How to have a Good Relationship with your Child
Edited by Debbie, Timbuktu, Nate Pepperell, Jonathan and 4 others
Pretty much everyone in life wants a good relationship with someone who makes him or her happy. You want someone who will act kindly and love you. This is what almost all people yearn for. Isn't that the how children want their relationships with their parents to be also? As parents, we can get carried away with just correcting and controlling our children, and we may sometimes forget about just sitting down and taking the time to have a nice talk with them. We may not always ask how their day at school went, or play a fun game they might like. But we will find that the more children feel loved, the happier they will be, in general.
Respect is another important part of a relationship with our children. We expect them to obey and listen to what we say, so why not listen and respect what they say to us? Parents can get in the habit of not listening to what their children tell them, because at the time, they may feel they are the parent, and what they say is what goes. But wouldn't it be nice just to sit patiently and listen to your child? Wouldn't you want that if you were the child? It matters how young people think and feel too. And if you show your child respect, they will likely respect you more for it as well. If we never give them the chance to express themselves about how they feel, it can hinder their communication with us.
- 1Be there for your children, emotionally. They need love and affection, and need to know you care about them. This makes them feel safe and secure.Advertisement
- 2Correct your children with love. Discipline isn't always punishing or giving a spanking, but also instructing and teaching to do the right things.Advertisement
- 3Set a good example as a parent. Your young one is watching your actions and the way you handle yourself every day in life, so try to be the best role model you can be.
- 4Give them a good spiritual education. Read the Bible to them every day, and teach them all the good things in it.
Communicate with your children, learn to listen to them, be approachable as a parent:
- 1Put your love for your child into action. Work on your connection with the child. Try to see things from the child's point of view and even though this child may drive you crazy at times, but remember that this child was the cute, bouncing baby you were longing, as parents, to have.Advertisement
- 2Remember that parenting takes a lot of effort and energy. You have to stay on your toes to properly attend to a remarkable human being such as your child. You might ask, why does this small creature take up so much of my time? But it is oh so meaningful. You might feel like you are always weary after attending to the child's needs, but in the end, you must realize that this child can in fact energize you and gives you more meaning as a person and as a parent. Over 90 percent of people in their dying hours say that they regret not spending more time with the people they love, more specifically their children.
- 3Be fully present with your child. Even if you are on the computer or doing some paperwork, drop everything when you sense that your child wants to talk to you or simply wants to spend time with you. Like your business, your garden, or your aquarium fishes, anything you give ample time to flourishes and blooms. If you sense anything wrong, you tweak a bit or repair something, and presto, everything is back to normal. In the case of your child, because of your connection with him, even if he just remains quiet, you know there is something wrong. You just have to be patient when the child wants to open up to you. Or sometimes, if you know specifically what is wrong, then you can be quick to try and mend it.
- 4It is best that your relationship with your child is as the best of friends. Your kid should be able to tell you everything. Have a good laugh with him wherever you can. Only put your foot down when upon your discretion, you need to assert your role as a parent.
- 5The connection with the child starts from the beginning. Some mommies-to-be have a device that they strap to their bellies when they are pregnant, which allow the mother to hear the sound of the child's heartbeat. Or there are also devices that play classical music for the baby to hear. Experts say that hearing one another heartbeats makes the mother and the child in the womb feel closer to the mother, and classical music has a way of molding the child's brain in an intelligent way. Also, fathers who take a week off during the birth of their child have a very close connection to the child. Even that one week is very valuable in the affirmation of the child of a masculine or fatherly presence in the child's first week of life. If the father starts this early, his connection and closeness to the child will carry through the teenage and the college years of the child and beyond, perhaps even a lifetime.
- 6Biologically, we are programmed to love our baby. But as time progresses, we should try and go beyond this biological bond, by really working on our relationship with the child. It is really lucky that our children love us unconditionally, for the most part. In cases where something really traumatic happened in the course of your relationship, then you will have to work double time, sincerely, to mend your connection. If the bond is really strong, the hectic pace of modern life and the challenges the parents face in terms of exerting extra effort to infuse more time with their children, will not dampen the unconditional love with which your children will shower you. Still, you owe it to your children to take time out and devote it to them, on a regular basis.
