Move in with Your Boyfriend
Edited by Kathy McGraw, Maria Quinney
You've been with your boyfriend for a while now, and you've started thinking that maybe you ought to move in together. You love him, he loves you, and you spend 90 percent of your time together anyway, so why pay for separate apartments? Besides, it'll be fun. Yes, moving in with your honey can be a lot of fun, and it's nice to have someone to come home to. Live-in boyfriends are also great for killing all the huge bugs, reaching for things tucked away where you can't reach without getting a stool, and moving heavy stuff around. But, you need to make absolutely sure that moving in together is the right decision for you because it's a very big step in any relationship.
Are you Ready to Move In With Him, or The Realities You Have to Be Prepared to Accept
Moving in with your boyfriend isn't all rainbows and unicorns. There are plenty of briar patches and mud pits involved, as well. The better prepared you are for the realities of living with a guy, the more successful you will be.
- 1He won't always be on his best behavior and neither will you. You really don't get to know someone until you live with them, and if you still love each other after you see the uglier sides of your personalities, you know you are meant for each other.Advertisement
- 2The toilet seat will always be up. You might train him after a while to put it back down after he's done, but don't expect it to happen overnight.Advertisement
- 3His definition of clean does not match yours. You're going to butt heads over cleaning, whether you're the neatnick or he is. Learn to compromise.
- 4You're going to gain weight. It'll happen because you will start to eat like him, and face it, he can eat a lot more than you without it expanding his waistline. Thank testosterone for that one, ladies. Want to avoid the extra pounds?
- Throw in an extra session of cardio into your week.
- Encourage him to adopt healthier eating habits.
- Have half the portion size of whatever he's having.
- 5You won't like all of his friends, but you'll have to accept them all coming over from time to time. Even if you think that Bob is a slob and a welch, you can't forbid your boyfriend from inviting him to the apartment. It's not fair and you wouldn't want him to tell you that any of your friends aren't welcome. What you can do is tell him that he's responsible for cleaning up after his friend's messes.
- 6You will have arguments. All couples argue, and when you live together, disagreements are bound to come up. There will also be instances of him doing things that get on your nerves, such as leaving the cap off the toothpaste and you will do things that irritate him, too. As long as you find ways of dealing with you differences and resolving your disagreements constructively and without putting each other down, your relationship is in a good spot.
- 7You have to consider him when you make decisions. Living with your boyfriend means that you have to figure him into any major decisions you make that affect both of you. For instance, let's say you want to buy a pink couch because you love the color pink. Since your boyfriend has to sit on the couch, too, and he has to look at it every day, you need to get his input before you buy it. If he's okay with a pink couch, that's awesome, but you might have to compromise and go for a gray couch accented by pink throw pillows.
- 8Moving in together is not the solution to a failing relationship. In fact, moving in together will test your relationship for all of the reasons we have outlined already. If you are already having problems with your boyfriend, moving in with him will not fix them and can possibly drive you further apart. If you are having problems, consider resolving them before you live with him.
- 9Living together can get boring at times. You will end up doing the same things every day: get up, go to work, come home, eat, watch Netflix, and go to sleep. Keeping the spark alive in your relationship takes work and planning. For instance, don't stop dating just because you live together.
- 10Don't be that girl. When it's your time of the month, be good to your guy and take out the bathroom garbage yourself. Really. He'll thank you for it.
- 11Also, clean your hair out of the shower drain. Yes, if you have long hair, you do shed, and that gets gross, too, so yeah, clean it out.
Laying the Groundwork
There are plenty of considerations to think about before taking the leap and moving in with your guy, no matter how tempting the proposition might be. When you move in with him, you are making a commitment similar to getting married in that you are blending your life with his. So, think carefully about whether or not you are ready for such a drastic change.
- 1Do you see a future with him? If so, what kind of future do you see? Do you want to marry him? Have kids? These are things you need to hash out with him before you move in together so that you are both on the same page as far as your future relationship is concerned. No, you don't have to want to get married to live with him, but it's good to know where you both stand on such issues from the beginning.Advertisement
- 2Does he treat you well? Is he considerate of you? Does he let you make your own decisions or does he try to control you? If he doesn't treat you well, then he is not a guy that you want to date, much less move in with.
- 3How is your relationship in general? We've already described how moving in together can test even the strongest relationship bonds. If you are going through a rocky period in your relationship with your guy, then consider resolving your outstanding issues before deciding to move in together.
- 4Are you ready to give up part of your independence? Of course, you don't have to surrender all of your autonomy, but you do have to give up a significant part. You have to take him into consideration about things that affect him, such as your living space and finances.
Have the Conversation
From deciding where you will live to who pays for what, you have a lot of decisions to make together before you actually move in together. Don't wait to have these conversations after you move in together: have them as you are deciding whether moving in is the right decision for both of you.
- 1Your place, his, or a brand new apartment? If both of you currently live in separate studio apartments, it makes sense to get into a larger unit. If you own your own home or condo, then perhaps he should move in with you, or vice versa. Even if one of you has the room to accommodate the other, perhaps you both want to make a fresh start in a new place together.
- Resist the urge to mother him
- Make sure you get a large enough bed
- Make sure that you both have enough "me" time
- Avoid putting the television in the bedroom
- Pick your battles
- Decide on how to decorate your home together
- Try to downsize your duplicate items