Identify Signs a Guy Has a Secret Girlfriend

Edited by Vanessa Alexandra Avisado, Lynn, Eng, Maria Quinney and 12 others

Finding a date in today's fast-paced world is challenging enough, without the complication of hooking up with a guy who seems to have another girl on the side. Girls have to be more cautious when choosing the guys they will be in a relationship with, because there are men who like to play around, and you might not be the only he is referring to when he changes his status to "In a relationship".

In your heart of hearts, you know you are much more into the relationship than he is, but now you are beginning to think someone else is in the picture as well. If you start to have nagging doubts about him, and recognize things that might indicate he has a secret girlfriend, here are some red flags to look out for.

  1. 1
    He never takes you to places where his friends might be. His version of a date always seems to be someplace quiet and private. At first this struck you as romantic, but now you're beginning to ask yourself if he's just making sure you remain hidden. Perhaps you are the secret girlfriend.
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  2. 2
    He hardly ever calls you by your first name. Men who live double lives know if they use names, they may accidentally call one girl by the other girl's name. To prevent that from happening, the 'charmer' will call you hun, or sweetie, or love, adopting a 'no name' policy.
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  3. 3
    He never takes you to his place. If your boyfriend lives alone (or says he does), but he never takes you there, that should be a red flag. If he is too embarrassed to invite you because he is a slob, he should either get over his embarrassment, hire a maid, or clean up his place. Before jumping to conclusions, make sure it's just his dirty socks he's hiding, and not his dirty laundry.
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  4. 4
    You can never get in touch with him outside of your scheduled dates. Every time you call him outside the times you've scheduled dates - it goes to voicemail, and even then, he does not return your calls" a red flag.
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  5. 5
    He has never introduced you to his friends, family or his co-workers, or people. If you have been together for more than a month or two, it's unlikely there hasn't been at least one occasion or opportunity for him to introduced him to 'his people'. He should be interested in introducing you to at least his friends. Some men take a long time when it comes to family. If you've never met anyone connected to him, that's a huge red flag, unless he's recently moved to the area. Something is not right, and you probably already know it.
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  6. 6
    In his wallet, he keeps pictures of his former girlfriend. There isn't a picture of you in his wallet, but there is a picture of his ex. Perhaps this woman is a bigger part of his life than he's admitting. When people move on to a new relationship they usually consign photos to the trash can or at least a box they keep out of sight. This is, of course, awkward because you can't confront him about it without letting him know you intruded into his privacy. It is likely that this kind of guy would make it very difficult to see inside his wallet. Still" a red flag.
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  7. 7
    His cell phone is strictly off limits. Your boyfriend has made it clear (even without telling you directly) that his cell phone is off limits. It's password protected and he never leaves it lying around. If this is his attitude, chances are there are things on his cell he doesn't want you to know about. This should make you wonder if he has a secret girlfriend because he should be able to trust you, you should be able to trust him, and it's hard to establish trust when there is a mystery cell phone in the picture. Another red flag.
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  8. 8
    Neither your pictures nor pictures of the two of you together make it to his Facebook page. You are friends on Facebook, but you have a feeling there's a lot you don't see on his page. You certainly don't see your pictures plastered there, and you can't open some of the photo albums in his account. He may have you on limited access, and that is a major red flag.
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  9. 9
    There's not a trace of you with him anywhere. There's nothing on Facebook or Twitter, or anywhere that the two of you were ever together. It's as if he does not want any evidence that he has a life with you. Be careful if this is how your guy is because he may not really be your guy after all, and unwittingly, you may be the 'other woman'.
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  10. 10
    He cancels dates with lame excuses. Canceling on dates and giving poor excuses is a sign that not all is well with the relationship, especially if this is compounded by your total ignorance of his workplace, and the circles he moves in.
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  11. 11
    Being with him seems a lot like time-sharing. You are only able to see him or spend time with him Fridays, or Saturdays or Sundays" never the whole weekend, and always according to a pre-arranged time. You also never see each other during the week, or if you do it is only late in the evening, or only for lunch in some out-of-the-way restaurant. He never sleeps over and you never stay at his place, often, you haven't seen his place. All these signs may mean not only that he has a secret girlfriend; he may actually have a wife, making you the secret girlfriend.
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  12. 12
    His female relatives don't live with him, but his bathroom has feminine hygiene products in the drawers. That is definitely not a good sign. Even if he doesn't have a female living with him you know that these products imply a certain amount of intimacy. This should be another red flag for you.
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  13. 13
    You find things at his place and in his car that is not yours, but they definitely belong to a woman. Women drop things and leave things behind like magazines, and earrings. If you find stuff like that in his car or his house then there must be another woman visiting aside from you.
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  14. 14
    He needs privacy for certain calls. Most of the time if his phone rings, he'll simply answer it and talk even when you are around. There are calls, however, that he seems to need privacy for. He'll go where you can't hear him, or he'll angle his body so you can't see what he is texting. Often, there are calls he ignores. If you have been telling yourself you are just being controlling or paranoid, you can stop it right there. This is suspicious behavior and deserving of a big red flag.
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Tips and Warnings

