Get a Divorce for the Prepared Woman
Edited by Train Wreck, Eng, VisiHow, lisa raymond and 1 other
Even if they have been married for many years, some women decide to get a divorce. There are many reasons for this. Perhaps you may be one of these women. Maybe after countless attempts of dealing with martial problems did not yield any positive results, you have realized that either you don't want to be or can't be with your spouse any longer. While there are various reasons for divorcing, it can be an emotionally and financially devastating step for a woman to take. If you have decided to divorce, there are some things you must pay attention to before even suggesting divorce to your husband. We've discussed these in depth below, and we will help answer questions you may have in the questions section at the end of this article.
Before You Divorce Your Husband
Unfortunately, many divorces end up with emotional battles that eventually destroy one or both parties. However nice you may believe your husband to be, don't take chances. Prepare yourself for the worst and hope for the best.
- 1Contact a Marriage Counselor. If you haven't already spoken with a marriage counselor, now is the time. A marriage counselor can help you be certain that divorce is the right choice for you. Many times it may not be the best solution, but you may be unable to see that, or need someone else to help you look at the problem. Sometimes counseling can save a marriage, and if you married with the best of intentions, it's worth at least spending one or two sessions with a marriage counselor to get a second opinion.Advertisement
- 2Contact a Lawyer. There are different ways of getting divorced all over the world. There may be differences based on where you got married, what your nationality is, or what your faith is. A lawyer can help you in this situation. The lawyer will introduce you to your rights, explain the process of getting a divorce, inform you about the necessary steps you need to take, and later on represent you in court if needed. The more informed you are, the better your results will be.Advertisement
- 3Set Aside Money. If you have joint accounts with your husband, it's almost guaranteed that you will no longer share those accounts once you are divorced. When this happens, if the two of you are on bad terms, it can mean you are left with no finances. Worse, you could end up with your direct deposit payroll still going into an account that he can withdraw from. Make sure you have spare cash to cover your expenses and needs in an emergency.
- 4Talk With Friends. Discuss where you could stay in an emergency and how long you could realistically stay there. Sometimes divorces go sour quickly with husbands forcing their wives into the street when divorce is discussed. If you have nowhere to go, you'll be forced to accept his terms to come back home. Don't let that happen and prepare yourself for the worst, even if you think he would never do that. Don't take chances.
- 5Consider Your Children. If you have children, consider how you will manage their needs when you are divorced. Who takes them to school now? How will they get home? Who will care for them if they are too small, or if you previously shared the workload of caring for the children? Who will cook the meals and shop for food? What about washing clothes? Many times parents share these responsibilities. They don't truly consider the support they may have unknowingly been receiving from their spouse, such as a husband playing with the children while a wife washes clothes or dishes. When you divorce, you need to be prepared to deal with all of those things alone.
- 6Take Care of Pets When You Divorce. Another casualty of divorce is pets. If you have a dog, cats, a fish, birds, or any other pets, consider what happens to them. This can be quite difficult if you and your husband have larger animals such as a horse. If you divorce and move to a small apartment, obviously you won't be able to take your horse. If your husband is not interested in taking care of your pet and you can't keep your pet, it's better to have a home prepared in advance. Letting the pet suffer should not be even considered as the consequence.
When You Divorce Your Husband
Now that you are divorcing, you need to keep the same degree of preparedness you had before. Follow the tips below to make sure you don't do anything wrong or make any mistakes that complicate things.
