Get over Fear of Marriage or Gamophobia

Edited by Nerissa Avisado, Lynn, Eng, ananda70 and 9 others

If you want to get over the fear of marriage or gamophobia, you need to be ready to be honest with yourself once and for all. This kind of fear cannot be resolved overnight. You need to retrace your steps as far back as you can to determine how you ended up feeling this way. You may deny it right now, but trust issues may have a lot to do with it.

Almost everyone is well aware of the statistics: Half of all the first marriages in the U.S. always end in divorce. Second marriage's success rates are even lower. When you marry for the first time, you may never even think about the possibility of a divorce. You make a commitment until death do you part. And, of course, you intend to honor that commitment.

There are marriages that end because the parties involved married at a very young age. When they mature, their dreams, hopes, and goals may shift and change. Some young people are saddled with a baby when they were not prepared for the commitment and hard work that marriage demands. Other marriages end up in divorce when one or both of them get emotionally involved with someone new. For those who have been able to survive a long-term marriage, theirs may end when the kids grow up and move away. In this case, the parents may realize they have grown too far apart from each other to stay in the marriage.


Then there are those marriages that end when the victim of domestic violence finally finds the courage and resources to escape the abusive partner. This is a serious issue, and various states have enacted laws to protect victims of such violence from this abuse. For the past two decades, public education has emphasized that neither the husband nor the wife has the right to control his or her partner using threats or force. Domestic violence is wrong and must never be tolerated.

These are just some of the reasons why some people can't help but be horrified at the mere thought of marriage, but these things do not apply to everyone.

Here are the possible marital issues you will need to face head on and the possible ways in which you can resolve it.

How to Get Over Fear of Marriage or Gamophobia

  1. 1
    Problem identification
    If you want to succeed in your marriage, you need to be willing to exert a lot of work and effort. Problems will arise, so you need to give your marriage every possible chance of surviving before you even consider ending it. If you think you're dissatisfied or unhappy, then pinpoint the reasons why this is so and find every possible way you can fix them. The thing is, you'll never be able to do this unless you identify them first.
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  2. 2
    There's no more thrill
    Everyone has their own expectations with regards to marriage. They think marriage will be a lot like courtship except that both of you will go home to the same place at the end of the night.
    1. You cannot really appreciate all the effort that will go into making your marriage work unless you actually do get married and deal with the nitty-gritty of everyday living with that other person.
    2. When spouses do nice things for one another and say good things to each other, it will be easier for them to ignore the little irritations that their partner triggers.
    3. Consequently, when the nice acts and words go far in between, little annoyances can easily pile up and blow out of proportion.
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  3. 3
    Financial issues may sabotage your marriage
    Perhaps you and your partner have conflicting ideas when it comes to your finances. Maybe both of you want more of the good life than you can actually afford, or one of you has the control and is penny-pinching while the other has a less serious attitude about your expenditures. Will chronic unemployment be an issue? Or is there some sort of tension because the wife is making more than the husband? Financial issues can and will add a lot of stress to your marriage if you don't sit down and really talk it out. Consider asking for professional help, whether it's a marriage counselor, a financial adviser, or both.
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  4. 4
    Kids might be a breaking point
    Do you have kids, or are planning to have some? It's normal for the imminent arrival of a baby to be your basis for your wedding. A lot of people really wish to have kids, so they will expand their families early in the marriage, even when they're not yet prepared.
    1. Have you agreed on how you and your partner will raise the children?
    2. It's important that both of you have similar goals for kids and both of you must agree to share the responsibility of caring for the children.
    3. Children are wonderful, but they can also increase your marriage tension and stress.
    4. Make sure you have all these issues cleared so expectations can be met in the long run.
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  5. 5
    Fear of being trapped in an abusive marriage
    If your partner is physically, emotionally, verbally, or sexually abusive, don't even consider marrying him or her. This is one issue that will be very difficult to resolve once you have already tied the knot.  
    1. Fix it first while you are not yet married, and if your partner has seriously changed for the better, this is the only time that you can even consider going into a lifetime commitment.
    2. Know that statistics shows that domestic violence will typically increase in severity and frequency over time. If you think you will never be able to get out of it once you're married, why get married in the first place?
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Tips on Making Your Relationship Work to Make you Look Forward to Your Marriage

  1. 1
    Get into therapy
    Find a therapist if you think you need one. Ask your partner if it will be alright for him or her to join you as this is a collaborative effort to voice out each other's doubts and fears and try to find a way to finally get past these obstacles.
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  2. 2
    Treat any existing addictions
    Your counselor may also be able to help you get yourself or your partner into treatment for whatever addiction is affecting your relationship. Sometimes, however, it takes an intervention from friends and family to get your dependent partner into treatment. This will take a lot of patience, effort and commitment on the people involved, but it's definitely worth it.
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  3. 3
    Manage your finances early on
    Consult a financial adviser to end the financial dispute once and for all. Your financial adviser can help you set your budget, consolidate or reorganize debt, and stick to your plan. Check in regularly with him to review each other's spending habits to make sure both of you can live within your incomes on your own.
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How can you get over fear of marriage or gamophobia? By accepting that nothing is perfect in this world and that problems will definitely arise, but also know that help and resources abound, all you need to do is open yourself up to them. Nothing is certain in this world - only that it's full of choices, and that it's up to you to try and make the right ones. Good luck.

