Deal with a Possessive Girlfriend

Edited by Jerry Rivers, Eng, Lynn, Maria Quinney and 11 others

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Are you under constant stress while dealing with a possessive girlfriend? Do you feel like you have to wear blinders like a horse every time you go out in public with her? Does she constantly ask where you are and what are you doing in an accusing tone, whenever you are away from her? Does your girlfriend tell you outright that she cannot trust you, although you give her no reason to feel that way? Do you feel like she spies on your every email, text, or phone call? When she is at your place, does she play detective, and begin searching for some kind of damning evidence that you are cheating on her? Does she want you to only do everything the way she wants it done? If the answer to any one of these questions is "yes", you have an overly possessive girlfriend.

If you are giving your girlfriend no reason for such behavior, she will have to make some changes for the two of you to continue a loving relationship.

A little jealousy is natural with all of us, but there are lines that should not be crossed in order to have a healthy relationship. Provided below are 10 telltale signs your girlfriend has crossed one or more of those lines. There are some ways that you can help her deal with her insecurity, which triggers these undesirable actions. If these ways do not improve her behavior, it will be time to graciously end the relationship for your well-being and your future.

Signs Your Girlfriend is Overly Possessive

  1. 1
    You can have no friends of the opposite gender without her getting upset.
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  2. 2
    She does not accept your guy friends either.
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  3. 3
    You receive an interrogation whenever you go somewhere without her.
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  4. 4
    If there is an attractive lady nearby, she scolds you for looking at her, even when you're not even looking in the attractive lady's direction.
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  5. 5
    You get loaded questions, such as, "Isn't that a lovely dress she's wearing?" Then, no matter what you say, you are grilled with an angry remark.
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  6. 6
    Your girlfriend asks a barrage of questions about any women that you work with, or are around at all.
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  7. 7
    She is very possessive over your time spent talking with a family member
    She may even make comments, such as, "You didn't have to talk all that time with your brother!"
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  8. 8
    She becomes angry if you do not do exactly what she wants you to.
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  9. 9
    Does she harm herself, or threaten to harm herself if you discuss, or show signs that you want to end the relationship?
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  10. 10
    Your girlfriend sifts through all of your emails and social network sites, constantly accusing you of being unfaithful, or questioning you about it when there are no grounds for the inquiry.
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  11. 11
    If you have endured any of these behaviors from your girlfriend, you need to discuss with her how she is being overly possessive.
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  12. 12
    You must have the freedom to function without her attempting to control your every move
    She is very insecure, and you deserve better treatment than this.
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  13. 13
    There are some ways you can help her overcome such insecurity
    Yet, if she still continues with being so possessive, you will have to break up, and then stay away from her.
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A Little Jealousy is Healthy

  1. 1
    Social scientists, psychologists and psychiatrists concur that a little jealousy is normal, and can even benefit a loving relationship
    They say it can even strengthen a romantic relationship.
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  2. 2
    Therefore, do not fret about ending your relationship with your sweetheart over a little possessiveness.
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  3. 3
    Just like sugar, a little possessiveness is desirable and is a natural sign of love
    Also just like sugar, though, a little jealousy is sweet, yet too much is dangerous.
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Ways You Can Help End Your Girlfriend's Over-Possessive Behavior

  1. 1
    Let your girlfriend get to know your female acquaintances
    You cannot avoid communicating with women in your life just to please your girlfriend. As long as you are not giving her a reason to be jealous, she is being inappropriate with such demands. Once she gets to know your female acquaintances, and realizes that they are not trying to take her man, or in a relationship with him, she should accept them in your life.
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  • 2
    Help her feel secure and confident about herself
    You must find ways to allay her fear that she has competition from other women for your affection. She also must feel good about herself. Console your girlfriend whenever she shows signs of insecurity, and compliment her on accomplishments and when she looks especially attractive to you. Like the Rihanna song, you must make her feel like she is the "only girl in the world". Let her know that she is the only woman for you.
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  • 3
    Explain to your girlfriend that a little space is beneficial for you both
    Then, let her experience it. You need to have time for your hobbies, any sports activities, and time with your family or other guys - occasionally. Explain to her that she is still number one in your life, but she should have time with her own activities, too.
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  • 4
    Along with more time apart, make her feel better by finding new activities with her too
    She may like to take up one of your sports with you, or go dancing for a change. Give her all of your affection and attention to make it an enjoyable experience for you both.
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  • 5
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    Stay honest and never cheat on your girlfriend
    If you have not already discovered, a woman does have a sixth sense. If you are ever lying or cheating on her, she will find out. If you do lie to her, you should admit it right away before she finds out on her own.
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  • 6
    There should be mutual respect and a loving relationship between you two
    If you are following all of the suggestions above, and she continues being overly possessive over time, it's time for you to part company.
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  • Questions and Answers

    Can a possessive girlfriend change?

