Know if Your Husband Is Cheating

Edited by Nikki, Grimm, Dougie-1, Inukshuk and 5 others


This article is part of our series on Relationships, Dating, and Marriage, click to read more articles.

How to Tell if Your Husband is a Good Boy or a Bad Boy

Many a woman has said that all men are dogs. This is especially true of cheating husbands.

Men chase women just like dogs chase cars. Ironically, much like dogs don't know what to do with cars once they catch them, a good man usually doesn't know what to do when he catches a woman.

For the purposes of this article, good men are loyal and protective, and like puppies, can be absolutely adorable when they're being sweet and playful. They don't usually set out to cheat, and instead end up accidentally getting themselves into trouble.

Was this helpful? Yes | No| I need help

Bad men, on the other hand, are not so good. They're the sort of dog that will steal your dinner off the table when you're not looking, or push their nose up another skirt the first chance they get. They cheat because it's who they are, and they do it intentionally.

Was this helpful? Yes | No| I need help

This article is going to focus on how to tell which kind of dog you're married to, and more importantly, whether your husband is cheating, or just chasing cars. When you're done reading, you should know the kind of husband you have, and what steps you can to take to save your marriage.

Was this helpful? Yes | No| I need help

The 7 Signs of a Cheating Husband, and What You Can Do

You're married, and you should be sharing almost everything.

This section is intended to help a loving and concerned wife identify signs of a potential problem in her marriage, and take steps to correct it. As all relationships are also partnerships, it will focus on problems that arise when healthy levels of communications aren't maintained. Keep in mind as you read this that transparency is key to any healthy relationship. Once you've read the 7 Signs of a Cheating Husband below, you will have a better idea of how to fix your marriage.

Was this helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  1. 1
    He is being more private
    This is possibly the worst sort of cheating, because you know your husband wouldn't flirt with a woman if he was in front of you, and you could see him cheating. It hurts, because you're married. You sleep together, share a bathroom, and in many cases you might even be washing his laundry, cooking his dinner, and cleaning the house. None of these are private things, so when your husband suddenly becomes more private, it's natural to assume that he's hiding something. Most of the time this is an indication that he's keeping his options open, or currently cheating. However, sometimes it can be a sign of other problems, such as a life change, or personal struggle that hes uncomfortable sharing with you. The first thing you should do is try to talk to him.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  2. 2
    He doesn't like to go out in public with you anymore
    The only reason for him not wanting to spend time with you is because of an internal or external problem in your relationship. If your husband used to like spending time together, going to dinner, or just taking a walk in the park, and he no longer enjoys those things with you, it can often be a sign he is cheating. In these cases, he might not want his girlfriend or mistress to see you and him together. In fact, many a mistress doesn't even know that the guy she is dating is married. Other times an unhappy husband will talk to friends and colleagues about his unhappiness, but in order to appear like a strong man, he'll make small problems out to be worse than they are. This later puts him in a position where he can't go out in public with you, because he's told everyone what a monster you are. Anyone seeing you together would of course realize he was just making up stories, and lose respect for him. In either of these cases, you'll notice a definite shift in his desire to spend time in public with you. Asking him to go with you to a private or intimate setting can help shed some light on his true intentions.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  3. 3
    He starts to dress differently
    When a man is interested in a woman, he makes fashion concessions on her behalf. It could be something as subtle as wearing a nicer t-shirt, or a more obvious switch, like changing from jeans to khakis. If you notice fashion changes in your husband, and he isn't making them for you, it's a sure sign he's at least noticed another woman is interested in him. Some of these changes can be relatively harmless, like a shift to collared shirts because his secretary told him he looked good in them. Other times they can be harmful, where another woman rewards him with affection or intimacy for dressing in a way that pleases her. Husbands and wives tend to verbally compliment one another less frequently over time, and it's only natural for someone to respond favorably to attention from the opposite sex. If this is what's happening, you can start of by complimenting your husband on his changes, and see he's not more interested in you than a stranger.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  4. 4
    He doesn't smell like he used to
    This is a complex one, as it there can be one or more causes. However, as a wife, your nose and your instincts will help you to sniff out a cheating husband. First, significant changes in his moods will alter his body chemistry. This will change the way his skin smells, and since you sleep with him every night, you should notice the difference. Second, dietary changes can also be a factor, with certain ethnic foods contributing to changes in the way he smells. Lastly, the soap he uses will also cause changes in the way he smells. If he's showering somewhere else, this can be a dead giveaway that things are not well in your marriage. When you see this, it's time to start working on your own body smells and see if you can't tempt him back home.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  5. 5
    When you call, he doesn't always answer the phone
    Many wives quietly accept the changes that occur over time in their marriages. Often it's done with an understanding of the trade offs involved. A wife knows that her husband may not bring flowers home every night, but he does come home to her every night. Other things don't change though. For instance, a married man will always answer the phone when his wife calls. There are very few exceptions to this rule, but one such exception is when he's with another woman. In those cases, he can't answer the phone because she's there, or he knows his wife will hear music and laughing women, and correctly assume that he's not actually working late. Changes to how he answers your calls are a big red flag that something isn't right. As soon as you notice this, it's time to shake things up a bit around the house, and work towards reeling him back in.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  6. 6
    Your husband's social behaviors have drastically changed
    If your husband was never the sort to visit office parties, but now he needs to attend them to further his career, or he's recently 'discovered' a love of something strange, like kayaking, or mountain climbing, he could be cheating. Of course, he could also be experiencing a mid life crisis, but that would be more towards Corvettes and motorcycles than kayaking and office parties. Generally, drastic changes in behavior are a sure indicator that someone else has sparked his interest in the new behavior, or he's looking for an excuse to spend more time with someone else. Either way, if he's doing these things, you should be concerned - especially if he does not invite you, or becomes upset if you ask about coming.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  7. 7
    His friends and coworkers behave differently around you
    Sadly, this is one of the most common signs your husband is cheating, but few wives see it. It happens when his friends know there is a problem in your relationship, but you don't. Everyone else already have the news that your relationship is on the rocks, and they start to distance themselves from you. Most of the time they don't even realize they're doing it. When he tells friends and coworkers about your 'problems', they naturally side with him, because they see him soldiering through work and life each day, only to returning home to his loveless home and unsatisfying marriage. The problem here is that he never tells you, and neither does anyone else. If you notice this behavior, don't be afraid to ask his friends or coworkers if he's OK. Their answers might surprise you.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help

