Avoid Dating a Narcissist

Edited by Donna, Eng, Alma

The Disadvantages of Being In A Relationship With A Narcissist

Narcissists love themselves.

Narcissism is classified as a personality disorder in which delusions of grandeur, selfishness and an excessive need for admiration for others masks a deep insecurity that lashes out at the slightest criticism or humiliation. Even though their own need for approval and attention is boundless, narcissists have almost no empathy for others and mostly use people, rather have reciprocal relationships with them. These troubled people, when you first meet them come off a charismatic, often brilliant and their life seems almost too good to be true. It is a good idea to trust your instincts when one asks you out on a date because they are also notorious for being chronic fibbers.

Before you go out on a date with someone who has this disorder, you might want to consider the future consequences of being in a relationship with one. These include:

  • Falling hard for someone who is not exactly who they say they are and building a life with someone who has lied about their finances, marriage status or other matters
  • Having an untrustworthy or unreliable partner who behaves in a compulsive, unpredictable manner
  • Finding out that the narcissist has another secret life or even several of them, with all parties believing that they are in the primary relationship with the narcissist
  • Being stood up for no reason because the narcissist has been distracted by someone or something more interesting than you
  • Giving all of your sympathy and attention to a person who is not sympathetic or interested in you
  • Only being kind to you when they need something from you, but otherwise being stand-offish, critical and abusive
  • Never having a choice about how anything should go in the relationship, as the narcissist must always have things his or her way
  • Always being the backburner relationship in case someone better comes along
  • Being dropped at a moment's notice with no acknowledgment of the importance of the past
  • Rewriting recent history to suit themselves, and when convenient, writing you right out of it
  • Being unable to discuss any problems in the relationship, because the narcissist cannot tolerate criticism
  • Not being able to live up to the narcissist's ridiculous expectations of you that demand that you only exist to be the perfect reflection of them
  • Being the brunt of the narcissist's anger when reality is defying with their delusions of grandeur that is causing their distress

How to Detect A Narcissist Before You Agree to A Date

Narcissists love to take selfies.

The best way to spare yourself the misery of getting involved with a narcissist is to avoid getting attached to one in the first place. This can be difficult because often he or she comes off as very charming, attractive and incredibly seductive at first and is an expert at manipulating others. Before you decide that someone is the perfect mate for you, know how to detect these signs of a narcissistic personality.

