Find and Date Women Who Don't Want Children
Edited by Kathy McGraw, Maria Quinney
Children are a joy for many men and women, but there are those who eschew the family aesthetic in favor of their careers and a life unbound by the school year, PTA meetings, grubby hands, and leaky noses. While men don't receive the same amount of flak as women do if they don't want children, they still have to contend with a different set of prejudices, and finding a mate who shares their views on not reproducing is more often than not a difficult and frustrating task
What Do Women Think of Men Who Don't Want Children?
The answer appears to be that while men experience some societal approbation for their choice to remain child-free, they don't experience it to the same degree as women do. It's always been more acceptable for a man to remain single and childless, perhaps because fatherhood is not seen as a major role for a man as much as motherhood is for a woman. However, some women may believe that men who aren't keen on fatherhood are
- 1Selfish. Like women, men who don't want children are seen as selfish because they don't want to share their lives with a little rugrat or three. It's not as bad as for women, but if you're a guy and you mention that you don't want kids to a group of mothers or women who want children, you'll get the stink-eye for sure!Advertisement
- 2Irresponsible. Western culture seems to take the view that there is no higher level of responsibility for a man than having a family and supporting them as best as you can by the fruits of your own labor. Consequently, if you don't want to have 2.5 kids and a home surrounded by a white picket fence, why you must be a playboy wastrel.Advertisement
- 3Mean-spirited. This one is mostly aimed at older men who don't have children; the quintessential curmudgeon in a bathrobe and socks who screams at the neighborhood children to "Get off my lawn" or worse, a Scrooge-like figure who hoards his money and hasn't a generous or thoughtful bone in his body.
How to Find Women Who Don't Want Children
It would be fair to say that most women want children, just as most men do, a fact which makes it harder for men and women who wish to remain childless to find each other. Rest assured, there are women out there who share a desire never to reproduce.
- 1Talk about children early. While you don't have to blurt it out the first time you take her out, you should talk with him about children relatively early in your relationship. It's best to have this discussion before you become too emotionally invested in each other so that if it turns out she wants kids and you don't, can part amicablyAdvertisement
- 2Make your position unambiguous. Try to leave nothing to her imagination or leave any room for any doubt. Tell her that a future with you means there will be no children, full stop.
- 3Use birth control. Don't rely on her to be on the pill or any other birth control method. Use a condom, or better yet, get a vasectomy.
- 4Indicate your stance on children on your dating profile. Most dating websites and apps have a way, whether it's a tick-box or flair, that lets you denote your preferences on having children. If not, note it in bold somewhere on your profile. Whether or not you note it, some girls won't pay any attention to it if they find you attractive enough, but at least it will dissuade some of them.
- 5Try dating sites for people who wish to remain child-free. Although men and women who don't want children are still in the minority, there are three of dating sites we found that address their needs:
- AGreaterDate.com has a childfree section.
- TheChildfreeLife.com has a forum where you can chat with others who share your views and where you might find information on where to meet women who also don't want kids.
What to Do if She Wants Kids and You Don't?
What if you've found the perfect girl for you in every way except for one: she wants children, and you still don't. There's no denying that it's a tough situation that rarely ends well.
- 1Is there any room for compromise? Granted, there is no way to make half a kid, but love is a strange animal that makes us act in ways we never thought possible before. Perhaps you are willing to rethink your decision never to have kids. Or perhaps she isn't as gung-ho on children as she once was.
Birth Control Methods For Preventing Unplanned Pregnancy While Dating
At this point, birth control options for men are limited. Although research is on-going for the equivalent of the female birth control pill, the side effects of the most promising drugs have proved unbearable in early testing.
- 1Vasectomy. The vasectomy procedure is a fairly simple one in which the vas deferens, the tubes which connect the testes to the urethra are cut. It is done in the doctor's office under local anesthesia and vasectomy recovery time is complete within one week of having the procedure.
- Nearly 100 percent effective in preventing pregnancy, there is a small chance of the vas deferens reattaching themselves, in which case it would become possible to impregnate a woman again.
- While it is possible to have a vasectomy reversal if you change your mind about fathering children, it is considered a permanent solution, so make sure that you never want to get a woman pregnant before getting one.
- 2Condoms. Condoms are among the oldest of birth control methods, and when used correctly, are almost as effective (98%) as the birth control pill at preventing pregnancy. They are also highly effective at preventing the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases.
- 3Female birth control options. Since men don't have the number of options available to them, you could rely on her to provide the birth control; however, you would need to trust her completely and take her at her word, which is not always advisable.