- 2The person may not be respecting the rules you have set for each other and simply showing up in your home whenever without any type of notice. The excuse for this is usually to justify being spontaneous and passionate, but it can also be inconvenient for you and quite rude. If the person is not considerate of your needs, it is time to slow the whole thing down and think about it.Advertisement
- 3You are in love with the person but they are showing signs of a mental illness or addiction. Unfortunately, a lot of people think they can handle a serious flaw like PTSD, narcissistic personality disorder, alcoholism or cocaine addiction, but you never can. In this case, you might want to separate yourself from the individual, conditional to she or he seeking some help.
- 4The person might be taking you for granted by expecting you to wait for them, put up with unacceptable personal habits or clean up after them. Creating distance shows them that you will not be settling for less than respectful behavior.
How to Slow Down A Relationship to a Comfortable Pace
At the beginning of a relationship, most couples are on the same page about the rate they want to move at, when it comes to progressing the relationship through to sleeping together, being public, living together, marriage or having a baby. However, within days, one partner might be feeling rushed or pressured to move forward with the relationship, when they simply aren't ready.
Here is how to get your partner to back off a little and slow things down, without the entire relationship cooling off completely.
- 1Sit down with yourself and decide what it is that you really need your partner to do in order start slowing the relationship down to your comfort pace. Do you need to see him or her less during the week, when you are busy at your job? Have you set the date for a wedding that is coming up too fast for you to emotionally or financially handle? Is being crazy about each other stealing too much focus from other things that you would like to do? Make a list of exactly the things that need to be slowed down and changed and then think very hard about what you want your partner to do to help you feel less overwhelmed by what is happening.
Tips and Tricks
- Tell the person that you are a bit of an old fashioned person and that you want to slow things down, because you want the entire process to feel a bit more dignified
- Keep in mind that you do not have to explain to your partner why you need to slow it down, but you can tell him or her how overwhelmed you are feeling without going into too much detail
- A partner who truly loves you will not react with impatience, but give you the time and space that you requested before moving forward together in life
- Keep in mind that the person trying to rush you into the relationship is not doing it to drive you away, but mostly because they are enthusiastic or do not want to lose you
- Once you make a rule with your partner, as in "I only want to see you three times a week," make sure you stick to it or he or she may simply ignore the boundaries that you have set on other occasions
- If you are taking time away because you are thinking of ending it, it is best not to tell your partner that right away and instead, keep the distance between you for a few weeks, to soften the blow