Get over a Divorce for a Man
Edited by Train Wreck, VisiHow, Eng, Maria Quinney and 1 other
Recovering from a divorce is difficult for men and women alike. However, divorce affects people differently. Men and women have different ways and different timings to how they process and recover from the pain and loss associated with divorce. They both need time to heal, grow, and move on, but the similarities often stop there. Women and men are different, and this article will discuss men. We will teach you how a man can recover from a divorce, however difficult the actual process of getting divorced may have been. These steps are just part of the process, and we encourage you to ask questions, and submit your own steps and ideas in the comments and questions section below.
- 1Avoid short-term self-esteem boosters. Many men attempt to cope with loss and hurt by devoting themselves to short-term activities. While this may have a short-term positive effect on the ego, there are times it can also have negative results. Throwing oneself into work, dating before you are emotionally ready, or even drinking and substance abuse are just some of the ways men attempt to cope with their emotions during divorce. While these activities may bring short-term happiness or pleasure, they are almost always followed by an eventual crash. That crash is a signal that feelings and emotions from the divorce have not been properly dealt with. Obviously there are also health issues associated with some of these activities that should not be ignored.Advertisement
- 2Engage in constructive activities and hobbies. Marriage takes a great deal of time and effort. It's entirely possible that some of the hobbies you once had or wanted to begin either stopped happening or never began once you were married. Engaging in a new hobby or rediscovering an old hobby is a great way to get yourself back on track. It will present you with an opportunity for self-expression and socialization, as well as keep your mind focused on something other than the loss and loneliness of divorce. While the short-term fixes discussed in the first part of this article are not recommended and can even be dangerous, constructive activities and hobbies are actually beneficial. They'll help make sure you are using your time wisely and keeping yourself occupied. Also, remaining social can be extremely beneficial as you sort out your new life and start to build relationships with others.Advertisement
- 3Take time to deal with your emotions. As discussed above, under "Avoid short-term self-esteem boosters", it is important for you to take time to work out your feelings and develop a strong sense of self in the aftermath of divorce. Short-term activities may provide a quick fix for your ego, but these activities will not allow you to deal with your feelings in a way that results in you emerging from the situation strong and confident. In some cases, time may be the only thing that ultimately helps. The amount of time needed to recover from a divorce will vary depending on your relationship and your own personality. This is because everyone going through a loss needs time to grieve, time to process what happened, and time to recover. Don't place expectations on yourself or your time. Just focus on putting one foot in front of the other, and avoid commitments to others until you've taken time to keep a commitment to yourself of getting better.
- 4Take time to learn about how to be the best parent you can be. If you have children from your marriage, you will likely have visitation rights with them. In some cases, you may even have custody. Nevertheless, solo parenting is difficult. It's also completely different from having another person to rely on. You'll need to learn how to parent for both of you. This involves developing your own style of parenting -- something that works for both you and your children. You can find numerous parenting books that will give you an overview of different techniques you can use to further develop your own parenting style, or you can references some of our great parenting articles. These things will help you develop and maintain a strong relationship with your child or children. It's also important to remember that you'll need to find a way to talk with your ex-spouse at times when it's in the best interests of your child or children. This is particularly true as they grow. Establishing an early foundation of trust, by building a dialogue independent of your divorce, is crucial to this. If you need help, make sure to visit our articles on communication.
- 5Don't discount the benefits of therapy or counseling. It is common for men to be doers who prefer to solve their own problems. However, as you navigate the uncertain waters of divorce and determine how your children will be raised, it may be beneficial to enlist the help of a therapist or counselor. A well-trained professional can act as a mediator and provide strategies that you can use with your ex-wife to help maintain healthy communication. The help of a therapist or counselor can also be sought in the actual process of divorce to help work out the details. Even after your divorce a counselor can help on an individual basis to assist in sorting out any feelings of depression, failure or loneliness.
- 6Remember to get help from friends and family. It's not unusual for some family members to have a strong dislike of your ex-wife after a divorce. That said, many will actually recognize that there is usually more to divorce than meets the eye. They can provide support in the early stages of divorce. In fact, the help you receive from friends or family who have gone through the same situation you're going through now can be invaluable. Reach out to friends and family. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Tips and Suggestions
- Remember, there are a variety of solutions available as you navigate your divorce and its consequences. Some of these suggestions may work for you and some may not. You may also find new ways of doing things that do work for you. In this article, we have discussed a few things that you, as a man, may need to deal with as you overcome this stage of life. Properly used, this advice can help you emerge from the loss of divorce as a healthier, happier, stronger, and more confident man.
Questions and Answers
How do I find friends or someone to talk to while trying to salvage my marriage?
I had an affair that has since been addressed with my wife. We are currently going to marriage counseling. That is going good up until here recently when my wife found out that I have spoken to an old friend that I ran into. I had only spoken to her sporadically over two weeks but I did not tell my wife about it. I realize that I should have told her but in the past, I have had to give up my friendships because of my wife's insecurities. This was way before my affair. I have no friends to talk to, vent with or just share thoughts about things. I feel like I am going out of my mind here. I have gone to therapy but it is not enough. I have no one and I always have trouble figuring things out on my own like this. It is different, in my opinion, because the majority of the articles that I have read involve being able to speak to someone other than the usual doctor, pastor or praying. I am not that type of person. I find it hard to trust people that I do not know and I have given up the friends that I had because of my wife.
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Categories : Marriage
Recent edits by: Maria Quinney, Eng, VisiHow