Identify Signs That Your Boyfriend Is Just Playing Around with You

Edited by Nerissa Avisado, Lynn, Nuance, VC

Are you having doubts about how serious your boyfriend is about your relationship? You really like the guy, and you want to build a good, strong relationship with him, however there is this niggling doubt in the back of your mind that is making you wonder if he is just not as committed to the relationship as he has made you think he is. Here is a long list of signs that your boyfriend is playing around with you. Pay attention, and remember, you deserve someone who wants more than a good time before he dumps you.

Was this helpful? Yes | No| I need help

Identifying the Different Signs

  1. 1
    You've been going out for months and he rarely tells you he loves you
    In fact, he never tells you unless you ask him. You tell yourself that he communicates poorly and he's just not a very "verbal" person. You tell yourself you are just being needy. Well, needy or not, there is a big question mark there.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  2. 2
    There's a lot he's not talking to you about, and he knows how to change the topic when you try to broach those subjects
    Somehow he never lets you know what his plans are. Sometimes you wonder if you are heading for a "what you see is all you get" relationship with him, and other times you tell yourself not to be controlling and insecure. You may wonder; are you the problem? If the two of you are exclusively dating (you think), isn't it reasonable for you to know whether you are going to have dinner with him the next day, or if it's a good time to go out with the girls, or if you should go ahead and wash your hair, do your nails, and give yourself a facial while watching TV?
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  3. 3
    He intentionally withholds information from you
    This is a shade more serious than item 2, and it should set your alarm bells ringing. You sense that as far as he is concerned, his work, his family, and his friends are off limits. Uh-oh! This should make you see that you are not going to be part of those worlds either.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  4. 4
    You can't guess what he's thinking
    Listen, girl, if he is your boyfriend, then he is supposed to be transparent enough so you know a bit about the way his mind works. If that's not how it is, then he isn't letting you in, and it is going to be hard to break-and-enter that kind of a door.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  5. 5
    He has avoided meeting your family or your friends
    This is one big, red flag; it shows he is afraid of being in a situation that smacks of commitment. OK, some parents practically take a shotgun out after dessert when their daughter brings home a man, but being reluctant to meet your friends tells you he is not that interested in getting to know the world you move in.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  6. 6
    You've been dating exclusively for months, but he hasn't mentioned taking you to meet his family
    If you live in Washington and his family lives in Florida, it is understandable that meeting them would be a major undertaking. However, if you both live in LA, you should really wonder what the score is.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  7. 7
    He forgets you are around when you are in a crowd, or you are out with his friends
    He gets so engrossed in his interaction with others that you become invisible. This is not a good sign at all. If he can exclude you now, you can easily be delegated to the periphery of his existence in the near future.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  8. 8
    It's hard to make him spend a lot of time with you
    You know he can spend big chunks of time on a sport or a hobby. He is also able to devote a lot of time just hanging out with his buddies. If it's hard for him to spend as much time with you, you know he won't be around for the long haul.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  9. 9
    If he never consults you, you don't really count
    If he's chosen a movie and expects you to just watch it, or he books a trip without letting you know, or makes a major decision he never even mentioned, your opinion doesn't factor into what he is doing in his life.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  10. 10
    He makes fun of you or trivializes what you say
    This kind of disrespect does not bode well for any hopes of commitment from him. Maybe this is his way of expressing his casual attitude towards your relationship.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  11. 11
    You sometimes have to hear from his friends about trips or parties he is planning
    It has even happened that he only tells you about them after you mention what his friends said. This hurts, doesn't it? And there's not a soul in the entire universe who doesn't realize just how hurtful it is, unless that soul hasn't bothered to think about you.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  12. 12
    He is technically a good lover, but he is never lost in the throes of passion
    Oh my! If this happens, you will have to think about how personal your relationship really is with this guy. Making love is not just about technique; it is supposed to be about being intimate.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  13. 13
    If you call or text him in the evenings, you never get an answer until the next day
    This is the loudest whisper you will ever hear. He can't be asleep each time you call him in the evenings when you are not together, so the hard unvarnished truth is he's just not taking your calls.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  14. 14
    He goes on out-of-town trips without letting you know
    He's out on a trip and you don't know where he is or how long he's going to be away. Unless he is working as an agent for the FBI or the DEA on some secret mission, a.) he is extremely rude and thoughtless or b.) something is downright fishy. Of course, one other reason could be he doesn't think you have the kind of a relationship where he is obligated to tell you things.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  15. 15
    He goes to dinners and parties without you
    You have this feeling that not all these dinners and nights out are business related. It could be that he is still looking around for "the right girl". So what are you...chopped liver?
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  16. 16
    When you meet people he knows, he stiffens up, draws away, and introduces you as a friend
    You know from his body language that he wants people to think you are a platonic friend; he's afraid they'll get the right idea.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help
  17. 17
    He lies to you
    Major ouch! You have to start asking what else he has lied about. In fact, you might want to start re-evaluating your assumption that you are in a relationship with him.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No| I need help

Tips, Tricks and Warnings

Maybe you recognize several or all of these signs, or maybe you see just a few. If you read this article because it is relevant to your present situation, here is what you can do:

  • If you really want to get answers, ask him what the score is. Tell him how you feel, tell him you don't want to seem needy but you need a relationship with someone who is ready to commit. Be forewarned: He might give you a spin about getting to know each other better, or being sure about things. If he does, he's just playing around with you.
  • You can also tackle each issue as it comes instead of making everything boil down to one big question. If holidays are coming and he is planning to go home, ask him if he has ever thought of taking you to meet his family. If he goes off on a trip without telling you, tell him the next time you see each other that you don't think it was right for him to take off just like that. Be forewarned: As you meet each issue head on, you will get closer and closer to the make-or-break question.
  • Be ready to walk away if he is just playing around with you. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to get over him. Of course your heart will break when you end things, but be strong. Many women have had their hearts broken and lived to tell the tale. So will you, and when you do, chances are you will be with someone who isn't just playing around with you.

Questions and Answers

I'm seeing a guy for 6 mouth He thinks I'm seeing someone?

I been with a guy for 6 mouth .He thinks I'm seeing someone. That I'm playing him .he doubts me what do I do?

VisiHow QnA. This section is not written yet. Want to join in? Click EDIT to write this answer.

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


VisiHow welcomes all comments. If you do not want to be anonymous, register or log in. It is free.

Article Info

Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Nuance, Lynn, Nerissa Avisado

Share this Article:

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 16,012 times.


Thank Our Volunteer Authors.

Would you like to give back to the community by fixing a spelling mistake? Yes | No