    Yes, but it is not definite that she will change at all. If you notice that she is possessive before you start a relationship, then it may be a good idea to not go any further with her into a relationship, as once you're in, getting out is always tricky.

    A possessive girl can change but it will take a whole lot of work. It is easier to just accept the situation rather than trying to change her from being this way. A possessive girl and an outgoing guy will not mix at all in a relationship because both of them have totally opposite and conflicting personality traits.

    How to Tell if Your Girlfriend is Possessive?

    One trait that a possessive girl has is she never wants you to go anywhere or do anything without her. These girls do not want you to be out of their sight for too long, unless it is necessary. Aside from this, she will not want you to talk to any other girls or even have friends who you can spend time with other than with her.

    Psychiatric Steps to Tackle Possessiveness?

    When someone is very possessive, you don't really have to go to a psychiatrist right away. What you can do first, is consult a relationship counselor and then attend a session together. In most cases, the issue of possessiveness does not only rely on one person, it may be an issue between the two of you in the relationship. Counseling sessions that build trust in each other will be able to help a lot in removing the insecurities in the relationship.

    She is using bad slang and getting too possessive?

    She talks bad which makes me angry and problems happen

    You can't change a person, although it is tempting to try. Her language is an issue for you so instead of getting angry, ask her to show respect to herself and those around her by speaking as a lady would. Her possessiveness is due to insecurity so ask her what she needs in this relationship to feel secure and you will do those things while she works on her language.

    I do not know if she really loves me, but she constantly peeps into my activities?

    When I asked her, she said she cannot trust me and also she hates me, but whenever I talk with another girl, she literally shouts at me

    She has experienced infidelity in the past. As the article above states, make her feel like the only girl in the world. The more you make her feel that you are there will her faithfully for the long haul, she will begin to relax and feel secure. Not trusting someone is exhausting! Ask her to trust you by explaining that without trust you both can't grow the relationship.

    My girlfriend is rude and abrupt, demanding and controlling?

    How can I end the relationship gracefully without making her upset?

    Make the break up personal to you. For instance use work or school as an excuse for no longer dating her. The excuse of, it's just not the right time, or you are just not ready, can help you break up gracefully.

    How to get my girlfriend to understand to give me time for myself?

    My girlfriend is over jealous and possessive on every thing I do, she wants my attention all the time when I get from doing something and work, I get so stressed out when she is not letting me do what I want, she is just thinking I'm cheating on her and I'm not, I need help on this. I have tried: Telling her I don't want to have her attention right now cause I'm tired and tried not to reply to her texts. I think it was caused by: She has an over controlling and over possessive problem, she doesn't want me to do anything else but to have her attention all the time

    You need your space and she needs you 24/7. Both of you are at complete opposite positions on what makes a good relationship. Try sitting down with her and making up a schedule of work/time together/friend and activity time. Ask that she understand that you need to keep this schedule because you are becoming extremely stressed and the pressure of not making her happy is making everything worse. Sometimes compromise works for everyone. For example: You have a 'guy night' on Thursday every week. She has ladies night on Friday every week, and the weekend you spend together.

    How will I avoid that possessive girl?

    I have a boyfriend and he had a girl but as a friend only then the girl will possessive to my boyfriend what should I do?

    It can be tough for friends to accept a new relationship. Suddenly all the time they had with your boyfriend gets reduced and they feel left out. Because his friend is a female, you should be looking for signs that instead of friendship this girl wants a relationship. Your boyfriend needs to understand that perhaps he needs to tell his friend that he needs some time to work on your relationship together and the friend is complicating the relationship. The girl may have hurt feelings but if she truly is just his friend she will want the best for him and back off for the time being.

    I am a female and have a female friend who always wants to be with me, wants to know where I am etc. It is now stressing me, do I tell her I need space?

