Edited by RiaanV, Eng, Joan Darc, Maria Quinney and 2 others
- 1 Questions and Answers
- 1.1 I have a friend who came onto me very intense and my vulnerable state allowed him to bring all my past hurt up. He has stated he is helping me and it's hard for us to let go of each other. He wants me to hang on to him?
- 1.2 Am I paranoid because of domestic violence I experienced or there is more here?
- 1.3 He has made an "arrangement" with me but doesn't fulfill his part?
- 1.4 What do I do if he doesn't seem interested AT ALL?
- 2 Comments
Questions and Answers
I have a friend who came onto me very intense and my vulnerable state allowed him to bring all my past hurt up. He has stated he is helping me and it's hard for us to let go of each other. He wants me to hang on to him?
We had video chatted and did some things I regret, and I feel he's using me for his pleasures. He stated at some point he hated all women for their rejection of him. He says I need to be submissive to him because I'm a woman. I don't know if he's dangerous. He said I ought to know my place as a woman. I can't seem to let go of him because I love his affection. I think it was caused by: I confided to him the deep secrets of my past and he also did to me about his bad experiences with the women in his life. He says I need to let him help me heal. I opened up to him too much. Sometimes he withdraws and other times he's sweet and loving. I'm confused. He says he's crazy and angry and I must obey him
If this works for you and you want to stay in this relationship then get ready for him to never change. It is not up to you to heal him but he needs to heal himself emotionally. Personally, I would not do well in this sort of relationship because for a relationship to work both people have to be on equal terms and compromise. He has already put you in a situation that you now regret and perhaps it is time to move on. Deal with an obsessive boyfriend and Deal with Obsessive Boyfriend and when to Give Up are VisiHow articles that you should read.
Am I paranoid because of domestic violence I experienced or there is more here?
I was married to an abusive man for 11 years. I escaped with my 4 children 6 years ago. I have dated few people in that time, but always saw "red flags" that caused me to end things after a few weeks. I have currently been in a relationship with a 48 year old man for the past year. He lives at home with his parents, four doors away from me. His job provided him the freedom to be out for most of the day without needing to account for it. I am currently unemployed, so he comes to my house everyday, until it is time for me to pick up my kids. He is very clingy, always wants to go everywhere I go, whether its grocery shopping or to the laundry. He needs a lot of affirmations and attention. He lies constantly, but thinks he can convince me that he's being truthful, in spite of me questioning the illogical parts of his story and flat out telling him I believe he's lying. He knows when my bedroom light is on at 2AM, says it is easy to see directly into my bedroom. He told me yesterday that he knew I was home because a fan was on in my bedroom window. Mind you, my bedroom is on the 3rd floor of a 2-family house. He called me at 11:41, 42, & 43 AM, then texted me twice at 11:46 to say he tried calling me a few times. By 11:50, he was yelling my name out in the street like Stanley calling Blanche. I was mortified. He has lived in this town for over 40 years, has a very strong positive reputation in the community with no one ever having accused him of domestic violence or stalking. I did a criminal background check which was empty. He has displayed unwarranted jealous, passive aggressiveness and controlling behaviors, like always driving my car when we're going somewhere together. If he asks if I want anything from the store or restaurant, he'll get me something anyway. If I say I want a particular size, he'll get a different size. He's constantly denying saying things that I know he said. He will say the exact opposite or say it never happened. These things may seem small in and of themselves, but they add up to something not being right with him. He lives on my block, watches my coming and going. I want to break up with him but can't afford to right now being a single mom of four, with no family in the state we live in. My family that was here, is now in Texas. I don't know how I will be able to get away from him. Can you help me? Thanks
You are uncomfortable with him so it is time to break up with him. He does exhibit the behavior of someone that has made you his first priority but not in good ways. Watching the light patterns of your bedroom is a red flag and the fact that he still lives with his parents suggests that he has never had a real adult relationship to gain the skills of dealing with jealousy or knowing when to worry or not. Unfortunately, he lives in your neighborhood. This will make any break up rather messy and uncomfortable because there is no clean break. Just because someone has never been accused of domestic violence or stalking in a background check does not mean that they have not done these things. On background checks, the person needs to be convicted and orders of protection may not be on the background check. Also, insisting on driving is not a red flag but yelling outside your window is. All of the lying that he has done could be because he has low self esteem and that would also indicate why he feels the need to monitor you 24/7. If you need to get away from him then you should start looking into relocation. See if you can visit your family for a vacation and break up with him right before you leave. This may give him time to process the end of the relationship without a big scene when you return. Ask that he respect your children by not causing strife or drama.
He has made an "arrangement" with me but doesn't fulfill his part?
He has made an "arrangement" with me because he takes care of me and I live with him but that goes against his promises and word
Arrangements in a relationship rarely work. Someone always agrees to them because they want something or because they do not want to have another argument. These are not resolutions and promises regularly fall apart after time. If he is going against his word then move out or threaten to move out because he is not holding his end of the deal up.
What do I do if he doesn't seem interested AT ALL?
I am sitting at the library and he will only look over every once and a while. I have tried: Nothing, I'm nervous. I think it was caused by: ?
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Categories : Relationships
Recent edits by: Ivey Myars, Maria Quinney, Joan Darc