Find and Date Men Who Don't Want Children
Edited by Kathy McGraw, Eng, Alma, Maria Quinney and 1 other
Although according to a recent Pew Research poll, one in five women reach menopause without having a single child and the percentage of women aged 40 to 44 (18% ) who have never had a child has increased 80 percent since 1976, women who don't want children are still treated as second-class citizens. If a young woman expresses disinterest in motherhood, even well-meaning people will seem to shame her for her choice and feel the need to reassure her that she'll change her mind in time. Even worse, just 20 percent of all men say they do not want children, which makes it tough to find a guy who shares their views.
What Do Men Think of Women Who Don't Want Children?
It depends on how he feels about having children himself, but if he does want children, then he might fall prey to the same misconceptions that people, in general, have about women who remain child-free by choice:
- 1Women who don't want children are selfish. Society and some men seem to think that it's a woman's duty to the human race to procreate, and if she doesn't, then she's putting her needs above the rest of humanity. Yeah, yeah. Just because you have a womb doesn't mean you have to use it!Advertisement
- 2Women who don't want children aren't "real" women. They're less feminine; they're denying an integral part of themselves. After all, what's more feminine than the role of mother? Don't all women want to swell will the life growing inside of them and after that nurture the little monsters...err...I mean bundles of joy... for 18 years or longer? Umm...some of us say no, thanks, and I assure you, we are real women!Advertisement
- 3There's something abnormal about a woman who doesn't want children. A corollary to the above, there's a view that a woman's default state is that she wants children, at least someday. If she doesn't, then there must be something wrong with her, or else, she's just going through a phase and will come to her senses when her biological clock starts ticking. I have news for these folks: for some of us, our biological clocks never go off! And that's perfectly normal, too.
How to Find Men Who Don't Want Children
Since 80 percent of men want to have children someday, finding a man who shares your desire to remain child-free is difficult.Here are a few tips to help you the next time you are dating a guy you fancy.
- 1Have the conversation early. While you don't have to blurt it out on your first date, you should talk with him about children relatively early in your relationship. It's best to have this discussion before you become too emotionally invested in each other so that if it turns out he wants kids and you don't, you can go your separate ways without too many hurt feelings.Advertisement
- 2Be very clear. Try to leave nothing to his imagination or leave any room for doubt in his mind. Tell him that children are NOT in your future and that there is no circumstance under which you can imagine that you'd change your mind.
- 3Use birth control. It goes without saying that you need to keep yourself from getting pregnant. Don't rely on him; it's your body, so protect yourself.
- 4Indicate your child-free preference on your dating profile. Most dating websites and apps have a way, whether it's a tick-box or flair, that lets you denote your preferences on having children. If not, note it in bold somewhere on your profile. Whether or not you note it, some guys won't pay any attention to it, but it will at least dissuade some from wasting your time.
- 5Try childfree dating sites. Although men and women who don't want children are still in the minority, there are three of dating sites we found that address their needs:
- AGreaterDate.com has a childfree section.
- TheChildFreeLife.com has a forum where you can chat with others who share your views and where you can get advice on the best places to meet men who prefer to remain childless.
What to Do if He Wants Kids and You Don't
What if you're with a great guy, and he's perfect in every way but one: he wants children, and you still don't. There's no denying that it's a terrible situation that rarely ends well.
- 1Are either of you willing to compromise? Love makes us do strange things, some of which we would never have considered before. Perhaps you are willing to have one child with this guy and only this guy? Or maybe children aren't as important to him as being with you. You never know until you talk about it with him.
Birth Control Options For Preventing Unplanned Pregnancies While Dating
Preventing pregnancy is important to you if you don't want children. Here are some options for you to consider:
- 1Intrauterine device (IUD): Shaped like a "T," the small device is inserted into your uterus by your doctor. A string hangs down through your cervix. IUDs are more than 99 percent effective at preventing pregnancy; put another way, you have less than a one percent chance of becoming pregnant while using an IUD.There are two kinds:
- Copper or non-hormonal IUD: The copper IUD is the most common type of IUD. A copper wire surrounds the stem of the IUD and can remain inside the uterus for up to 10 years at a time.
- Hormonal IUD: The hormonal IUD releases a form of the hormone progestin and lasts for between three to five years. In studies, it is slightly more effective at preventing pregnancy than the copper IUD.
- 2Tubal ligation. Colloquially referred to as "getting your tubes tied," tubal ligation cuts off the fallopian tubes from the ovaries. It is a type of female sterilization and is considered permanent. Tubal ligation is close to 100 percent effective at preventing pregnancy; some women have become pregnant after having the procedure because their fallopian tubes have grown back together, but such cases are thankfully rare.
- 3Sterilization Implant: A small coil is placed inside each fallopian tube, and over time, tissue grows around it, closing them off. This female sterilization procedure doesn't require surgery; it's done in the doctor's office through the birth canal. It takes up to three months to become effective since the tissue needs time to grow around the implants. This method is 99.8 percent effective at preventing pregnancy.
- 4Birth control pills. Birth control pills contain hormones that prevent ovulation. When used properly, the birth control pill is very effective at preventing pregnancy: 99.9 percent, as a matter of fact. Another way birth control pills prevent pregnancy is that they change the type and quantity of mucus your cervix produces Birth control pills come in many different varieties, far too many to mention here. If you want to find out more,here is a good resource to use.
- 5Subdermal implant. The subdermal implant is a tiny stick, about the size of a matchstick that your doctor inserts just under the first layer of the skin of your arm. Once inserted, it releases the hormone progestin, which prevents pregnancy like the birth control pill does. Unlike the birth control pill, it's set and forget for up to four years.
- 6Other birth control methods. Other methods include the Today Sponge, the female condom, the cervical cap, NuvaRing, and the birth control shot.
Picture in section 3 courtesy of Wikimedia Commons