Identify Signs a Guy Has a Secret Girlfriend

Edited by Vanessa Alexandra Avisado, Lynn, Eng, Maria Quinney and 17 others

Finding a date in today's fast-paced world is challenging enough, without the complication of hooking up with a guy who seems to have another girl on the side. Girls have to be more cautious when choosing the guys they will be in a relationship with, because there are men who like to play around, and you might not be the only he is referring to when he changes his status to "In a relationship".


In your heart of hearts, you know you are much more into the relationship than he is, but now you are beginning to think someone else is in the picture as well. If you start to have nagging doubts about him, and recognize things that might indicate he has a secret girlfriend, here are some red flags to look out for.

  1. 1
    He never takes you to places where his friends might be
    His version of a date always seems to be someplace quiet and private. At first this struck you as romantic, but now you're beginning to ask yourself if he's just making sure you remain hidden. Perhaps you are the secret girlfriend.
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  2. 2
    He hardly ever calls you by your first name
    Men who live double lives know if they use names, they may accidentally call one girl by the other girl's name. To prevent that from happening, the 'charmer' will call you hun, or sweetie, or love, adopting a 'no name' policy.
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  3. 3
    He never takes you to his place
    If your boyfriend lives alone (or says he does), but he never takes you there, that should be a red flag. If he is too embarrassed to invite you because he is a slob, he should either get over his embarrassment, hire a maid, or clean up his place. Before jumping to conclusions, make sure it's just his dirty socks he's hiding, and not his dirty laundry.
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  4. 4
    You can never get in touch with him outside of your scheduled dates
    Every time you call him outside the times you've scheduled dates - it goes to voicemail, and even then, he does not return your calls" a red flag.
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  5. 5
    He has never introduced you to his friends, family or his co-workers, or people
    If you have been together for more than a month or two, it's unlikely there hasn't been at least one occasion or opportunity for him to introduced him to 'his people'. He should be interested in introducing you to at least his friends. Some men take a long time when it comes to family. If you've never met anyone connected to him, that's a huge red flag, unless he's recently moved to the area. Something is not right, and you probably already know it.
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  6. 6
    In his wallet, he keeps pictures of his former girlfriend
    There isn't a picture of you in his wallet, but there is a picture of his ex. Perhaps this woman is a bigger part of his life than he's admitting. When people move on to a new relationship they usually consign photos to the trash can or at least a box they keep out of sight. This is, of course, awkward because you can't confront him about it without letting him know you intruded into his privacy. It is likely that this kind of guy would make it very difficult to see inside his wallet. Still" a red flag.
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  7. 7
    His cell phone is strictly off limits
    Your boyfriend has made it clear (even without telling you directly) that his cell phone is off limits. It's password protected and he never leaves it lying around. If this is his attitude, chances are there are things on his cell he doesn't want you to know about. This should make you wonder if he has a secret girlfriend because he should be able to trust you, you should be able to trust him, and it's hard to establish trust when there is a mystery cell phone in the picture. Another red flag.
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  8. 8
    Neither your pictures nor pictures of the two of you together make it to his Facebook page
    You are friends on Facebook, but you have a feeling there's a lot you don't see on his page. You certainly don't see your pictures plastered there, and you can't open some of the photo albums in his account. He may have you on limited access, and that is a major red flag.
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  9. 9
    There's not a trace of you with him anywhere
    There's nothing on Facebook or Twitter, or anywhere that the two of you were ever together. It's as if he does not want any evidence that he has a life with you. Be careful if this is how your guy is because he may not really be your guy after all, and unwittingly, you may be the 'other woman'.
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  10. 10
    He cancels dates with lame excuses
    Canceling on dates and giving poor excuses is a sign that not all is well with the relationship, especially if this is compounded by your total ignorance of his workplace, and the circles he moves in.
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  11. 11
    Being with him seems a lot like time-sharing
    You are only able to see him or spend time with him Fridays, or Saturdays or Sundays" never the whole weekend, and always according to a pre-arranged time. You also never see each other during the week, or if you do it is only late in the evening, or only for lunch in some out-of-the-way restaurant. He never sleeps over and you never stay at his place, often, you haven't seen his place. All these signs may mean not only that he has a secret girlfriend; he may actually have a wife, making you the secret girlfriend.
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  12. 12
    His female relatives don't live with him, but his bathroom has feminine hygiene products in the drawers
    That is definitely not a good sign. Even if he doesn't have a female living with him you know that these products imply a certain amount of intimacy. This should be another red flag for you.
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  13. 13
    You find things at his place and in his car that is not yours, but they definitely belong to a woman
    Women drop things and leave things behind like magazines, and earrings. If you find stuff like that in his car or his house then there must be another woman visiting aside from you.
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  14. 14
    He needs privacy for certain calls
    Most of the time if his phone rings, he'll simply answer it and talk even when you are around. There are calls, however, that he seems to need privacy for. He'll go where you can't hear him, or he'll angle his body so you can't see what he is texting. Often, there are calls he ignores. If you have been telling yourself you are just being controlling or paranoid, you can stop it right there. This is suspicious behavior and deserving of a big red flag.
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Tips and Warnings

