Get over Divorce for Women
Edited by Train Wreck, VisiHow, Eng
If you were looking for advice for men, make sure to check out our article on how to get over a divorce (for men).
After a divorce it can seem that you'll have to rebuild your life from scratch. While this rebuilt life can ultimately be better than the one that has just ended, it's not easy to get there. This is because the pain of divorce can blind you to the world around you. Dealing with grief after your separation, and saying goodbye to the past can take time. It's often not easy to sort out your own feelings and come to terms with your loss. In fact, sometimes it can seem like you might never be able to enjoy life again. That's not the case though. In this article we will discuss how you can recover from a divorce. We're going to help you find the same strength and character you had before you were married, and move on to find a better life.
Divorce Hurts
Right now you are suffering. You have been wronged, but maybe at the same time you're also feeling that it's somehow all your fault. This is natural after a divorce. Your marriage which filled your life has now suddenly disappeared. With that loss comes a grief and an overwhelming sense of emptiness. Thousands of women have experienced this same thing. Like you they ask themselves many questions.
"Why did this happen? Why did my partner do it? What's wrong with me?"
There's Nothing Wrong with You
- 1You may feel more than the hurt that comes with grief and anger. There may also be a fear of the future. You'll wonder what will happen now, where you'll live, and how you will manage financially. These and other questions will torment you. By themselves they will eat at your self-esteem, but keeping them bottled up inside will only make you feel worse. The fact is, how feel isn't a true reflection of how you are. It's just an emotional sickness. You can't fight it any more than you can fight a cold. Accept it, and remember that these emotions are normal. It is a natural state. Both good and bad memories will come back to you. You'll cry over photos, and miss walks you used to take. Don't change that. It's necessary to let it out and to accept the pain and hurt so you can move past it.Don't fight with your emotions.
- 2Don't do anything you're not ready to do. After divorce you may feel that nothing interests you. Friends will try their best to help, not understanding that your hurts are still fresh. Many times friends will invite you out, try to get you to socialize, and in some cases even arrange romantic meetings for you. Unfortunately, in this state it's very easy to make mistakes. Some people stifle their pain by throwing themselves into a social life. Others choose alcohol, and some start new relationships too quickly. In all of these cases women are pushing themselves to do things they just aren't ready for. Instead, take a step back, and focus on yourself. If you don't really know what you want (and few women do after a divorce), the take time to reflect on your life. Think about what you really want. Pick something that is or used to be important to you, or even three or four somethings. Start structuring your life around making those things a reality. In time the negative feelings will start to fade. You'll be able to say goodbye to the past, and somewhere on the horizon there will be a place for something new.Don't force yourself to do things.
- 3Following your divorce, it's only natural that your body and spirit may not feel their best. You may also not look your best. Sleepless nights may have left dark the dark rings around your eyes, and you may just feel off. Maybe you are off, but that's OK. It's normal, and you can fix it by visiting a beautician. As the old proverb says, "A sound mind in a sound body." Get yourself a nutritional mask, a haircut, or a massage. If you don't want to go out of the house, make a DIY foot spa for yourself. Take time each day to look at yourself in the mirror. Focus on the color of your eyes. Smile. Tell yourself you're beautiful. Don't just think it, but actually look at yourself, smile, and say, "You're beautiful!" You are beautiful, whether it's inside or out or both. Don't let yourself forget that, and no one else will either.Focus on your appearance.
Motivate Yourself with Work
If you were previously motivated to work for your family, or if you were motivated by working at home to support your children and spouse, you'll need to refocus that energy. Where it was your family motivating you before, you need to switch some of that perspective to yourself. Focusing on your career is a great way to do that. Start by asking yourself some basic questions:
- 1What will your career goals give you?
Find passion in what you do. Don't let the pain of divorce drag you down and depress you. Even if you don't feel motivated now to work, remember that eventually it will enable you to fulfill your dreams. To help remind yourself of that, take one day a week, or one day a month, and try new things as a reward for your work efforts. Do things you never tried before. Try rock climbing, hang gliding, or even bungee jumping if you're feeling extreme.
Plan Your Future Now
Now is also a good time to look at your life. What else isn't working out? Could it be that some of those things you were unhappy with contributed to the divorce? Maybe you're not happy in your current job. Or perhaps you've always wanted to live somewhere else. Now is the time to plan these things -- but not do them. Focus on overcoming the pain of divorce, and plan your future now. Decide what it is you want in your life, and what will give you the most joy. Plan out how you will accomplish those goals, and you'll start to see how you can enjoy recover from divorce and learn to enjoy life again.
Additional Tips
- We all suffer differently. Because of this our recovery times differ too. Some people manage to deal with a problem after weeks, while others can take months or even years. The important thing is to realize that now you've divorced, you need to rearrange your life according to your needs and expectations. Give yourself time to learn what those needs and expectations are. Remember that when the storm is over the sun always comes out again.
See more articles for women on relationships: Getting Relationship Advice, Getting Over a Broken Heart (Female), Cheating Husband, Finding Out If Your Husband Loves You, and Surviving Internet Affairs and Reparing Relationships.
If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.
