Destroy Your Best Friend's Relationship
Edited by Donna, Eng, Maria Quinney
Why It Might Be a Good Thing to Break Up Your Best Friend's Relationship
Destroying your best friend's relationship might seem like a morally despicable, meddling, cruel thing to do but there are some circumstances in which it might be necessary to do him or her that favor.
It is okay to do your best to break up your friend's relationship if:
- It is obvious that he or she is simply obsessed with the person and there is no real relationship, but the other party is stringing him or her along because he or she is a narcissist
- You know for a fact that the person is married or cheating and you do not want him or her to be hurt by this revelation
- The other person is physically abusing him or her and that pattern is repeating itself over and over again
- He or she has anger management problems and is speaking in a violent way or actually battering the other person, but keeping it a secret from everybody but you
- You have noted that your friend is being taken advantage of financially by the other person and you can see that real damage is being done to his or her life
- Your friend complains to you about the person all the time and it has been going on for years
- The love of this person's life is a known criminal or in jail and you know that your friend is acting out of a need to rescue someone in order to feel better or needed
- The person is involved with an addict or they are both addicts and their behaviors are having disastrous consequences in every area of their lives because they are seriously codependent
If the bad relationship that your male or female friend fits any of this criteria, you can feel less guilty about meddling in the relationship and trying to break it up.
Ways to Be Upfront About The Need For Him or Her To Split Up
You do not necessarily have to be manipulative or create derisive situations behind your friend's back in order to get him or her to dump the bad relationship. You can also be upfront about it. Here are some ways to get him or her to see the light and create some distance from the oppressive partner.
- 1Make he or she read the couple's last upsetting text exchange out loud to you, playing both parts. Most nasty exchanges take place by text nowadays, and it can be a real wake-up call to your friend if they read out abusive or inane text exchanges out loud to you. Playing both parts can make he or she see how ridiculous it all sounds to someone else. Alternatively, you can also ask to have the cell phone handed to you and you can be the one who reads the nasty conversation out loud. Often, the person will complain to you about texts sent, so it is quite easy for you to then suggest that the two of you read them out loud together, like it was a play and then respond to it, as if we were an audience. This often can make your friend see the insanity of sticking with this person and encourage him or her to leave.Advertisement
- 2If you are tech-savvy, use a simple animation tool, like Digital Films or Wideo to animate a text conversation or a recent conversation that your friend has told you have taken place between the two of them. In this scenario, you can actually choose characters and backgrounds and have the two characters talk to each other as if they were in a cartoon. Often, watching a video like this, based on his or her's real life experience, can help them objectify what is happening and the relationship, and hopefully, emotionally distance themselves from it. The main drawback of this method is that it does require a lot of effort and your friend might be quite alarmed that you spent so much time on a matter that is technically not your business.Advertisement
- 3If you know that he or she is being cheated on, present her with the evidence. If you have no evidence, don't say anything, because you can be accused of being jealous or a liar. This only really works if you have a picture, a recording or even a second witness to the person being unfaithful to him or her somehow.
- 4You can ask your friend to try some simple role-playing for you. For instance, if your friend is describing an abusive relationship to you and seems to be using you like a therapist, then you can ask her to pretend that she was listening to her daughter tell her the same story. Then ask her what kind of advice she would give her daughter. This takes you out of the annoying parental or therapist role, where you are supposed to be the judge of your friend's behavior and asks her to nurture and judge herself. It also reminds your friend to love herself first.
- 5You can try an intervention with two or more of his her best friends and close family. If the person is involved with someone who is dangerous, violent or addicted to drugs, you sometimes need back up. Usually, friends and family have been witnessing or hearing about the bad relationship for some months or even years, so it is usually quite easy to put together a team to try and get your friend to face reality about the failing relationship. Sometimes, when confronted by a caring team of people, the person will find the confidence to get away from the bad relationship.
- 6If you know that a woman is with a player or that a man is dating a cheater, you can get on Facebook or text and flirt with him or her. Creating a fake profile easily does this. If he or she, responds you can then show the woman the offending series of texts.
- 7Get together with your friend's partner and have a heart-to-heart chat but make sure that you tape it. Lead the conversation a bit with a minor complaint about your friend and then hope you can catch him or her cutting your friend up. This is a recording that you can make with your cell phone or another recording device.
- 8Play therapist and have a heart-to-heart chat with your friend that asks her to review him or herself. This kind of conversation should open with you asking him or her to pour out their heart to you. The more they talk, the less you will say. You will just nod and let the person spill their guts, get out all of the complaints and talk about all the absurdities. The goal of this is to try and get the person to see just how many reasons they actually have to leave the person. You can really drive the point home, when after talking for an hour, you say to the person, "Do you hear yourself? Do you sound like a happy person in this relationship?" Do not be surprised if this question is met with some defiance, as denial of what is going is part of it.
Ways to Secretly Destroy Your Best Friend's Relationship
Even though it seems dishonest, you have less chance of losing your friend, (because you are a meddler), if you go about breaking up the two of them secretly. Here are some ways you can help convince him or her to split up.
- 1If you know that he or she is cheating on your friend, simply send him or her some photographic evidence anonymously. You can send it in the mail or by email from a temporary address. You can also deliver a hard copy right to your friend's door and slip it inside their home. You can do this with regards to drug use, stealing money or any other matter that you think is a reason for your friend to split from this person.
Tips and Tricks
- Most women in abusive relationships will tell you a horror story, and then when you suggest that she leave the guy, tell you "but I love him," which is your cue to tell her to drop him and love herself for a change
- Be careful when making them jealous as that sometimes fuels sexual desire and makes them want to be with their partner even more.
- Keep in mind that you could be called judgmental if you are upfront about your concerns, so it is often best
- Note that most people in love with their abusers are also in denial about the need to break-up and can even be hostile to those offering good advice
- Keep in mind that when you involve yourself in someone else's business like this that you risk having the two of them gang up on you, instead of each other, and leave you out in the cold
- It is probably best not to brag about breaking up that relationship unless you want to be accused of being a busybody or worse
- You should give your friend and her boyfriend or girlfriend the benefit of the doubt until the last possible minute before you act and be deliberate and ruthless once you do
- It's best not to interfere if you're friend is a pattern that keeps repeating and you feel that you are saving him or her from learning a very important life lesson or experiencing karma that he or she might deserve from being cruel to someone else