Edited by Debbie, Eng, Derek S
Do you have a problem talking to people? One girl said that when she tries to look into other people's eyes when speaking to them her face turns all red, and she feels like she is getting all choked up inside. Many employees at her place of employment have said that she is stuck up, but she is really very backward. A survey taken showed that 80 percent of those questioned had been shy at some point in their life, and 40 percent considered themselves to struggle with this problem on a regular basis.
What is shyness? Feeling uneasy around people in authority, and of the opposite sex, or even your own friends. It can affect us in many ways. Some get embarrassed with their heart pounding, and find that they are not able to speak. Others may lose their composure and talk too much.
Actually, there can be positive things about being backward. It shows that we are not overbearing or overly aggressive. A shy person is normally a good listener. But when it keeps us from realizing our full capabilities and harmfully affects our relationships, and feelings, it is time to do something about it.
A good start is to understand your problem. Shyness doe not describe what you are, it explains your behavior and reactions to situations, the pattern you have learned through experiences of others. You think others are making negative judgements and do not like you. You also might think that people are more normal and better than you. You worry if you try to relate to other persons that things will go wrong. You will expect things to turn out bad and sometimes they do, because you will tense up.
By withdrawing and not speaking up, and becoming so involved with yourself, you can give the impression to others that you are stuck up, or just ignoring them. When thoughts are on yourself, it would be hard to concentrate on the conversation you are having with someone. So you pay less attention to what people are saying to you. Then what you are afraid of the most happens, you look foolish.
You have locked yourself behind the walls of the prison of shyness and thrown away the key. You let opportunities pass you by. You accept items or situations you really don't want, all because you are afraid to speak up and express your opinion. You lose out on meeting new people and making new friends. Others lose out too. They never get to know the real you.
With time and effort, this problem can be changed. First, stop worrying about whether the other person is assessing you. He is probably too busy thinking of himself and what he will say and do. Also, try to think positive. No one is perfect. Remember, there are different ways of looking at things, different likes and dislikes. Learn also to judge others fairly. One young man said he discovered he was too self centered, thinking too much of himself and worrying what other people said. Second, he was assigning bad motives to the other person. He learned to start showing love in an active way, to extend himself to others. He visited friends in their homes, and did little things to help them.
Learn to be sociable and to say hello and start a conversation. It can be as simple as commenting on what a nice day it is. If you mess up in talking, try not to feel bad. We all do it.
Dress comfortable and nice. Feeling that you are looking your best will lessen nervousness, and help you concentrate on the conversation at hand. Stand straight and try to be at ease. Smile, and keep friendly eye contact.
When facing a tough situation for you such as a job interview or a speech, practice ahead of time what you will say. It will take time and practice, but you will see an improvement.
Steps to Overcome Shyness
1. Wanting to change and believing it is really possible.
2. Replacing negative thinking with positive action.
3. Setting sensible goals for yourself.
4. Knowing how to relax and cope with pressures.
5. Rehearsing a situation ahead of time.
6. Gaining confidence by gradual successful experiences.
7. Remembering that different opinions exist and others make mistakes too.
8. Practicing to improve your skills and learn new ones.
9. Reaching out to show love and help people.
10. Dressing nicely and acting with confidence.
11. Relying on help that God can give you.
Tips Tricks & Warnings
- The best way to deal with your problems is to face them.
- Talk to people about things you love.
- Always be happy and put on a nice smile!
If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.
Categories : Friends
Recent edits by: Eng, Debbie