If you suspect your boyfriend has a secret girlfriend, you owe it to yourself to clear the air and find out where you stand. It's true that finding a date is a challenge these days, and finding a boyfriend is even more difficult. If he has another girlfriend on the sly, you shouldn't waste your time on him. Another term for this would be "cheating". Get cracking and look for someone else!

Questions and Answers

Do all guys have that secret girlfriend?

No, not every guy has a secret girlfriend. Theoretically, there are men who cheat and there are some who are faithful to their girlfriends or spouses. Men cheat for a number of reasons - there are men who just get caught up in the moment while some have become experts in the art of deception. It is really difficult to deal with guys who womanize or have secret and illicit affairs because someone is bound to get hurt in the process, and it usually isn't him. The devastation and damage left in the wake of this kind of self-centered, narcissistic man is unconscionable In fact, every person, both women, all women, any children" everyone involved with this manipulative man is adversely affected. The good news is that there are guys who are still worth your trust. Love is a risk; or so they say. However, when it comes to relationships, you must always weigh your decisions based on facts and not get caught up in the raw, crazy emotions of being in love.

Should I keep my phone blocked from my cheating ex-boyfriend?

I just found out I may have been my ex's secret girlfriend for three years. I left him last week and am very devastated by it. He was STILL texting and calling even though I found out he is now living with the other woman. I don't get what he wants from me. I've blocked his number but almost have this need to see what he wants? Should I keep it blocked?

Keep it blocked. He is living with another woman and you were his side dish for 3 years. That means that he has become extremely comfortable with cheating and if you do go back to him, he will just keep continuing his cheating ways. If he continues to contact you, you can send him a text stating that if he does not stop you will go after a no contact court order which would involve the woman he was living with. Trust me he will stop then because he does not want to be forced out of that relationship or he would have left years ago when he met you.

I was just looking at your site cause I don't want to be a secret?

I met a guy and he doesn't like to really talk about his past. He hasn't even told anyone about us and he has moved out of state to be with me but just confused why he doesn't say he is with me to anyone. Here he has no problem cause he doesn't know anyone. He even tells people that he is in a different state.. I know he tells people lies and was doing it to me as well but is working on that issue and he lies to his friends and family around me and the girls on his date site. I know he doesn't like talking about his past and wants to erase it and I do like him for him. I really don't know much about him. I know he is not with anyone else and claims his wife has passed. I am not sure really on details of his life and really can't get a straight answer cause he wants to put it in the past. Heck, his mom doesn't even know where he really Is.. Reminding you we are in our 40s. I am lost on the situation.. I'd love to meet his kids but I know that will not happen except for the newest adult child he just found. so many lies and I feel like a secret, of course, he says I am not and his mom would just give us hell.. I don't believe this.. I am a smart woman, however, I really like the way he makes me feel and don't want to lose that feeling.. It is so different than any of my other relationships..

The issues you are facing, all have massive red flags. Have you done an online search of his and his wife's name to see if there was at least an obituary for her? There are guys that say their wife has passed away to avoid the fact that they are cheating but in fact, their wife is maintaining their home in the other state, unaware that anything is even wrong because he told her he needs to work out of state for a while. He does not want to introduce you to his family, yet made the move to another state to be with you. He is hiding something big! Perhaps he is with you shortly after his wife passed away and wants to give his children and mother time to grieve before he introduces you, but he could have just told you that. Now he wants to introduce you to a child that he did not raise and does not know much about his former life with his wife and children. Be wary of all of this and demand that he man up and introduce you to at least his mother or he needs to leave and the relationship is over. You are not young people worried about parental approval but established adults in your 40s!