Tips and Suggestions on Dealing with Cheating Husbands

You're sure your husband is cheating, but what to do?

If you're certain your husband is cheating, you should take the following steps:

  • Talk to a divorce lawyer. By confronting the least appealing and most painful option first, every other step will be easier, and you'll be prepared if things don't work out.
  • Talk to a marriage counselor. Sometimes outside help is needed to save a marriage, and discussing your problems with an uninvolved third party can help.
  • Talk to your husband. Let him know you'd like to discuss your marriage. If the talk doesn't work, you will already be prepared with a marriage counselor.
  • Don't tell your husband you know about his affair. This will only cause a fight, and is counterproductive at this stage. Later, a marriage counselor can help you understand when it's best to discuss his infidelity, so you can both put it behind you.
  • Do not talk to family or friends (yet). Sharing your knowledge of his infidelity will forever color their view of him. This will strain all future interactions you and your husband have with these people. If you end up divorcing, then you can share your hurt with family and friends.
  • Be prepared for the worst. While it's great to hope towards the best, your husband has already shown you he may not be the man you thought he was.
  • If you can't work things out, focus on tomorrow, and let him go so you can move on.
  • If you can afford to, and it will help bring you closure, you can always hire a private investigator.

Questions and Answers on if your Husband is Cheating

How do I know when he is really spending time with his friends, or if he's cheating?

My husband goes out every Friday with his friends, but one time I saw his friend at the store with his wife, when they were supposed to be together, and his friend wouldn't look me in the eye. What does that mean?

Was this helpful? Yes | No| I need help

Hi, sorry to hear about your troubles. Honestly, if he's out every weekend with his friends, but his friends aren't there, that's a sure sign of a problem. If his friend isn't looking you in the eye, he probably was instructed to lie to you, but doesn't want to put himself in the position of supporting a cheating husband in front of his wife.

Was this helpful? Yes | No| I need help

One devious but effective way to find out what's really going on is to secretly invite his friend and his friend's wife over to dinner one night, and then casually ask about when they're going to be taking the two wives on one of these weekend trips. If there really is nothing going on, then both men will probably agree. However, if there is some cheating husband action going on behind the scenes, they won't agree, and his friend's wife might actually start asking questions of her own.

Was this helpful? Yes | No| I need help

It's a common tactic of cheating men to keep the wives of friends from being friends of their own. That way these cheating husbands can have their cake and eat it too. Husbands who are serious about their marriage, however, don't behave like this, and want everyone to be friends, and share quality time together.

Was this helpful? Yes | No| I need help

That's just one difference of many between a good dog and a bad dog of a man.

Not spending time with me, always busy working, doesn't ever have time to take me to the doctor, he loves tending to his job business and not ours?

He is always working, when he not working he spends time with his boys, doesn't show me attention like today he came home, no how are you doing then like now he in another room

VisiHow QnA. This section is not written yet. Want to join in? Click EDIT to write this answer.

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


VisiHow welcomes all comments. If you do not want to be anonymous, register or log in. It is free.

Article Info

Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Maria Quinney, AJ7, Eng

Share this Article:

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 5,881 times.


Thank Our Volunteer Authors.

Would you like to give back to the community by fixing a spelling mistake? Yes | No