Get your mom to accept your girlfriend

Edited by Ephraim, Charmed, Eng, Lenny B.Delos Santos and 21 others

Gaining acceptance from your in-laws, and building a relationship based on love and respect with them, is a challenging part of any relationship. This can be especially difficult for a potential daughter-in-law and a mother. A mother may show disapproval of the relationship because she fears that her potential daughter-in-law will not be able to care for her son in the same way she has, or she may feel that the girlfriend her son chose for himself, is very different than the one she imagined for him. While it's normal for a mother to be protective of her son, consistently showing her disapproval can ruin his relationship and make the girlfriend feel inadequate and insecure. Some men may even consider leaving their girlfriend to appease their mothers, even if they're happy in their relationships. While there's no single way to get a mom's approval of her son's girlfriend, but with enough patience and effort, acceptance is possible.

Melissarae mother in law.jpg

How to Get Your Mom to Accept Your Relationship

  1. 1
    Accept and appreciate the fact that all mothers only want the best for their children
    They are not being picky or critical just for the sake of being so. The bottom line here is their desire for someone ideal for their sons, someone who can provide sincere affection and attention as they have done so in the past, may become difficult for the girlfriend to live up to.
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  2. 2
    Assess the situation and identify areas of concern, from your mother's perspective
    Realize her concerns are valid, and you should clarify or work on them with your mother and girlfriend. These concerns may not always be negative. They may arise due to lack of information, communication or not enough opportunity to get to know each other.
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  3. 3
    Create opportunities for positive interaction between your mom and your girlfriend
    It would be very helpful if you can identify common interests between them, and let those interests connect them. Hopefully, these interactions will create new experiences and memories, thus building on their relationship.
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  4. 4
    Allow your girlfriend to get used to your family's culture by letting her experience it as it is, without any pretensions
    Explain the customs and manners your family practices, including any unique family quirks that she may encounter. This will allow her to understand better how to navigate her relationship with your family, especially with your mom.
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  5. 5
    Gain some insight about relationships and family life by seeking for your mom's advice
    You don't need to reveal everything about the relationship to the point of losing your privacy as a couple, but getting your mother's opinion on some matters may make her feel respected and treasured. Avoid discussing fights or arguments you've had with your girlfriend, with your mom. It will upset her, and make her more judgmental about your girlfriend, because of the hurt she caused you. This will only serve to increase her disapproval.
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  6. 6
    Avoid talking about your girlfriend all of the time to your mom
    If you know she doesn't hold a high opinion of your girlfriend, this will only get on her nerves and make her feel like you're shoving your relationship in her face and disrespecting her. After all, she may simply feel upset at the perceived loss of her "little boy".
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  7. 7
    Have patience
    Your mom may initially be upset about your relationship, but if she sees that your girlfriend is trustworthy and tries her best to make you happy, she will likely warm up to her in time.
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Things That Your Girlfriend Can Do to Get Closer to Your Mom

  1. 1
    Your girlfriend could assist with some chores at home, especially when there is a special occasion or events where everyone is extremely busy
    Mothers appreciate women who have a good balance between professional and domestic knowledge and skills.
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  2. 2
    Simply caring for, loving, and respecting you
    These qualities are very important to mothers, and the nee to see them from their son's girlfriend. They just want to be assured that they can trust o their future daughter-in-law with their son.
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  3. 3
    Making an effort to learn his family's customs and manners go a long way toward gaining acceptance with his mother
    This shows that she is respectful and truly interested in you and your family.
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  4. 4
    Be genuine
    It's important that your mother can trust your girlfriend in order to accept her, so she should always be honest and polite. She should not try to be someone she's not, just to try to become this specific ideal she perceives your mother may have in mind for the perfect daughter-in-law.
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  5. 5
    She may never get total acceptance from your mother, and that's okay
    Your family may show affection and love differently than hers, and eventually your mom will come to accept her, even though it may not be with open arms. If you both love each other, and are happy with your relationship - apart from the issues with your mother, you can still make the relationship work. Remember, you two are the only ones that need to love and care for each other in your relationship. While it would be nice for your mother to treat your girlfriend as a loved daughter-in-law, it cannot be the only goal.
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  • Encourage your girlfriend to just be herself. Mothers can sense when someone is sincere and when they are not. Dishonesty is something difficult to overcome. In addition, when your girlfriend feels confident just being herself, it will allow her to act naturally, a very appealing quality.
  • Show consistency in behavior as a couple. Finally, getting your mom to accept your girlfriend does not mean that your efforts to be a better couple should stop.
  • Help your girlfriend get to know your mom better. This will be successful if you are transparent and open in communicating with each of them. Share stories about each other's family.
  • Encourage your girlfriend to dress up in a smart way. It does not have to be luxurious nor overly glamorous, but smart and decent outfits are usually something that mothers appreciate.
  • Don't discuss your girlfriend's past relationships, if any, with your mother. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.

