Make up with your partner
Edited by Ephraim, Charmed, Eng, Maria Quinney
All relationships have fights and arguments but when a relationship is worth fighting for then so is making up after the argument is over for the both of you are in love and nothing is worth being upset over when it comes to loving your partner. When partners have been together for along period of time they figure out ways to get around arguing for too long or even taking an argument too far in the relationship. But some relationship have not been fore a long time so new comers will not have a good grip on what to do when the argument goes too far and how to make up with their partner. Acting as if the fight never happened or ignoring it will not help in the relationship for the tension of the argument will still be around in the relationship.
Steps Helping Couples to Get Over Their Issues in Their Relationship
- 1Realize the reason for the argument for most times the reason for the argument is not what you are arguing about at the time. Some arguments are meaningless and are happening because of another hidden issue in the relationship, this occurs because of the lack of communication in the relationship. A party in the relationship is not fully expressing themselves and how they feel there fore they will pick other things to argue about, for example maybe the two of you are arguing about leaving the light on in the bathroom and this may not be the real issue but the issue that a partner is mad because you do not pay attention to them therefore feeling that you don't pay attention to them or the fact that you are leaving the light on in the bathroom. A lot of arguments are meaningless just like that but unless you take the time out to get to the bottom of the real problem that dormant issue may remain dormant. If you can get to the main issue then you will be able to make up with your partner. Some other dormant issues for argument include:Advertisement
- Your partner feeling as if they are just not quite good enough to be with you and wonder why you are even with them in the first place and that any day you will be leaving them.
- The fear of being left behind by your partner with either them just leaving, cheating or distancing themselves away from you slowly emotionally and physically. This partner will more than likely argue more about you having to leave to either take care of business or hang out with friends, this meaningless argument can be traced back to this origin.
- Partner feel unappreciated in the relationship sparking arguments about anything to deal with you not thanking them for certain things and always asking them to do something to help for any argument about those types of issues originate from this feeling in the relationship.
- Target the origins or possible origins for your partner to argue and it can help you to effectively make up with them on that level, but understand that finding out the origin can definitely help the making up process.
- 2communication is key in a relationship but communication is only most effective when the two parties are not arguing with each other, the best option is for you to get out what you want to say as fast as you can but get all of the issues out at one time. Maybe the two of you were arguing about her/him talking to someone of the opposite sex but instead of telling them how you felt you lashed out at them regarding something of a different topic and nature. Tell them how you feel in one complete sentence "I was mad because I saw you talking to another guy I am sorry" this sentence right here puts everything together without you having to further explain the reason for your anger. Every issue is put into this sentence to your partner first you told them of the issue and you apologized to your partner about the argument. When your partner knows exactly what the issue is for the reason why you acted the way you acted then the argument will die down faster versus you trying to argue about a fake feeling you have instead of telling the truth. A lot of time you yourself will have arguments with your partner about issues that are not important at all so communicate and tell them of the real reason for your feelings.Advertisement
- 3own up to your mistake for your part of the argument. If you were arguing with your partner and you in fact have some sort of fault in it all then you will need to take responsibility for your part in the argument. When owning up to your part in the argument ensure that you actually take responsibility and you are not placing some of the blame on your partner for you are not effectively owning up to your responsibility by doing this action. By doing this the two of you may open up a new conversation to get to the deeper source of your problem, if you do not feel like putting yourself at fault for the whole argument then you do not need to but make sure you do not put your partner completely at fault for anything that happened during the argument. If you blame your partner for the argument then you are decreasing the chance of the argument being made up. The purpose of this step is for your partner to engage in a whole new conversation with you to get to the main issues and make up. Taking the blame will seem like a sincere gesture to your partner regardless of how mad they are and will get the conversation going into another direction.
- 4humble yourself about the situation and just apologize for what was done in the argument. Sometimes you have not actually started the issue but regardless your partner will take the apology just the same (strangely). Apologizing sort of tones your partner down from being angry in the argument and even if its not your fault this tactic will work all the same in the making up process. At the same time do not apologize to your partner for things that in fact you have not done at all for this argument will continue on for your partner may pick up on your tactic to just kill the argument and then they will continue themselves back into the argument that the two of you have just gotten away from. You are not apologizing for what the argument actually is about (if its not your fault) but you are apologizing for adding to the flame of the fire.
- 5be wrong for once in your life, lose the argument or at least this one once in a while. If you feel like you have to win every argument whether right or wrong lose this about yourself just for this time in order to speed up the make up process. If you continue to have to win the argument you are in a no winning situation for this will continue disconnecting you from you partner. In order to make up with this situation admit your wrong for the sake of the argument even though you want to win the argument think of the sake of the relationship to just lose this one argument.
- 6set up limits to the arguments between you and your partner so that the argument will not go into to waters where there will be a need for a make up session between the two parties. Some limits to set are the "name calling" or "bringing the discussion back when you both are cooled off" limits such as these can help in the relationship for there will be mostly no need for making up when the argument does not go pass the set limits pre determined by both people in the relationship. Limits are a great idea to save you from having to make up and even your partner from having to make up but understand that these limits need to be set by both parties and agreed upon together for if you try to set them yourself you will look like you are controlling everything in the relationship and it will not sit well with your partner at all.
- 7show your love for your partner after the argument. Instead of sitting in the corner with your arms folded away from each other get your partner and do something that can bring happiness back to the relationship. Some people would say its a bribe but nothing is a bribe when you love your partner and would do anything to make them happy, you do not have to spend money if you do not want to but what's more important is the outing itself and the time together. You can spend all the money you want but it will not automatically replenish the love in the relationship, it will take you giving yourself during your outing or special moment in order to get your love back after an argument.
Questions and Answers
I had an argument with my partner and now my partner is pretending it never happened? Should I confront or let it go?
If the argument has a way to arise once again in the future and have a negative affect on the relationship then it is recommended that you confront them about the situation so that it can be handled as soon as possible.
Understand that if the argument can be brought back at a later date that it is better to just discuss the argument now rather than later so that no facts are lost in time. By not finishing the argument and starting again one partner might forget important facts about the situation for they have waited too long to finish the argument. which causes an even more bigger problem.
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Categories : Relationships
Recent edits by: Eng, Charmed, Ephraim