Questions and Answers

How can I treat my boyfriend who has gamophobia?

I am fine but my boyfriend has a gamophobia. For three years, he has issues and he has excuses to avoid the marriage.

A person with Gamophobia has to come to their own realization and desire to overcome their issues with marriage. You have invested significant time with your boyfriend. It is up to you to figure out if you want to stay with him any further before the promise of marriage. Evaluate with him if he would like children, especially if you do. Ask about future major purchases in the relationship such as buying a home together. If you can handle with him making major life decisions together then perhaps that is the closest you will get to marriage with him. If you want a Mrs. title then you should end the relationship now unless he can give you a time frame to work out the issues.

Cold feet for marriage. After my marriage broke off I have developed this attitude towards guys. I make them uneasy and they run?

My marriage broke off, after that somehow I have developed this fear of marriage. I meet good guys but when it comes to commitment, I throw them off. I give them the cold shoulder, I say contradictory words somehow to make them run away from me.

Contradiction and giving the cold shoulder is a way your nervous system reacts to a situation as the phobia mechanism triggers. You can do nothing about it until you start working on it. A lot of people live with a phobia and overcome them from time-to-time. Others are lucky enough to get rid of them completely.

The best action is confronting the behavior that created the phobia (and doing what the article suggests). Talk to your partner or to someone who is a good friend of his. Explain that it is involuntary action and that you require a different approach when it comes to certain situations. If your partner really cares about you, he will be persistent and try to understand the cause of your gamophobia.

Nevertheless, curing the phobia entirely will require a highly trained psychologist, or you can always try to overcome the fear by thinking of it as a test of your feelings, and by creating drastic situations that would trigger those feelings, you can force yourself to confront and conquer those fears.

How to overcome my fear of marriage?

I'm engaged and the wedding day is in 2 months. If my love is strong for my fiance, why do I have so much fear of marriage? When I proposed to her in December I was so happy but since then we have had arguments about wedding plans and house hunting. During this time my depression and anxiety were triggered off, which makes it very hard to do normal things now. I've seen a psychologist, exercised, meditated, acupunctured, spoke to friends etc but all those only helped a bit. Should I get better first before getting married or just go for it on the wedding day, depressed or not?

Many couples feel fractured right before marriage. Planning a wedding and future are very stressful. This is the time when a couple learns to compromise together and resolve their conflicts. If you are doing that then you should get married. This is a time when you are learning how to work together which will be frequent in a marriage also. Finances, parenting, work schedules, and daily life tasks will be occasional conflicts. It is how you and your fiance come to compromise and resolution that is the most important strength your marriage can have.

I have unusual fear of marriage?

I am having fear of getting married and don't want to marry. I have tried: Nothing. I think it was caused by: Don't know

You have to find out whether you really do not want to marry, which is not phobia but just a way of living, or you are afraid of becoming married but you do want to.

If you do not want to marry, then you may know that a lot of people live together without the rite of marriage. There is no need for them to marry, and they feel very comfortable and confident about it.

If you wish to marry after all, then you will need to find out whether your better half wants to marry too. If she does not, then it is better if you devote yourselves to each other without a wedding. If she wants to marry, then you will need to work on overcoming the fear. If you do not seek professional help from a therapist, then you might even sporadically run away from the ceremony, which happens with people with fears. Overcoming the fear is a long process that requires a psychologist to identify the roots and reason for the sudden feeling of phobia that takes a strong grip over you when a marriage ceremony is mentioned. After the roots have been found at the therapy sessions, you will learn to overcome gamophobia.

What is the treatment for Marriage Phobia?

I have a brother who is getting fear to get marriage. He loves a girl very much but he is not ready to get married to her and not ready to leave. He was in a relationship with a girl in the past and she dumped him. Now he has moved on, met one more girl. Both love each other a lot. But my brother is not ready to marry her. Tell me what shall I do?

Ask him if he is afraid of losing the new girlfriend. You can leave subtle hints for him about how well a friend's marriage is or how you can't wait to have little nieces and nephews. Be careful not to pressure him too much. Perhaps your brother and his girlfriend are happy with the way their relationship is progressing. It is after all their decision on where to go next in their relationship progression.

How to overcome the fear of getting married, lack of self confidence?

My problem is that I'm scared to face the situations that I have to face after marriage. I and my fiancee have different food habits, we belong to different communities. I am scared that I will not be able to adapt to the changes that will come after marriage. Please help. I have tried: I'm in a relationship with a guy from past 2 years... everything is fine between us except the idea of marriage. Even I'm quite sure that I can manage with him if his family is not with myself.. I think it was caused by: Maybe I am scared that I will not be able to adjust with his family members, adapt to his cultures and the family traditions. Moreover, he has an unmarried elder sister, she might also get problematic with time

In order to marry your fiance, it appears you have to make some significant lifestyle changes. Try to make these lifestyle changes now and see how you feel after 30 days. Were you fine with all the food changes? Making huge lifestyle changes needs to be desired by yourself or it will not work. As for his family, make clear boundaries with your fiance. Explain that as far as you are concerned, you are only in a marriage with him and not his entire family. Ask him if he can stand up for you towards his family should the need to become apparent. Iron out all your doubts will him before you get married.

