Identify the Signs of Infidelity in a Marriage

Edited by Donna, Dougie, Eng, DeleteQnA

Trying to figure out whether or not your husband or wife is cheating on you can be a baffling experience to say the least, because of the dishonest and secretive nature of infidelity in the first place.

A spouse who is expressing an aversion to touch or intimacy may be cheating on you. Photo by PL. Bogomolov.

Here are some of the signs that he or she might be unfaithful:

  1. 1
    Your partner is suddenly missing in action
    He or she no longer shows up for dinner on time or spends times with you on the weekends. They are home very late from work and seem to be neglecting you and your family and friends. The person stops acting like he or she is part of your life.
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  2. 2
    He or she has changed how they look
    If your spouse is suddenly paying extra attention to grooming or is dressing in a new, uncharacteristic and especially sexy way then cheating may be an issue in your marriage.
    If your spouse suddenly trades an old look in for a sexier one, he or she might be cheating.
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  3. 3
    You cannot get a straight answer about where your partner is going or where he or she has been
    A cheating partner will avoid all questions by being vague, dismissive or even defensive. They will also often be very quiet, brooding about what they have done after they have dismissed your inquiry. You might even be accused of being nosy.
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  4. 4
    Strange people, comments are photos start showing up on social media
    You may see photos pop up and disappear or conversations with new friends about topics or places you are not familiar with. Even though he may not be Facebook friends with his lover, it is not uncommon for her friends to show up on the page to check out how things are going in your marriage and even help arouse suspicion on your part so the two of you will break up.
    If mysterious photos or information is showing up on social media then you might have a cheater on your hands.
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  5. 5
    Your spouse may give you non-verbal cues that show that they are lying
    They may fidget, mumble or refuse to hug you. They may not be able to look you directly in the eyes or try to divert your attention from looking at them through deflection. If you ask a question, you may be interrupted quickly.
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  6. 6
    Instead of an embrace, you get a pat on the back
    People who cheat do not want a sexual embrace. You might get a big hug followed by a series of small pats on the back or even a punch on the upper arm. These are all behaviors that are more friendly than sexually erotic and you are now "a chum" rather than a lover and spouse.
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  7. 7
    Your home phone keeps ringing but when you pick it up, there is nobody on the other end
    This is not just a cliché that you see in the movies. Often the third person in a torrid affair will call the home of their lover, hoping that you will suspect or find out or that they will reach your spouse instead of you.
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  8. 8
    Your spouse smells of a different cologne or perfume
    This is also not a cliché. If you catch a whiff of a strange scent as your partner walks by there may be something to it.
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  9. 9
    Your spouse is suddenly more private
    He or she may insist on locking the bathroom door or doing his or her own laundry. They may not want you to see evidence of cheating.
    If your spouse is suddenly needs more privacy and is locking you out of rooms and closets, then you may be dealing with infidelity. Photo by Ellgaard Holger.
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  10. 10
    Your spouse has picked up new habits
    He or she may be smoking, drinking or displaying an interest in new hobbies. It may even be that he or she has not had an interest in these hobbies ever before.
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  11. 11
    It is difficult to make plans with him or her because they refuse to name a time or date
    A cheating spouse needs to keep his or her options open all of the time in case his lover needs to meet him. This puts you on the back burner and you are only informed at the very last minute of what your plans will be.
    If you often feel left behind or alone, your partner may be cheating on you. Photo by Bert Kaufmann
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  12. 12
    Your spouse is always talking about a person you know or even suspect of being the third party in a critical way
    Some cheaters will talk negatively about the person they are seeing to throw you "off the scent" when it comes to the affair. They might also be cutting up a relative or a girlfriend who knows about the affair and might potentially spill the beans to you.
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  13. 13
    Your partner is always encouraging you to spend more time away or take trips for a holiday
    This is because the less you are around, the more he or she will be able to spend with the third party in the love triangle.
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  14. 14
    Your spouse is suddenly treating you nicer than usual
    If your partner feels guilty you might find yourself being treated like a king or queen or you might receive expensive gifts or other treats. This is the cheater's attempt to allay their own guilt for being unfaithful.
    If your spouse is suddenly very attentive and bringing you expensive or special gifts, it could mean that he or she feels guilty about cheating. Photo by Vicki Nunn
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  15. 15
    He or she bickers and picks more fights with you
    The reason there is more bickering is so that the guilty party can justify his or her actions against you. It helps them to somehow rationalize that you must be a bad person and therefore deserving of any cheating or break-up that happens as a result of it. The fight also gives the person a reason to fly out of the house and meet with a lover.
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  16. 16
    Your spouse shows changes in sexual behaviour
    Sometimes a cheating person may show more interest in you sexually because they are excited by the furtiveness of the other relationship. However, it is also very common for your spouse to avoid all intimacy with no explanation, because they are "getting it" elsewhere.
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  17. 17
    You never see your spouse naked anymore
    This is usually to discourage thoughts of lovemaking. However, sometimes it can mean that your lover is hiding the signs of lovemaking from another person or even a physical change, such as extra hair removal in some private areas of the anatomy.
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  18. 18
    Trusted friends are voicing their suspicions to you that your man or woman is cheating
    Sometimes your friends, family or even the whole town knows that your spouse is cheating. This is a case of "where there's smoke, there is fire." If you hear a rumor from a source who cares about you, it is time to check it out.
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  19. 19
    You voice your suspicions and your partner explodes with rage
    If you have explained rationally why you think that he or she might be cheating and get a very aggressive or angry response back, then it might true. The guilty spouse expresses false indignation as extremely as possible to mask the lie and the sudden embarrassment at getting caught.
    If every conversation escalates into an argument you may be dealing with a guilty, cheating partner.
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  20. 20
    Every time you have a fight, he or she escalates the argument to the point of breaking up
    This makes it hard for you to address any important relationship issues. It also can mean that your partner is confident with always throwing out ultimatums because he already has the emotional security of his next partner in place.
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  21. 21
    You feel it strongly in your gut that your spouse is cheating
    Nobody knows your partner better than you do and very often the intuitions that we have about our partners are correct.
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Tips and Tricks

