23 Online Dating Tips for Men

Edited by Kathy McGraw, Maria Quinney

According to an eHarmony poll, men outnumber women on dating sites: they comprise 52.4 percent of users as opposed to just 47.6 percent for women. What this means for you, unfortunately, is that you're entering a highly competitive environment where you are vying for a larger number of men for a smaller pool of available women, and until the balance shifts to a more favorable ratio, it is what you have to deal with.

However, before you decide that online dating isn't for you, consider this: more Americans view online dating as a good way to meet someone than in the past. A Pew Research poll found that 59 percent of adults had a favorable view of online dating in 2015 as opposed to only 44 percent in 2005. Online dating offers an easy way to meet women without having to go barhopping and puts the focus on personality and intelligence more than looks. We've put together a list of 23 tips to help you have a successful online dating experience.

  1. 1
    Create a username that reflects who you are. A lot of guys try to get humorous with their usernames, but the truth is that their efforts fall flat or become outright turn-offs in some cases. Don't overthink it. Instead, try mixing words related to your interests together or combining them with your first name. For instance, if you enjoy fantasy novels and sailing, a unique name choice could be FrodoUponTheSea or SailingMike. Oh, and skip the usernames with sexual innuendos, please.
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  2. 2
    Upload at least one recent photo of yourself. Photos increase the response rate of messages by 203 percent, according to a Zoosk survey. Try to get a picture of yourself taken outside in good lighting and opt for poses that have you looking somewhere off-camera and focused on something else rather than smiling directly into the camera. Consider also adding up to three photos to your profile, preferably some action shots. Profiles with additional photos shot at different angles seem to work best.
    1. Use a photo that accurately represents you as you currently are. That old college photo of yourself when you were slimmer and younger won't work.
    2. Ditch the selfies. Selfies appear to affect message response rates negatively by -0.8 percent.
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  3. 3
    Write an attention-catching blurb. Avoid long strings of adjectives in describing yourself; tell a story that reflects those attributes instead. Stories are much more interesting and memorable than just a series of meaningless words on the screen. For instance, if you enjoy the outdoors, you might tell a story about your most recent camping trip or a hike you went on. Remember, as well, that more detail is better than little or none.
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  4. 4
    Make sure your profile text is the right length. Your profile needs to be long enough to give meaningful information about yourself, yet too long where it becomes tedious to read through. 300 to 500 words seems to be the happy medium between profiles that are too long and ones that are too short.
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  5. 5
    Avoid cliches. Cliches are boring and offer little value. Instead, focus on the meaning behind the cliché and put it into the context of your life. For instance, when you say that you enjoy walks along the beach and watching the sunset, you're trying to show your romantic side. Instead of using that trite expression, try describing the last time you went walking along the beach. Write about how the sand felt under your feet and how the sea air smelled. Was it a cold day or a warm one? Paint a picture with words for her, and she will see herself there with you.
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  6. 6
    Avoid overtly sexual references. You aren't in high school, and this isn't the locker room at the gym. If you use crude language and expressions, women will automatically assume that you are immature at best and a low-life creeper at worst. Neither trait will get you many responses.
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  7. 7
    Avoid saying things like "still not sure about this online dating thing, but". Everyone feels that way at first; saying it brings nothing of value to the table and showcases your insecurities rather than your strengths.
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  8. 8
    Go for more than looks. While it's true that successful relationships need some level of attraction, looks are not everything. You don't have to go for any woman you find repulsive, but you should look beyond appearance and delve into the specifics of the person. A girl who at first glance doesn't rev your motor may turn out to have an awesome personality that sends your pulse into overdrive after you get to know her.
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  9. 9
    Go for women with a similar sense of humor. Not everyone finds the same things funny, and it can become a bone of contention in a relationship if your sense of humor widely diverges from hers. For instance, if you like put-down humor, you could unwittingly offend her instead engaging in playful banter. Therefore, try and find someone who shares your style of humor.
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  10. 10
    Look for red flags. A red flag could be anything that puts you off from someone or a trait or fact about someone that's a dealbreaker in terms of your lifestyle or what you want out of a relationship. An example is a profile filled with grammatical errors may indicate someone who is careless, uneducated, or unintelligent. Another one could be children and whether she has any or wants to have them in the future.
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  11. 11
    Know when to back off. If you have sent her a couple of messages and she hasn't gotten back to you, then accept that she is not interested in you and move on. There are plenty of other women who you can pursue, so it's no big loss that one out of the many women on your dating site is ignoring you. Likewise, if you go on a first date and she tells you that she isn't interested in going any further, then accept her answer and move on to someone else.
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  12. 12
    Be original. Everyone has something unique to offer in a new relationship. Focus on what makes you stand out from other men on the dating site. Try to give specifics rather than relying on broad generalizations.
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  13. 13
    Ask questions. Take a genuine interest in you prospective dates and ask them open-ended questions. Combined with the fact that people love to talk about themselves, this almost guarantees you'll receive a response back.
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  14. 14
    Chill. It is tempting if you are interested in someone to jump all in immediately. While you can express your interest in someone, keep it to a minimum. Don't force initial meetings in person but let the conversations you have with her happen into meeting on an initial date organically. Showing her that you are interested in genuine conversation with her will exhibit that you are not just interested in a quick hookup.
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  15. 15
    Don't CyberStalk. As tempting as it is to check out all of her social media, be cautious. You can sneak a few looks through her profiles to try to gauge what her interests are or if your personalities match. Do not "like" or comment on one of her posts before meeting her. Only friend request her if she suggests that you do. What is posted on social media can be a good window into someone's daily life but it also can turn someone off if an acquaintance begins liking and commenting on all their posts.
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  16. 16
    Intrigue her. Another way to guarantee you'll get a response is to send her a message that leaves her guessing. For instance, you could tell a story but leave out the ending and tell her that she needs to message you back to find out what happened.
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  17. 17
    Be authentic. Never try to be anyone other than who you are; it will backfire on you in the end, and the real you is much more attractive than you think. Women want men who are real and with whom they can be real, as well.
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  18. 18
    Send personalized messages to the women who interest you. Avoid spamming out canned responses. Women will just ignore those; instead, focus on crafting a unique and carefully thought-out message to each lady. Such messages are much more likely to get you replies than stupid canned responses and the women will be flattered by your consideration.
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  19. 19
    Dress nicely for your date. It should go without saying that you should look your best when you go out on your first date with the girl you met online. First impressions matter and you want to make a good one. Additionally, taking care of your appearance shows that you respect her and that her opinion of you matters.
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  20. 20
    Be prompt. As part of making a great first impression and showing your date that you value her as a person is that you arrive on time. If you are early, that's even better, because it shows forethought on your part regarding dealing with obstacles such as traffic that might make you late.
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  21. 21
    Be attentive to her. Listen to what she has to say and avoid monopolizing the conversation. Ask her questions and let her respond, and answer her questions in turn. Also, put your phone away. Your focus should be on her and not on text messages from your buddy or the latest baseball scores. And for the love of all that is holy, do not answer your phone in the middle of dinner with your date unless it's an emergency!
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  22. 22
    Go lightly on the cologne. You don't want to overpower her with the scent of your cologne, use it sparingly. Be sure to ask beforehand if she is sensitive to smells, and if she tells you that she is, then skip the cologne altogether.
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  23. 23
    Choose the setting of your first date carefully. Remember that the purpose of a first date is for you to get to know each other, which you can't do if you have to shout to be heard over a loud ambient noise level. Accordingly, try to pick restaurants with cozy tables and a quiet environment instead of family dining establishments or rowdy sports bars.
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If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.


Article Info

Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Kathy McGraw

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