Manage a love relationship with your boss

Edited by Ian Gabriel T. Tolledo, Lynn, Maria Quinney, Eng and 14 others

Love knows no boundaries, indeed! But having a love relationship with your boss can be both exciting and tricky, especially if the relationship affects your everyday workplace performance. Knowing the ins and outs of managing a relationship with your boss can be a life and work saver. Whether you decide to reveal your relationship or keep it quiet from your coworkers, managing a love relationship with your boss is no simple task. Read on to find out what you can do to keep the romance alive and your work life intact.

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Workplace Relationship Defined

With people spending more time at the office, romantic relationships are bound to develop. It's perfectly normal to get to know each other on a more personal basis when you're working closely together. Maybe you and your boss run into each other outside of work, or hang out together during your lunch break. If you're mutually attracted to one another, it's natural for something more to develop if you don't keep your emotions in check, but this is a tricky situation. It's widely unacceptable for subordinates and their superiors to engage in a romantic relationship, but there are many cases where such a relationship is manageable and even acceptable, as long as it doesn't affect work quality or production.

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Know Your Boundaries

Before you decide to make your relationship official, realize that many offices have a strict policy against workplace romance, believing that it can lead to unfair treatment, unhappy coworkers and a decrease in efficiency and production. However, workplace romances are becoming more common, with more people than ever before claiming to take part in a romantic relationship with someone higher up in their company. Before you decide to hook up with your boss, it's a good idea to make sure that it won't get you both fired or jeopardize the reputation of the company. Even if you try to keep the relationship under wraps, it's always possible that your coworkers will notice the connection between you two and start spreading rumors. This can lead to jealousy and animosity toward you and your boss, and possibly even termination, so find out what you're getting yourselves into before taking that leap.

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How to Manage Your Relationship

  1. 1
    Confirm your relationship status
    Is one of you only interested in a one-time fling, or are you both interested in a long-term relationship? Are either of you involved with someone else? Misunderstood intentions in this type of situation can have serious consequences, especially if after a few dates with you, your boss starts flirting with the new secretary. What would you do? Have a serious discussion about your intentions before you move any further. Make a rule together that while at work you are employee and boss instead of boyfriend and girlfriend.
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  2. 2
    Plan ahead for a breakup
    Of course, no one wants to think about the possibility that they might break up. It's always a possibility, and one that you should both be prepared for. Draw up an agreement or create a backup plan on what you will do if you break up. Will one of you resign? Can you promise not to let emotions get in the way of future treatment at work? This is extra important for the boss. If the relationship fizzles, the jilted lover can claim an abuse of power or even sexual harassment. The last thing your boss needs is a lawsuit, so think it over carefully before moving forward.
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  3. 3
    Decide whether or not to reveal your relationship at work
    In most cases, it's best to keep your relationship quiet at work, and treat each other the same as you did before you were together. Remember that even if you only tell one person, it's likely that the entire office will eventually find out. If you do decide to reveal your relationship, do not let it affect your work under any circumstances. You will be under extra scrutiny for special treatment from management as well as you will never be able to have a conversation at work with your boss/boyfriend without all the employees trying to listen in to see if it is personal.
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  4. 4
    Control your urges
    It can be difficult to maintain a professional attitude in your workplace after getting involved in a love relationship with your boss, especially when you're spending so much time together at work. Touching each other at work should be completely off-limits. Avoid light touches, kissing, hand-holding, hugging and other physical contact while at work, and especially if other coworkers are around. This can make the other employees uncomfortable. Love and lust can cloud your mind, but if you're trying to keep a professional image, avoid any distracting and flirtatious behavior at the workplace.
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  5. 5
    Maintain your performance
    It's easy to forget that you are still a normal employee, even if you're an "apple tart sweet custard pie" in the eyes of your boss. This means no special treatment for either of you. Instead of using your relationship with your boss as an excuse to slack off on your assignments, try to do better. Consider yourself lucky. What's better than spending your hectic work days knowing the love of your life has your back? Use that moral support to encourage your best behavior, continue to improve yourself and impress your sweetheart by getting things done. This makes your boss look better, too, since it can help avoid criticism from other employees when they see that your relationship doesn't interfere with your work performance.
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  6. 6
    Keep a level head
    If you've decided to reveal your relationship to your coworkers, they'll probably expect things to change around the office. Regardless of the prestige you get from your romantic relationship with your boss, and despite the giggles from your friends saying that you caught the big fish, you're still not the king or queen of the land. Stay humble, and remember that you just happened to fall in love with the person who also happened to be your boss. Don't let pride affect your attitude. If your boss asks you to do a work-related task, do it out of responsibility. Don't act like doing your job or helping out your coworkers is beneath you now. Your co-workers/friends may suddenly seem distant because they will be worried you will report things to the boss. Suddenly your place at the lunch/breakroom table will be taken away as your co workers will not be able to relax around you because you may as well be the boss as far as they are concerned. One of the bonding aspects of co-workers is discussing the issues with management together and you will no longer be included in those conversations.
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  7. 7
    Prioritize your relationship outside of work
    Keep the lines of communication open. All relationships require a healthy dose of conversation, and not just small talk. Since a subordinate/superior relationship is like a balancing act, you should always have a clear picture of each other's feelings about the relationship. All couples eventually have arguments and issues. Never take these to work with you.Make time either before or after work to discuss important issues, and don't fight, argue or discuss personal issues at the office, as tempting as it might be. Keep the romance alive outside of the workplace and make time for each other, so your private life doesn't spill over onto your professional one.
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  8. 8
    Don't use company funds for personal gain
    While it might be tempting to take business trips together on the company's dime, you know that traveling together makes it a much more personal affair. Even something as simple as working on more projects together can be misconstrued as an excuse to spend more time together, so be aware of how your actions look to others. Plan trips and dates outside of your work schedule to avoid the temptation to spend all of your time together. Make sure that you are not the only one chosen to work over time or stay late at the office. It will be natural to want to stay late with your boss, however have your boss make sure that the offer is extended to others in the office.
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Tips, Tricks & Warnings