- 1Do Not Rush Into Divorce. Give yourself time. Although it may sound as if we recommend that you prolong your suffering, this is not what we mean. Getting a divorce is not the same as simply breaking up with a partner because in this case more factors are involved, especially if the two of you have children. The time that you should give yourself depends on your strategy and plans for what will happen after the divorce is complete. Do it consciously, and pay very close attention to the details. Rushing things can cause you to make bad decisions. Take things one step at a time. Some women even leave their paperwork at the lawyer's office and do their best to completely forget the divorce until the lawyer calls them. In this way, you can have the lawyer only call on a particular schedule, such as Wednesdays after 2. That way, your week and weekends will be free of worry over a call, and you can try to learn how to enjoy yourself again.Advertisement
- 2Consider the Financial Aspects. In many cases, divorce costs money. Short-term costs mainly include legal fees. If you decide not to hire a lawyer, the process may be quick and uncomplicated, and the cost of the divorce might be relatively low. This option is only recommended for cases in which you know exactly how to proceed and you're strong enough to do it alone. For more complex cases, especially those involving large sums of money, these costs can add up to thousands of dollars. Much more important, however, are the long-term costs, namely any shared assets you had, and the loss of an additional income. While you will still have certain bills and debts together, you will lose all of the income of your husband. Therefore, it may be helpful to think of the divorce as a kind of business contract. If you are not able to manage financially on your own after the divorce, especially if your partner is the main source of income for your family. You should start looking for a new or additional job, especially if you have children that will remain with you after divorce. While many women sue for alimony, it leaves things very bitter between partners. It is also rarely enough. Also, sometimes you may be ineligible for alimony. Discuss these things with your lawyer before making any decisions.
- 3Collect Your Paperwork. Make copies of all documents from at least the last three years of your marriage. Every type of document that can be relevant, for example tax records, bank statements, important agreements or contracts, property deeds, insurance policies, stocks and bonds, etc., should be copied and legally certified. In order not to lose or misplace them, you might consider storing these documents with your lawyer or other trusted person. Also consider also having your own lock box. A lock box may also be useful for other things, such as collecting and storing jewelry or personal valuables that you may fear losing during the divorce and process of moving and or separating.
- 4Take Care of Banks and Credit Cards. Convert joint credit cards to your or his name, or close apply for your own credit cards and close the shared ones. Then close joint bank accounts. If you can't get your spouse to cooperate, which is not always easy to do, then you will need to work through your lawyer. Likewise, you will need to settle any shared loans or financial obligations you jointly have, such as car loans or home mortgages. The banks will not want to risk losing a possible guarantor of any loans, so in most cases it is very difficult to get yourself immediately removed. Instead, you or your former spouse can try to refinance individually. If this fails to work, you'll need get help from your lawyer to try and make sure you are protected from any defaults your former spouse may make.
- 5No Sheet Music. Too many couples planning to divorce sometimes end up spending the night with one another before the divorce is finalized. In some parts of the world, this can invalidate the divorce procedure. Even if your lawyer tells you that there is no legal issue with such behavior, consider the emotional problems. You and your husband will be sharing things again that you couldn't properly share when divorced. That's not something you want to do, and it can confuse both of you.
Remember that getting a divorce does is much more than simply going to the court with a lawyer and hearing from the judge that you are no longer married.
- You and your spouse integrated many aspects of your lives over the years. Maybe he changed the light bulbs or opened stuck jars. Maybe you ironed his shirts or folded clothes. It's sometimes helpful to make a list of all the things you ask him to help you with while you are still married, and then try to do them on your own -- before the divorce. If you can't do some of them, consider how you might be able to do things differently when you're single so you will be able to do it.
- Consider contacting or joining a women's support network. Too many women go through divorce alone. Find other women you can talk with who have shared similar experiences. You're definitely not alone, however alone divorce may make you feel. Plus, a network of other helpful women can sometimes lead you to job offers, housing, and even tips on how to get back to being single and standing on your own again.
See more articles for women on relationships: Writing Sweet Good-Night Messages, Telling If Your Husband Attracted to Another Woman, Finding Ring Sizes for Him, Making Your Marriage Work, Signs That Your Marriage Is Over, Telling If Your Husband Does Not Love You Anymore, Getting Relationship Advice, Getting Over Divorce (for Women), Getting Over a Broken Heart (for Women), Cheating Husband, Finding Out If Your Husband Loves You, Tell if Your Husband Hates You, Write an Apology Letter to Your Boyfriend, Write an Apology Letter to Your Husband, and Surviving Internet Affairs and Repairing Relationships.
Categories : Marriage
Recent edits by: lisa raymond, VisiHow, Eng