Scared of marriage? How should I manage my fears in terms of getting married?

Hi, I am really afraid of getting married? Even a small thought scares me like hell. How to leave my parents after marriage? How will I have physical relationship? Then getting pregnant, repeated sex everyday, I'm unable to cope up with this. Please help

There are two people involved in sexual intimacy from a marriage. If you are not comfortable with frequency then tell your fiance that this is something that you are not ready for. Above all, open communication is the most important thing in a marriage. If you do not feel comfortable discussing intimacy with your fiance then you should not be getting married. Leaving your parents and the only life you have known is scary. Perhaps look into living on your own for a bit of time so that you can adjust to being an adult before entering marriage.

How to love someone? or to confirm that you fall in love?

Sometimes I think that I really fell in love with a person but unfortunately find that with time this is not a love. It just passes time or something that I appreciated for the moment only.. I have tried: I tried to institute many relationships with people but in fact, it is unsuccessful.. I think it was caused by: Because these relationships lack trust. I can't trust men easily

This is why you should hold off on getting married until you have been in a relationship for at least one year. Falling in love leaves almost a euphoric feeling and people often confuse that for how love should be all the time. This is not reality, though. Being in love is different from falling in love. When you are in love you will find that you may not like all of the person's qualities and characteristics but the faults do not outweigh the good. Being in love also means that you still want to see the person on a daily basis or you do not feel complete.

Your issue with trust will continue to keep you from ever having a permanent relationship. No one is perfect and certainly, you should have your guard up at first when beginning to date someone. It is not fair though to compare every suitor against a suitor that wronged you. Everyone is not the same. Trust is earned and perhaps you should make a checklist of ways that your suitor has shown you trust. Working on your self esteem will also help you with your trust issues. Start every relationship prospect with the idea that they are lucky to have the opportunity to get to know you. If they leave, it is their loss. Taking away the pressure on yourself will greatly improve your dating life.

Afraid of commitment and regret my poor choices?

I am very afraid of commitment, I was married before, I feel that all my relationships were poor choices and feel that I will continue to choose the wrong people.. The thought of commitment makes me physically stressed out.. Yet I hate being alone... . How do people judge that the relationship is right? Is it really all about fate? Luck? Magical moments?. I have tried: I have met someone I like, but I walked away.. So exposure to the fear took place. I think it was caused by: I think all my choices were terrible in men and that I will continue to choose badly because I don't know what am looking for

Perhaps you should consider counseling. Work through why you have made those poor choices in the past. It is completely normal to have triggers from a previous divorce present themselves in new relationships. It is how you overcome them that will allow you to have a dating life again. In counseling, they will help you determine where you are going wrong when choosing a life partner. You would be surprised to learn that often our parents' marital issues while growing up influence our adult romantic relationships. Perhaps this is part of your issue with learning to find the right person for you.

My Boyfriend is afraid of marriage. Please help him recover?

Hi, we are from India. I am 34 and my boyfriend is 39. As per Indian culture my boyfriend has been introduced to me by both of our parents before 2 years. He stopped talking to me by saying some reason before 2 years when we first met, and our marriage was stopped. Again recently we started talking, now when the conversations move towards the marriage topic, he is saying he needs more time to think about it. I am afraid if he has got this gamophobia, please advice. My boyfriend loves talking to me. He wants to even take care of my mother and father after marriage, but when we are about to fix the marriage he is keeping silent. He says he has just started his life, he needs some time to fix some of the issues that he faces personally. He is not willing to share the issues with me, saying that it is his problem and he will work out on that. All that he says is GIVE ME SOME TIME. I have tried: I am very polite with him and I am not opposing for whatever he says. I am very friendly to him. I think it was caused by: In his childhood days he might have encountered some problems, which he doesn't want to discuss. So I am not sure what could have caused this problem.

An arranged marriage is never easy. Even when both people like the other person, there is still a major life decision to make with a stranger. Perhaps he is in love with someone else. You owe it to yourself to ask him if this is what is preventing him from marrying someone else. There could be a number of reasons that have him wanting to keep pausing marriage. You can give him the time or ask your parents to void the intent of marriage. Whatever you decide to do, it is in your best interest to not enter this marriage until he is ready. Even then, your marriage will be difficult in the first few years. Forcing him will only make these years more disastrous. If he has feelings for someone else, she will always be in your marriage off to the side. The only way to not have this happen is for him to make the choice to try to love you instead. He has to make the decision on his own or there will always be resentment.

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


Article Info

Categories : Marriage

Recent edits by: DurgaJegatheesan, Fearofdear, siva

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