How do I really know if he is single or married?

I just had red flags comments and I'm floored. I am dating a man who is a lead security officer and seems to always be busy and only have time for me at night, never during the daytime, always says he is at work and can't answer his phone when I call him. I have tried: Don't know what exactly you are asking here. I tried to trust him. Tried to listen to him not lying to me. I think it was caused by: I was too vulnerable

If you are seeing red flags already then it is time to move on. He seems to not have time for you which means that either he has someone already or he is just not that into you. There are people who have highly demanding jobs yet still make what little time they have to spend with their significant other. Back off contacting him to see if he starts to pay more attention to you. Regardless of the red flags, if you start a relationship with him then expect to be alone most of the time with him so career focused. If you can settle for that then wait for him to start contacting you.

What should I do, tell him I know or just walk away silent?

My boyfriend has another girlfriend, she lives in another state. I found that out a year ago, but I kept seeing him. I am not sure if he has met her face to face. He has blocked me from Facebook, and will not allow me on his phone. His birthday was yesterday, I had decided 2 weeks ago to leave him after his birthday, without saying a word... I have tried: I haven't said a word to him, I thought it would pass.I have watched them, became friends with her on another profile.. I started to write her about this, but I didn't. I think it was caused by: Nothing, its about him.. not me nor that other woman..

You are doing the right thing by breaking this off. He has kept someone else in his life for more than a year that lives in another state. There are some serious trust issues with that. You could contact the other woman and I personally would if I was in your situation. Not to be confrontational but more to let her know that you both wasted a year or more of your life on someone who can't commit to one person. Perhaps they had an agreement that they could see other people while they were apart but either way, it is not fair to you to stay with someone who keeps another person on the side.

Hi I invite this guy to my place for supper, this is the second time his cell rings. He looks at it. Sends the message to that person?

What should I do? Do you think he is seeing someone else? He never says he is sorry about the phone call. We go out on a date, and he walks behind me, never with me. I have tried: I have gone to the park with him. and to the zoo. and he walks behind me. I think he is scared people will see me with him. I think it was caused by: I think he has a girlfriend, and he wants another woman on the side

To know for sure, make up an excuse to go to his place. Someone who does not want to be seen in public with you has a reason for avoiding being near you. Maybe he is just shy or does not know how to interact properly in a social setting but this is a red flag that something is up. He is taking you to public places which tell you that he is trying to make an effort but perhaps it is misguided. Keep your guard up!

Do you have a girlfriend? You are so sexy...especially with glasses. so you cheat on your girlfriend because there are so many women around you?

You are so sexy..., especially with glasses. so you cheat on your girlfriend because there are so many women around you?. I have tried: I don't know why this should be a problem. I think it was caused by: This is no problem. you are perfect of who you are

Just because there are members of the opposite sex around you all the time is not a reason to cheat. You are right in saying that people need to value themselves but that also means that they will have self respect and dignity.

I have a friend, she has noticed that her husband has another woman with a 7 months baby. He never communicates when he is at home, only silence. What can she do because she feels being cheated?

I have a friend, she has noticed that her husband has another woman with a 7 months baby. He never communicates when he is at home, only silence. What can she do because she feels being cheated?. She found him with another child who she has been taking charge of. I will be happy to hear from you as an expert.. . Thanks

Your friend needs to end her marriage. It has already ended the minute her husband had an affair that produced a child. Unfortunately, he has also stopped communication with your friend when he is home. He has already emotionally left the marriage. Now your friend should physically and legally end the marriage. Restarting her life as a single woman will be difficult but she will be emotionally better as time heals.

How do I get to the bottom of it?

Hi, I think my boyfriend lies and hides important things from me. We've known each other for 20 months and been together in a relationship for 18 months. Have not seen the place where he lived, apparently, he had moved in with me without my knowledge! Have not met his friends or family (1 friend of him I met once), although his family does not live close. His phone is off limit and I have this gut feeling he is hiding something important. How can I get to the bottom of it?. thanks in advance. I have tried: Analyze and ask questions. I think it was caused by: He is very private, had been hurt in the past but I have been very open and sharing and straight forward with him, it did not work

Someone who has never introduced you to his family after 18 months of dating is hiding something pretty big. It could just be that he is not close to his family and does not have many friends but you should have at least had an introduction to his family over a telephone or Skype video call. Especially if he is living with you. Since he has moved in with you, put your foot down and demand that he come clean with you or explain why he is so secretive. Otherwise, tell him that he can find somewhere else to live and someone else to date. You have invested enough time dating that there should be a talk of future plans together. Don't make any until you find out who he really is. For your sake, hopefully, he is just antisocial and not hiding bigger secrets.