  • Sometimes your partner is hiding an addiction and not an affair. The secrecy, unexplained disappearances and lack of contact associated with cheating can be explained by drinking excessively in private, gambling at the racetrack or being addicted to online pornography. Make sure that "the other woman" is real.
  • A partner that gets angry with you for no reason may be cheating because they are actually fighting with the third person in the love triangle, and are still mad at that person. They then take out the unresolved argument on you.
  • A partner who is not having sex with you or revealing their body may have an illness they are not telling you about. This is especially something to consider if your partner is older and if the illness affects the appearance or sexual performance.
  • A lover who seems more distant emotionally may simply be suffering from depression and not cheating at all. Mentally ill people often need to isolate themselves emotionally from others in order to heal.
  • You can buy cell phone surveillance software that allows you to track your spouse's whereabouts that can be installed in your phone or your spouses phone so you can track his or her location. Many of these programs also have the ability to allow you to intercept a call or text message so you can catch the cheater red-handed.
  • You might want to consider attaching a GPS unit to his or her car that will track the vehicle's location if you suspect that he or she is meeting a secret lover in another location.
  • You can also confirm that cheating is taking place by hiring a private investigator, who can follow your spouse, install surveillance software and hardware and provide you with video footage and photos that are concrete proof of the cheating.
  • Be aware that not many relationships survive accusations of cheating or surveillance if it is detected, so be careful how you handle the situation, just in case your spouse is innocent. You are likely to hurt the relationship more if you acknowledge a lack of trust by voicing an accusation of infidelity.

Questions and Answers

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


Article Info

Categories : Relationships | Marriage

Recent edits by: Eng, Dougie, Donna

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