Avoid Fart Humiliation

Edited by Timbuktu, Charmed, Jonathan, Lynn and 8 others

Just hearing the word "fart" can make some people laugh. It's a funny word. When a fart is actually heard and/or the smell is detected in public, it may bring about even a bigger laugh, or it may make others feel disgusted. Although it's a natural bodily function, and everyone does it, this is the ugly truth regarding farts. If they don't laugh out loud, chances are they will raise their eyebrows, and try to conceal their smile and control their laughter. Regardless, the person who dropped the bomb will still likely suffer some embarrassment.

Farting is in fact very helpful to our bodies because it releases unwanted gas from our systems. It can cause problems if you try to hold in that fart, in an attempt to avoid humiliation, as it can cause stomach pains and other issues.

You've Farted. Everyone Is Looking At You. What Do You Do You?

Try not to turn red. Say something to ease the tension - something cute, or clever, or funny or cool. Be gracious, and don't blame it on the dog - unless there really is a dog nearby.

Some Funny And Helpful Tips

  1. 1
    If you are in the classroom and in the middle of a very serious discussion, you let a loud, but odorless fart:
    1. Blame an inanimate object. Move the chair your sitting on, and it will hopefully make the same noise. Likewise, move your desk.
    2. Make a joke/excuse that you are practicing for an ultimate fart video you're creating for YouTube.
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  2. 2
    If the classroom chair or meeting room chair is immobile and doesn't scoot:
    1. Claim you were practicing a sound effect.
    2. Laugh, hold up your phone and say, "YouTube".
    3. Own up to the fart, and say, "It must have been something I ate".
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  3. 3
    If you fart during a date:  
    1. You could turn it into a compliment by saying, "I can't control myself around you." Or, "It's because you're making me nervous. I only feel nervous when I really like someone".
    2. You can simply laugh and apologize.
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  4. 4
    If you farted and no one knows it was you:  
    1. Do not acknowledge it, just carry on with whatever you're doing and try not to look guilty.
    2. Acknowledge that it happened and look around, as if you're also wondering who did it.
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  5. 5
    If someone asks, who farted?  
    1. You may join the party and ask as well, but don't be too vocal, or you'll seem guilty.
    2. You may point at someone else when he or she isn't looking, but this is really bad.
    3. If you get caught pointing at someone else, try to point at other people too, as if to say, "maybe you, or you, or you." This way, the first person you accused will not think you are rude, or have an issue with you in the future.
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  6. 6
    If someone suspects that it's you:  
    1. Try to look grumpy and continue what you're doing.
    2. Try to look innocent and continue what you are doing.
    3. You can just admit it and comment how comfortable you are since you released the gas.
    4. You can say "sorry" and smile in that charming, disarming way you do.
    5. Walk quickly away from the smell and the embarrassment.
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  7. 7
    If you think you can hold your fart:  
    1. Get to a more convenient location.
    2. Wait until the room is noisy.
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  8. 8
    If you can't hold your fart:  
    1. Do something else that will make noise at the same time, masking the sound, and then pray it's not a smelly fart.
    2. Let it out in stages - short bursts rather than one big kaboom.
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  9. 9
    If you are in the restroom and you fart in the stall:'  
    1. Try to look through the crack of the cubicle door. Don't leave the stall until all those who heard you are out of the restroom.
    2. Quickly flush the toilet to try and cover the fart noise. This is especially wise if you suspect you might have to.
    3. People tend to be very forgiving of farts in a restroom. If you can't fart there, you can't fart anywhere.
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  10. 10
    If you need to let extremely loud bathroom farts:  
    1. If you're in luck, and nobody else is in the bathroom, don't hesitate to make it really, really loud, and let it all out. Holding your fart can have undesirable results.
    2. If you are sure no one saw you go into the stall, especially people you know, you can still fart as loudly as you can, even with people around. But try flushing to be a bit courteous, and don't leave the stall until that group of people has exited the room.
    3. If you're in a hurry, and have to exit the stall while there are still witnesses lingering in the restroom, don't let their comments bother you. Everyone does it. You mind remind them of that while they're snickering.
    4. After the fart, you can spray the bathroom with air freshener, if there is some available. You can also purchase Poo Pourri, a tiny spray you can carry in your pocket. It works very well. This is also handy after you've had a BM and don't want to leave a stench behind.
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Whatever happens, try to keep a sense of humour about farts.

Smelly Farts

Smelly farts are rarely associated with serious ailments. They usually have more to do with the foods we eat, and the length of time gases are stored in our intestines. Foods that are rich in sulphur produce smelly gases. These foods include meat, eggs, cow's milk, cheese, cauliflower, broccoli, dried fruits, wine, horseradish, onions, garlic and other vegetables belonging to the cabbage family. These foods contain hydrogen sulfide, which causes the gases to smell bad.

In addition, when we try to suppress the release of gases out of our system, bacteria will start to produce more foul smelling sulfates.

How To Avoid Smelly Farts

To avoid passing smelly flatulence:

  1. 1
    Avoid eating foods high in sulfur.
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  2. 2
    Avoid beef and pork. Instead, try to consume more fish and chicken.
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  3. 3
    Consume more vegetables and fruits that are low in sulfur like carrots, avocados, spinach and eggplants.
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  4. 4
    You have to consume more fresh vegetables and fruits that are high in fiber that will act as natural laxative to help you to have regular bowel movement.
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  5. 5
    If you feel like you are about to fart, go to the bathroom or go out to pass gas.
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  6. 6
    Do not try to suppress it.
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Tips and Warnings:

  • If you're prone to smelling farts, purchase some poo pourri, and carry it with you.
  • If you've avoided foods high in sulfur and have a regular bowel movement and you still have smelly farts, something might be wrong in your digestive tract. Consult your doctor if you still suffer from smelly flatulence.

Questions and Answers

Should I apologize for foul smelling flatulence?

It depends where you are and who you're with. If you let out that foul smell with friends who know you well, of course there is no need for apologies. However, if you are in a more formal setting, like a meeting or a gathering then you need to apologize. It is quite embarrassing, but you can add a little humor. People should be understanding. Farting is a natural thing and often, uncontrollable. To spare you from fart humiliation, avoid eating foods that are likely to cause excessive farting and foul smelling gas.

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


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Categories : Health & Wellness

Recent edits by: Nuance, Doug Collins, Maria Quinney

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