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Safely Leave an Abusive Relationship

Edited by Diana, Eng, Maria Quinney

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Have you ever felt like there is no purpose in your life? Felt that perhaps you do not have a life, that someone else has stolen that from you. Or questioned why this abuse is happening to YOU? Everyone has the right to be respected. Allowing any other human being to take that away from us, is unfair. We must always have the conviction that we are just as important as anyone else. It's difficult to comprehend and accept that the people that are suppose to love us, are the ones that hurt us the most. The thought of leaving or standing up to the person that is abusing you can be terrifying. But there is always a way out, and it is never too late to leave. There will always be someone that can help you get to a better place, emotionally and physically. If you currently are not in a safe place, please STOP and call the nearest women's shelter right away.

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9 Signs you Have Become a Victim

1
How did you become a victim
?
There is different ways the abuser can make us believe that what is happening is our fault or that we deserve it. After hearing a lie for so long we start accepting it as the truth. Perhaps, our lives were always surrounded by violence or abuse, and we see these type of treatments as "normal" or "common" to be part of someone's life. We have to realize that it is NOT normal and you DO NOT have to ACCEPT it. It is necessary for us to break this chain of pattern in our lives, in order to avoid our children and grandchildren to live through this.

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2
Help
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- You can visit the webpage National Hotline and chat with someone, they are available everyday from 7am to 2 am Central time.
- You can also call them at 1-800-799-7233 it is toll free and they can take your call any day, at any time.
- If your location is outside of America, you can use this link International Directory of Domestic Violence, they offer help in 110 different languages. If you wish to speak to someone right away, please visit this webpage Together We Are Stronger You can find hotlines for over 50 different countries. Please DO NOT think twice about asking for help, it is always available.
- ALWAYS put your safety first, above anything else. Once you have closed this chapter in your life, you will be of great inspiration to others, and you will be able to provide encouragement to them, so they as well be free.
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3
Who suffers abuse
?
There has always been a stereotype out in the world, that says that the only woman that suffer abuse are the ones that live in poverty or middle class. That is a complete LIE. Anyone can suffer abuse, rich, poor, middle class, men, elderly, children and animals. Abuse has no restrictions. We must stop believing this horrible lie.
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4
Signs of Abuse
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We must always be aware of these signs, among many others. We should never feel scared or insecure to communicate something to our partners. The need to hide anything from them should not be necessary. A relationship should offer the ability to share everything with them.

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5
Control Over our own time
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Being able to have independence is key. A balance is always needed, the person that we are with, can not control our time or monitor our every move. Relationships have to be built on trust, and if the person we are with can not offer trust and security, we must really ask ourselves if we are doing the right thing by staying with them. Being questioned by them obsessively or constantly followed to where ever you go, harassed into forcing you to tell them what you did throughout your day, is a sign of them not respecting your space and privacy.
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6
Jealousy should not be accepted
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We must be able to have external relationships with family, friends, co-workers or anyone who forms part of your life. This should not be controlled by anyone else but yourself. The time that we spend with our partner should be balanced, we should not feel like all of our time is being consumed by them completely. To the point to where you can no longer concentrate on school, or work because you are worried about being forced into spending time with them.

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7
Making your own decisions
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Your partner should not have the right to tell you what to wear and what not to wear. They should be accepting and respectful of what you choose, suggestions are more than welcome but they should not be enforced on to us. Having them express themselves to us in a disrespectful matter is an consider an abuse, they cannot call say that we are fat, too skinny, not tall enough, and things of that sort. Having them point out that you don't look a certain way is inadmissible.
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8
We all have disagreements
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But that does not give our partner the right to give the us the cold shoulder. The fact that we don't agree with doing what they want, or think, should not be a reason for them to treat us like they are angry or irritated. The treatment we receive from them, should not be based on whether we do as they say. We should be loved, no matter what our decisions may be.

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9
Mood swings
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They are extremely important for us to notice. If our partner changes his/her mood very quickly, is not a good sign. We must stay away and have him/her seek for help. It can be very dangerous to be around someone who is bipolar. We can never predict when they will change their mood, and that steals our security away.
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10
Different types of abuse
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The first one that comes to mind is always physical, being hit or pushed by your partner. Because that tends to me the most common. But we cannot be fooled into thinking, that it is the only type of abuse out there. We can suffer emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and economic abuse. We may have made the mistake in our past of believing that if, he is your boyfriend or your husband it is not considered an abuse, if you are pressured into having forced intimacy with him, it's abuse. Everything that you are forced to do, or you do without feeling comfortable or happy with what is going on, is abuse.Emotional and Verbal abuse can easily sneak into our relationship. The welcoming act to that abuse is when we lose the respect for one another.It can simply start with receiving a bad word, and then next thing you know, it has worked its way up to us being told " You are worthless". Being offended or put down by the abuser cannot become part of our lives.Receiving offensive words or comments from any partner should be unacceptable. We are worth more than that, our value is immense and we must make it a priority for other people to respect that.
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11
Enough is enough
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We must love ourselves before we attempt to love anyone else. It must be clear to us that we can no longer accept having this type of life. That there is more options out there, that having a happy life is a possibility for us as well.

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12
Making a plan
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Whenever we have any time alone, we must observe our surroundings, pay attention, look for people or places that can help us get out of the bubble of abuse. The little time that we may have available to us has to be used wisely. Once you are alone, then you need to make your move and quick. If it is a possibility to grab an extra car key and keep it somewhere where it's not noticeable, do it. Have a bag ready and hidden with all your important documents, a change of clothes, some granola bars, water, a fully charged disposal phone, so you can communicate with your family. They need to be able to track you, in order to help you get to safety.
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13
Seek for help
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Once the place has been found of where we need to go to, remember you can go to a shelter, a police station, a fire station, hospital, planned parenthood. Anywhere where you can speak to someone. We have to be convinced that nothing will stop us from accomplishing our plan. Our objective is to get out and never come back. The woman shelter or Police station will also help us carry the necessary actions to file a report against the abuser, we must make sure that we receive a copy of the report. We must always be prepared for future events if necessary.
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14
Leaving
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A day and time must be chosen to where we can escape from the house or property we are in. We must be very careful to take this plan into action without the abuser noticing. If someone can waiting for you near the house, it would be of great help. It will provide a feeling of security if needed.
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15
Healing the wounds
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Finally, we have made it out of the cycle of abuse. That has been the first step to this long journey. Now, we must concentrate on taking care of ourselves, making sure we heal properly, physically and emotionally. It will be a hard path but not impossible. We have the ability to start a new life, to add a fresh white page to your book of life. Let's appreciate and cherish this opportunity, because unfortunately there is many women and children out there that do not get a second chance.
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16
Forgiving
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This is the GOLDEN KEY. Forgiveness will bring you the peace that you are looking for, it may be too soon to even consider it an option and that is completely understandable. This is a process and it takes time. But once we forgive, we will rest. The feeling of hate and resentment will only hurt us more, than the abuser himself. He or she may forget about all the abuse and unfair things they did to us, while we will carry the toxic feelings in our souls and hearts. And I ask you, What is that good for? That will not make us forget or make him/ her pay for what they did. We will have to free ourselves and start a new life, with a clean heart. And that can not happen, unless we choose to forgive.
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