Move on after a failed marriage

Edited by Ephraim, Charmed, Eng, Emmanuel M. Lardizabal and 24 others

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Unlike a simple relationship that might flourish, become boring, end, and be forgotten in a matter of a few short weeks, without any fallout, a failed marriage will damage each partner to some degree. When moving on after a failed marriage, be strong and keep yourself busy to avoid falling into a depression. You will need to make some sound decisions regarding what you will do to move forward. The last thing you should be thinking about is another relationship. Here are some tips that can help you to move on after your failed marriage.

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    Accept your relationship is over and there is no going back
    If you keep believing things will work out, and return to the way they were, you will never fully grasp the idea your marriage is over, and this will limit your chances of moving on successfully, Your marriage may be over, but your life is not. As much as you shouldn't obsess over your past, you should not dwell on your future. Will I have another relationship? Do I deserve another relationship? Is there anyone out there for me? Filling your head with thoughts like these won't help. Everyone needs time to cry and deal with the sorrow. This may take time. Don't rush the process. It's a bit like grieving the loss of someone, and you are in mourning. Only when you go through the process, will you be able to successfully continue your life along a healthy and happy path. It will be hard in the beginning. When you are a couple, people tend to see the two of you as a unit - like peanut butter and jam, but both peanut butter and jam are fine on their own. It will be tricky, but bitterness is emotionally toxic, and you need to learn to let it go, and forge forward. This is your life!
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  2. 2
    Focus your energy on positive things, whether it's hobbies or your career, friends or children
    Get yourself involved with new activities, perhaps renew ones you've loved in the past. Be cautious if you begin neglecting your responsibilities, lose interest in things you once loved, lose interest in friends, and connecting with people. You want to avoid falling into a depression. If there are children involved, be present. This is a very confusing time for them, and they need you now, more than ever. Don't let a failed marriage sabotage your future.
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  3. 3
    Before launching into another relationship, it's important to review your marriage and deal with the issues in it, both your spouse's, and yours as well
    Every experience offers us insight and wisdom into our lives, and teaches us to live better. If you don't resolve the mistakes you've made in the past, you are doomed to repeat them in your next relationship. Similarly, if you don't deal with the issues you had with your ex, you will probably choose a partner with the very same issues. Look at this process as a new beginning and an opportunity to start fresh, and it's good to get excited about it.
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Deal With "YOU" first

In order to successfully get over a failed marriage, you need to reflect upon yourself, and resolve any issues you have with yourself, before you can move on with your life. When it comes to recovery, the first step is to deal with your emotions. You need to be honest with yourself, and honest about your part in the breakdown of the marriage. It's too easy to blame everything on your partner, and difficult to admit there are things you did wrong, or at least things you might have handled better. Below are a number of suggestion to help you move on after a failed marriage.

  1. 1
    Do not blame yourself for the failure of the marriage
    It's rarely ever just one person's fault, and it will only serve to lay a heavy burden of guilt on your already heavy heart, if you think it's 'all you'. It is important that you take responsibility for things you have done, but the responsibility for the success or failure of a marriage does not lie with just one person.
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  2. 2
    Keep your mind on the positive
    It's far too easy to dwell on the negative things in your life following the breakdown of a marriage. By keeping your mind on things that are positive you will be able to keep your spirits up and condition your mind to value the good things in life.
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  3. 3
    You are not alone
    It's important to realize you are not the first, nor the only person, who has gone through a divorce. It's sad that marriages don't always work out, but there are so many people out there going through exactly the same thing you are. They feel the same sorrow and heartache you do. Don't let anything diminish any of the wonderful things you've done in your life.
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  4. 4
    Get in touch with your goals and what you want to accomplish in life
    Challenging yourself is a great way for you to arrive at a better 'you'. Getting in touch with your goals will give you something to look work toward, and look forward to.
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  5. 5
    Find a support group, or peer group
    They are not for the sole purpose of letting you vent, but a place where you can learn from other's experiences. Other people will help you to put things into perspective, and perhaps you can to help them out as well.
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  6. 6
    Treat this as a learning experience
    It will make you a better person, you will be a better partner in future relationships; even friendships will be improved. Evaluate the past, deal with the present, work toward a fabulous future.
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  7. 7
    Look towards the unknown future as an adventure
    If you learn the things you need to learn from your past, you can expect positive things in your future. By looking forward to your future, you will be prepared to accept the beautiful and interesting things that life will bring your way.
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  8. 8
    Accept that the marriage is over in order to help you to move on
    Obsessing over a failed marriage, will deter your progress toward everything you are attempting to accomplish. The rest of your life is a long time. As hard as it is, it's best to let go of the past.
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Tips in Moving-on After a Failed Marriage