  • Make sure that your relationship with your boss is not detrimental to your work.
  • Avoid sweet talking and flirtatious behavior at work.
  • Pride will get you nowhere in your career, and that goes the same with having your boss as a lover.
  • Adulterous relationships in the workplace can become uncomfortable, and they can even destroy your career and self worth.
  • If you and your boss break up and either of you continues to make unwanted advancements or shows inappropriate affection, this can be construed as sexual harassment.
  • If you're having trouble balancing work and your relationship, consider moving to another department so you don't have to work beneath your lover.
  • If you have any questions, comments or corrections regarding the above article, don't hesitate to leave a message below.

Questions and Answers

How to forget your first love who is your boss?

There are several ways to forget a first love who is your boss; it's easier said than done, but it is possible. If you can, quit the job. It is hard moving on if you see the cause of your misery everyday. Engage in more activities after work. Maybe go ahead and become a member of a sports club if you are into one. It could also help if you start seeing another guy. If you do though, be sure not to get involved in a rebound relationship. You may want to forget, but make sure not to hurt other people's feelings in the process.

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If you still love him/her, then it won't be so easy for you to forgot him/her. There are times that even no matter what you do, you can't escape the past. However, you should not try to pretend. But accept the fact that right now you are not meant to be and everything is in the past. Go and move forward. Past are just memories that you can't forgot but the present will be much more important.

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How to get your boss to fall in love with you?

This could be a hard "mission", especially if you are eyeing for a boss who's already in a relationship. Supposing he's single, you should try to be your best at all times. Guys generally are drawn to physically attractive ladies. Dress well, but be sure to remain professional. Be well-groomed. Show all your positive working and personal traits. Show you boss that you are more than just an efficient employee; that you are also a very nice lady, someone who any guy would fall for.

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Below are some tips to make your boss to fall in love with you:

1. Be attractive.

- Being attractive is one of the most efficient way to get your boss to notice you. Properly well-groomed and well-dressed employee makes your boss to constantly notice you and appreciate your physical features.

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2. Make yourself always available to your boss.