If you suspect your boyfriend has a secret girlfriend, you owe it to yourself to clear the air and find out where you stand. It's true that finding a date is a challenge these days, and finding a boyfriend is even more difficult. If he has another girlfriend on the sly, you shouldn't waste your time on him. Another term for this would be "cheating". Get cracking and look for someone else!

Questions and Answers

Do all guys have that secret girlfriend?

No, not every guy has a secret girlfriend. Theoretically, there are men who cheat and there are some who are faithful to their girlfriends or spouses. Men cheat for a number of reasons - there are men who just get caught up in the moment while some have become experts in the art of deception. It is really difficult to deal with guys who womanize or have secret and illicit affairs because someone is bound to get hurt in the process, and it usually isn't him. The devastation and damage left in the wake of this kind of self-centered, narcissistic man is unconscionable In fact, every person, both women, all women, any children" everyone involved with this manipulative man is adversely affected. The good news is that there are guys who are still worth your trust. Love is a risk; or so they say. However, when it comes to relationships, you must always weigh your decisions based on facts and not get caught up in the raw, crazy emotions of being in love.

Should I keep my phone blocked from my cheating ex-boyfriend?

I just found out I may have been my ex's secret girlfriend for three years. I left him last week and am very devastated by it. He was STILL texting and calling even though I found out he is now living with the other woman. I don't get what he wants from me. I've blocked his number but almost have this need to see what he wants? Should I keep it blocked?

Keep it blocked. He is living with another woman and you were his side dish for 3 years. That means that he has become extremely comfortable with cheating and if you do go back to him, he will just keep continuing his cheating ways. If he continues to contact you, you can send him a text stating that if he does not stop you will go after a no contact court order which would involve the woman he was living with. Trust me he will stop then because he does not want to be forced out of that relationship or he would have left years ago when he met you.

I was just looking at your site cause I don't want to be a secret?

I met a guy and he doesn't like to really talk about his past. He hasn't even told anyone about us and he has moved out of state to be with me but just confused why he doesn't say he is with me to anyone. Here he has no problem cause he doesn't know anyone. He even tells people that he is in a different state.. I know he tells people lies and was doing it to me as well but is working on that issue and he lies to his friends and family around me and the girls on his date site. I know he doesn't like talking about his past and wants to erase it and I do like him for him. I really don't know much about him. I know he is not with anyone else and claims his wife has passed. I am not sure really on details of his life and really can't get a straight answer cause he wants to put it in the past. Heck, his mom doesn't even know where he really Is.. Reminding you we are in our 40s. I am lost on the situation.. I'd love to meet his kids but I know that will not happen except for the newest adult child he just found. so many lies and I feel like a secret, of course, he says I am not and his mom would just give us hell.. I don't believe this.. I am a smart woman, however, I really like the way he makes me feel and don't want to lose that feeling.. It is so different than any of my other relationships..

