Avoid Hurtful Speech
Edited by Batkingnz, Eng, Lynn
It's easy to resort to hurtful speech when you and your partner end up in a disagreement, or especially a full blown argument. When you begin to use put-downs and personal insults, you are now using hurtful speech. When this happens in a marriage or long term relationship it can be detrimental to the longevity of that relationship and you should take steps to put an end to the behavior now. But before you can stop what's happening, you need to first understand the causes for resorting to hurtful and damaging speech.
Underlying Causes of Hurtful Speech in a Relationship
- 1A family history of hurtful speech. If one, or both of the people in a relationship came from a home where hurtful speech was witnessed, the behavior is usually continued on to future generations. This is usually referred to as a vicious cycle.Advertisement
- 2Desensitization to profanity and strong language. Desensitization, through mass media or social groups can reduce the perceived impact of hurtful speech, especially in a heated moment when the person using hurtful speech is ignorant to the sensitivities of their partner.Advertisement
- 3Cultural influences. In some cultures, part of being a man is stamping your place and dominating your wife, while women may be taught to be just as aggressive and strong headed. If both sides of the relationship have come from such backgrounds, these traits will clash during a disagreement or argument.
Why Is It Wrong
Sometimes arguments and hurtful speech are unavoidable; in fact it could even be argued that they are a necessary part of a balanced and healthy relationship. But when these episodes become more frequent, they can become real determining factors for the breakup of marriages and relationships. During such episodes, it's likely that things are said that are not meant, or the feelings are accentuated in the heat of the moment. It's true in such a scenario that words can do more damage than fists, which is proven in studies that have shown the hardest thing to recover from in a domestic abuse situation is not the physical abuse, but the psychological abuse. If you want to prevent destruction of your relationship, read on below for ways to prevent and get out of the cycle of hurtful speech.
Put an End to Hurtful Speech
- 1Empathize with your partner. Put yourself in his or her position and think about how you would feel. Try and remember a moment where they thought something you had said was hurtful. Focus on those words that you said, and how that made them feel. Imagine now that they did the same to you, and things start feeling less than great inside. Now that you have an idea of what they felt, try and think of different ways you could have acted in that situation and of different words you could have used.
Tips, Tricks & Warnings
- It's a good idea to read the above article with your partner; that way you can both be aware of the others thoughts when a situation might arise. If you're both on the same thought process for ending conflicts and hurtful speech, it will be easier to implement the above steps.
- In certain situations, the above might not be enough, or it may be too little and too late. If you feel that you need further help in stamping out harmful behavior and hurtful speech in your relationship it can be a good idea to talk to friends, family members or professional relationship counselors.
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