- If you are doing something in your work place regardless its importance or urgency, always set aside them first when you are talking to your boss. This makes your boss think that you are prioritizing talking to him than your office works and leaves the impression that you like him.

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3. Wear perfume.

- There are some studies that perfumes helps people to easily find their mate. Opposite attraction is not only limited to physical, mental and the person's character, but it also includes smell or scent.

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4. Practice being friendly and always wear a smile.

- Being friendly to your boss and always wear a smile whenever you are talking to him or to her.

5. Be supportive.

- If your boss feels down, always offer him/her your hand or if its necessary, give positive counsels.

The above mentioned tips will help you make your boss to slowly notice you and falls in love with you while maintaining professionalism at your office.

Attitude in the workplace?

In any workplace, professionalism is needed. When you are friends with your boss (or more than friends), don't bring it into the office. Maintain the boss-subordinate relationship during office hours and be best pals outside. Should you have some personal issues, resolve them outside work and don't let them affect your job. In case a boss and a subordinate become a couple, never get intimate in front of other employees, even if the whole office knows about it. Remember that there is a time for love and a time for work.

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Is it OK if I am falling into a mutual relationship with my boss?

Relationships in the work place are an inevitable phenomena, and reactions of the other employees to such relationships with the boss will vary, depending on how the relationship is acted out during working hours. It also must be considered whether the working policy of the company approves of it or not.

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Professionalism is still the utmost priority for everyone, even if a mutual relationship has been established with the boss. In some working environments and cultures, a romantic relationship with the boss is strictly prohibited. This policy has been established so as not to create unwanted biases, non-professionalism and conspiracies within the company to happen. Basically romantic relationships within the workplace, particularly with the boss, may be prohibited by the management and based on the foundation that work, judgments and decisions should not be ruled and influenced by emotional attachments, but should instead be dealt with justifiable decisions.

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If a company has no certain rules concerning relationships among employees and bosses, then it is still of the utmost importance that professionalism within the workplace be maintained and the duties and responsibilities still be fulfilled and unaffected by the relationship.

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Yes, if you and your boss have fallen for each other mutually there is no problem with this as long as he is not married and it does not affect your ability to do you job in the work place.

Is it wise to fall in a love relationship with your supervisor?

Yes, it is OK and wise to fall in love to your supervisor because falling in love is normal and you can't control it. It is also OK to have a relationship with your supervisor if your supervisor is single and also you. Just be careful of your actions, when working, don't flirt with your supervisor, just work. When both of you are on the outside of the working place, you can do whatever you want because there is a difference in a working place and on the outside and you know what is right to do and you must place yourself in the right place.

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Can I get in trouble? I am in love with an employee. I am her boss and we are now in a relationship?

No, you can't get in trouble if you are in love with your employee and if the two of you is in a relationship or dating because being in love and sharing that love is very OK as long as both of you are single when you start dating and no persons get hurt because one or both of you cheat.

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The answer is also "Yes", you can get trouble if you or your employee have a girlfriend or a boyfriend and both of you are cheating, so it is not OK. It is not OK also if both of you are flirting during work, avoid that actions so that the other employees will have no bad comments about the two of you.

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If you are a lady how would you know when your boss is eyeing you?

I can give you the aspect or point of view from a male when they are eyeing a lady whether it is at work or out an about in public.

A man will eye a lady by simply staring at her but when we do we also give a smile to see if the woman is comfortable with us looking at them or giving them the eye. If we see that the woman is OK with us looking at them then we continue to stare or give them the eye in this situation. Along with the eye at time we will look away quickly as to not attract any attention, if your boss is doing this then he is definitely giving you the eye for reasons other than just looking at what you are doing but instead he is looking at you in a flirtatious or inappropriate manner. The reason for the quick look away is because he already knows that he is doing something bad by looking at you in this way or he is feeling guilty for looking at you in this sort of way.

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If you are wanting him to stop looking at you in this sort of manner just give him an uncomfortable look so that he knows that you are no longer wanting him to continue to look at you in this sort of way. This can be done with a simple half smile or frown. It is understood that you will believe that this may cause a problem but your wanting to be comfortable is more important than his feelings towards you in the workplace.

