How to not scare a girl away in 11 steps

4 Parts:

A Woman's Advice on How To Stop Scaring Women Away

Tips & Suggestions to Not Scare Her Away on a First Date

Questions and Answers

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This article is part of our series on Relationships, Dating, and Marriage, click to read more articles.

Relationship advice for men usually focuses on how to make women happy.

This article is going to be a little different than the usual relationship advice. Instead of telling you how to make a girl happy, we're going to explain how to not to scare her away on the first date.

As a rule, most men have an idea of what to do to make a woman happy on a first date, but they don't always know what causes her to lose interest, or never call back after the date ends. This is important, because if you're interested enough to ask her out, you probably want to get it right.

That means never doing these 11 things that will scare a woman away on a first date:

1. 1
   Don't take her to dinner

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   Take her to a movie, and then dinner to discuss the movie, or take her to mini golf, and have some pizza, but keep it casual and fun. Dinner is too formal, and it limits your opportunity to casually interact, hold hands, or just sit next to one another. So skip dinner until later, or just have a cafe snack.

   

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2. 2
   Don't bring her flowers or buy her gifts on your first date

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   You don't know her. Men give gifts because they like a woman, but if you just met, you couldn't possibly be giving her a gift because you like her. If you get a second date, you can bring flowers or chocolates then, and she'll think it's sweet.

   

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3. 3
   Don't share your problems

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   A woman doesn't want to hear about your problems on a first date. She isn't your therapist, and her emotional radar is in overdrive looking for reasons you might be someone she doesn't want to date. Wait until she trusts and knows you before you share your problems.

   

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4. 4
   Don't interview her

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   You're on a date so you can get to know one another better. Pay attention to her, and take an interest in who she is, not whom she knows or how many brothers or sisters she has. If she decides she doesn't like you, nothing else you talked about will matter.

   

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5. 5
   Don't be someone else

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   If she agreed to go on a date with you, it's because she liked you when you asked her on a date. She's not interested in meeting someone completely different, or fake. So relax, have a good time, and enjoy yourself. She'll see that you're real, and enjoy being with you more.

   

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6. 6
   Don't be a needy momma's boy

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   Hanging on your date's every word and constantly seeking her approval is a fast track into the friend zone. Be yourself, and show your interest in her, but also have your own opinions. She'll respect that you can think for yourself and have your own ideas.

   

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7. 7
   Don't be arrogant, especially to staff or service persons

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   Make sure you're polite but firm if there is a problem, but don't forget that your attitude controls this date. Argue with the waiter, and you ruin the date. Laugh about it and solve any problem, and you show her how calm and respectful you are. If you're a monster, she'll run for the door.

   

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8. 8
   Don't be too obvious

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   Women love mystery. Every girl dreams of a bad boy who whisks her away, but then she marries a good boy and settles down. By being a little mysterious, she'll be intrigued, and want to spend more time with you. Don't come on too strong, and you'll get a second date.

   

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9. 9
   Don't be indecisive about where to go or what to do

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   If she doesn't want to do something, change your plan. Show her you are able to take charge and make decisions. She'll appreciate your ability to adapt to changes while still being a gentleman and showing her a good time.

   

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10. 10
    Don't be cheap

    .

    If she suggests sharing the bill after you try to pay, insist once. If she refuses, share it. No bill is worth arguing over. Besides, if she doesn't date you again, it won't matter. If she does decide to date you again, you've shown that you can listen to and respect her wishes.

    

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11. 11
    Don't talk about your ex girlfriends or ex wives

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    This should be obvious. The girl you took on a date wants to talk about her, and you. She's interviewing to be your girlfriend, not your ex girlfriend. Talking about your ex will encourage her to think about how your relationship will end before it even starts.

    

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There is a world of difference between a first date and a second date.

Too many men don't realize that a first date is like a job interview, and a second date is when the work starts. Instead, they treat the first date like a new job, and work way too hard. This causes women to lose interest, and often they won't call back. Women don't trust men who are too eager.

Here are some important tips and suggestions to keep in mind so that you can avoid scaring a girl away on a first date, and even make it to the second date.

• Remember that all women are different. Use this article as a guide for what not to do, but be yourself too. If you feel that you are the sort of guy who gives flowers, then that's what you should do - even though it's a bad idea. Being yourself will make you more relaxed, which will relax her too. This way, you'll both enjoy the evening more.
• Many women do like flowers or chocolates on a first date, but giving them can undermine your chances of seeing her again. In the case of flowers or chocolates, it's better to casually find out what she likes on your first date. Then, be prepared with them on your second date. That will impress her much more.
• The reason you don't want to take her out to dinner is because it's too formal. You'll usually end up sitting across from one another, with no opportunity to be closer if that's what she wants. For example, a movie theater allows you to be touching, without being obvious. It's also a great way bump hands later in the evening if things are going well for her.
• You should always offer to pay because it's you inviting her on the date. That means you got to choose the venue, and the cost. Maybe she doesn't have enough money for such a place, or maybe she just didn't like it. Either way, you chose the evening, and she should not be expected to pay. However, if she insists on sharing the bill, let her.
• Being a momma's boy is bad because it lets a woman know right away that she's going to be second in your life. You will immediately remind her that that no matter how great of a wife she may one day be to you, there will always be a momma who can order her husband around. No woman wants that.

How do I be encouraging but still able to avoid the friend zone?

I'm talking to a girl who's scared to go back to school. I want to help her and be there for her all the way. How can I encourage her but yet still be a guy she'd want to date? I just don't want to end up in the friend zone for this. Thanks!

Avoid the friend zone by offering encouragement laced with compliments. For example "I will miss you while you are at school, but your brain is one of your sexiest features." Boyfriends are expected to offer encouragement just make sure that you do not end up being just the guy that helped her load her car for school.

Why won't girls give me a chance?

Every time I ask a girl out they laugh at me

Think over and analyze possible reasons for your unsuccessful attempts of asking out each girl. Each girl has a right to decline your offer, and you have to treat it as normal. Maybe the girl already has a soulmate or she is not predisposed to conversations during the specific day. If you wish to impress a girl, you have to understand that her perception of a man is combination of imagery, bearing, manners, speech, confidence, and actions. Try changing your appearance and see which one makes you feel more confident. Develop a confident attitude and always smile and be frank. You have to practice your speech in mind before you ask a girl out: it is possible that your phrase may lack correct wording or intonation which causes rejection. You can also change the tactics and build your phrase around a situation so that the girl will be glad to help you. It may even be a bit veiled and not so direct. For example, you are moving out to your own house, and you need someone to help you with advice. At the end of the conversation, you may also leave your phone number along with your business card, which may result in the girl changing her mind and calling you up. Be persistent but do not overdo it.

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.

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