Be Friends After Being Lovers

Edited by Shalom, Eng, Lynn, Ermin and 4 others

You were so in love with each other and it felt like nobody could tear you apart. When all of a sudden there was a little misunderstanding that LED you to breaking up. And with all the memories you had you still want to be friends with each other but how?

Some couples, when they split up, they will likely start to feel anger and hatred towards their ex, or eventually become bitter, because of the miserable break up they had been through. You have to learn how to accept everything - whether it will be bad or good, so that you may not be able to create unforgettable and saddest troubles brought by your past. A bad break up will keep hunting you down, until you get into a new relationship. Being friends after a break up is a good plan. If you just broke up with your mate, you have to be supportive, meaning you have to accept and respect his or her decision. This way, it will make him or her happy. If you don't, the miserable past will not make you live a peaceful life.

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    If you had children after your breakup, maintain a respectable relationship with each other for the sake of your children. Give quality time for the kids because they also long for the masculine image (for the father) and the feminine image (for the mother). Talk with your ex constantly on concerns about the children.
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    Learn to forgive, forget, and respect. After the break up, moving on is not really that is easy. It takes time to forget and to start a new life again. But in spite of all the hurt you felt and everything you went through, you may still think of the memories you shared with each other. To be friends again, you only need three factors. These factors are to forgive, to forget and to respect.
    1. To forgive your ex means that you have accepted the fact that he or she did something that made you feel hurt. The word sorry may not be that easy to accept. It may not heal everything, but at least you know that there was a regret, and you wish it didn't happen. You have to learn how to forgive each other and admit that both of you made a mistake.
    2. To forget is not that easy and it takes time to learn it. Forget all the hurt that the person caused you and just remember all the good things he or she has done for you. For example, the happiness you felt before to him and the sincerity that was shown to you while you were together. You have to let go of the hurt and anger, because it will not do you any good.
    3. To respect your ex is to give him or her a privacy in his or her new life. If either or both of you have found someone else, then you should respect one another. You chose to break up and be friends eventually, so you have to accept the fact that he or she is not yours anymore. You can give each other some tips and advice to make sure that whatever happened in the past will not happen again in your current relationship. You should respect each other feelings and thoughts. When you learn to do these three factors, friendship between you and your ex will be able to grow again.
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    Move-on wholeheartedly. Whether you are a male or a female, and you just split up with your mate, you should move on wholeheartedly. If you will accept the fact that your relationship is not going to work, even after many times you've tried, it won't still be the same way as you think it will be. He or she is not for you and you are not for him or her. There is someone out there who is planned to be with you forever. The same goes for your ex, too. Just accept how your current relationship ends. And if you are going to offer your ex that you will always be around whenever he or she needs you, this will make him or her think that you are supportive and a good person. He or she may also think or even afraid of losing you who are one in a million. Who would have thought that you will be OK after the break up? This is just a rare case, but this is what we call the real happy ending of a love story.
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    Keep in touch with your ex. This does not mean that you are really obsessed with your ex, because you are trying to communicate with him or her after the break up. This just shows a friendship concern, of course. Remind your ex that you are still going to keep in touch with him or her as a friend and nothing else. This means you are not bitter, and you are still willing to be friends with your ex. If you are bitter, it just means that you do still love him or her. Even if you do, keeping in touch with your ex has a slight chance that you will be together again. If you get mad at him or her during a break up, your ex will not be happy and worse, he or she will get discouraged at you and will never forgive you, because you are weird and not supportive.
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    Be happy for him or her. In order to build a happy ending and new friendship with your ex, you should be happy for whatever fate will come to him or her. Whether it will be a new relationship, you should be happy, because it just means that he or she has moved on that quickly. If this happens, you should tell him or her how you really feel - the very truth so as to bring out the emotions you have kept inside. When you completely express everything, you may feel relieved a little, at least. If you still can't move on, be friends with your ex until you learn how to move on. As a matter of fact, when you see your ex-lover happy in someone else's arms, it will make you feel gratified. And as a friend, you could be there for him or her any time, if he or she needs a shoulder to cry on or a true friend whom he or she can share his or her happiness with.
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    Ask him or her to go out with you. Who says that couples and lovers should only be the people whom can go on a date? Friends can do the same, too. You can ask him or her to go out with you even after the break up. This means that you can be good friends after everything that happened. You can still go out together even with your bunch of good friends and can still enjoy the things that you used to do even if you are now friends. See how peaceful your mind will be if you become friends after being lovers? No stress and worries, indeed!
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Other Things To Consider

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    Be friends to your ex by giving her some visit. Visit her on their house and give some present when you are visiting her. You can be friends if you are not anymore lovers. When visiting, be responsible, do not open the topic with her when you breakup. This may cause confusion on her part, may be she will think that you are there not to make friends.
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    Be friend with her by being there on her back whenever she need someone to lean on. You can also help her when she needs you with regards to assistance and similar acts. You should not dictate her of what she needs to do but instead, be there to help her in making good ideas.
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    You need to set up your limit when you are making friends with her. Don't act as if that you are in a relationship. Bear in mind that you are not in a relationship but you are seeking for her to be you friend. In which case, you act as a friend and not as a lover. Don't be over protective and prevent her from doing other things.
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  • If your ex has a new girlfriend or boyfriend, you should put a boundary between your relationship with him or her, because you could be the reason of their break up. You do not want that to happen between them, do you? You do not want them to fight because of you, do you? If so, you should limit every action that you will make when it comes to your ex.
  • Keep yourself from calling or texting him or her every now and then because his new girlfriend or boyfriend may get annoyed at you. This may be the time to learn how to let go. Interfering in someone else's life might be a hassle to him or her. So, move on instead. You will learn how to let go as time passes by.

Questions and Answers

What do you do when your love relationship feels like a friendship?

He was my friend and then we became lovers but now we are more like friends again.. I have tried: I have tried to make things more romantic but he is not interested in sex.. I think it was caused by: I think he may be happier as friends but I am happier being his lover.

There can be two ways. The fist is putting all of your effort to prove how you are one of a kind in what you can do for him. Try to give everything you can without asking anything in turn and see how he reacts. Create an atmosphere that is conducive to your goal: dark evenings with candles and light supper at home. Put on music that he loves. Do not expect anything in turn, just try to do what you want him to do with you. If he is very uncomfortable with it, you will see and try not to push him.

The second way is waiting: there are phases that come and go, and you may need to live through one so that the passion is rekindled. Start going to the gymnasium together to work out or travel to the sea.

At any time, if you feel that it is not going anywhere; and your partner agrees, even not explicitly, it may be a good time for a change in a relationship.

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Donna, Emmanuel M. Lardizabal, Jonathan

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