Deal with an Obsessive Girlfriend

Edited by Vanessa Alexandra Avisado, Eng, Lynn, Doug Collins and 11 others

Have you been in misery at the hands of a girlfriend whose objective is to control everything about your relationship, and your life? A girlfriend who goes overboard imposing her rules on you? The girlfriend who constantly demands your attention and affection? This girlfriend is obsessive. She cannot live without you, even for a minute. If you don't have even a little experience with psychology, you may think she is deeply, passionately and sincerely in love with you. You may innocently believe her attachment to you is something you can be proud of.

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However, this is only one side of her. There is another side or her she conceals from you - her true self - the side of her that will be exposed to you - eventually - and it might happen too late for you to break up with her. It is grueling to live with a possessive girlfriend. The earlier you detach yourself from her, the better it is, for you to find relief. Don't let your life be spoiled by such a girl. Keep reading to find out how to recognize the true personality of your girlfriend. There are no easy ways to handle an obsessed paramour, you have to be prepared for the worst and learn how to deal with an obsessive girlfriend.

Other Words For An Obsessive Girlfriend:

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  • Overly attached girlfriend (OAG).
  • Clingy girlfriend.
  • Fixated girlfriend.
  • Manic girlfriend.
  • A boyfriend's worst nightmare.
  • Control-freak girlfriend.
  • Dominating girlfriend.
  • Possessive girlfriend.
  • Over-Protective girlfriend.

Signs Of An Obsessive Girlfriend

  1. 1
    Behavioral and Emotional
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    There is too much attention and attachment invested in you. These traits can be seen in the following actions:
    1. Does not stop calling from the time you arrive home from school or work, to your bedtime. Try hanging up and she will call you back again.
    2. Buys or gives you anything, even flowers and chocolates.
    3. Wants to spend all her time with you. Every minute. In serious cases, she may begin talking about living together or even bring up wedding plans after you've only been together a month.
    4. Does not know the meaning of "space".
    5. Suffocates you.
    6. Professes her love. Constantly tells you how much she loves you.
    7. She writes you songs and poems.
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  2. 2
    Fanatically Insecure
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    1. She demands that you give her all your attention, and that you be by her side - always, on every occasion, at every party, with your arms around her.
    2. She wants PDA (public display of affection), like your arms around her, kisses, touches. She wants to announce that you are taken and with her.
    3. Stalking you.
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  3. 3
    On Social Network
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    1. Maintains a list of every contact on her boyfriend's Facebook profile.
    2. Logs onto numerous dating sites and creates accounts on them to ensure that her boyfriend is not active on them.
    3. Goes onto forums her boyfriend uses and closely scrutinizes every post he's made, looking for evidence of disloyalty or infidelity.
    4. Copying your photo from your social net account and stitching a photo of hers beside you and posting it in her account.
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  4. 4
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    1. Constantly texting you and asking what you are doing.
    2. She monitors your every move.
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  5. 5
    Feeling "I Belong"
    1. She hangs out with your family even if you are not around.
    2. She just shows up and tells a lot of stories about you.
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  6. 6
    She dictates your schedule
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  7. 7
    She Always Has To Be Right
    Even when she doesn't know what she is talking about, she's "always right". You know a lot about the topic, but she insists she is right. She keeps arguing until you admit she is right. She deprives you of your own opinion.
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  8. 8
    Money Control
    She comments on your spending. She has a strong opinion on how you should spend your hard-earned money.
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  9. 9
    All About Her
    She demands all your attention. She gets upset when you are visiting your friends or seeing your family.
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  10. 10
    She Plans For Your Career
    You found your niche in your career, and even have a 5-year plan. Yet she still draws out a career plan for you. Get scared if she sketches a 5, 10 or 15-year plan for you. Be very afraid.
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Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Is Obsessively In-Love With You:

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  • This can be a result of whirlwind relationship, and she believes she has to have you to be complete, happy and secure.
  • She believes you are the only one for her in this lifetime and no one else will do.
  • She just can't stop thinking of ways to get you back.
  • She keeps scheming of ways you can accidentally see her and get back into the relationship again.
  • She has doubts.
  • She has low self-esteem.
  • She has religious or sexual obsessions.
  • She has said you are soul mates, or star-crossed lovers.

Effects On You

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  • You have doubts this girl really loves you.
  • You have doubts this is the right relationship for you.
  • Instead of focusing on the good things about your partner, you are more focused on your dominating partner's shortcomings and behavior.
  • You've become anxious and unable to concentrate. This is interfering with your work/school/activities - life.
  • Strained relationship.
  • You no longer feel safe.