  1. 1
    Seek help from God
    If you have nothing to go on to, you need to seek the help of God on how to overcome the problems you are encountering. Pray to Him that you may be able to seek peace of mind and true happiness in life.
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  2. 2
    Take a vacation
    Getting away for a while will give you a new perspective on the life, and things that are happening in it. Traveling is also a good way to meet new people and forget your troubles, if only for a while. It's important for you to do things just for yourself. You deserve to be happy.
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  3. 3
    Focus on your family
    You need to be strong for your family. They need you. Don't allow yourself to be so consumed by the events of your past, that you are not there for them. You also can get courage to stand and fight to overcome the negativity you've experienced from them. The power of real love lies within your family. Love that comes from your family is very different from the love you receive from other people. Focus on them and you will find real love and happiness.
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Questions and Answers

How to be strong in a failed marriage?

Depend on your support systems. It is okay to be independent, but at times like this, you need other people to remind you that life goes on. Establish your priorities. Keep yourself busy until you have completely healed. Learn from the mistakes of your marriage, so you won't do the same things in your next relationship or marriage. If you have kids, you need to be strong for them. Have this mindset: You should remain strong, for you are the pillar they depend on. When you lose the battle, they lose with you.

Here are some ways to be strong after a failed marriage:

  • You must be strong for yourself, so you can face the challenges in your life.
  • If you have a child or children, you must take good care of him/her/them. Show them, by example, that no matter what has happened, you are still there for them and you will be strong for them.
  • Keep in mind that there will be more love in your life, and perhaps a much better person will come along.
  • Be with your friends and family. Have a great time with them and they will be the people who will support you.
  • Keep in mind that life must go on, accept and learn from the mistakes.
  • There are reasons why the marriage failed, and yet everything in your life will soon be so much better.
  • Use your children as inspiration and strength.

See more questions like this: Coming to terms with a failed marriage

Letting go of a failed marriage?

It is hard to let go of a failed marriage, but it will be beneficial for you, in so many ways, when you do. Take a break before returning to your routine. Take a vacation. Even a weekend away will rejuvenate you. Take up a hobby and keep yourself busy. Every time you begin to think about the marriage, think of something else. Diversion is good. It could be anything from reading to watching T.V. to playing basketball or Yoga.

You have to let go of your marriage and focus on becoming a whole person, without a partner. For whatever reason, love has gone from the marriage, and it doesn't do you any favors to believe this will turn around. It will be much better when you let it go, forget the pain, get yourself busy, focus on yourself and do special things for yourself. It's really difficult, but don't be so sad. Think of it as a life lesson. You deserve so much better than to be living in sorrow.

Depression after a failed marriage?

Nobody ever wins in a separation or divorce battle, but, you will have the opportunity to start all over again and move forward. It is a tragedy for couples, and the children, who are all survivors in a failed marriage. It's very traumatic and it's not easy to cope, and to move on, especially after the pain of entire ordeal, and the lost dreams, and all the change that comes after being together for so long. Extreme feelings of sadness, even depression, is common with anyone who's experienced a failed marriage. You might withdraw from socialization or from your regular routine for some time. This is expected and quite normal for anyone who is coping with a loss. However, it is very important to have a reliable support group composed of family and friends to assure you that you are never alone, and to help in your recovery process. It is natural to feel the need to slow down and just grieve. It's healthy to cry, and express yourself emotionally. Take the backseat for awhile - it takes time to heal. That being said, time waits for no man - or woman. After all the tears, reflection, anger and sorrow is over, don't take too long before you start thinking about realigning your goals and focus in life. At this time, everything might seem bent and misshapen, but you need to take charge of your life, come up with creative ways to overcome your sorrow. There are worlds of opportunities just waiting for you out there. Get back on the horse and get on with your life. It's the only way to really move on. You can also seek the help of a Psychologist to cope with depression and help you adjust to the new challenges you will face. This would benefit both you, and your children.

Recently broke up an 8 year engagement?

I was living with my fiance and all of sudden he said he had no plans of marriage after 8 years!!!!

You stated that this a sudden announcement that he did not want to get married but after just three years of an engagement you should have been married. It apparently took him 8 years to decide not to get married. The situation is unfortunate but look at the positive side, he was finally honest and you are finally set free to find the real "Mr.Right".

Shall I move on, or still hold on?

We have 2 kids, we married early. She felt deprived from enjoying single hood since she got pregnant early. She wants to have a career and wants to pursue it. She wants us to forget about her for a time so she can accomplish what she wants. She always views our relationship as a competition. She always would like to quit our relationship, saying it won't work and we are just two different people. Shall I move on or still hold on She is telling you to move on so respect her wishes. Unfortunately she feels that she never had a chance to spread her wings and fly and now is choosing to and you need to allow her to leave. Most likely she deep down resents you for her early pregnancy and the blame is what is causing her to think that you are two different people. Maybe if she begins to be on her own, she will realize that you only want the best for her.