Questions and Answers

How to talk to your mom about your girlfriend being pregnant.

You just need to be honest and explain clearly what your plans are as a couple. In this difficult situation, it is important to demonstrate to your mother that both of you are taking full responsibility together.

In my life, I have been in this situation. I was scared to tell my mother my girlfriend was pregnant. The best way to do this, is honestly - just tell her. if you beat around the bush or hint, she will not understand fully what you are talking about, until you simply tell her that your girlfriend is pregnant.

How to coax your girlfriend and mother into having a relationship, when from the beginning, they didn't seem to like each other.

Respect is the first step to connecting. You have to address the areas of concern first, to build a strong foundation for a deeper relationship.

In order to make sure they are comfortable around each other, you should have them around each other more often. Eventually, hopefully, they will develop a reasonably loving relationship. This doesn't necessarily mean they will like each other. Sometimes, it's just not possible, but they will in fact be more talkative and can at the very least tolerate each other. Hopefully, soon, they will like each other, perhaps even develop a friendship. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it in the long run, otherwise, you are always going to be in the middle.

My girlfriend took care of my sick mom, but my mother doesn't want her to be my girlfriend. What should I do? My girlfriend is heartbroken after all that work.

If your girlfriend's taking care of her has not won your mother's heart, it is clear that she won't be giving her approval any time soon. It is natural for your girlfriend to feel hurt; anyone in her place would feel the same way. However, perhaps both of you simply have to go on with your relationship knowing your mother's endorsement is not forthcoming. Focus on what is between the two of you. If you appreciate what she did, let her know that you do. Also let her know you are able to stand by your relationship, with or without the agreement of others.

My mom don't not like her, because my mom saw her to other boy?

My mom don't not like her, because my mom saw her to other boy

Surely mothers are quite protective to their sons, since she saw your girlfriend with someone else then your mother might get upset and think that your girl are just playing your feelings and don't really actually loves you. These are common to mothers, cause what they want is just for you to live with someone who will never leave you and you would be happy always.

But on the other hand, if the boy that is with your girlfriend was just her friend then you might want to ask your girl to talk to your mom and explain her the situation to let her understand that it was just a false alarm on whatever she was thinking about your girl.

I love this guy I've been working with since 3 years now and he loves me too?

I love this guy who I work with very much. We have been together for 3 years now but only meeting secretly because his mother doesn't approve of me. I'm 6 years older than him and have a 12 year old daughter. She liked the 2 girls he had been dating although the had a kid. he says he wants me very badly but doesn't want to disrespect his mom's wishes. Keep in mind they never met me before. Please tell me what to do because I've been waiting on him not pushing him into telling his parents. I've been patient with him, but I don't want to waste my time as well. What can I do please help.... I have tried: He broke with all the other girlfriends but because of the family approving of them its been hard on him. I think it was caused by: He had a girlfriend when we met, they had a lot of problems and he told her about me so she went on and told his mother all sorts of ugly things about me

Three years is a really long time to be in a secretive relationship. At this point, you need to request a meeting with him and his mother. If he refuses to arrange a meeting then there really is no future with him. By three years most couples are engaged to be married or at least living together with the promise of life time commitment. Your boyfriend has not given either of these choices to you. Be warned: There may be another woman involved with him that does know his mother and this is why he has hidden you for so long.

What can I do to make my boyfriend's mom accept me or like me?