Ways To Deal With An Obsessive Girlfriend

  1. 1
    End the Relationship
    If you don't feel she is capable of changing, you need to ask yourself if you can live with a controlling obsessed girlfriend. The longer you wait to breakup, the worse it will be. Obsessed girlfriends tend to become more and more obsessive over time.
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  2. 2
    Seeing a Counselor Can Help
    It may require both partners in the relationship to attend the sessions.
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  3. 3
    Confront Her
    1. Try to lead the argument toward what makes her do such things.
    2. Ask her why she is so reluctant to trust you and feels she has to oversee every aspect of your life.
    3. Let her know if her repulsive behavior is a way to deal with her childhood insecurities or an overbearing family, you sympathize with her.
    4. Make her realize that being a control freak is her way of neutralizing her anxiety, and that you can help with her suspicions.
    5. Turn the discussion to her instead of just saying, "NO." which can fail.
    6. Help her face her fears to build her trust for you, and weaken her conflicting spirit.
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  4. 4
    Make her realize her dual personality traits are confusing
    Instead of telling her you cannot forgive her, explain to her that she seems to have two, different personalities and it's freaking you out.
    1. Turn the issue to her. Mention how her behavior becomes extreme, and that people talk about her having a split personality.
    2. If she is self-conscious about how your family and friends perceive her, this can compel her to reflect on how she handles herself.
    3. Mention to her, if you believe she needs medical assistance or counseling, to help her understand the seriousness of the situation. This might give her second thoughts that might actually end the relationship.
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  5. 5
    Make a stand
    Put an end to allowing her whims and carrying the baggage of needing her approval in every decision you make.  
    1. Establish boundaries.
    2. Make it clear to her that you know what is best for you, like your office attire, or gifts for family and close friends. She may suggest, otherwise.
    3. Be blunt and upfront in some circumstances, like when buying a car, or regarding investments. These are beyond her realm of control.
    4. The idea is not to make her feel unwanted, but to simply define her role in your life.
    5. Be firm in saying that the relationship is heading to a premature end if she doesn't end her interfering ways, even though it may be heartbreaking.
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  6. 6
    Encourage her to indulge in some hobbies and interests.
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  7. 7
    Encourage her to see her friends and spend time with them.
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  8. 8
    Assure her of your love
    If you truly love her, say you love her. Many women want constant assurance. Don't make her doubt your love for her.
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  9. 9
    Break free of the relationship
    The last option you have is to end the relationship and be firm about your decision.  
    1. No more giving a warning that unless she changes, the relationship has to stop.
    2. Cut off any communication. Become absent from her life. This is the time for you to rebuild and reaffirm yourself again, according to your own standards.
    3. In case the partner threatens or attempts violence against you or herself, know that you are not, and never were, responsible for her actions.
    4. If you are worried about her safety, identify or report it to the proper authorities, but do not be involved in any way,
    5. If you are fearful of your own security, you have to inform the proper authorities also, and better yet, request civil protection against your ex.
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A Reality Check

  1. 1
    Mental Illness
    1. People who are obsessed suffer from a mental illness. Always bear that in mind.
    2. Pointing this out to her, may make the situation worse.
    3. It's not likely she'll take your advice.
    4. After a serious discussion, she may be able to appear as if she's changed, but without psychological help, she is likely just pretending she's changed.
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  2. 2
    The Break UP
    1. When trying to breakup with an obsessive girl, it's more like disengaging.
    2. If you actually manage to do this, expect a storm to follow.
    3. The above advice is really great. Remove yourself from her life, her social media, her friends, etc. Guys, especially, have very lax privacy settings when it comes to Facebook, etc.
    4. Don't hide the breakup from your family and friends. There's a very good chance those are exactly the people she'll reach out to for sympathy. She'll want to maintain contact with them, as it makes her feel closer to you.
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  3. 3
    You May Think It's Over
    1. But it may not be. Never forget - this girl's main objective is to 'have' you.
    2. Look for signs she's stalking you. It's usual for a woman like that to hold on.
    3. If you start a new relationship, there's a very good chance she will stalk your new girlfriend as well.
    4. If she does anything illegal, go to the police, even if it's just to report it. Then, regardless if anything comes of it, she will be in their records.
    5. Don't feel silly for being worried. You need to be very careful.
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Questions and Answers

My girlfriend is obsessive and texting and calling, a lot, even though I've asked for my space.

Why does she do this when I've asked for my space, etc.?