- 7There is no time like quality time. First-time parents should be required by the state to attend a seminar wherein they are made aware that if they are going to be parents, they really have to have a quantifiable amount of time to spend with the kid. Let us say, in 24 hours a day, they should spend at least three hours of quality time every day, one on one with the child. These parents should be made aware that on any given day, the hours should not only be distributed to sleep, for the spouse, for recreation and for work. They should allot at least three hours for their child, one on one, and that still leaves 21 hours for their other activities. These three hours spent with the child will go a long way in the positive affirmation of the child that he is loved and recognized. And that will help him to be ready to face society.
- 8Prevent trust issues from the start. It needs to be a give-and-take relationship between you and your child. It may start when your child is in preschool and you need to pick her up at a certain time. If you do your best always to be minutes early before the appointed time, the child will feel secure that he or she is important to you and that you care about keeping your child safe and happy. We earn also our children's trust by:
- Fulfilling our promise to play a game with them later.
- Keeping a mutual secret that he or she tells you, as long as it is not something that needs to be told to ensure your child's safety.
- 9Trust your child to be the best that he or she can be. Even if your child fails early in his chosen sport, you should nurture self-confidence in non-hypocritical ways by cheering him on, telling him or her that he can do better, and reminding the child that practice makes perfect. Or in his schoolwork, encourage him to do better by telling him that Albert Einstein was a very slow learner in school, but look at what he became: One of the greatest men who ever lived.
- 10Keep your mind open to the possibility that your child is a late bloomer. Do not be critical of your child if you see that she does not learn as fast as other children on a certain skill. It might be that his or her full potential is at the end of the rainbow. Some children operate like that.
- 11As for teenagers, trust does not mean that you believe everything that he or she says in a blind manner. If your teen disappoints you in some way, do not walk away from him or her in frustration, but rather be still be there for your child, because if there is a crisis in his or her life, your presence and advice will be needed even more. Walking out will give him reason to resent you and to balk at communication with you. In due time, because he or she sees your unconditional trust and love for him, your child will talk to you when there is a problem.
- 12Kids needs to know that you are on their side. They need to be encouraged, and assured that they are good kids who are capable of helping other people, and that they are very dependable. They need to feel that you are on the same team, dribbling, passing the ball around, and then eventually shooting the ball into the hoop (mutual goal accomplished). Your correction of them should always be gentle and discipline should be done with love. Do not make him or her feel in any way that you are not an ally anymore.
- 13Do not always assert that you are the boss or the parent. As the superior, you have the authority to set the boundaries, but sometimes there are gray areas which pass unnoticed, or you simply are not aware of some actions of yours which make your child lose their respect of you. Once your child confronts and tells you that he or she does not like the tone of your voice, or does not like the words that you use to reprimand, be subjective in your analysis. And if you come to the conclusion that he or she is partially right, be humble enough to say sorry to your child and talk about what you are going to do to make it right next time.
- 14Every interaction will create the relationship. A small bit of grocery shopping together, a quick unannounced lunch date, a movie to watch at home together, complete with chips and juice, or a walk with the dog together around the neighborhood can help you and your child to create memories that will last a lifetime, and help set the tone for your entire relationship.
Things Needed to Build Good Relationship with Your Child
- 1Have bonding with your child. You can do the things which you do not usually do. You can have a walk with them in the park and have some gathering outside of your house. You can also be with them and have bonding inside the house by watching their favorite movies in the television. While watching television, you can ask your child the moral lesson they got in the movie and how can they apply it in real life. In this way, you are not only having good relationship with your child but also learning of his attitude, character and personality. You can also ask him on can he adopt good relationship with parents.
No one is a perfect parent, but if we try our best to put these tips into practice, it will make family life a little better for everyone!