Identify the Signs of Infidelity in a Marriage
Edited by Donna, Dougie, Eng
Trying to figure out whether or not your husband or wife is cheating on you can be a baffling experience to say the least, because of the dishonest and secretive nature of infidelity in the first place.
Here are some of the signs that he or she might be unfaithful:
- 1Your partner is suddenly missing in action. He or she no longer shows up for dinner on time or spends times with you on the weekends. They are home very late from work and seem to be neglecting you and your family and friends. The person stops acting like he or she is part of your life.Advertisement
- 3You cannot get a straight answer about where your partner is going or where he or she has been. A cheating partner will avoid all questions by being vague, dismissive or even defensive. They will also often be very quiet, brooding about what they have done after they have dismissed your inquiry. You might even be accused of being nosy.
- 4Strange people, comments are photos start showing up on social media. You may see photos pop up and disappear or conversations with new friends about topics or places you are not familiar with. Even though he may not be Facebook friends with his lover, it is not uncommon for her friends to show up on the page to check out how things are going in your marriage and even help arouse suspicion on your part so the two of you will break up.
- 5Your spouse may give you non-verbal cues that show that they are lying. They may fidget, mumble or refuse to hug you. They may not be able to look you directly in the eyes or try to divert your attention from looking at them through deflection. If you ask a question, you may be interrupted quickly.
- 6Instead of an embrace, you get a pat on the back. People who cheat do not want a sexual embrace. You might get a big hug followed by a series of small pats on the back or even a punch on the upper arm. These are all behaviors that are more friendly than sexually erotic and you are now "a chum" rather than a lover and spouse.
- 7Your home phone keeps ringing but when you pick it up, there is nobody on the other end. This is not just a cliché that you see in the movies. Often the third person in a torrid affair will call the home of their lover, hoping that you will suspect or find out or that they will reach your spouse instead of you.
- 8Your spouse smells of a different cologne or perfume. This is also not a cliché. If you catch a whiff of a strange scent as your partner walks by there may be something to it.
- 10Your spouse has picked up new habits. He or she may be smoking, drinking or displaying an interest in new hobbies. It may even be that he or she has not had an interest in these hobbies ever before.
- 11It is difficult to make plans with him or her because they refuse to name a time or date. A cheating spouse needs to keep his or her options open all of the time in case his lover needs to meet him. This puts you on the back burner and you are only informed at the very last minute of what your plans will be.
- 12Your spouse is always talking about a person you know or even suspect of being the third party in a critical way. Some cheaters will talk negatively about the person they are seeing to throw you "off the scent" when it comes to the affair. They might also be cutting up a relative or a girlfriend who knows about the affair and might potentially spill the beans to you.
- 13Your partner is always encouraging you to spend more time away or take trips for a holiday. This is because the less you are around, the more he or she will be able to spend with the third party in the love triangle.
- 15He or she bickers and picks more fights with you. The reason there is more bickering is so that the guilty party can justify his or her actions against you. It helps them to somehow rationalize that you must be a bad person and therefore deserving of any cheating or break-up that happens as a result of it. The fight also gives the person a reason to fly out of the house and meet with a lover.
- 16Your spouse shows changes in sexual behaviour. Sometimes a cheating person may show more interest in you sexually because they are excited by the furtiveness of the other relationship. However, it is also very common for your spouse to avoid all intimacy with no explanation, because they are "getting it" elsewhere.
- 17You never see your spouse naked anymore. This is usually to discourage thoughts of lovemaking. However, sometimes it can mean that your lover is hiding the signs of lovemaking from another person or even a physical change, such as extra hair removal in some private areas of the anatomy.
- 18Trusted friends are voicing their suspicions to you that your man or woman is cheating. Sometimes your friends, family or even the whole town knows that your spouse is cheating. This is a case of "where there's smoke, there is fire." If you hear a rumor from a source who cares about you, it is time to check it out.
- 19You voice your suspicions and your partner explodes with rage. If you have explained rationally why you think that he or she might be cheating and get a very aggressive or angry response back, then it might true. The guilty spouse expresses false indignation as extremely as possible to mask the lie and the sudden embarrassment at getting caught.
- 20Every time you have a fight, he or she escalates the argument to the point of breaking up. This makes it hard for you to address any important relationship issues. It also can mean that your partner is confident with always throwing out ultimatums because he already has the emotional security of his next partner in place.
- 21You feel it strongly in your gut that your spouse is cheating. Nobody knows your partner better than you do and very often the intuitions that we have about our partners are correct.
Tips and Tricks
- Sometimes your partner is hiding an addiction and not an affair. The secrecy, unexplained disappearances and lack of contact associated with cheating can be explained by drinking excessively in private, gambling at the racetrack or being addicted to online pornography. Make sure that "the other woman" is real.
- A partner that gets angry with you for no reason may be cheating because they are actually fighting with the third person in the love triangle, and are still mad at that person. They then take out the unresolved argument on you.
- A partner who is not having sex with you or revealing their body may have an illness they are not telling you about. This is especially something to consider if your partner is older and if the illness affects the appearance or sexual performance.
- A lover who seems more distant emotionally may simply be suffering from depression and not cheating at all. Mentally ill people often need to isolate themselves emotionally from others in order to heal.
- You can buy cell phone surveillance software that allows you to track your spouse's whereabouts that can be installed in your phone or your spouses phone so you can track his or her location. Many of these programs also have the ability to allow you to intercept a call or text message so you can catch the cheater red-handed.
- You might want to consider attaching a GPS unit to his or her car that will track the vehicle's location if you suspect that he or she is meeting a secret lover in another location.
- You can also confirm that cheating is taking place by hiring a private investigator, who can follow your spouse, install surveillance software and hardware and provide you with video footage and photos that are concrete proof of the cheating.
- Be aware that not many relationships survive accusations of cheating or surveillance if it is detected, so be careful how you handle the situation, just in case your spouse is innocent. You are likely to hurt the relationship more if you acknowledge a lack of trust by voicing an accusation of infidelity.