Unfortunately this happens with relationships more than you think. The biggest issue in this circumstance is communication between you and your girlfriend. In this specific situation, it sounds like your girlfriend could be concerned "because" you said you needed space. It would be in your best interest to sit down with your girlfriend and explain the reason you need space from her. Try to give her a date and time you will contact her again, that way she knows how long you need space. Communicating with your girlfriend will hopefully help her to understand exactly what your intentions are. Keeping your phone and social media off while you have asked for space is important as well, that way you can have time for yourself without worrying about your girlfriend distracting you from that. A girl like this, will be watching for any activity you have on Facebook, etc.

Hi, can you help? I recently got a new online girlfriend. It's nothing serious. She's just a teenager. Her personality is very sweet and she doesn't seem controlling or bad. She lives all the way on the other side of the world, so she can't call me or send gifts to me, but she messages me a LOT and is constantly seeking attention.

She won't give me any space! I'm starting to think something is wrong with her, like she has attachment issues or something. I want to try to talk to her about it, but she is VERY sensitive. We just got together a few days ago. I know it's online and probably won't last long because we're just teenagers, but do you have any advice? It could help me in the future.

Considering you are in a new relationship with this girl that happens to be living half way around the world from you, it would be expected that she would like your attention. This may be the only way she knows how to connect with you and get to know you. It's good that you are taking into consideration that she is sensitive. This shows that you are caring and understanding. So communicating the fact that you cannot always be messaging her back because you are working, going to school, have extracurricular activities, etc., will be good for your relationship. If she is an understanding person, she will cut down on the messaging and wait for you to message her first. If she is unable to understand this, you may have to take a look at your relationship and decide whether or not you want to commit to a long distance relationship that's this much trouble.

How do I deal with my ex-boyfriend's obsessive girlfriend?

My ex-boyfriend of 10 years and I recently separated ways. His new girlfriend is completely obsessed with "becoming" me. She pesters him continuously about details of our relationship when we were together. She not only wants to know what he does 24 hours a day, she wants to know what I am doing 24 hours a day. She recently told him that she found out exactly who I was and were I live and drove by my house to see it.

It sounds as though your ex-boyfriend's new girl is very insecure about the connection that you and her new boyfriend used to have. Considering you spent 10 years of your life together, she may feel as though she has to make herself better than you, and she may be overly curious as to who exactly you are. It's not your issue whether or not she pesters her new boyfriend about the relationship you shared. This is his issue, although it is your issue if she begins following you or trying to contact you. From there you need to be very careful, blocking her from all social media, making sure you do not talk to her for any reason. If it becomes more serious you need to involve the authorities, but other than that I would allow your ex-boyfriend to deal with her insecurities. You are no longer connected with him, and can start your own life making new relationships.

It's interesting she had to find out who you are, and your ex-boyfriend didn't just tell her. Does he already know that she has a few issues? If she's already done the work to find out who you are, and where you live, you are smart to be a worried. It's not unusual for your boyfriend's girlfriend to attempt to connect with your friends, via social media. At times it will feel as if she's trying to replace you - or take over your life. It's invasive. It's emotional and mental terrorism, and it's something to keep your eye on.

Help needed with obsessive wife problems?

Hello, I have been married for 4 years, and to make a super long story short, I will just explain that my wife is suicidal and obsessive. She has threatened to stab me in my sleep, attacked me on the streets, and has twisted every joke or anything I've ever said to her into a negative. She sleeps until 2pm and has already, on one occasion, tried to take her life, but failed thanks to me. I have seen her doctor and he does not seem to take this matter seriously, so I went to see another, who had the same feeling, and generally could not have cared less. My wife demands that I divorce her over an incident in which a friend of mine kissed me on the cheek. She has been so mad and angry about this, that she has verbally attacked me over and over and OVER for an entire year now. Even yesterday the fight started up with her again losing her emotional control and screaming loudly with tears. I'm at a point now that I worry what I will come home to when I finish work, since we are living together. Can you offer some ideas or solutions?

You are in a very difficult situation. Your wife is still angry over a kiss on the cheek from a year ago, which means that she obsesses on events. Her suicidal tendencies are not because of anything you've done. Because you have been able to thwart her attempts, these attempts are more a cry for help and attention than actual suicide. Her threats to harm you need to be taken seriously. Whatever mental issues she is dealing with, her lack of coping skills are dangerous to your safety. Deal with Other People's Anger is a VisiHow article for you to learn about ways to deal with her outbursts.

She has asked you for a divorce so perhaps call her bluff and suggest a trial separation. In reality, this is more for your physical safety than anything else. She may stop her suggestions for a divorce once you stop battling her. Her wish for a divorce is a desperate attempt for you to reassure her that the kiss from one year ago meant nothing then and still means nothing. She is dealing with serious insecurities and since you are getting no help from her doctors, it may be time for a marriage counseling. You can do this even if you separate. Eventually, the counseling will hopefully heal the relationship. No one wants to be yelled at and threatened for over a year, and her attempts at suicide are a cruel way to get your attention. There is a serious communication failure in this relationship.