Need help dealing with my husband leaving me?

Was married for 25 years with two beautiful children. We work together. He has cheated before but I forgave him. He had an affair and when I found out we went into counseling. He lied through the counseling saying he had ended it. Moved out 1 year ago. Affair is over but so much damage has been done. We just went into couple counseling. He says he loves me but he isn't in love with me. I think I feel the same about him.

It is rare to have that butterfly in your tummy kind of love after 25 years of marriage. He had an affair, then lied about it in counseling which means he was not repentant at the time. Then he moved out on you for a year and now you are back in marriage counseling. That is a whole lot of ups and downs for you. Do you feel relief or just exhaustion at the idea of getting back together? For some, a passionless companionship marriage is just fine but others need that excitement of being in love. Take this time to enjoy your freedom. Have ice cream for dinner. Invite a friend to a new restaurant for lunch or dinner once a week. Join a book club. Whatever you do, you deserve far better than what you have had for quite a while.

Is it right to break up with him in that situation?

I broke up illegally with my husband, because I don't have money yet to file a divorce, because he is so irresponsible, he is a gambler addict, doing bad habits also. He doesn't even changed it. We have a one year old daughter now, I am the one who support her needs, because my husband don't work or have a job yet. I am living with my real parents now and my husband is living also in his parents house. Sometimes he tries to visit his daughter. So complicated, we always have trouble about the situation because I don't want him to gamble but he still does, he doesn't understand me, that's why I decided to break up with him.

You can't take away someone's addiction. You did the right thing by leaving him and if he wants to self destruct, let him. Focus on raising your daughter the best that you can. You are doing your best providing for her financially and emotionally and that is something to be proud of.

Is there any way I can save this marriage, cope with what is going to happened?

My wife and I have been married for 13 years, over the last 3 years things have gotten worse where I attempted to cheat on her. We did consult with a counselor but only helped for a short period. Prior to me committing the sin, we had and have communication issues where she would get quiet and then I would not say anything to her. She has withdrawn herself from me. We have two amazing girls, 8 and 11 years old. It is hard for me to accept that she is divorcing me. I can't imagine seeing her with someone else yet splitting this family. The amount of time we spend investing in our relationship building this family. Am I wrong to feel this way?. I have tried: Counseling. I think it was caused by: Communication, bitterness

You can not blame her for asking for a divorce. You are the one that initially did not consider your children when you cheated. Communication issues are hard to overcome and add unfaithfulness and mistrust and the marriage is basically over. Apologize to her for tearing down your marriage with your affair. Take all those reasons that you are assigning blame and reverse them onto yourself and apologize sincerely. It may not win her back but at least you will begin to have closure.

Is there a set time frame in which people begin to feel some resolution after the fact?

I am struggling with the divorce that I am currently going through, lots of second guessing and struggling with being alone

It takes about a year after a divorce is finalized before most people feel ready to move on. During the process of divorce, stress can cause doubts and perhaps you both can seek divorce counseling. There are counselors that deal with the emotional issues of divorce and help you develop new communication and coping skills.

We also have two articles on helping women and man with divorces:

How do I deal with someone who tells me in my face that he doesn't want anything to do with me?

I have 4 kids and I'm 34 years old. My husband and I are going through a rough patch and are not talking to each other for 4 weeks now. He does not sleep in the same bedroom with me; he rather sleeps with his son in his room. It is really stressing me, and I don't know what I did wrong to him. He does not want to talk when I confront him and have made peace with that. He told me last month that he does not want to have anything to do with me again, and I just kept quite and never responded because at that time he had already walked out on me. I have tried: I have tried to discuss it with him; he just doesn't have time for me and just walks away. I think it was caused by: I'm not sure, because he is not working; and I'm the one footing all the bills.

It may be possible that your husband desires not to associate with you anymore only because he does not love you or loves another person; yet, he lingers with you because you are his financial source. Before you consider getting professional relationship advice, which we discuss in our article, detect any early or progressing signs that there is a possibility that your husband does not love you anymore (click to see the article) if the answer is positive, then your husband might be having an affair, or he can be attracted to another individual. If one of these is true, then you might consider taking your husband with you when you are getting professional relationship advice. If there is something that can save your marriage, then it is professional help, mutual effort, and time. If he eschews even that, then you might consider getting a divorce or stopping supporting him financially and ask him to move out (or move out) for some time to let him think over his feelings.

Hi. My husband moved on a year ago with a friend of mine and I'm finding it difficult to cope with the betrayal. I have a 1 year old daughter but he does not take care of her. instead, he takes care of the other lady's kids whom she had with other men. Please help?