Am I the "bad guy" in all of this? He makes me think I am?

I just recently found out that my boyfriend of 3 years has been talking and meeting an old girlfriend from the past. I believe that they message each other daily but I haven't found out how. We were separated last July and 3 days after he left he met her at her house. He told me he hated her and he felt sorry for her, and she has messed up her life so bad and he couldn't stand her. (but he went to see her) I hired a private investigator to follow him but no luck of photos for proof. All I know is that he argues with me and no physical intimacy for months now which is a red flag. The investigator said she stalks him and knows where he is at, she has been at his work. His co- workers say that he told them they are just friends, he says he is moving out but has not done it, this is day 3. He is very defensive and tries to cause fights, some even physical, like shoving me around. Pushing me up against the wall, preventing me from leaving. Makes fun of me when I cry. Says I am crazy, that he is a good man and hasn't been talking to anyone else. I have tried: Counseling, meeting with our pastor, individual counseling. I think it was caused by: They made contact with each other during separation and starting texting each other and have not stopped.

First, physical violence is never acceptable. Pushing can lead to further violence and he needs to control that or get some anger management therapy. When he makes fun of you crying, it may be an insecure reaction because he does not know what to do about it or how to console you.

I just found out that my best friend has been working with my guy even before she ask me for the favour but am not sure if they are dating?

My friend introduced me to a friend of hers( a guy) after some times, he started dating, everything is moving well, he show me the kind of love no one has ever showed but the my girlfriend talks about him assures me that she knows everything about him including his favourite food and so many things but my boyfriend doesn't like saying anything about her. One day my girlfriend begged me to tell my guy to employ her in his place of work, I did as she said but at the end she was employed. Not quite long, I started suspecting something. Firstly was there love chats,not feeling free whenever they call each other when am around and the one that really touched me is that I found out recently that she has been working with him for a very long time before asking me for the favour of employment. Am so confused, I don't know whether to ask them. Please I need your help. Am in a state of confusion right now because I don't know whether to ask my boyfriend about what I found out concerning he and my best friend

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The man am dating introduced me to his wife. how do I know if she suspected nothing or something?

Am in dilemma because she has welcomed me to their house

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How do I find it in myself to remove myself from this relationship?

What should I do? I found out a few months ago that my boyfriend of 3 years has been "hanging out" with another female. I was fine with that. I didn't see it as an issue. Until I was scrolling through Facebook and decided to look her up and it says shes in a relationship with MY boyfriend. I confronted him about it and he says that he lets her believe they are in a relationship because shes loaded with money and she does anything he asks her too. But then I find out hes going to her house and spending the night. I found naked pictures of her on his phone. Along with pictures she had sent him of prenatal vitamins and preconception health pills? When he talks to her on the phone they sound like they have been married for years. He's becoming less and less intimate with me. He rarely ever comes home. He doesn't call me and rarely answers when I call. The whole three years we have been together I've constantly had to deal with other females. I've never felt like I was the only one. But yet I still can't find it in myself to leave him. I don't know what to do! My situation is different from others because I legit have actual proof that my boyfriend is being physical with this girl and in an actual relationship with her. He doesn't want me to leave him but yet when I say I'm definitely going to of he doesn't erase her from his life completely...he won't. He says its for the money but I KNOW its way more than that. I think hes bored with me but he doesn't want anyone else to have me. So he leads me to believe his relationship with her is for nothing but his financial needs when in reality shes actually the one hes got feelings for now. I can't confront him about anything that has to do with her. I can't even bring her up in a conversation without him getting all hostile and defensive. He tells me to mind my business and shut up.

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Why after 5 years we had first big fight he threw me out blocked me so I can't see who he talking to hes blaming me saying I tx to much now hes blocked me?

He has blocked me again said not to bother him he will let me know if or when I can come back that he needs time he has another doesn't he

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How can I tell if he's lying to me about cheating or if he is really telling the truth?