The issues you are facing, all have massive red flags. Have you done an online search of his and his wife's name to see if there was at least an obituary for her? There are guys that say their wife has passed away to avoid the fact that they are cheating but in fact, their wife is maintaining their home in the other state, unaware that anything is even wrong because he told her he needs to work out of state for a while. He does not want to introduce you to his family, yet made the move to another state to be with you. He is hiding something big! Perhaps he is with you shortly after his wife passed away and wants to give his children and mother time to grieve before he introduces you, but he could have just told you that. Now he wants to introduce you to a child that he did not raise and does not know much about his former life with his wife and children. Be wary of all of this and demand that he man up and introduce you to at least his mother or he needs to leave and the relationship is over. You are not young people worried about parental approval but established adults in your 40s!

How do I really know if he is single or married?

I just had red flags comments and I'm floored. I am dating a man who is a lead security officer and seems to always be busy and only have time for me at night, never during the daytime, always says he is at work and can't answer his phone when I call him. I have tried: Don't know what exactly you are asking here. I tried to trust him. Tried to listen to him not lying to me. I think it was caused by: I was too vulnerable

If you are seeing red flags already then it is time to move on. He seems to not have time for you which means that either he has someone already or he is just not that into you. There are people who have highly demanding jobs yet still make what little time they have to spend with their significant other. Back off contacting him to see if he starts to pay more attention to you. Regardless of the red flags, if you start a relationship with him then expect to be alone most of the time with him so career focused. If you can settle for that then wait for him to start contacting you.

What should I do, tell him I know or just walk away silent?

My boyfriend has another girlfriend, she lives in another state. I found that out a year ago, but I kept seeing him. I am not sure if he has met her face to face. He has blocked me from Facebook, and will not allow me on his phone. His birthday was yesterday, I had decided 2 weeks ago to leave him after his birthday, without saying a word... I have tried: I haven't said a word to him, I thought it would pass.I have watched them, became friends with her on another profile.. I started to write her about this, but I didn't. I think it was caused by: Nothing, its about him.. not me nor that other woman..

You are doing the right thing by breaking this off. He has kept someone else in his life for more than a year that lives in another state. There are some serious trust issues with that. You could contact the other woman and I personally would if I was in your situation. Not to be confrontational but more to let her know that you both wasted a year or more of your life on someone who can't commit to one person. Perhaps they had an agreement that they could see other people while they were apart but either way, it is not fair to you to stay with someone who keeps another person on the side.

Hi I invite this guy to my place for supper, this is the second time his cell rings. He looks at it. Sends the message to that person?

What should I do? Do you think he is seeing someone else? He never says he is sorry about the phone call. We go out on a date, and he walks behind me, never with me. I have tried: I have gone to the park with him. and to the zoo. and he walks behind me. I think he is scared people will see me with him. I think it was caused by: I think he has a girlfriend, and he wants another woman on the side

To know for sure, make up an excuse to go to his place. Someone who does not want to be seen in public with you has a reason for avoiding being near you. Maybe he is just shy or does not know how to interact properly in a social setting but this is a red flag that something is up. He is taking you to public places which tell you that he is trying to make an effort but perhaps it is misguided. Keep your guard up!

Do you have a girlfriend? You are so sexy...especially with glasses. so you cheat on your girlfriend because there are so many women around you?

You are so sexy..., especially with glasses. so you cheat on your girlfriend because there are so many women around you?. I have tried: I don't know why this should be a problem. I think it was caused by: This is no problem. you are perfect of who you are

Just because there are members of the opposite sex around you all the time is not a reason to cheat. You are right in saying that people need to value themselves but that also means that they will have self respect and dignity.

I have a friend, she has noticed that her husband has another woman with a 7 months baby. He never communicates when he is at home, only silence. What can she do because she feels being cheated?