    I do not want to end the friendship but I would like her to understand I need the space and I have a life without her. I cannot be with her every single day of my life. How do I tell her? I have tried: Spend every evening with me. I think it was caused by: She is recently divorced, no friends

    This is a tough one because you want to be a good friend and because your friend just got divorced, she is feeling very lonely. Introduce her to your other friends. Join a group activity together where she can make other personal connections and encourage her to make those connections. Encourage her to take up hobbies that she left behind when she got married. Right now you are basically her "husband" as she is trying to replace the void of him with you. She may not even realize she is doing it. There is nothing wrong with asking for some space and with the ways posted in this answer you can do it tactfully without making her feel pushed away from you.

    Girlfriend is snooping, jealous irrational?

    I get angry when I feel I am being treated unfairly

    Here are some things you can do to earn her trust:

    • Have open communication with her about where you are going and what your plans for the day are. It may seem like you are reporting to your boss but it will help her feel more secure to know what you are doing.
    • Tell her often how much you love her. Point out how she enriches your life. Make a point to tell her how beautiful she is or how hard working she is.
    • Ask her nicely why she feels so insecure in your relationship. Perhaps it is because of a past relationship but if you know what the root cause is, then you both can work towards making things better.

    My girlfriend wants me to delete contact with 5 female friends?

    My girlfriend wants me to delete contact with 5 female friends

    How long have you been friends with these girls? How long have you been dating your girlfriend? If you have been friends for several years with the group of 5 female friends, then maybe restrict some contact with them. Offer to only hang out if your girlfriend is around so she can get to know them. If you just started dating this girl, then you should tell her that your group of friends is none of her concern. She obviously feels insecure for some reason about these friends. There is a difference though between one female friend and a large group of them. Let her know that these are just friends and that is it and that you have no intention of dating any of them.

    How to handle my possessive partner?

    We are in love with each other. She also confesses of her love for me.. . But as of late there has been lot of fights between us. We are planning to get married. But whenever there is a fight she just says she does not want to marry me. She also tells me that she sees a dark future with me. I get totally hurt by these and getting emotionally jittery.. I have tried: I always try to persuade her and try to handle the situation. But every time she comes up with some new situation. It makes me totally jittery. I think it was caused by: Her past experiences are the main reason. She feels all men are womanizers.

    20% of engagements fall apart because of fighting before the wedding day. Tensions are high and suddenly even the smallest things become a big issue. It seems she is having major doubts about marriage which actually have nothing to do with you. Remind her of how long you have been together. Point out all the times you have shown that you are loyal only to her. It appears that you are doing all that you can to put her at ease but if you feel that she will be this way for the rest of your lives together, consider calling the wedding off.

    How do I leave her, she keeps threatening me when I try?

    We've been together for almost 2 years, she has been very possessive almost the whole time. Accusing me of all kinds of stuff, nothing I say will make her believe otherwise. And when I tell her I'm leaving, she threatens me and says I owe her. She has threatened me and family members on multiple occasions. I don't know how to get away from her!

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    How do I deal with when she asks me to cut people off in my life?

    I have a sister from college, not blood relation but, not since she cares for me my girlfriend wants me to cut her off from my life as she doesn't want anyone to care for me and she should be the only one... My sister is in a really tough place in life I need to help her but, if I don't cut her off my girlfriend is going to leave me... What do I do? I've already explained to her that she's the most imp person in my life and no one can replace her but still she wants to be the only one. It's very different. It's not my friends it's my sister from college she wants me to cut. She's very over possessive. I have tried: Tried to convince that she's the only one imp in my life and my no. 1 priority but didn't work. I think it was caused by: Recently I've been more close to my sister than I was before.

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    How can I make her realise that I'm giving my all? She questions my loyalty and love , how can I make her realise that I love her deeply?

    My girlfriend always questions my loyalty and love . Even if I do all the things to make her happy , she still is unsatisfied . She always says that she don't feel secure with me . How can I make her realise that I'm giving my all. I cannot leave her because I'm in love with her. I love her I cannot leave her because she made me a better person, I feel happy with her . The thought of being not with her ever is very scary . I don't want to leave her . But she questions my loyalty all the time , she gets upset or angry on small things that doesn't even matter. I am caring and protective , but she always says that she's not gatting any care from me and she doesn't feel protected .

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    If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


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