So I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months and before we got together he always told me I could go through his phone if I let him go through mine. Well when we got together he told me phones were off limits. I've met his family and everything Even his son but I haven't met his friends. He's changed his passwords many times and I don't have passwords on my phone. I've asked him many times if he was talking to anyone else or anything like that and he always tells me no. I have this gut feeling he's hiding something from me and what makes it even worse is I'm pregnant with his kid and I don't want to have a child with him and try and be with him is he is cheating on me. When me and him are together we really aren't on our phones cause we are spending time with eachother, but when he does get a notification or a message he turns his phone away from me and won't let me see. He has a lot of girls on all of his accounts to everything. I'm also blocked on Facebook and Instagram and he never really post anything about me and I feel like I'm a secret. But at the same time I really do feel like he loves me because he is always talking about forever with me and stuff like that. But deep down I really feel like he's hiding stuff. I need help on figuring out what to do or how to figure out if he is lying or not. Cause he has done it to many girls in the past. How can I ask him without it causing a fight? And how can I tell if he's lying when I ask? Thanks in advance I'm just really stressed and need answers. I feel like it is different because I have met his family and everything and he had met mine we try and stay the night together as much as possible but it's hard because my parents don't like him and I together. We stay at his grandmas allot. I gave met his friends but that was way before me and him ever got together cause I used to hang out with them. But no one knows we are together except my friends because he won't let me tell anyone else. And he only let's me tell my friends because they don't know his friends. But it's different than the articles because I have done most the stuff with him bit there is still that phone thing and hiding stuff from me. I have tried: I have tried talking to him about it and I always get told in the only one that is in his life. But I have watched his snap score and it goes up by the hundred when he isn't snapchatting me and we are just sending chats. So you have a feeling he's talking to other girls. I've talked to people he use to hang out with and they told me he is talking to multiple other girls. And I have talked to his family and they said he's done it in the past so why would he change now. Like I want to believe he has changed but it's hard to cause I have a feeling that I'm just getting played with. I think it was caused by: I think what caused this problem was him lying the first time ever dating. He told me he was living with his grandma but he was really living with one of my close friends and they had been living together the whole time. I finally broke up with him and told him till he could find a different place to live and quit his deal that I wouldn't get back with him. Well he got everything figured out and is living with one of his guy friends. But o still have a suspicion that is doing something behind my back and it really hurts.

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Is he cheating and lying about it? We went on vacay to visit dying grandma and now he spends every day with this woman in my house while I'm working?

So my boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years (this time) we have 2 kids together 8 and 1. 6 months ago we moved across the country for a better job offer. Well recently the kids and I went to visit my parenta and say good bye to gma who is in hospice we were gone for 9 days and while gone he started hanging out with a woman " from the past" everyday for several hours a day alone in my house. I told him it made me feel uncomfortable with how much alone time they spend he told me. "Sorry not sorry I have friends that are girls" now that we are back he hangs out with her everyday in our house while I am working my gut tells me he is romantically involved with her and lying to me about it but I can't prove anything. We have been together for 2 years and this is out of character for him nothing in the article actually answered my question. I have tried: Tried asking innocently after explaining my feelings for reassurance but he denied it. I think it was caused by: We have been fighting a lot he tells all the time for the smallest things very much like he was trying to push me to leave.

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I'm confused, and am starting to enjoy his company. But still not convinced?

I met this guy. Our status has been purely intimate. I never took the time to show him who I am or talk about things I'm interested in. But he started to share personal details about himself. I'm confused, he has never once invited me to go out with him in public, but ha given me his apt gate code. Has left his door unlocked for me. He has let me invade his space just to be around him. He has gone from texting me only sex texting to sharing his dinner and activities that he does throughout his day. He has mentioned he is not looking to date. And the more I push him away or am rude to him, the more he actually lets me into his life.. is it the whole challenge for him? Or could he be interested in getting to know me?

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I need some advice and help on the my issues with my guy?

Hi am Cathy I have dated my guy for almost 5months and he told me he had a wife and showed me his pics. I always visit him at his work place where he stays upcountry and I found there ladies things which he claimed to be for the wife but in the bags I found medical forms of another girl showing visits she made for antenatal in May this year I tried asking the guy he denied the girl completely and I talked to the girl as well and she told me that she was the second wife. Am still confused should I stay with the guy or I should just leave but I feel I love the guy so much and I feel heartbroken and up to now he doesn't admit that he is inlove with the girl.

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Recent edits by: Lesley, Validationoffeelings290, UncookedPotato

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