Rekindle a Broken Relationship

Edited by Leomar Umpad, Eng, Maria Quinney, Lynn and 2 others

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Familiarity breeds contempt. This is an expression many people know, and it has been considered by some people to be the main cause of relationship breakups. Is this really the case? Are we not just looking for an easy excuse for failure in relationship? Is the problem really with familiarity, or with our high expectations of a "perfect relationship"? If you feel that your relationship with your husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend is at the point of boredom, then take the time to think and ask yourself, "Is this it? Do I want the situation to just stay as is? Should I let things go down and see what happens next?"

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If you think that you have something great and you do not want to just throw it away, then what you need is a little spark to reignite your feelings; and this article will help you rekindle the flame that was once in your hearts.

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Rekindle a broken relationship

A troubled relationship needs some work from both sides. The following advice will possibly help you work things out and save your relationship. These could turn your falling relationship into a happy and mutually-benefiting partnership:

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  1. 1
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    Talk and listen
    This is the first part of rekindling. You need to talk, and listen to what each other has to say. This cannot be done in one sitting, so you should not try rushing things. This is process that both of you, as partners, need to understand. If it seems that conflicts and coldness have become a comfort zone, this is not good. You may need to follow these tips:
    • Accept that there is a problem in your relationship. The sooner you recognize that your relationship needs help, the sooner you will start rekindling it. Problems in relationships are normal, and what you do with these problems will determine if it's a go, or a no for your relationship.
    • List down the major issues. After acknowledging the problem in your relationship, listing the major issues down is the next best thing to do. You need to get a physical list of the things that you need to accomplish as a couple. You cannot solve a problem that you do not know of in the first place.
    • Agree on a resolution. Some resolutions are not immediate; some solutions will be quick fixes, while others are long term. This is not a problem as long as these solutions are mutually discussed and both of you are convinced that these are answers to your problems. Some solutions may not be applicable once the process starts, but you can always go back to the drawing board and talk again as partners. Solving problems together is a good activity.
    • Make it a habit. Make sure that you talk, listen and agree with each other. As fixing a leaking pipe early will eventually save you a lot of future expenses, resolving petty issues will see to it that they won't grow and evolve into more complex ones.
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  2. 2
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    Give more, but expect nothing
    This sounds easy, but can actually be very hard. People are trained to get something in return. This is part of our primal instincts: You can't do something good for someone without expecting something in return. Though this is part of our instincts, you can still do something about this by checking our tips:
    • You ask for something in return. Recognize the fact that you will ask for a payback for a good deed. We are designed to be like that, but we can always opt to accept, yet ignore these instincts. You need to accept the fact that something exists before you can do something about it.
    • You drive your own life. Remind yourself that you are in control of your mind and emotions, and that you will not allow these primal emotions to get the better of you. The more you have control over yourself, the lesser the chance that you will hurt people. This, in turn, will make your relationship more peaceful and happy.
    • Continue doing well for your partner. A good deed is good. One cannot just go on ranting to someone about something they have done well. If the kindness you give is not recognized nor reciprocated, just continue doing it.
    • Be happy about your good deeds. Learn to be happy from doing well. Happiness is a reward itself. When you are happy, it radiates, and a happy aura is good for you and your partner.
    • Expect nothing. The less you expect, the less disappointment you'll get, and the happier you'll become if something comes out good. Expectations cause frustration, and frustrations cause relationships to fall apart.
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    Praise and criticize
    A little appreciation can make someone feel loved. Also, there is nothing wrong with telling someone that there is a need for him to change his habit of throwing cigarette butts anywhere. Praising your loved one will see to it that the positive deed and accomplishment has been noticed. Positive criticism will see to it that the undesirable act is tagged and unidentified and there is an intention to change it to a desirable one.
    • Praise - Saying "Thank you, I appreciate it," and "Wow! That's the best fried chicken!" will see to it that a good deed done is recognized and noticed.
    • Criticize - Be positive with your criticism. Keep your voice and the tone low. Suggest ways how you can help with the issue. Show your loved one that it is not a task for him or her alone, but something that both of you, as partners, will be taking.
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    Choose not to argue, or at least fight fair
    If you can opt not to argue or quarrel with your partner, then it will be better for the both of you. Not that you should just let everything pass, but if you can prevent a petty fight, won't it be better? Now, if there is a need to argue and fight back, always see to it that you fight fair.
    • Choose not to argue - The bad thing about petty quarrels is that you may get too emotionally engaged with the issue, and that it has already turned into a major fight without you knowing it. If you can, just let those small issues pass. If there is a need to resolve them, then you may do it by peacefully talking and coming to terms. There are better alternatives to fighting, you just need to be creative.
    • Fight fair. Arguments cannot be fully avoided though. If there is a need to fight and argue, then do it in a fair way. Keep your voice down and stick to the issue. Do not talk of previous faults and shortcomings, as they won't do anything to make the current issue better. Remember, you are arguing and fighting to solve an issue; you are not in a debate about who made the most mistakes. Fighting fair also means listening to your partner. If you can, try to understand the reason behind his or her actions and emotions. Also, keep away from unnecessary hurtful words. You want to make a point, not hurt your partner.
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  5. 5
    Beauty is not everything, but take care of your body
    You need to make yourself always presentable. Though your partner loves you for who you are, give him or her a bonus by looking good. You also need to take care of your body so you do not get sick. Do this not only for your partner or your relationship, but also for yourself.
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  6. 6
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    It's OK to stay at home, but go out sometimes
    Give yourselves time to be alone together. Cuddle up. Make love. Express how you love each other physically. Aside from the emotional and psychological needs that you need to fulfill, people have physical needs too. Have great and passionate sex, go out on a dinner to a restaurant, go on a trip together or do other things that both of you love. This will strengthen your bond and love for each other.
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    Think of surprises, but accept constancy
    Treat her with a breakfast in bed. Get him a new watch, or any item that he loves, on an ordinary day. Surprise your partner to bring more fun into your relationship. Also, you should accept consistency. You need to understand that you are not in the infatuation stage anymore; that there is likely not a thing, a trivia, or a past funny incident about your partner that may surprise you anymore. You are now in the stage that you have gotten completely familiar with each other. Some say this is one of the reasons for breakups. Partners who get too familiar with each other, they may find no thrill with each other anymore. This is a reality you must acknowledge, and instead of taking this negatively, you must take it as a reward. For all the time that you have been together, you were rewarded with knowing almost everything about each other. Now, go out and make more memories! Have fun, and surprise each other.
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Aside from all your efforts, you need to ask the help of your partner. Though you can do your own share, and effects and results may show, the process can be very slow if your partner is lagging behind. Rekindling can be hastened with mutual efforts from both parties.

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Questions and Answers

How do I reestablish contact and rekindle the relationship after too much fighting?

How does one go about getting back into someone's good graces when you have fought with them too much and are basically being ignored?. I have tried: I have tried calling, emailing, texting, sending and leaving gifts, talking with him, and trying to get him to spend time with me.. I think it was caused by: I think nitpicking and not being patient caused a lot of problems that LED to fights that were unreasonable, lasted too long and were huge. I also think that his sister is very jealous of us and also causes issues.

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If he does not listen to you, then he may listen to another person he knows. Do you have any common friends that may interact with him? They have to ask him if he really wants to continue the relationship and show him how you need him if he is in a slight doubt. The sister might be overprotective about his brother and may, indeed, influence her brother too. If they live separately, then the effect will be minimal, however. For now, try to find a friend, the most close one to him, that will help you in restoring your relationship. Sometimes, a third party is really needed.

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If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


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Article Info

Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: berniehughes55, Lynn, Maria Quinney

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