Win Him Back in 30 Days How to Win Him Back after You Hurt Him vs Cheated vs How to Win Him Back After a Bad Breakup
Edited by Kathy McGraw, Maria, Jay
Everyone will deal with a breakup at some point in their lives; they are ubiquitous. In fact, according to author and relationship expert, Hellen Chen, 85 percent of dating relationships will end in a breakup. That's a pretty sad number, but it gives you a good perspective on why you hear about celebrities breaking up and getting back together all the time and nearly every song on the radio deals with love gone wrong. You hear about it so often, it's easy to become desensitized to it. However, it's different when the breaking up happens to you, especially when you were the person who didn't want your love affair to end.
Method 1: How to Win Him Back after You Hurt Him
All couples argue from time to time, but sometimes, the fights can get acrimonious and the result is hurt feelings all around. When you have a major fight with your boyfriend and you said something or did something that hurt him deeply, you've got your work cut out for you if you want to keep him.
- 1The two hardest words to say in any language are "I'm sorry." You'd be surprised at how far a simple but heartfelt apology goes toward soothing ruffled feathers. Don't overdo it, however. A litany of "I'm sorry" can cheapen the sentiment and might backfire on you. It's best to just apologize once or twice, and leave it at that; as long as it comes from the heart, it should suffice.Apologize.Advertisement
- 2Don't make excuses for why you did what you did; it just comes off as you trying to justify what you did wrong. Just admit you were wrong and leave it at that.Own up to your mistakes.Advertisement
- 3Take immediate action to rectify your error. Actions speak much louder than words, and if your heartfelt apology is accompanied by your genuine efforts to make things right, it will go a long way toward repairing the relationship. For example, if he is hurt that you were late to his birthday party, then be extra early to the next big event.Make amends.
- 4He needs to understand why you acted the way you did. This is very important to healing the rift between you. Even if the questions hurt to have to hear, part of taking responsibility for hurting him is to sit through it with grace and dignity.Allow him to ask you questions about what you did.
- 5Cook him his favorite meal, serve him breakfast in bed, or give him a massage after a hard day at work. It doesn't have to be anything big, just do the little things you know he'll appreciate. Be loving to him and show him how much you care about him.Do nice things for him.
- 6There are times, especially after a bitter argument when his feelings are hurt that your man might need some time by himself t process things. Let him have it. If that means that you need to sleep over at your parents' house or a friend's house, then do it.Give him space.
- 7Reassure your boyfriend that you understand what happened and that it will never happen again. Be sure to keep that promise.Promise that you won't do it again.
Method 2: How to Win Him Back After You Cheated
While cheating spells the end for many relationships, it doesn't have to do so for yours. The key is to allow your man the time to get over his hurt and anger and to convince him that it will never happen again.
- 1It is not impossible, but it is very difficult because it involves the loss of a crucial building block for happy and healthy relationships: trust. Once trust is lost, it is very difficult to regain. You are going to have to prove to your ex that you are worthy of his trust.Be aware that cheating is a hard thing for any relationship to heal from.Advertisement
- 2Don't argue with your ex about who you cheated on him with or why you cheated, even if you believe that you had a good reason. It's not going to get you anywhere and will only hurt your chances at getting him back later on.Don't deny that you cheated.
- 3At the end of the day, it was your choice to cheat, regardless of the circumstances. Just own up to it and move forward. Accepting responsibility for your mistakes is one of the hallmarks of being a mature adult.Accept responsibility for your actions.
- 4It should go without saying, but you really need to be sorry for cheating and it has to come from the heart or it is meaningless. However, resist the urge to apologize hundreds of times over text messages or otherwise. It only makes you look desperate and also cheapens the gravitas of your apology.Apologize once or twice.
- 5Give your ex the space he needs to get over his hurt and anger at you. Let him get some distance from the cheating and start to miss you a little. The minimum no contact period is about a month, but you may need to go longer in the case of cheatingCut off communication with him for a while.
- 6Getting your ex back after cheating on him is going to take time. You need to wait until he misses you and is ready to allow you back in his life again.Be patient.
- 7Your ex is going to be angry at you for a while and he may even try to hurt you by dating or sleeping with other women while you are apart. It's important that you do not react with anger; simply accept what is happening and continue moving forward.Don't get angry if he tries to punish you.
- 8This means that everything that transpired in the past stays in the past, including your cheating. This doesn't mean that you don't still have work to do in gaining his trust back, it simply means that he is willing to give you the chance to get it back.Start a new relationship with your ex on a clean slate.
