Show a Man That You Love Him Better than His Ex

Edited by Donna, Alma, Eng

Signs That He Still Thinks His Ex Is A Better Girlfriend Than You

Don't react if you find out that he still contacts his ex.

If you get the feeling that your new boyfriend loves his ex better than you, it might not just be jealousy. It could very well be that he is presenting you with information about her so that you can strive to give him a better experience than he had with her. Men do this partly because they need to feel that they are progressing forward in life rather than moving backward and they want to show the world that they are not repeating the same relationship mistakes again. Unfortunately, this could give you the impression that you are somehow not living up to her impressive legacy and that he is still in love with her.

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You might suspect that your new boyfriend thinks his ex is a better girlfriend than you because

  • Whether he is talking about her in a negative way or in a nostalgic way, it means his focus is on her and not you, and this shows a lack of respect and commitment to you
  • He actually calls his relationship with you "the rebound relationship", which means that he might still think that his last relationship was the real thing, even if it ended badly and that you are a temporary relationship fix
  • He uses you as a therapist and tells you all about how much the break-up with the ex annoyed him, angered him or caused him to grieve, with no recognition of how these constant references to the past might be hurting you
  • He uses his relationship with his ex as the measure for poor or excellent behavior and compares you to her as in "She was more into getting her hair perfect in the morning, than you."
  • Even though it was a nasty breakup, he is still nostalgic for her or puts her on a pedestal
  • He still appears emotionally attached and keeps many personal mementos around to remind him of their better times together
  • He is still in contact with her or runs to help her if she needs him because she is still worth the time and trouble to him

How To Get Him to Love You Better Than He Does His Ex

Being positive and easy going can help win his heart.

If you want him to hold you in better regard than he does his past relationship, then you need to be up to the challenge of showing him that you love him more than she ever could. Your goal here is to show him that you are ten times as good as her when it comes to being the things that he loved about her and her polar opposite when it comes to being the things that he could not stand about her.

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Here are some ways to convince your boyfriend that the perfect girlfriend lives in his present and not in his past.

