Become a Successful Single Parent
Edited by Debbie, Charmed, Eng, Alma
Many single parents especially mothers, yearn for the support that only a loving mate can provide. Worldwide, the majority of single parents are women. A single mom in Africa said that when she is depressed, one of her sons will put his arms around her and tell her how much he loves her. A Father says he is happy to see that his children show their appreciation for the things he does for them. They bring him gifts, such as a picture they've drawn. He said it more than repays him for any effort he makes.
The role of a single parent can be demanding, and challenging. We will focus on 6 ways that can help single parent families:
- 1 STEPS
- 1.1 Look for support from trusted relatives and friends.
- 1.2 Train your children to help.
- 1.3 Create an environment of open communication.
- 1.4 Do not tune your children out.
- 1.5 Be Patient.
- 1.6 Know your children.
- 1.7 Do not confuse the role of a parent with that of a friend.
- 1.8 Love your Children.
- 1.9 Decide what is most important to you and your children, and make these things your main concern
- 1.10 Recognize that children need organization and schedules for success
- 1.11 Be firm, and mean what you say
- 1.12 Be consistent
- 1.13 Be reasonable, do not discipline in anger.
- 2 Comments
- 1Get more support
- 2Communicate more effectively with your children
- 3Set sound Priorities
- 4Set clear boundaries of behavior
- 5Establish wholesome values
- 6Give God a place in the family
A girl by the name of Alina, who has two young boys, said her biggest challenges are tiredness and a constant lack of time. This seems to be normal for single moms. There are single parents that build a support network-a group of people on who they can call for help without feeling embarrassed.
Look for support from trusted relatives and friends.
Why not make up a list of people who you can call for help, whether for childcare, transportation, home maintenance, or just emotional support? You can also see what is available through government assistance agencies. Can the absent parent help? If they have legal access to the children, and are responsible and willing to help, that would be a great help to you. After all, it's important to spend time with their dad.
Train your children to help.
When you give your children chores appropriate for their age, you help both yourself and them. Work can teach children to be responsible and a good work ethic will be valuable later in life. Single parents want to communicate well with their children. A woman named Miranda said that she learned to listen no matter how tired she was. Her challenge was not just being with her daughter, but being present mentally and emotionally despite all her other responsibilities that she had, and her tiredness.
Create an environment of open communication.
A lady commented that she tried to set the example as a mom of five, and her children open up to her. She also encourages them to talk with one another, and never to go to bed angry with their brothers or sisters. They also know that she does not tolerate the silent treatment-their refusing to talk with one another.
Do not tune your children out.
Lyanne said when her son was small, he was such a chatterbox that she tuned him out. Then, when he became a teenager he stopped communicating, and she realized she had made a big mistake. She decides to ease gently into conversations with her son, and things started to improve.
There is a time to keep quiet, and a time to speak. When children do not feel like talking, make sure you are there when they are ready. Instead of forcing them to communicate, warmly and patiently invite it. When children come to you with a problem, don't be too quick to offer advice but to speak calmly when dealing with something that will upset you. This is a time to be more understanding, because you don't want your communication to end up being hindered. If you fail to remain calm, you may lose your temper and start shouting, which can be not only harmful to your child, but it will keep him from wanting to approach you when he has a problem, because he or she knows you will get upset. A child is like a seashell, if you talk kindly and lovingly to them, they will open up, if you shout and criticize him or her, the shell closes and communication stops.
Know your children.
Yasmin's two sons were very different. One talked quite much, while the other was quiet. She learned not to confront the quiet son directly, but she tried to talk to him while they were busy in playing a board game, or while he was talking about something that interested him. Sometimes, children feel awkward talking to their parents about personal things. Sometimes they will feel you don't understand them. You can seek help from a trustworthy male who can become your son's guide.
Do not confuse the role of a parent with that of a friend.
Don't make your child your confidant. You do want to have a warm relationship with them, but you have to remember, you are their authority figure. When you uphold your dignity and show your maturity and stability, you will make it easier for your children to honor you.
Love your Children.
They need love as much as they need food and drink! So regularly let them know of your love in word and deed. They will feel more secure, and willing to talk to you and obey you. The greatest challenge is to be a working mother who is responsible for providing everything physically, emotionally,and mentally, without a marriage partner.
Decide what is most important to you and your children, and make these things your main concern
Stick to them, and learn to manage your time and finances. For example, your child's health is important, so use your hard earned money to buy healthy food. That's better than spending your income on medical bills. Before you go shopping, prepare a shopping list. This will help you not to buy things you really don't need. Focus on needs, not wants. That is hard for all of us to do, but it can be done! Get rid of things you don't use. The more things you have, the more you have to clean and keep. Train your kids to tidy up at night. Discipline can teach your children to take responsibility for their room and even for the home. We know we are all very busy, but you must spend time with your children. As much time as you can give them. At the evening meal is a good time when everyone is together, could be a time to ask each other how their day was, and what everyone will be doing for the rest of the evening.
Recognize that children need organization and schedules for success
There is less stress on relationships when boundaries are clear.
Be firm, and mean what you say
They do not want to not listen when parents are unable to say no, and when they regularly give in to their wants. Don't let your feelings of guilt over your situation as a single parent cause you to be a tolerant parent.
This is important to prevent behavior and emotional difficulties in children. When disciplining, be patient first, and then explain in a calm manner how their action has affected the family. Then carry out the discipline you feel is needed.
Be reasonable, do not discipline in anger.
You need to be firm for what is right, but you also need to be flexible when the situation warrants it. Sensible people do not act rashly or in the heat of anger. Instead, they think first, and then they are able to act more calmly and appropriately. Your good example will make your home a true refuge for your children.
We also want to create good moral values for our children. Peer pressure at school, along with morals disappearing, have a powerful influence on families. It's important that they have wholesome values. We want them to be well mannered adults. There are single parents that have had great success looking to the Bible for guidance, knowing that it has the wisdom of God to follow. Think about what it says about love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 It tells us that it is kind and long suffering, and does not look for its own self, and that it never fails. When parents show this kind of love to their children, it brings about true happiness for families. A woman in Poland said when her children had disagreements, she would remind them what Jesus said at Matthew 7:12.
We want to look to God for help. It is a busy world, but our Creator is interested in us, and is there to help. He wants us to succeed in life. He lets us know that he is always with us, and is extending his hand. (Isaiah 41:10) He is a better Father or Mother than any of us. He knows what our kids need, and he wants to protect them. When a problem seems beyond your ability to figure out, pray to him. He wants to show his tender care to all families. He has our best interests at heart. Will you look to him for help in raising your children?
If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.
Categories : Parenting
Recent edits by: Eng, Charmed, Debbie