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Having relationship with your single boss? Is it wise?

Having a relationship with your single boss can be a wise decision and it can also be a not wise decision depending on the situation and on your intentions.

  • It can be a wise decision for having a relationship with your single boss for the following factors:

- For a higher chance in job promotion.

- For additional job bonuses.

- Lesser workload.

- Cleaner relationship.

  • It can also be a not wise decision for the following factors:

- If your relationship is openly shown, your office-mates will be jealous of you and creates a negative atmosphere.

- Your boss's reputation will be at stake if you commit a mistake on your relationship.

- Your job is also at stake.

If you are having a relationship with your single boss, I suggest to always keep your relationship to its rightful place and always maintain professionalism at your workplace to prevent any negative effects on your relationship. To sum it up, having a relationship with your single boss can be a wise decision if you handle your relationship discreetly and professionally giving you a higher chance in job promotions and job incentives.

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Can your boss kiss you without any emotional attachment?

Yes people can kiss someone else with no emotional attachment. If someone kisses you that has been sending signals of interest, there is an emotional attachment forming. Desire though can be a reason for a kiss, especially if there were no signs of interest previously.

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I am married and falling in love with an employee? Should I fire the employee to save my marriage?

Have a talk with the employee and let him/her know how you're feeling. If you wish to save your marriage, it's probably in your best interest to end things with the employee. If possible, try to transfer the employee to another department or use your resources/position to help find the employee another job. Simply firing the employee, if you've already had a romantic relationship, can lead to complications and possible sexual harassment claims if the employee is extremely angry about the situation.

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How can I manage my feelings for my boss while I am at work?

I find it hard to do business because I am focused on how attracted I am to my boss.. I have tried: I have tried avoiding him at work, so people won't see me blushing when I see him.. I think it was caused by: He flirts with me while we are working.

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If he flirts with you then he is interested in you as well most likely. You can ask him out for coffee or something after work and see how he responds. Just be sure to leave it as a friendly offer so that just in case he is not interested, you will not feel embarrassed. Be aware that many companies have strict employee dating rules and some people have personal rules to not date from within the workplace.

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Senior manager interfere with other manager's (junior to senior but other team) team member directly and collects information from junior despite request from his boss asking to keep me in loop?

Senior manager interfere with other manager's (junior to senior but other team) team member directly and collects information from junior despite request from his boss asking to keep me in loop

Office politics can cause tension with team members but although this is bothering you, let it continue instead of making an issue out of it. You may want to keep a journal of things you notice but going above the Senior Manager's head to complain about this will not end well for you. It may cause the team member or manager to lose their job and your co-workers will never trust you again. Unless you collectively want to lodge a formal complaint as a group, your best option is to do your job and avoid the office politics.

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In your journal be sure to document the failure of communication from this Senior Manager. You may have to approach them on a regular basis to get the updates but make sure to note all the attempts you have to make to gain vital work related information.

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I have a boyfriend but it's hard to be with him and my boss is very gentleman and he is always advising and supporting, however I would like to focus on my work and job what can I do?

I have s boyfriend but it's hard to be with him and my boss is very gentleman and he is always advising and supporting, however I would like to focus on my work and job what can I do?

Break up with your boyfriend and focus on your career. Just because your boss is advising you does not mean that there is hope of a relationship. If you break it off with your boyfriend then the only thing you should be focusing on is advancing your career and not a relationship with your boss.

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Relationships in the workplace can end careers. It is not worth taking that leap since you want to further yourself in your employment opportunities. Jumping from one relationship to the next can get very confusing and you will need to realize that you can't just break up with your boss and walk away because that will mean quitting your job or you will have to deal with seeing him every day.

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What's your qualification to answer those questions?

Have you ever fell in love with your colleague?

These answers are provided by readers of VisiHow like you. Many of us have dated a colleague at one point in our life. Others can relate with similar life experiences or knowledge of their friend's and family's relationships. If you have anything to add to an answer you can just click the edit button and add your advice.

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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: mary murigi, upul, chukwukere mary

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