- 9Both of you must promise to leave the past behind. This means that he can't bring up your cheating every time you argue or continue to hold it over your head in other ways. He must be willing to forgive. If he is not, then your relationship will not last and it is best for the two of you to move on.Promise to put it behind you.
Method 3: How to Win Him Back After a Bad Breakup
Some breakups are awful: things were said in anger that are hard to take back and from which the pain lingers long after the split takes place. Whether he broke up with you because he found you too clingy or whether there were other issues that lead to it, you need to recognize that getting him back is going to take some time. We've organized the steps into three stages: the Recovery Period, Making Him Miss You, and Getting Him Back. How long each period lasts depends on the specifics of your relationship and the reasons for your breakup. The more serious the issues between you, the longer it's going to take.
The Recovery Period
The Recovery Period is about giving each other space to heal and regroup after the breakup.
- 1Don't communicate with your ex for about 30 days post breakup. This space allows both of you time to cool off after the relationship-ending moment. It also lets your ex disassociate any negative emotions and memories he has with your presence or thoughts of you. If you do nothing else, this is the most important step forward.Enforce a strict no contact period.
Making Him Miss You
This part is especially important if the major reason you broke up was that he thought you were too needy or clingy. Men want to be with women who are self-confident and independent, so your job here is to show him that you've got both those qualities in spades and he is missing out!
- 1Realize that for a while after the breakup, negative memories of you will be foremost in his mind. You have to change his perception of you, and to do that you need to use the no contact period to work on yourself. Some ways to do this include:Show him that you aren't the same girl he broke up with.
- Re-engage with your friends or making new ones. Forget about him for a while and enjoy being single. Have a girls' night out, go shopping, or take a trip with your friends. Do not sit around the house and mope about your breakup.
- Take a class. Sign up for a course in something you've always wanted to learn more about, perhaps something you've always mentioned to your ex as something you wanted to do. No matter what happens with him, you'll have done something positive to improve your life.
- Start going to the gym regularly. Not only will you improve your body shape, which will make him drool over you all over again, but you will also be improving your health, an unqualified positive result.
- Change your appearance. Even something simple as a new haircut will do the trick, but you can also revamp your wardrobe or change your makeup. Reinvent yourself into a whole new woman, one who doesn't need this guy in her life to feel complete.
- 2You want him to second guess his decision to break up with you; you want him to kick himself for it and wonder how he ever could have let such an awesome woman go. Here are some ways to do that:Show him that you have moved on without him and that you don't need him.
- Post pictures on social media of all of the fun times you are having with your friends. Better yet, get your friends to post pictures themselves and to tag you in them. Don't spam him with pictures, just two or three a week should do it, and only if this is normal for you.
- Use your common friend network to spread the news. If you had a group of friends that you used to hang out with together, and you still see them, let them know how you're doing. Stay humble, but tell them about the classes you're taking and the fun you're having. Let them see you in your new outfit with that new haircut. Word will get back to him that it looks like the ship has sailed without him.
Getting Him Back
Now is the time when you are going to lure him back into your arms. You'll be employing some tricks to make him miss you even more and want to get back together with you.
- 1After the no contact period has expired and after you have been keeping busy making changes in your life, go ahead and send him a text. Think carefully about what you're going to say, and keep it short and positive.Text your ex.
- The reason for texting him is to let him know that you're over him, but that you still think of him...sometimes.
- You can say something like "I heard that the new football stadium just opened and they're selling tickets. I know how much you enjoy watching your team play and I thought I'd let you know. Later.
- Alternatively, you can send him something like "I walked by the watermelon stand and the grocery store today and it reminded me of the time we took part in that watermelon eating contest. It made me smile and I thought I'd share. Later.
- When he responds, keep it short, sweet, and positive. Tell him that you don't have time to chat because you are really busy and end the conversation.
- 2About a week after you text him, give him a call. Do it at a time when you know he won't be home so that you can leave a message. Keep your voicemail short and pleasant. Again share a fond memory the two of you share that you were reminded of and hang up. The ball is now in his court.Call him.
- 3Let it go to voicemail instead. You're a busy girl, remember? Call him back the next day and continue to keep the conversation light and fun. At this point, arrange to meet with him as friends in a public place, and end the phone call.When he calls you back, don't pick up.
- 4Don't talk about the relationship or the breakup. Talk about all the things you've been doing and ask him how he has been. Keep it light and enjoy yourself. Flirt with him a little bit, but be careful: you are still totally over this guy.Keep the meeting as innocuous as possible.
- 5By now, you've got him salivating to have you back. At some point, he is going to act on his desires. When he does, reel him in and be happy with the man you love.Accept his overtures to rekindle the relationship with grace and tact.