You are not ultimately responsible for her mental health or possible suicide. Separate your feelings from those issues and do not put your life on hold because of this. You have to go to work and run errands - possibly go to a support group for spouse's to deal with mental health issues in marriages. Taking this all on yourself will break you emotionally. Sickness and health does mean that you need to be there for your wife. If she is not willing to participate in working on the relationship, then it may be time to end it once and for all. You should not be a prisoner in a marriage, which is what you have become.

Breaking up with a very attached girlfriend.

My girlfriend is extremely attached to me, and doesn't leave me alone - ever. She's always texting, snapchatting, asking to be with me and honestly I'm too busy to deal with this and would prefer to spend what little leisure time I have doing what I want to. We are seniors in high school and are graduating this year (2 months from now) and I feel somewhat bad about dumping her for this reason, as I'll leave her without a grad date, however I really dread most of the time I spend with her, and it honestly suppresses me and almost makes me upset having to spend time with her. She seems to have lost most of her friends. She really only has 1-2 now, and this is probably why she is like this. I am also concerned to break up with her because she has no one to turn to for support, as she doesn't really have friends. Lots to take in, but any suggestions?

We have several VisiHow articles to help you with breaking things off:

Since you are concerned about the timing of this break up, the best thing you can do is to speak with her about how you are feeling smothered. You can gently tell her that it is the end of high school and you want to take this time to get ready for life after high school and enjoy these last few months. She may not take it well but you can then at least tell her that you are feeling overwhelmed by all the attention she seems to need. Perhaps suggest that you will still take her to graduation parties etc as her date but that you need to begin distancing and disengaging yourself.

You are embarking on the rest of your life and if you dread spending time with her then it is time to end the relationship or at least change the way the relationship is right now. Either way, at the end of this summer you will be going off to start your adult life and need to take these last few months of youth for yourself.

My Girlfriend harasses me and says that she is going to kill me. Help?

Hi I have a very obsessive Girlfriend. We broke up and she is really harassing me. She is saying that she is going to kill me

You may need to get a restraining order against her. First, stop all communication with her. Dragging out a break up can cause unnecessary emotional pain to both of you. She is not taking this well and hopefully, with you completely out of the picture, she will move on. If she does not, then your other option is to get a restraining order on the grounds that she has made threats of physical harm. Proof from text messages will help you get that restraining order, or witnesses who've been present when she's made these threats.

When you broke up with her, there may have been no closure. You can speak with her one last time to give her the closure she needs and then end the communication pathways. This will mean ignoring her antics but she will get the hint that you are done and have walked away completely. Providing closure may stop all the drama immediately.

When you are dealing with an obsessive person, and you are the object of their obsession, advice is really great, but solutions are not easy. When you think it's all said and done, it may be for you, but not for her. And yes...proof. Don't delete emails and texts just yet.

Breaking up with a girl that is obsessed with me?>

I'll give you the short version because this story goes on and on. I am with a girl that I've been dating for 3 years now. I feel honestly miserable and I don't know how to break up with her. I wanted to try the route of just not talking to her but that doesn't work. If you have any advice, that would be very helpful. Thanks. I have tried: I've tried ignoring her, tried saying we need a break but she starts crying nonstop.. I think it was caused by: A lot of issues with trust, her cheating on me with the same person, then using the guilt factor to get me to forgive her.

Deal with a Long Term Relationship Break Up is a VisiHow article you should read. Breaking things off with her because she cheated is a truth that you need to address when you end things. Let her know that you got back together with her out of guilt and though you have tried to trust her, you can't. There is no relationship without trust and she brought this all on herself when she cheated.

Because this relationship has lasted for 3 years, give her the courtesy of a face-to-face break up conversation. Both of you need closure on the relationship so you both can begin to heal. Ignoring her will only make the situation worse. Perhaps during this conversation, you will realize that the relationship does have a chance of surviving. Present her with a list of conditions so that you can rebuild trust. She may just walk away then and save you the problem of how to break up with her.

It's highly unlikely a girl like this will walk away easily. You may be in for quite a ride. Whatever direction this move in, this girl is emotionally black mailing you. Between that, and the cheating, how could you possible build a solid relationship on such a rocky foundation?

How do I solve 'Clingy/Overly Attached Girlfriend'?

