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Fix a Relationship That Feels Like a Friendship

Edited by Donna, Eng, VC

It could be that you have been with someone several years, or it could be that you have been on a couple of dates with someone, and you are at that critical juncture with each other where it is time to decide whether or not you will sleep with each other. Either way, there are things that you can practically do to persuade the person from being less platonic with you so that the non-sexual, more distant status of friendship does not keep you out of a potentially great love relationship.

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Kissing each other may lead to more romance in a relationship that feels too much like a friendship.Photo by Takuma Kimura.

Here are some steps you can take to discourage a relationship from becoming permanently platonic and encourage a little romance from subtle to blatant measures -

Get a bit of a makeover. Change your hair, wear new clothes and try to look to look as if you were ready to date others. This may inspire your lover to pay more attention to you.

1
Take an interest in what he or she is doing or likes. This seems obvious but over time we tend to take our partner for granted and forget to buy him or her their favorite foods or ask him or her how their day went.

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2
Stop criticizing, nagging, or being sarcastic to your mate. Whether you are male or female nothing kills romance more than being told that they are not good enough all of the time. It is particularly important not to make comments about appearance.

Sarcasm can affect intimacy in a relationship. PHoto by Christian Reuusch.

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3
Find a point of commonality and work on that. Sometimes a relationship has felt so dead for so long that you don't even feel you have a platonic connection any more. If it is that bad start by talking about points of commonality you have with your partner such as musicians you like or hobbies you enjoy and then start making plans to do these things together.
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4
Do not use your date or mate as a therapist. If your partner only hears about your problems all day long he or she is going to feel more like a therapist rather than a romantic prospect.
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5
Don't talk about an ex or glamorize your past with other partners. This is a sexual turn-off for most people who may not feel adequate living in the shadow of your glorious past with someone else.
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6
If you are male send her flowers and buy her lingerie and perfume. These are age-old signifiers to a woman that you want to have sex with her.

A personal gift like perfume sends the message that you think she's attractive and that you want to be romantic. Photo by Angela Andriot.

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7
If you are female buy him cologne or sexy briefs. These are intimate gifts that send the message that you are still interested sexually.
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8
Start double dating with other couples. This is based on the idea of "Monkey See, Monkey Do." If you go out with other couples that are affectionate with each other, your partner might also get the idea to be more affection and flirtatious with you.
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9
Plan a trip to see a romantic movie. This can give your partner the idea that love is the answer and put you both in a romantic mood. Movies featuring arousing sex scenes can also help jolt a friendly relationship into being a more romantic one.
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10
Hold hands and kiss often. Grab for his or her hand every now and then to show that you are more of a couple.

The more affectionate you are, the more likely the two of you are to indulge n a little romance. PHot by Marc St. Gil.

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11
Send your partner loving texts. Only send your partner messages that allude to wonderful times you have had in the past and sexy times you might have in the future. Always let him or her know how much you are looking forward to seeing him or her later.
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12
Plan a romantic candlelit dinner together at home. It does not matter whether you are a guy or a girl, serving your lover a meal can lead to a trip to the bedroom for sex. Make sure to serve aphrodisiac foods such as oysters, strawberries, truffles and of course, champagne.
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13
Plan adventures that raise your adrenalin levels. Activities such as flying in a helicopter, riding on a roller coaster or even watching a really scary horror movie can raise your adrenalin levels. The excitement this causes can also trigger the desire to have sex.

Doing exciting things like riding a roller coaster together is good for your sex life because it raises adrenalin levels.

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14
Schedule a massage for couples at a spa. Some spas and retreats offer massages for couples where both of you are in the same room getting worked over by your own therapists. This is a deeply relaxing activity that might get both of you in the mood.
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15
Plan a romantic getaway just for the two of you in an exotic place. Sometimes a relationship can thrive romantically without the distractions of daily life.

A holiday away in an exotic place with just the two of you can help ignite that spark of passion. Photo by Gianni Cumbo.

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16
Make a list of what is missing from the relationship and tell him and her. #Sometimes the most direct approach is the most effective. Write down what you are missing from the relationship such as "romantic walks", "affection", "sexual gratification" and sit down with your partner or date in a pleasant situation, preferably in a restaurant so there is no overreaction to your list, and see if he or she is willing to take things further or recommit to a romance with you.
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17
Make him or her jealous by flirting with others. This is a bit more risky than other approaches to getting extra romantic attention from a lover but sometimes, the prospect of losing you or seeing that others also find you attractive is just the impetus needed for your partner to take more action.
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Tips And Tricks

It is best not to beg for anything, especially sex or more affection in any relationship as most people find that unattractive
If he or she is cheating on you, the advice in this article may not work for you as your partner must be encouraged to be romantically focused on you
It is normal for sexual passion to diminish if you have been together for a long long time and forcing things could be distressing if you have settled into a certain type of rhythm of interacting sexually with each other; basically if it's not broke don't fix it
Sometimes it is best not to go with the flow and not fight the current trend, especially if there is a complete lack of sexual interest - it's possible that you really are better off as friends.

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.