  1. 1
    Listen carefully to him when he does talk about his ex and to what he praises or criticizes about her
    For example, does he tell you that she nags too much? If so, be careful about what tone you use when you voice any complaints. Does he tell you that she spent hours getting ready to go out and that the waiting drove him crazy? In that case, never make him wait for you to do your hair or put on your makeup. Be the girlfriend that she could not be to him, by doing the opposite of what she did.
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  2. 2
    Do a little research on his ex by lurking on Social media and then, try to up the game, by going one better than her
    Does she have pictures of the two of them playing baseball in the back yard posted on her Facebook? Show him that you can do her one better by buying him tickets to the next big game in town or throwing an impromptu picnic in the park at a baseball diamond and invite all of his friends to play an inning or two. This shows that you know what he is interested in, without trying to be her, and that you are trying to be inclusive and innovative as you excel as a girlfriend.
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  3. 3
    Learn all you can about her by eavesdropping on him while he is talking to her friends
    Do they say that she took advantage of him financially? Show him that you are a strong, financially independent woman and do not ask him to pay for things. Did she cheat on him? Do a romantic ritual with him expresses your loyalty to him, such as a locking a padlock with both of your names on it, near the spot where you met.
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  4. 4
    Do your best to look as well groomed as possible always
    Make sure you are boasting a great manicure and pedicure. Keep your eyebrows plucked and everywhere that needs to be shaved completely bald. Often relationships start to decay when the man thinks the woman is starting to let herself go. This also could have him start comparing you to his beautiful ex.
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  5. 5
    When you get dressed every day, do it with the intention of looking hot and sexy
    This means showing off your cleavage in a low cut blouse, wearing high heels or wearing tight jeans that show off your waist and rear end. Never let him see you without makeup if you can help it. The intention here is not to look slutty, but more like a beautiful prize that he has won. A good way to think of this is that you want to look like a woman that might make his ex jealous if she accidentally ran into the two of you on the street. It is especially crucial to look hot if his ex was a knockout.
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  6. 6
    Be a low-maintenance girlfriend
    This means no complaining, big demands or constantly treating him like an errand boy. Chances are that he broke up with his ex because she was "too high maintenance", which is also a euphemism for "she was too needy."
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  7. 7
    If he complains that she was always "on his case", then be sure to give him lots of space and don't be critical of him
    As far as you are concerned, he can do no wrong. That will make him feel like he has found someone who truly understands that he is doing the very best he can at all times.
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  8. 8
    Impress him by being as positive as possible in your attitude, Outlook and tone
    Make it clear that nothing has so much power over you that it gets you down. Never ever, speak in a degrading way about him, his ex, yourself or anybody that you know. After a breakup, being with someone who is light-hearted and optimistic is very refreshing.
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  9. 9
    Be ready for sex and do what it takes to be an excellent lover
    Sex is often the glue that holds a relationship together. If you are competing with someone from the past, who did happen to be very good in bed, you might have to do some homework. Read books about sex and attend classes, so that you are always keeping the sexual aspect of your relationship fresh.
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  10. 10
    Never belittle him and make him feel like a hero
    A man who has gone through a breakup may not tell you this, but he often feels like a failure. This is especially true for males who have been cheated on, because they may feel like they were not enough of a man to keep their ex. However, the same may be true of a man who cheated on his past girlfriend. He may feel guilty and may have been railed at and treated like a criminal for his transgression, which would also make him be very sensitive to criticism.
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  11. 11
    Nurture him but do not baby him or be his mother or his maid
    Although men love a good housekeeper, they start taking a woman who picks up after him for granted. Furthermore, you will desexualize yourself in his eyes by acting like his mother. It is fine to pamper your lover with a good meal or a massage, but don't diminish his masculinity by talking to him in baby talk. He might pretend he likes the baby talk at first, but it eventually mocks his masculinity. The only roles you should be prepared to play in his life are that of lover and girlfriend.
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  12. 12
    Display a great sense of humor and be very easy to get along with
    Chances are that the breakup with the last girlfriend amounted to being a long drawn-out tragedy with many hurtful consequences and lots of personal drama. Make it your goal to be the opposite of a drama queen and make light of issues that could lead to stress and conflict. Your goal here is to make him associate you with feeling good, as opposed to angry, insecure or sad.
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  13. 13
    Make it clear that you have a life of your own to live without him
    The issues that led to his last breakup were probably the usual ones to do with codependency such as insecurity, jealousy, and possessiveness. Go out with your own friends, pursue your own hobbies and give him the freedom to do the same. Men feel a bit smothered by relationships where they expected to behave like your twin. This also gives him the opportunity to "miss you a bit" so that he loves you more when you come back from all of the fun you were having on your own adventures.
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  14. 14
    If he starts to talk about his ex, it is okay to make him a little jealous by flirting with other men or letting him subtly know you have options
    This can be done by putting up a picture of yourself on social media having fun with a male friend or posting a picture of yourself at a gathering at one of his favorite haunts. This makes him forget about dwelling on his and instead start focusing on whom you might be seeing or what you might do.
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Tips and Tricks

Don't become your boyriend's therapist.

  • If he is truly struggling with detaching from the past, end your relationship and tell him to see a therapist
  • If he refers to you as the rebound relationship, be humorous and gently correct him, saying, "I am your new love" or "Rebounds are for basketball players."
  • Gently set a boundary with him if he talks about his ex too much, by suggesting that he talk to someone who knew her because you are not in a position to judge
  • If he does overtly compare you to her, never snap at him or tell him that you don't want to hear her name, or he might accuse you of being jealous
  • Do not react if she contacts him, distance yourself and do not show jealousy or you could have him start thinking of the two of you as rivals, rather than as a past girlfriend and present girlfriend
  • Do not be tempted to talk about your ex, as revenge for him talking about his ex, as this causes the relationship to become more chatty and friendly and less romantic and sexual
  • If a man tells you outright that you are not as good as his ex, in any way, then it is a good idea to leave the relationship as that means you are fighting a losing battle

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Alma, Donna

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