I have a friend, she has noticed that her husband has another woman with a 7 months baby. He never communicates when he is at home, only silence. What can she do because she feels being cheated?. She found him with another child who she has been taking charge of. I will be happy to hear from you as an expert.. . Thanks

Your friend needs to end her marriage. It has already ended the minute her husband had an affair that produced a child. Unfortunately, he has also stopped communication with your friend when he is home. He has already emotionally left the marriage. Now your friend should physically and legally end the marriage. Restarting her life as a single woman will be difficult but she will be emotionally better as time heals.

How do I get to the bottom of it?

Hi, I think my boyfriend lies and hides important things from me. We've known each other for 20 months and been together in a relationship for 18 months. Have not seen the place where he lived, apparently, he had moved in with me without my knowledge! Have not met his friends or family (1 friend of him I met once), although his family does not live close. His phone is off limit and I have this gut feeling he is hiding something important. How can I get to the bottom of it?. thanks in advance. I have tried: Analyze and ask questions. I think it was caused by: He is very private, had been hurt in the past but I have been very open and sharing and straight forward with him, it did not work

Someone who has never introduced you to his family after 18 months of dating is hiding something pretty big. It could just be that he is not close to his family and does not have many friends but you should have at least had an introduction to his family over a telephone or Skype video call. Especially if he is living with you. Since he has moved in with you, put your foot down and demand that he come clean with you or explain why he is so secretive. Otherwise, tell him that he can find somewhere else to live and someone else to date. You have invested enough time dating that there should be a talk of future plans together. Don't make any until you find out who he really is. For your sake, hopefully, he is just antisocial and not hiding bigger secrets.

Am I the "bad guy" in all of this? He makes me think I am?

I just recently found out that my boyfriend of 3 years has been talking and meeting an old girlfriend from the past. I believe that they message each other daily but I haven't found out how. We were separated last July and 3 days after he left he met her at her house. He told me he hated her and he felt sorry for her, and she has messed up her life so bad and he couldn't stand her. (but he went to see her) I hired a private investigator to follow him but no luck of photos for proof. All I know is that he argues with me and no physical intimacy for months now which is a red flag. The investigator said she stalks him and knows where he is at, she has been at his work. His co- workers say that he told them they are just friends, he says he is moving out but has not done it, this is day 3. He is very defensive and tries to cause fights, some even physical, like shoving me around. Pushing me up against the wall, preventing me from leaving. Makes fun of me when I cry. Says I am crazy, that he is a good man and hasn't been talking to anyone else. I have tried: Counseling, meeting with our pastor, individual counseling. I think it was caused by: They made contact with each other during separation and starting texting each other and have not stopped.

First, physical violence is never acceptable. Pushing can lead to further violence and he needs to control that or get some anger management therapy. When he makes fun of you crying, it may be an insecure reaction because he does not know what to do about it or how to console you.

I just found out that my best friend has been working with my guy even before she ask me for the favour but am not sure if they are dating?

My friend introduced me to a friend of hers( a guy) after some times, he started dating, everything is moving well, he show me the kind of love no one has ever showed but the my girlfriend talks about him assures me that she knows everything about him including his favourite food and so many things but my boyfriend doesn't like saying anything about her. One day my girlfriend begged me to tell my guy to employ her in his place of work, I did as she said but at the end she was employed. Not quite long, I started suspecting something. Firstly was there love chats,not feeling free whenever they call each other when am around and the one that really touched me is that I found out recently that she has been working with him for a very long time before asking me for the favour of employment. Am so confused, I don't know whether to ask them. Please I need your help. Am in a state of confusion right now because I don't know whether to ask my boyfriend about what I found out concerning he and my best friend

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The man am dating introduced me to his wife. how do I know if she suspected nothing or something?

Am in dilemma because she has welcomed me to their house

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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Mi Shu, Manderin, missy67

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