Deal with an Overly Jealous Boyfriend

Edited by Ermin, Lynn, Jen M, Eng and 7 others

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So, you have a boyfriend who is overly jealous, and you feel like he has been controlling you like a puppet? Has he been following you? Does he keep phoning you just to make sure you aren't with someone else? Does he get angry when you chat with male friends? Does he need to know where you are at all times? If so, you may be struggling in a relationship with an overly jealous boyfriend.

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Dealing With Jealousy

Even though a tiny amount of jealousy in a relationship is an indication that both of you love another, it may also choke your relationship to death if it's over-the-top. There is only one way to get away from an overly jealous boyfriend, and that is to break up with him. Really. If, however, you are unable or unwilling to do that, even though your boyfriend is overly jealous, because you aren't ready to end your relationship when everything else is fine between you, there are things in this article to help you deal with an overly jealous boyfriend.

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Positive Things You Can Do

  1. 1
    When he starts to get jealous, be sweet to him
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    The quickest way to a relationship filled with fighting, is when you have two people with short tempers. This does not help in a relationship. It will also be a problem if you both have too much pride, and neither will apologize. Whenever your boyfriend starts to get jealous, do not get angry right away and yell at him that for over-reacting or something. Instead, be sweet to him smile, say some kind words and remind him that you love him, and you wouldn't dare betray him. This will help him lower his pride and jealousy because he will think that you genuinely love him. You know, men are sometimes gullible, especially when the ones who trick them are their partners, girlfriends, or wives. You can calm your boyfriend's emotions by using a soothing voice, and he will hopefully be fine.
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  2. 2
    Always show your love in many ways
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    One of the reasons your boyfriend may overly jealous is because you are not showing your love for him enough. Whatever you do when you're with him, always show your love in different ways. Massaging him is one of the ways to show your love to him. Another way is to cook foods or even make a cup of coffee for him. This will make him stop being jealous of anybody else. This will also make him feel that he is really important to you. Men, especially after work, are stressed out and want some love and care from you. If you don't do this, he will think you have someone else, and you are betraying him. This makes him think you don't love him anymore. Men are delusional they will believe whatever comes into their mind. Try not to make him think this way by showing your love to him every day.
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  3. 3
    Don't be a martyr and reprimand him if you have to
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    Like I said, men are sometimes delusional. They believe what their minds see. If they think you have someone else, they will continue to think that way, which is the reason they become overly jealous. If you have to reprimand him, you should do so. Don't be a martyr and do whatever he wants you to do. This is definitely unfair for you. Sometimes you have to tell him that what he is doing is not right. When you do this, do not yell at him; just talk to him calmly. You will only provoke him when you yell at him, and he will likely think you are guilty. Sometimes, you have to warn him by saying you will break up with him if he keeps accusing you of something that is not true. This will put a little scare into him.
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  4. 4
    If possible, avoid things that make him jealous
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    What are the things that usually provoke him and make him overly jealous? The two common causes are how you wear clothes or how you talk with your male friends. Do you show too much skin? Do you chat with your male friends like there is no tomorrow? If so, then those could be the reasons your boyfriend is overly jealous. Put boundaries on the things you wear and do. It does not seem good for you to wear clothes that show too much skin or to talk and flirt with male friends, treating them as boyfriends. You may be talking to them more than your boyfriend, which is why he is jealous of them. There are some reasons behind his attitude, and you should find them out. Sometimes, the problem is not with him but is with you, but not very often
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  5. 5
    Tell him that you are not the same as his ex
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    He might have experienced a betrayal in his previous relationship. This is one of the reasons your boyfriend is overly jealous because he is afraid of being betrayed again. Tell him that you are not the same as his ex and that you will take care and love him more than she did, like he has never been loved before. Always reassure him of your genuine love and loyalty to him. You may also add that you were born to be a one-man woman not a two-timer.
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  6. 6
    Have an open forum with him
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    You may want to talk over the problems with your boyfriend. An open forum is not just for a group of people. It's also for couples who want to express their hidden emotions. Have an open forum with him in a quiet place and talk about the reasons he does not like what you do. You can also share what you do not like about him. In this way, you might be able to solve your problems and respect one another's decisions. Also, he will understand you and you will understand him. You should also put an end to things that will likely destroy your relationship. Tell him you do not want to break up. You just want a relationship with much trust, love, and care. This is a good way to deal with an overly jealous boyfriend.
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  • A relationship will not work if both of you have too much pride. Physical aggression and emotional abuse can happen in a relationship where jealousy is always a threat, and one or both of you easily lose your temper. It can be your boyfriend that hurts you or vice versa. You aren't kids anymore, and you should talk it over with your boyfriend. Always control your temper if your boyfriend is starting to get jealous of something in order to avoid physical and emotional abuse from both sides. Instead, be soft and sweet to him, despite his jealousy. In this way, it will help him calm down.
  • After reading this article, I would like to add that jealousy is not your problem, if you aren't doing anything to provoke him. It's his insecurities. It's very difficult to change someone's behavior. As much as he should accept you exactly as you are, so you must accept him. If he is being unreasonable, and causing issues because of his problems, why not walk away before it's too late? Find a guy who's secure, and become the best you can be by their side, not in spite of them. No one should have to walk on eggshells just to soothe a savage beast.
  • if he shows any signs of violence, or signs he's having trouble holding back his anger, get out.
  • If he makes you feel bad about yourself because of his insecurity, get out.
  • If he makes you unhappy, get out.
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Questions and Answers

How can I get my boyfriend to stop having jealous rages?