Hello.. I am such in a weird situation right now.. its about me and my boyfriend trying to get married..both want it so bad because we need each other and the bad news is that we can't actually go out like other couples do, we don't have the right to do so because his parents told him not to because of some religious views and we don't want to get in details here.. but the thing is that we were actually dating like normal people, going out having fun with each other etc., but suddenly the rules changed! They don't agree anymore with it, so this is where we decided to get married and be together like living our lives.. but unfortunately his parents do not agree to a wedding so soon.. So I was thinking that maybe my boyfriend will fight the situation and convince his parents to a simple wedding but he isn't, and the worst thing about it is that his mom doesn't like me and creating family conflict, which now my boyfriend started to be so distant with me and let me tell you that this is so painful like I can't even say anything to him, else he's going to be more and more far away from me. I'm so exhausted with thinking and feeling so bad about the situation with my boyfriend right now.. I have tried: I tried to talk to my boyfriend about his mom, and the fact that she does not like me and doesn't want me to be a part of their family.. but he always comes to a conclusion of my mom likes you but she needs some time to accept you.. I think it was caused by: The problem is actually me and my boyfriend live so differently, his family are people very religious, and they don't always agree with the way I live, the work I do and so on..

Does your boyfriend live a religious life still? Religion is one of the reasons a couple eventually breaks up or divorces, especially when one has been raised in a religious home. Have you discussed how you both would raise future children and if faith would be involved? If you are willing to, you should ask to go to church with his family and research his religion.

The Bible speaks about being unequally yoked which is the situation you are in right now. 2 Corinthians 6:14 King James Version (KJV)

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

If his parents are religious they are aware that the Bible warns against being unequally yoked and do not want that for their son. Most likely their displeasure has nothing to do with you personally but the fact that you are not religious. To show your sincerity in their son, start going to church with his family. Most likely you will see a difference on how his parent's approve of you.

My mom is annoyed with my girlfriend as she had discussed with her on telephone about me?

My mom is annoyed with my girlfriend as she had discussed with her on telephone about me . Now mom is not happy when I am bonding with her. I have tried: No. I think it was caused by: Her behavior during that telephone call

Unfortunately your girlfriend disrespected your mother's parenting skills. Your girlfriend should apologize in person to your mother. The forgiveness may not come immediately but the apology will help with the tension you are feeling with your mother.

My boyfriend is 50 years old and still living at home with his mum is this healthy?

My boyfriend is 50 years old and still living at home with his mum. I have tried: Talking to him. I think it was caused by: Boyfriend still tied to mother's apron string but he denies it

Your boyfriend has a deep bond with his mother. For 50 years he has been under her roof and moving out might be extremely frightening for him. If he has a job, takes you out on dates frequently and gives you attention then you may want to ease him carefully into the idea of moving out or moving in with you. He may feel responsible for his mother, especially if his father or other siblings are not close by. Culturally there are families that stay under the same roof until the last one passes away. Communal living like that may be normal to him.

Sons girlfriend called police on us can we ever forgive?

We allowed my 24 year old son and his girlfriend to move in for 4 months to help them out. Big mistake, my son did everything for her, she did nothing. No help around the house. Disrespectful to me when she did not get her own way. Got worse and worse, until one day my husband yelled at her for using my son and spending all his money. They say they are leaving, next day I argue with my son over money he wanted.she butts into conversation and tells me she is going to call the cops on me! I said go ahead they and she does!!. . Nothing happened with the police but I am so upset with my son. It has been 2 weeks and I will not speak to him. we have texted business like only. I have tried: Nothing, not sure I want to. I think it was caused by: Girlfriend

She sounds like someone who is only out for their own self-interest. Just step back and let your son learn that on his own. Eventually, he will start to see the error of dating her but only if you do not interfere. Do not stop speaking to him though. You also can't blame him for her actions. What you should do is let him know that his girlfriend is not allowed within your home until she can prove to you that she can behave like a sane adult. Be careful in how you word it though.

Although we will always be a parent once we have children, there is a delicate balance to parenting when our children become adults. We can no longer demand changes as if they were 5 years old and writing on the dining room walls. Instead, there needs to be a level of respect and open communication. Don't force the situation of how you do not like his girlfriend as it could actual cause him to keep her around just to annoy and spite you. Give him time to see her for who she is. If he marries her then that is a whole other conversation but until then you do not have to give her any thought.

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


Article Info

Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Maria Quinney, Nuance, keith

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