Recover After a Traumatic Breakup
Edited by Nerissa Avisado, Eng, Lynn
Learning how to recover after a traumatic breakup does not have to be as horrific as you imagine. Yes, it can be difficult, but fortunately there are things you can do to prevent yourself from being stuck in a "rut" for an indefinite period. If anything, you will end up to be a stronger, braver, and more resilient human being.
Divorce, for one, is an extremely traumatic experience. This is especially true when you spend most of your time in court. Expect to go through a lot of ups and downs during the entire process, so it's best to look for a support group you can turn to for advice, share your experiences with each other, or be each other's sounding board.
Issues you need to face: Smart ways to deal with them
- 1Anger triggers abuse.
- However, abuse must never be tolerated. When you speak of domestic violence, this already pertains to patterns of behavior (the coercive type, of course), not just isolated incidents of anger because of the divorce.
- If this happens to you and you think you're a victim of abuse, tell your lawyer about it so he can guide you through seeking help from domestic violence programs in your area.
- 2Avoid litigation at all cost.
- Remember that the angrier either of you become, the longer the process will take, and the longer it takes, the angrier you become. (It's obviously one vicious cycle.)
- This not only means emotional and mental torment for you both, but it can also burn a hole in your pocket. So if you can help it, avoid litigation at all cost.
- 3Consider going through therapy if you think it will help you during these times.
- There are lots of options to choose from, from social worker's individual counselling, to a psychologist, or join a therapy group with people going through the same thing as you are.
- There are so many types of peer support groups and services that are widely available in your local community, churches, and other civic organizations.
- 4Ask your doctor about prescription medication.
- Don't feel scared or humiliated to admit that you may be in trouble and need help coping.
- A lot of people experience the same thing, and are or have been in the same boat. This does not have to be a permanent thing, as everything will eventually pass, no matter how awful it may seem right now.
- 5Try ending on a positive note with your ex.
- If this is the case, then you have to try your very best to at least be civil with one another as their parents.
- Sometimes, it's the nitty-gritty of having to deal with each other on a regular basis that can get to you, so as much as possible, make it a pleasant experience for one another.
- Avoid doing things that may irritate, hurt, or aggravate negative emotions.
- If you know you've committed a mistake, don't wait; apologize as soon as possible, and don't let these wounds fester.
- Try your best to keep open communication and be sensitive to each other's feelings.
- 6The impact of distance.
- Even if you're looking forward to your new life as a single person once again, free to chase your dreams and goals in life, try not to go overboard.
- When you have kids, there's something that will always tie you to your previous life.
- If you choose to permanently cut these ties, you may regret it for the rest of your life.
- 7Settling with someone new.
- Sit down with your kids and allow them to express their thoughts and emotions freely and without any reservations.
- Try to reach a compromise, and make them understand that they will always be your number one priority in life.
- If your new love truly and genuinely loves you, he or she will support your decision and give you enough time to be with your kids.
Moving on successfully
- 1Pain is but a normal aftermath of divorce. This is the time where you're at your most vulnerable, and are sometimes too eager to find acceptance. You're susceptible to easily falling in love with the first person who's interested at you.Don't be too hasty.
- Avoid diving into another relationship right away. Give yourself more time to heal. Do not jump into another emotional relationship at a time when you're still fragile and on the rebound.
- 2Really sort your thoughts and emotions before choosing that one person whom you want to share your new life with.Take your time.
- 3Time is supposed to heal all wounds, but if you find yourself becoming more sad or angry, or nursing your second or third bottle of beer while killing yourself over the possibility of your ex being with someone else right now, it's time to conduct a self-inventory. Accept the reality that you may still be stuck in the past and it's time to stop.Conduct a self-inventory regularly.
- Where are you at these point?
- Are you exploring all available options?
- Are you making the right choices? For yourself? For your kids?
- Are you still in that hole you dug for yourself and can't seem to get out, no matter how hard you try?
- If you are suffering, get help - ASAP.
- 4Quit moping! Get yourself off that couch and get involved in worthwhile activities that will do both your mind and body good.Stay active.
- Help other people to make a difference in their lives. You will find that this is the most rewarding thing you can ever experience, and one of the most effective ways to get your thoughts off your ex.
- You will feel and look healthier, have a more positive Outlook in life, and people will gravitate towards you without you even trying. Who knows - that special someone may be one of them?
If you want to recover after a traumatic breakup, don't be in denial. Accept that you are hurt and mourning, and need help. If you deny needing any help, how can you expect to get any? Life is full of choices, and it's up to you where you want to go. Good luck.
Categories : Heartbreak
Recent edits by: Eng, Nerissa Avisado