  1. 1
    At first, you find yourself dazzled by this person's impeccable taste and grooming, charm and seductive ways. Many narcissists look great because they spend so much time cultivating their looks and personality and if they think you are useful to them in some way, they know exactly what to tell you to transform you into a loyal fan. However, if you are involved in a relationship with this person, you would find yourself bitterly disappointed by the narcissist's fickle manner and emotionally abusive ways.
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  2. 2
    A narcissistic pouts or expresses fury when he or she is not the center of attention at all times. Whenever a narcissist walks into a room, they must command the attention of everybody. If he or she starts sulking because the world doesn't stand still for them or because other people don't put them first in every circumstance, then you are dealing with a narcissist.
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  3. 3
    He or she constantly interrupts you and you can't get a word in edgewise. Narcissists have absolutely no interest in what you have to say and will talk over you to be heard if necessary.
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  4. 4
    A narcissist will lead you to believe that he or she is a celebrity and entitled to special privileges. When he or she does not get this particular treatment, they will express fury at innocent people who have no idea who they are, including waiters, valets, and real celebrities.
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  5. 5
    A narcissist will name-drop or gossip to impress you. Half of the time, you will have no idea who the narcissist is talking about, but he or she will try and impress you with their insider knowledge about famous people, private clubs or secret societies. They will also drop the name of brands of expensive perfumes or clothing or tell you all about their last visit to a five-star restaurant. This is part of their campaign to have you see them as someone who is very special or unique.
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  6. 6
    He or she berates you if your attention turns to something else while he or she is talking to you. Even if you are doing something necessary, like talking to a waiter or concentrating on driving, the narcissist will be oblivious to the reality-taking place around you, because only the fantasy being put forth matters.
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  7. 7
    He or she spends hours on social media and posts more selfies than most people. Narcissists enjoy posting photos of themselves that look nothing like themselves, using filters and photo apps to make themselves appear very glamorous.
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  8. 8
    They behave in a rude and entitled way and consider themselves to be the exception to every rule. A narcissist's favorite expression is "Beauty is above the law." If the light is red, they will hold up traffic to cross the street. If there is a line-up, they will butt in so they can be first. If your host at a dinner party asks people to turn off their cell phones, he or she will be the first to be texting during the meal.
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  9. 9
    They take offense very quickly and cannot stop talking about a bitter past. Narcissists are very traumatized by the fact that what is happening in reality is not matching up to who they think they are. They will often portray themselves as being in competition with a celebrity who has no idea who they are.
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  10. 10
    Narcissists put down others to make themselves shine. Belittling others and playing contrast and compare is part of the self-aggrandizing tendency that is characteristic of this personality disorder.
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  11. 11
    You are not allowed to contradict or constructively criticize him or her. Beneath all of that confidence and charisma is a person with very low self-esteem and a fragile ego that has a psychotic reaction to any criticism. What is a minuscule comment for most, is a devastating humiliation for the narcissist.
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  12. 12
    Narcissists never seem to pay for anything. They use their celebrity status to get others to pay for things or give them things. They are experts at manipulating others to get on a guest list or guilting others into thinking that they are owed something. Narcissists are also notorious for being nowhere in sight when the bill arrives. This is part of their attitude of entitlement.
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  13. 13
    Narcissists must always have the best, often at someone's expense. The narcissist will tell you that public image depends on having the best personal trainer, hair stylist, lawyer, doctor, therapist, naturopath, pizza delivery service, etc. They will also only be seen in high-end vehicles and clothing. For this reason, they are often in debt and are also known for borrowing money for others.
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  14. 14
    He or she has a string of broken relationships behind him or her that is not talked about. These relationships represent the reality of who the narcissist really is, reference of these past relationships is never mentioned by the narcissist. Also, the narcissist may not want you to find out past debts or abusive relationships.
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  15. 15
    Narcissists tend to dress provocatively, swear more and make references to sex more often than other people. This is part of an attempt to shock others so that they can garner all of the attention in the room, plus the provocative dressing makes the more desirable in a primal way.
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  16. 16
    The body language and speech of a narcissist can be very loud and brash. They may make exaggerated hand gestures while talking or physically dominate the space by spreading themselves out on a couch. They may physically wave people who don't interest them away or roll their eyes and sigh when others are speaking.
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  17. 17
    Narcissists tend to wear very strong scents or perfumes. This is part of their strategy to be as dominant and seductive as possible. If you can smell a person before they have entered a room they are likely a narcissist.
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  18. 18
    You many notice that he or she is truly two-faced. A narcissist will say terrible things to you about a person and then within minutes, be flattering that very same individual. Always remember that this same type of hypocrisy will always apply to you.
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  19. 19
    You may notice that he or she is a fair weather friend. Narcissists have absolutely no empathy for others and will drop anyone who has a problem, illness or genuine grievance of some sort. Once things get heavy, this person flits away to focus on the next prospect or project.
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  20. 20
    A narcissist is easily challenged by authority and considers is an expert on everything. They know better than the police, the naturopath, the lawyer, the gourmet chef, the professor, the therapist, the plumber and just about anyone else you would consider to be an expert.
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  21. 21
    A narcissist will not allow others to express an opinion without criticism. If you get involved with one he or she will jump on your every word, especially if you are qualified to express an opinion as an expert. Narcissists cannot bear to be second in any way to anyone else in the room.
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  22. 22
    A narcissist loves to create unnecessary romantic conflict and drama. Narcissists enjoy the idea of two people or more fighting for their attention, so don't be surprised if within hours of meeting one, if they are polarizing you romantically with someone else in the room. Escalating jealousy makes a narcissist feel desired, so don't be surprised if you are also named in a love triangle with a narcissist you have not ever slept with.
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  23. 23
    Narcissists don't like the word no and will try to humiliate and bully you into agreeing with them. You may notice them behaving this way with other people before they practice the same behavior with you. If you get involved with a narcissist expect a lifetime of ego struggles as you only try to refuse the simplest of requests.
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  24. 24
    A narcissist often has a pack of minions to do his or her bidding. These are sycophants rather than true friends. These are usually a slew of former romantic prospects who are still hoping to become number one in the narcissist's life again as they once were for a short time when they first met him or her.
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  25. 25
    You have known the narcissist five minutes, but he or she is already an expert on you. You might notice that even when the conversation is about you, that it only consists of the narcissist's aggressive opinions of you and that your entire history and identity has been redefined through the narcissist's eyes.
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Tips and Tricks

  • A narcissist's reality is very dependent on other's constantly agreeing with his or her's distorted sense of reality, and be careful of contradicting a narcissist who seems vengeful or violent.
  • Never lend a narcissist money, you will not likely get it back as most of them see loans as a donation towards their great dream or noble cause
  • Narcissists are often very much aware they are narcissists and consider the accusation to be a compliment
  • Always remember that you are in control of how attached you become to a narcissist and that your attachment is what he or she uses to manipulate you

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Eng, Donna

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