Hi. My husband moved on a year ago with a friend of mine and I'm finding it difficult to cope with the betrayal. I have a 1 year old daughter but he does not take care of her. instead, he takes care of the other lady's kids whom she had with other men. Please help. I think it was caused by: He was just a liar who's lies started catching up with him

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I just got divorced and still don't know why?

I just got divorced and still don't know why, My now Ex does not want to speak with me despite the fact we have children together

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What to do when second marriage was a mistake on both spouses part love each other but not in love?

My now husband and I were ministers in our church we worked together on progress. We both at the time were experiencing martial problems and would discuss with each other. I wanted mine to work and he said he did do. I went back to mine and he left his, she got a legal separation and ordered him out. Meantime I was at home with my spouse trying to work on it, I thought I was. I was still working with my husband now doing ministry. I left my first, eventually don't know why, now such a foolish decision, married for 30 years. My husband got divorced and in 2015 we were married. I know we were wrong in a quick relationship but seem to be as friends at first. Now all hell has broke loose because of loose ends. He mistreats me and I know he is really not in love with me, and that is fine because I am not either. I miss my life with my first husband. My second husband doesn't care for me, doesn't provide etc for me. What do you do when you know its over but have lost everything and he can't give you nothing to help with the transition. I lost my family. I gave up all what I had in my first marriage, now its nothing in this one. My relationship with my children was damaged because they feel he took advantage of me, he didn't have a place to live I did. All he wants is to rent, promised me a home and building to sew my products so we could pursue a business.

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Why does my husband think that it's all my fault? How do I regain my self-worth? I am so lost without him?

My husband and I were married for only 7mos. then he left me because he's having an affair with his colleague. He doesn't want me to blame the mistress because he's claiming that we already have pre-existing issues before he had an affair. He also told me that he wasn't really ready to get married that's why 3 months after the wedding, he found comfort with the mistress. He didn't attempt to resolve our pre-existing issues but committed adultery instead. He did that with no regrets as if I deserve to be treated that way. He's also claiming that I didn't appreciate him enough and didn't respect him that's why he did what he did. Please help. I am so lost without him. I am blaming myself and it's like I don't have self-worth anymore. My husband doesn't regret having an affair, threw away seven years of being together in one snap. His attitude suddenly changed as if I was never a good wife to him. I have tried: I already tried to win him back several times, even begged him not to leave me. I already accepted the fact that if he can't resolve our issues, that's fine with me. If he wants me to change, I would and I already did. I think it was caused by: I have short patience and I get angry easily because we can't resolve our issues. I was the one who first mentioned about getting annulled for him to focus on resolving our issues because he's taking it for granted. We don't have enough quality time for each other. His mother still wants financial support even if she has her own money and our money is just enough for me and my husband.

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Actually I am the one who wanted a separation because we are not good anymore and one thing that really breaks my heart is that he does not accept his contribution to our broken marriage. He always feels that he did not fault at all, which is really not acceptable in my part. He has no time for me and that is really my problem and that is the cause of everything?

I want to know how to tell to my ex-husband that he has a contribution to our failed marriage.

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I fear my Failed marriage ? How to move forward in life?

My marriage was toxic . My husband used to physically , mentally and emotionally harass me with his family's support .I had spinal injury and abortion from physical harassment and I left to my own home . His mother is his world .he only listens to his mother's words .how can anyone even die for mother like this ? Is this any mental illness ?his mother did not even like Me sharing times with her son . She wanted her son by her side . now he has applied for divorce. But I'm not able to accept divorce . I fear the society and I don't know how to move forward in future . I'm from a reputed family .

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What should I do, as I can't take divorce and its hard to move with the partner?

We were married in 2008 and we were living just as a companion as everyone else, one day I urged my wife to confess any relationship of her prior to marriage, to my astonishment she revealed , but that day I told her to forget the past only your future belongs to me. We started afresh. after some time my ailing parents required time for their upkeep in some way I was unknowingly neglecting my wife as I was busy with the ailment of my parents. Later when health of my parents improved I noticed that my wife is no more my wife she is OK and fine with her local friends, I noticed this and realized my neglection that day I tried to improve myself by giving proper attention to her. After a month I came to know that she is in affair with one of her inlaws, I spoke to her about this but the scene was terrific.. I decided that I will let her like this only and will only complete my responsibilities towards my wife and son which is 8 years by now. We both are involved in earning our livelihood and house expenses, in which I bare a greater share. Now she is not at all concerned about me and my son , she just wants to fulfill her needs from my money,as she knows that getting into divorce will cost me much on financial backgrounds. I can bare all this but baring this and a pain of betrayal is pinching me as her affair is still going on. Please guide. I am in a land locked situation as I am fulfilling the needs of a person who is betraying me. I have tried: Dialogue , family interference, boycott silently. trying to convince etc. I think it was caused by: Nature of wife she is self centered and a bit of male lover of different kind

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Categories : Relationships

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