Break Up with Your Girlfriend
Edited by Kathy McGraw
No one enters into a relationship thinking that someday it will end, but it happens; not every relationship can weather the storms of life. In fact, 85 percent of all relationships fail, and you will likely date as many as 12 different girls before you decide to get married, if at all. So, breaking up is quite common and something that almost everyone will experience at one time or another in their lives.
If you have come to the conclusion that you want to break up with your girlfriend, you are probably wondering if you are doing the right thing and what's the best way to handle it. We've come with this guide to breaking up with your girlfriend to help you along in this difficult journey.
Should You Break Up With Your Girlfriend?
While breaking up is not an easy thing to do, sometimes, it's the best choice. Sometimes, one of you is more at fault for the failure of your relationship than the other, but sometimes it's no one's fault, it's just what happens over time. Here are some reasons why you might want to break up with your girlfriend:
- One or both of you is cheating on the other
- She is abusive, emotionally or physically
- She's addicted to drugs or alcohol and isn't in treatment
- You've grown apart and want different things out of life
- You're regularly thinking about someone else
- More often than not, you wonder what it would be like to be single again
- You fight with each other all the time
- You're no longer happy in your relationship
- You stay only because you're afraid to be single again
- You no longer see a future with her
- She belittles you and doesn't respect you
- She doesn't support you in your life goals
- She hates all your friends and actively tries to sabotage your relationships with them
- She's too clingy
- She has no ambitions of her own
- She lies regularly. You can't trust her
Breaking Up Face to Face
Breaking up face to face is the ideal way to end it with your girlfriend, especially if you want to leave the relationship amicably. Of course, it's not going to be easy, and yes, it's going to hurt to do it, but facing her in person is the mature way to end things with her.
- 1If you are on the lease, she will need to move out. Make sure that you get her key and that either you or a family member or friend is present while she is moving out. This will lessen the risk of her doing damage to your apartment or your things.If you live together, determine how you will handle the living arrangements.
- 2She's going to be upset, and you have to be prepared for that; no one likes to hear that their partner is leaving them. Try to remain calm and focus on the reasons why you are breaking up with her.Sit your girlfriend down and talk with her about why you are breaking up with her.
- 3It doesn't make you less of a man to need help. If she has been abusive to you in the past, whether physically or verbally, be sure to protect yourself.If you feel like you're in danger, bring someone with you when you confront her.
Break Up Texts/Social Media Messages
While breaking up face to face is the best way to end a relationship, sometimes it isn't possible. Or maybe she's turned into an angry harpy, and you don't want to deal with the drama of an in-person conversation with her. Here are some texts or social media message ideas you can use to say goodbye to your girlfriend. Feel free to copy and paste, but try and personalize them a little.
- 1It's time to acknowledge that and move on. I will always care about you, and I hope we can remain friends.This is not about blame; it's about the fact that you and I are no longer the kids we were when we got together.
Breaking Up via Email or a Paper Note
If you have more to say to your girlfriend that a standard text or social media message allows, you can write her a Dear Jane email or leave her an old-fashioned paper note to tell her it's over between you. As with the texts/social media messages, feel free to copy and use them; however, they work best when you've taken the time to personalize them a little.
Sample Note Number 1
The last few months have been a never-ending battle between us; we don't see eye to eye on much of anything anymore, and I am getting tired of the fighting and arguing. I want peace, not just for me, but for you, as well. So, I am writing you this email to tell you that I am moving out today. My brother is helping me get my stuff out, and I'll leave my key under the mat.
I really think this is for the best, for both of us. Know that I will always care for you, and I hope that someday, we can be friends.
Sample Note Number 2
When I found out you were cheating on me, it hit me like a bowling ball in the gut. I couldn't believe it, at first: I never thought you would hurt me like that. When I got over being numb, I had to make a decision about whether or not I could continue in the relationship, and the answer is no, I can't. See, I know myself enough to realize that no matter how much time goes by, I won't ever be able to trust you like I once did, and that's not fair to either of us. So, I am breaking up with you.
I am staying over at a friend's house tonight, and I expect your stuff to be out of my apartment by tomorrow. Another friend of mine will be present while you move out.
Sample Note Number 3
For the longest time, I let you be the judge of my self-worth. I took your criticisms to heart because I thought you loved me and were saying these things, no matter how hurtful, for my benefit. But now, I see that it's all just been to make me feel subhuman and easy for you to control. I see now that you never loved me; I was just a means to an end for you.
I am done being your slave and your punching bag. This is goodbye.
What to Do After the Breakup
Life after a breakup is hard, regardless of whether it was a mutual decision or who ended the relationship. You need to take care of yourself during this time and to be cognizant of how you are dealing with the aftermath.
- 1After a breakup, especially of a long-term relationship, you need time to heal and regain your perspective.Spend your time re-connecting with friends and enjoying life on your own. If you must date, keep it casual and fun.Consider staying single for a while.
- 2It's natural to have second thoughts about leaving her, but you must fight through them. When you're feeling especially lonely and vulnerable, take out a sheet of paper and a pen or pencil and write down all of the reasons you ended your relationship with her. This exercise will remind you why the relationship had to end and help you see that you are better off without her.Resist the urge to get back together with your ex.
- 3The worst thing you can do after a breakup is to sit around and let your mind revolve around your ex and what could have been. Instead, get out there and stay active. Hit the gym, start training for a Marathon, or take a class in something you've always been interested in.Keep yourself occupied.
- 4The end of a relationship is never easy, no matter who initiates the breakup. With it comes a sense of failure that can sometimes provoke a bout of depression, and men are not immune. In fact, recent research indicates that men have a harder time recovering from breakups than women do.Get counseling if you're struggling.