Not Be Scared of Girls
Edited by Kathy McGraw, Maria Quinney
Since more than half of adults surveyed by PsychCentral classified themselves as shy, having a hard time approaching other people is a common problem for both genders, but it affects men more because of the societal expectation that they are the ones who must do the asking when it comes to dating. Consequently, if you're a man who is having trouble approaching women, you may believe that you're doomed to be forever alone.
Your anxiety surrounding women is, at the heart of it, the result of the fear of rejection coupled with a lack of self-confidence. To get more comfortable with the opposite sex, you must first conquer your fear of rejection and become confident in yourself and your abilities. You must recognize your own worth and realize that you will always have something to offer in a relationship.
Defeating Your Fear and Inculcating Self-Confidence
You're afraid to talk to girls because you see yourself as inferior to them, or at least, you're afraid that's how they will perceive you should you interact with them. So, the first step in overcoming your fear is to recognize that you are not inferior; you have a value that's all your own, and furthermore, how others react to you does not diminish it. Have confidence in yourself, because if you don't, how can you expect that anyone else will?
- 1That's right: you don't need to look like Chris Hemsworth or Brad Pitt to be attractive to girls. What's important is that you carry yourself with confidence and that you know who you are. Self-confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.Realize your looks matter less than you think they do.
- 2Everyone starts off at zero and goes from there. Girls are not going to care how much experience you have, so long as you are willing to learn and willing to listen to them.It's okay to be less experienced.
- 3Are you awesome at cards? Can you put a computer together blindfolded? Are you an ace speller? Be proud of your accomplishments and special talents. They combine with your unique personality traits to make an awesome one-of-a-kind guy who many girls would be thrilled to talk to.Focus on what's good about you.
- 4good-looking people, confident people, and rich people get rejected every day. It's going to happen to you, and it's okay. It'll sting when it happens, but you can't let it define you; don't dwell on the girl who rejected you. Tell her thanks, and move on to the next girl.Don't dwell on rejection.Rejection happens to everybody:
- 5When you get rejected, the natural thing to do is to analyze the interaction to see where you went wrong; however, you may not have done anything wrong. Even if you did, just learn from your mistakes and move on. Be kind to yourself.Don't blame yourself.
- 6When you want to talk to a girl to whom you are attracted, you start thinking all sorts of thoughts that make you hesitate or stop you from approaching her altogether. These negative thoughts complicate and sabotage your efforts. Let it be simple; don't worry about what might happen and just do it.Stop overthinking.
- 7If they aren't your friends or family, then whatever they think of you doesn't matter. Even the girl that you have your eye on doesn't matter until you get to know her and her, you.Stop worrying about what others think of you or how they see you.
- 8Try talking to girls who you know relatively well at first; facing your fears is a process that takes as long as it takes.Take baby steps.
- 9Have your friends help you practice having conversations with girls. If you have friends that are girls, even better.Practice with friends.
- 10Standing with your legs braced apart and your arms akimbo, in other words, like Superman has been shown in studies to boost confidence. You don't have to do it front of anyone, just slip into the bathroom and stand like Superman, then return to the girl and talk to her.Try the "Superman" pose before you speak to a girl you like.
- 11Although looks don't matter, personal grooming and how you carry yourself does. Also, when you believe you look good, it will help you feel more confident.Take care of your appearance.
- 12In a group of like-minded people, some who may be girls, you might feel more secure about putting yourself out there.Join groups that share your interests.
- 13Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is about analyzing your thought patterns and changing the way you think about things. For instance, if you think that you will always get rejected by girls, your therapist will challenge that pattern of thinking by having you think about it rationally.Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Talking to Girls
One of the reasons you find it hard to talk to girls you like is that you put them on a pedestal and think that they could never be interested in you. But girls, even the girls you fancy, are just people, with fears and insecurities of their own. In fact, that girl you saw in the cafeteria at lunchtime but didn't approach because you thought she couldn't possibly like you was probably thinking the same about you! To talk to girls, all you need to do is:
- 1Really. Just take a deep breath and realize that whatever the outcome of your conversation with this girl, it's not the end of the world and you will live to fight another day.Relax.
- 2She's just like you, and she probably has similar insecurities. Don't place unrealistic expectations on her and don't idolize her. She is a person, treat her as such.Realize she's just another human being.
- 3You have intrinsic value because of who you are. Don't try to be something you're not and stop trying so hard to win her admiration. Just act normally.Be yourself.
- 4In fact, talk to her like you've known her for a while and imagine that she is someone to whom you are not attracted. It will help ease your nerves.Talk to her like you would talk to anyone else.
- 5In fact, stop trying to get a girlfriend and let it happen on its own. Just have a conversation with her and enjoy her company with any expectations as to developing a romantic relationship. It might happen, or it might not, but even if it doesn't. at least you've made a new friend along the way.Don't look at her as a potential girlfriend.
- 6People enjoy talking about themselves, so ask her questions about her interests, about where she sees herself in the future, what her favorite colors are, what movies she likes, etc.Ask her questions about herself.
- 7A great way to get to know someone and to put them at ease with you is to ask them questions which require a lengthy reply than a simple yes or no.Ask open-ended questions.
- 8Think about and give a thoughtful response to her inquiries. Answer truthfully.Answer the questions she asks you.
- 9Give her your undivided attention and hear what she has to say. Girls love guys who are attentive to them.Listen to her.
- 10While they say women's equality killed chivalry, a guy who is courteous and holds open the door for a girl, or pulls out her chair will charm even the meanest girl and warm her heart.Be gallant.
- 11Girls love it when guys can cook. Seriously, any girl will look at you with new eyes if you offer to cook her a meal.Learn how to cook.
- 12Everyone loves compliments. If you tell her that she looks nice, she'll be automatically disposed to think of you in a positive light. In other words, she'll be charmed.Compliment her.
- 13Don't just smile with your mouth, let it light up your eyes. A genuine smile radiates warmth and friendliness put people at ease.Smile.
- 14A light touch conveys interpersonal connection and sets up the expectation for more intimate conversation.Briefly touch her arm as you're talking with her.
If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.
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Article Info
Categories : Relationships
Recent edits by: Kathy McGraw
