Improve the relationship with your ex wife

Edited by Ephraim, Charmed, Eng, Christine Cruz and 6 others


This article will explore how men can improve their relationships with their ex-wives.

An ex-husband or ex-wife is not necessarily someone you must hate. In many instances, couples get along very well after a divorce, and occasionally get back together. If there are any children involved, you will certainly have to interact on many occasions and if you don't get along, those occasions will be stressful for everyone involved. Even if you have recently separated, maintaining a good relationship will make things go easier in the split, for the division of property and possessions, and the transition to single life.

Steps to improve your relationship with Ex-wife.

  1. 1
    Try to determine the specific reasons that LED to the divorce in the first place
    There may be more than one, but it is a good place to start when working toward improving your relationship with your ex.
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    As difficult as it will be to trace the events that LED to the breakdown of your marriage, there are always reasons. Try to find the time in your relationship with things got shaky, and try to remember what was going on at that time. Think about when the arguments started to brew in the relationship and what they were about. Sometimes, it's one great big event, like an infidelity, but more often, it's a collection of little things that add up to divorce. It's important you know what went wrong for two reasons. One is to resolve the issues, and the other is to avoid repeating this in your next relationship. Once you have figured out the issues, whether or not you already knew the reasons, you can take steps to fix the issue/s. If alcohol was an issue with you, you could join AA. If it was an issue with your partner, you could join AL-ANON. Perhaps one of you cheated, and therapy would be a good option, or one or both of you need financial counseling. Whatever you need to do to heal, you should do. Do whatever you need to do to improve yourself, and become a better man for yourself, your children and your ex-wife.
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  2. 2
    If possible, find a really pleasant location for the two you to meet and talk
    This can be anywhere public whether it is a café, diner, restaurant, park or by the water; anywhere the two of you will be comfortable. This will naturally make your discussions more agreeable. The first step is when she agrees to meet with you - period. Regardless of what the discussions are about, it's a good sign that she wants to talk, as this means she is on the same path as you. Only with cooperation is there any hope to rekindle the relationship. When you meet with her, make it a good time. Keep things light and friendly. Don't talk about the past - talk about the future. it will be a good time to discuss certain things, and to be perfectly honest about your feelings. Things you may want to discuss:
    1. Things you have done to improve yourself.
    2. Express you want her forgiveness, if you do.
    3. Tell her you have forgiven her.
    4. What you've been doing since she's been gone.
    5. How you have been in her absence.
    6. Why you need her in your life.
    7. Some things should only be discussed or attempted if you are hoping to rekindle your romance, rather than just improve the communication between the two of you.
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  3. 3
    Cook your ex-wife a romantic dinner that you know she will enjoy
    Women love men who cook. If you don't know how to cook, then learn how in order to surprise her with a meal and also demonstrate the improvements that you have made to yourself. When cooking the meal do not be nervous about it being perfect. The gesture alone may be enough to impress her. If the dinner is a disaster, and you handle it with humor, she just might jump in to help fix the mess, presenting a good laugh for the two of you. Food is always a good choice as it represents nurturing, something you are both probably in need of. Don't be foolish and try to pass off take out as something you've cooked all by yourself. She'll know, and you'll look like a liar. Lying isn't a good way to rekindle any relationship.
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  4. 4
    Slink your way into her heart by getting a pet, especially if you never had a pet during the relationship
    Bringing a cute animal in the picture will bring you closer. Of course this may not be a good idea if you have children, if either of you is allergic or if she isn't really fond of animals. You can either keep the pet at your place, or even better, offer to share, giving you more reasons to get together. Having an animal will bring joy to your relationship.
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  5. 5
    Do your best not to argue with your ex
    There is an unfair advantage when people know the buttons to push to drive their partner crazy. This time is emotional enough for both of you. Best to keep arguments to zero, if at all possible. Remember that this process is to help the both of you improve, and not to backslide into old habits that cause friction. Also, don't let her bait you into an argument. Stand your ground, change the subject; keep it smooth. This will demonstrate your maturity and self-improvements.
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Improve the Relationship with your Ex Wife or Hold a Grudge

Couples are like two birds that fell in love, but if the become incompatibility, or mistakes are made, these two birds will go their separate ways. Some couples are successful at maintaining their relationship, while with other couples, eventually, one or both decide to give up and leave. There is a question that nags in the minds of many men who have been divorced, "Should I maintain a good relationship with my ex-wife, or hold a grudge?"

Many men tell themselves, "Why should I try to maintain a good relationship with my ex-wife, if the main reason we split up was because we no longer got along with each another? The primary reason divorced men should maintain a good, yet casual relationship with their ex-wives, is to make their child/children's lives easier. Whether they like it or not, the reality is, there will be so many instances when they will be in the same social gathering, holiday, event and life moments with their children, and in the future, they're grandchildren.

Those who have undergone divorce should bear in their mind the quality of the post-divorce relationship may affect the psychological health and well-being of the children. The relationship between a divorced couple with children, is never over, it just changes into a different kind of relationship.

