Know when It Is Time for a Divorce or That Your Marriage Has No Future
Edited by Mireya, Alma, Eng, Maria Quinney
Are you struggling with the decision of ending your marriage? Are you so tired of trying to save your relationship that you feel it would be better to call it an end? Having these thoughts can be exhausting and painful, and the reality is that most people go through them alone because of shame of what people would think of them for considering getting a divorce.
There are many reasons for a marriage to lose its way, but sometimes, nobody says anything until it's too late, things get out of control, and there is nothing to save the marriage anymore.
- Communication is essential, telling your partner how you feel and what you need is crucial to healing if you're going through a bad time.
- Empathy is also critical, trying to put yourself on the other one's shoes. However, if things are getting out of hand, counseling is always an amazing way to talk things through.
- Marriage Counseling is a great option to save your marriage if things are getting rough. Even taking a timeout with an agreement could work.
But how can you know when it's time to leave? Ending a marriage does not get easier with age or experience, but sometimes even thinking about ending it can seem too much of an effort, even when we are unhappy!
This is certainly a hard to process question, and undoubtedly painful. Is it when your spouse says, "I don't love you anymore?" Is it after an affair takes place? When has it been enough and time to leave? Marriage is a sacred bond, and you certainly expected to make it last forever, but if your relation has become so toxic that you can no longer see yourself in it, maybe it's time to find the strength to end it and seek for your happiness.
How To Identify 8 Warning Signs That Show It Might Be Time For You To Find Your Peace Of Mind Away From Your Marriage
- 1FINANCE. An unbalanced finance plan can become a burden that drives people apart. For example, the one who makes more money, may try to control the household expenses, this way they will impose their choices when buying new furniture, decorating, etc. Another example in this same situation is when the one making more money lives a different lifestyle for their own, instead of sharing what can be affordable for both of them. This troubled relationship will induce a sense of inferiority on the lower income person. A different money situation is when one of the spouses spends more money than they have, growing debt to the household. Whether this is investing in unsuccessful businesses, betting, lending money to relatives or friends or shopping out of control. This situation may cause the other person anxiety, a loss of respect for the spender, anger, and frustration.Advertisement
- 2AFFAIR. Such a common failure of marriages, some people are just not fully committed to a long lasting relationship and must seek for new adventures, although not necessarily thinking they do not love you, but if it happens once, it is likely to happen again. You should ask yourself if you can live with this. Confronting them usually leads to denial, anger, and sometimes they will even try to blame it on you for being too jealous, dominant or not paying enough attention to them.Advertisement
- 3INTIMACY. Making love and intimacy are basic needs in any serious relationship. If you stopped having frequent intimate relations, if it has become dull, boring, or a mechanical action only to fulfill the task, or even worse, there is no desire at all, your marriage is in a serious alert. A gratifying intimate life is vital to a happy healthy life, as humans, we have the desire for self gratification, to feel loved and being touched. A continuing disappointment in this area, which is a basic human need, is a red flag that cannot and must not be ignored. Are there health issues stopping the intimacy or is this out of emotional pain and spite?
- 4LACK OF COMMUNICATION. There is nothing wrong with spending time together in silence, enjoying each other's company. But when there is nothing more than silence between the two of you, something is wrong. If you are not able to say what you're feeling, either because of fear of being judged or thinking you won't get supported when asking for something, then there is a communication problem. You are no longer in sync emotionally. With this bond gone, marriage will appear empty and lonely.
- 5CHILDREN. In different situations children may be the cause of a marriage failure, keep an eye on the following examples:
- One of the spouse wants kids, but the other one does not. What an important topic, if it was not talked through in the first years of the relationship, it will get to a point when it becomes a struggle. The result is resenting each other for forcing a decision or trying to convince the other that their idea is better.
- The couple is physically incapable of procreating. If you both wanted to have kids and have been trying for a while only to discover that one of you is unable to have children, it might be a huge disappointment to both of you. One feeling guilty and the other one considering that the only option is finding another life partner. In this case, you can still search for fertility treatment or consider adopting a child; it should not be the end of a relationship if everything else is OK.
- After years of dedicating your married life to taking care of your children, they grow up and leave the house. You finally realize that you had set aside your relationship to make the kids your priority, and now that they're gone, there is nothing you can relate to with your spouse. This is a very confusing crossroad because there is usually no anger or resentment, you are just two people that don't know each other anymore. Love can always be found again, but only if both of you are committed to work on it, by spending time together and building a relationship again.
- 6GROWING APART. Focusing on your routine can make you slowly grow apart from your partner. Thinking that as long as each one complies with their assigned tasks or responsibilities, then it's all good. This is a huge mistake, you will end up with entirely different lives and roads to follow. People who got married too young go through this often, their personal growth is at its peak, they go through personal changes and maturity during their relationship. After a few years, with a stronger sense of identity, they might end up reconsidering their marriage decision.
- 7LOSING RESPECT. One thing is to fall out of love or not communicating, but losing respect towards the other is a dangerous sign. There is no way you can have a healthy relationship if your partner insults or humiliates you. Yelling, getting violent, calling you names, demanding you to change your image or to set aside your hobbies only to control you are all signs of lack of respect. Forgiving such actions can be very hard, it is usually a sign that things have ended.
- 8TOXIC ATTITUDE. If every time you are together, there is a toxic atmosphere around, you're on a red alert. All you see around your partner are problems with no solutions. You will either be defending or be attacking all the time. Yelling at each other, mocking and being sarcastic about everything, being angry all the time, those are all toxic attitudes and should not be part of a healthy marriage.
Even if you feel like there is no hope left to save your marriage, if both of you are willing to work on it, it's still possible to heal your relationship. There are always options like fertility treatments, personal finance training, marriage counseling, anger management, to help you when things have gone out of your hands.
Let It Go
If you identified your relation is having some of the most common failures, work on them, don't waste any more time. But if you have tried and nothing has changed, then start focusing on your health and happiness, it's time to let go.
At the end, only you can make this decision but try answering these questions, and if you feel related to more than one, it might be time to let go:
- Does every conversation end in an argument?
- Have you lost respect for each other?
- Do you have entirely different goals in life?
- Is one of you unwilling to compromise to improve the relationship?
- Is intimacy gone?
- Is there no attraction at all to each other?
- Is one of you totally disconnected and shut down, not even arguing?
Take your time to think about the signs, what common failures are you going through, how long has it been going on. If you still have the strength and your partner is also willing to work things out, then try getting help, it might not be the end for you. If you found yourself more likely at a no return point, then seek for personal help to end your marriage as peacefully as possible. Being on your own after many years of having a companion might look terrifying, but it will all be worth it when you find yourself doing everything that makes you happy. And who knows, maybe you grow to become a better person and attract someone whom you can really be happy with.
Categories : Marriage
Recent edits by: Eng, Alma, Mireya