I had a clingy or overly attached girlfriend. She doesn't allow me to have anyone's attention even though it's my sister or niece, she will sulk every time I reply her late and argue about it, worse she can bring this matter up with sarcastic whenever she feel like bringing it up on a random day. I spent my time at work from 9, in the morning till late 6 evening, every day except weekends. I've told her that I need to work hard so that I could save money for marriage, which is my ambition. At the same time, I also had to support my family with money wise too. She got jealous whenever I accidentally or just a glance on any ladies/girls passerby, she also don't let me close with anyone, be it a guy or girl. Well, everyone make mistake, I'm just answering or requesting a lady at VIP Launch room everyday whenever I'm working overseas. I told her almost every little things cause I don't like to keep anything from her neither do I want her to keep anything from me. She got angry and at times, I just think she will make me jealous just cause I did those things she hate. I'm not sure how to handle when she promised not to text her guy friend, but it turns out to be everyday now, I guess? She asked for break up cause she said she need to find herself back and so that I could save more money at the same time while she's away for few years. I beg her not to go cause to me, the problem still going to be there. I'm not sure if you get what I'm trying to explain cause I'm afraid while I'm away, she had a replacement cause lately she's been talking to her guy classmate, nothing happen whenever I said I'm feeling insecure or jealous, she still do it cause to her its her classmate that they were talking about school. Its unfair cause she got jealous and sulk when I'm close to one of a lady at my previous job. This is what I felt, I guess partly my fault for not giving her attention but this is too much till I couldn't think of any solution.. . Thank you.. - Nash -. I have tried: Try talk things out. Try to make her understand that I'm only working. Update her everywhere I move.. I think it was caused by: Insecurities? Cause she kept on repeating that 'All guys is the same' and that really affect me so much.

Maybe she doesn't want me to contact those girls/ladies, perhaps she's the one that doing that instead? If she can delete her guy friend number and suddenly he texted back and she replied to? I'm not afraid they text every single day. I'm not assuming but maybe I'm crazy and stupid? I trusted her so much, don't bother asking me to check her phone cause I'm not that kind of person. Maybe that's the reason why she did that cause she knows that I won't check her phone?

What a complete mess. Her insecurities have caused a major rift in the relationship. I would say it is not jealousy but more about how she thinks that your life should only center around hers. You have done all that you could including saving money to marry her while supporting your immediate family. You asked her not to leave and move away but she is insisting she do so yet expects you to still save for your marriage to her. She is sending conflicting messages. So here is what you should do. Tell her that if she leaves, there is no point in keeping the relationship. Let her know that all guys are not the same but since she has failed to recognize that you are different, it is time to move on. Her reaction may surprise you. Perhaps she decides to stay. Either way, you need to clear the drama before she leaves so that you both can have closure.

How to handle a clingy/overly attached girlfriend.?

Hi, my question is how to handle a clingy/overly attached girlfriend.. . . thank you.. - Nash. I have tried: -. I think it was caused by: -

The best way to handle a clingy girlfriend is to set guidelines for time spent together. For instance, I will call you at 9:30 p.m. nightly or I have time to go out on a date on Friday night. The boundaries will give them an illusion that they are in control when actually it will help you get some breathing room. Just stick to the schedule and she will relax.

Early signs of obsessive behavior in a 3-month relationship?

Three month relationship- already she is jealous when I go out with friends then ignores me for a few days. I add photos to Facebook and immediately she is asking questions, why, how etc? Repeats herself to me- don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me.. . Help?!!. I have tried: I have been blunt and up front with her- it works then she returns back to normal. I think it was caused by: Her!! Although now I'm starting to feel anxious all the time and its affecting me-

She has major insecurities. Perhaps her last relationship ended very badly or she has had some other form of abandonment in her life. Either way, you just started dating her. 3 months is not enough time to properly determine if this is a committed relationship forever. Be upfront with her and explain that you enjoy spending time with her but also have a social life with friends. If she can't understand that you need space then you should break up with her. Especially since she has you feeling anxious all of the time.

Just broke up with her and we live in the same apartment block?

How do I just let her stay away from me.

Public Service Announcement: Don't hook up with someone who lives in the same building where you do. Be prepared to feel awkward when you run into her on the stairs, at the mailbox or in the hallway. As long as you can be polite to each other then you will be fine. You also should probably not bring any girl back to your apartment for a few months. Hopefully, she leaves you alone because you will have no recourse for a no contact order legally since she also has the right to reside in the same building. If I was you, I would be looking at new apartments as soon as my lease was up. Next time you see a cute girl in the hallway, just smile and keep walking.

I want help from you..obsessed girl situation is I'm facing right now?

I am a person in this situation.. don't know what should I do

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