Before attempting to maintain a good, yet casual relationship with their ex wives, divorced men should learn what a good post-divorce relationship looks like. A healthy post-divorce relationship is somewhat formal, business like and cordial. This involves a non-intimate relationship with calm communications, that don't escalate into nasty arguments.

Pleasantries are exchanged, compromises are mad, finances are settled and most of the discussions focus on the children, and how to make this transition as smooth as possible.

How to Enhance the Relationship with Your Ex-Wife

  1. 1
    The most important thing to remember when it comes to keeping a decent relationship with their ex-wives, is that men should come from a place where they are confident in the belief that it's possible to achieve it, not only for their own sanity and self-respect, but for the sake of their family, friends, and especially the children.
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  • 2
    Divorced men should explore their creativity, and focus their energy to enhance their life, and especially the lives of their children
    There is no point in a man trying to control the behavior of his ex-wife. If he failed to alter his wife's behavior when they were married, it's doubtful he will have any effect on her when they aren't.
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  • 3
    Divorced men could serve as an example to their ex-wives
    If they feel they are not being treated fairly, or courteously by their ex-wives, the most effective thing they can do is to be kind, and thoughtful. Perhaps she will follow suit, making the situation better for everyone involved.
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  • 4
    It is much better if men keep their mouths shut
    What we are talking about is gossip, rumors, bad-mouthing, and anything else that will puts the mother of your children in a negative light, and quite honestly, makes you seem like a jerk. No one is interested in hearing anyone, male or female, talking dirt about their ex. It gets boring really fast.
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  • 5
    Don't use your children as pawns
    It is wrong, on so many levels, for either to use their children as leverage against each other, or to emotionally damage one other. Whether together or apart, you are still the children's parents, and they depend on you both to love them, and treat them with respect.
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  • 6
    Don't play the blame game
    People will ask about the divorce, about what went wrong. Take the high road - the road less traveled, and don't trash your ex because someone gave you the opportunity to speak on the matter. Say something safe like, "Both of us tried to make the relationship work, but our efforts didn't pay off."
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  • Questions and Answers

    How to rekindle a relationship with an ex?

    If you genuinely want to rekindle a relationship with your ex, you need to know why you drifted apart and split up in the first place. That reason is the key to making a new start. Unless that reason can be discussed openly, you cannot have a new, clean slate to start again.

    Once you have discussed what went wrong, acknowledge and accept the parts you are responsible for. Take time to reflect on your role in the fall out, and genuinely ask for forgiveness. After you have asked for forgiveness, show her why things will be different now. At this point, you have to be armed with more than words. You need to be able to show her you have changed.

    Throughout the process, it's important that you learn to really listen to what your ex is telling you. Listen to her fears, her hopes, her desires and her issues. Rekindling is more delicate than building one. Both of you must have a desire to do this.

    Tips to improve your relationship with your ex-wife.

    Below are some tips to improve your relationship to your ex-wife:

    • Continue spending quality time with her family. Being a divorced couple does not mean that your relationship with her parents should end. Keeping a connection with her family, will keep you connected to your ex-wife.
    • Continue spending quality time with your children. Post-divorce relationships are always difficult on the children. Try to maintain your fatherly relationship with your children. Make sure they know you are still there for them. Plan fun outings and excellent adventures. Your ex-wife will appreciate this more than you will know, and it can only serve to improve your relationship with her.
    • Give financial support. One of the factors that greatly affect relationships of divorced men with their ex-wives is the involvement of financial support. Try to maintain your financial support to your ex-wife and to your children. It's your responsibility. It is not a gift from you. Being on time with child/spousal support payments will enhance your relationship with your ex-wife and your children.
    • Give your ex-wife gifts or DIY gifts. Occasionally giving your children and ex-wife gifts is also crucial in strengthening your relationship with them.
    • Try to have more lively conversations with your ex-wife. Discussing interesting and fun topics, in a friendly and uplifting tone, will prove effective in strengthening the relationship with your ex-wife.
    • Release grudges. Negativity, brooding over the past, continually bringing up the past; all these things will work against any hope of having a good relationship with your ex. Letting go of anger, of all your grudges, will improve your emotional health, and improve your relationship with your ex-wife.

    The above suggestions will help you improve your relationship with your ex-wife.

    I going through divorce and ID like to improve my relationship with my ex?

    We have a 5 year old daughter , and I love them both. I eventually want to rekindle my relationship. I his my family,. . Our divorce so far is amicable. I have tried: Pleading the take me back. trying to vindicate myself. admitting to all my mistakes, and taking responsibility.. I think it was caused by: I failed to be attentive to her needs. communication , I was scared of her reactions so I would white lie,so trust disappeared , I came across as selfish. I didn't do the banking the way she wanted.

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    Article Info

    Categories : Relationships

    Recent edits by: Nuance, Lynn, Nerissa Avisado

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