My boyfriend gets jealous rages, but he does not tell me about it. He keeps it to himself and tells me everything is okay. But then he does not talk to me for days. I don't know if talking to him will make him more upset or help him.

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Any jealousy has feeling of property as its basis; however, that is a natural feeling that can even improve an interpersonal relationship if it is felt in moderation. The way the person expresses his or her jealousy depends upon his or her psychological qualities. Your boyfriend keeps all of his feelings to himself, and, most likely, he is an introvert. Just like violent displays of jealousy, silence that lasts several days is not healthy and can deteriorate even the strongest relationship. Silence causes discomfort on all sides. Psychologists claim that a jealous person is not only afraid of losing a beloved person but also possesses low self-esteem and a strong psychological dependence upon the relationship with the partner. Analyze his reasons for jealousy and what feeds his thoughts. Jealous people often surmise that they are loved less than others. Maybe he doesn't receive enough attention and "proof" of those feelings to make him feel safe. Talk to him and explain that you love only him and that the strength of the feeling does not change when you talk to other men. Praise his qualities to increase his confidence. Try to analyze if you highlight advantages of others in his presence or flirt with others. If he feels himself as the only person in your heart, then his jealousy will fade away.

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Should I just leave him because of this jealousy? He has even been married before and divorced and he is only 24.

We only have been together for 6 months. We are never apart except for when we're at work. At work he calls me every 20-30 minutes and if he hears a man's voice he screams and calls me names, I had to "unfriend" every guy from my social media as did he all his female friends. I cannot wear tight clothing or sweat pants. I cannot go to the store alone, I cannot smoke, I cannot go to school because "I will cheat " but I've never cheated. As a matter of fact although we are always together I have seen him give attention to other females in front of me but God forbid it happens the other way around or someone looks at me. I need help or I'm at the point of leaving. I have tried: conversation, mainly. I think it was caused by: It happened as soon as we became a little serious

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He has mega security issues. Most likely he has been in unfaithful relationships in the past and now every woman is unfaithful. His controlling behavior sounds quite scary and you should leave. You sound miserable and who wants to live in a cage for the rest of their life?

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No one should ever stop you from getting an education. NO ONE. Possible cheating is not an excuse to deny you an education. If you looked up warning signs for spousal abuse, unfortunately several of the issues you listed are red flags for future spousal abuse.

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He is not jealous but instead controlling. He is jealous. AND controlling. And insecure, and don't kid yourself into thinking he's been cheated on - men who cheat aren't able to trust their partners. Get out. Don't be a statistic - just get out. Thank goodness it's only been six months. But, just a word of caution, any violence in this man, and I assure you there is, will be at its absolute worst when you tell him you're leaving.

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How to get over his insecurities?

My boyfriend is just too jealous and at times it feels that he is pushing me away. I have tried: Tried talking to him. I think it was caused by: His ex

The only way you can help his is with constant assurance that he is the one and only for you. This can be an exhausting task but if you think that this relationship has a future, it will be worth it.

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  • Send him text messages throughout the day about how much you love him.
  • Give him a complete account of your day.
  • Talk about permanence and future for your relationship.
  • Be careful who you talk to when you are out with him.
  • Avoid situations that even though they are innocent, can cause doubts for him.
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If you work on his insecurities this way, eventually he should be able to relax. Next time the subject comes up; let him know that this relationship can't grow if he is stuck in the past. You are not his ex and he needs to realize that people can be trusted but he is virtually pushing you out of the relationship.

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My boyfriend is jealous, I'm 400 miles away from him.

Now I look for an appropriate text message to calm him down and make him sure of my feelings that are not (yet) love. Can you help?

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How can I get him to see that he has destroyed our relationship?

How do I get him to stop being so suspicious?

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OK so my boyfriend loves me but he saw my phone when I was texting and it said "hon" because this boy's favorite food is honey but he got jealous and suspicious and I had to explain to him that I do not like this boy at all! I got annoyed though, and now it is SUPER awkward at school! help?

The question detail is in the question so read that to understand. We are only 13 and most of our convos happen over text so I can't soothe him with my voice

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I have a new boyfriend now that is very jelous of my ex that I was with for 28 years ,what can I do to help assure him that I don't want my ex or anyone but him?

My sons football game is tonight and I would like to go but my ex will be there . I won't sit next to him but my new boyfriend won't go with me to game . what can I do to help assure my boyfriend I won't sit next to my ex. should I miss my sons game bcs my boyfriend is not wanting to run in to my ex. my ex wants me back and is constantly sending me songs that he wants me back, my ex has even tried to run my boyfriend off the road. my ex is being very immature and he won't let up. I'm 43 years old why do I fel like I'm in high school.

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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: VC, Nuance, ag

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